Chapter 108: The Dean
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 108: The Dean
"Name?"
"Muen Campbell."
"Age?"
"Eighteen."
"Gender?"
"...You really have to ask?"
Inside the white hospital room, Muen stared at the mature woman sitting before him. She was dressed in a professional suit paired with sexy black stockings. He couldn't help but retort, "Can't you see that for yourself?"
"Of course I can."
The mature woman looked up from her notes, pushed up her gold-rimmed glasses, and spared Muen a flat, expressionless glance. "But as a psychological evaluator, my task is to assess your mental state through these questions. Please cooperate and answer, thank you."
"...Male."
"Very good. No issues with self-identity for now. Next..."
The woman reached into a sealed bag and pulled out a pair of men's boxers, unfolding them right in front of Muen. "Looking at these, does Student Muen have any... particular thoughts?"
"...I hate them," Muen said, his lip twitching.
"Is that so?"
The woman lowered her head and began scribbling again. "Subject displays a clear aversion to masculine items. Suspected psychological shift toward feminization..."
"Wait a minute!"
Muen interrupted her, looking shocked. "I just hate boxers that have been worn by another man! How does that translate to feminization?"
"Does the average male typically find men's underwear repulsive?"
A light of profound, all-seeing wisdom flickered behind the woman's glasses. "Could it be that you are currently wearing women's panties? If so, the situation might be even more severe. Perhaps..."
"I just hate things that have been worn by others! Anyone would feel disgusted by used... whatever-you-call-thems!" Muen roared.
"Is that so? My apologies. It seems I lack experience in that area."
The woman looked as if she had reached a sudden realization, then lowered her head to record: "However, the subject displays clear signs of mania. It is unclear if this is due to—"
"It's because of you! I'm this angry because of you, you bastard!"
"Subject displays clear violent tendencies toward the evaluator and uses foul language. Recommendation..." the woman continued writing.
"..."
Muen felt numb.
Were all psychology majors these days this twisted?
He decided to remain silent from then on, refusing to give this woman any more opportunities to scribble whatever nonsense she felt like.
"Subject has fallen into a prolonged silence. Suspected massive psychological trauma from the previous incident. Suggesting electroconvulsive therapy."
"That's enough, hey!"
*
"How is he?"
Celicia watched the mature woman step out of the room and asked, "Is he alright, Dean Hathaway?"
"He's fine, of course."
Hathaway glanced at the paper in her hand, which was covered in doodles of little red flowers. She crumpled it into a ball and tossed it into a nearby trash can. "Though he sustained some serious injuries, he clearly received professional treatment. He's in high spirits and peak physical condition. I'd say he's fit enough to date seven girls at once."
"You know that's not what I was asking," Celicia said.
"Oh? You're that worried about him? Is it because he's your fiancé?" Seeing Celicia's serious expression, Hathaway teased her with interest. "But I recall you used to dislike him quite a bit."
"..."
"Alright, alright, I'm joking. Staring at me like that is scary, my Princess."
Hathaway took off her gold-rimmed glasses, revealing a stunningly beautiful and mature face. "His mind seems fine. No signs of Evil God corruption."
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely."
Hathaway smiled playfully. "In the ten minutes I spoke with him, he glanced at my legs at least twenty times. For an adult male, isn't that a sign of a perfectly healthy mind?"
"..." Celicia's gaze turned slightly cold. "Dean Hathaway's methods of mental evaluation are certainly... unique."
"Now, now, don't be angry. At least I helped you figure out that the kid has a real thing for black stockings, didn't I?"
"I think you've misunderstood, Dean."
Celicia lowered her eyes. "My concern for him is strictly out of my responsibility as the Student Council President. There are no other factors involved."
"Ho-ho, if that's what you want to believe."
"Changing the subject, is everything alright with your work, Dean Hathaway?" Celicia asked.
"Of course not."
The moment work was mentioned, Hathaway's head began to ache. "There hasn't been a single bit of progress over there."
"That difficult? I remember you were temporarily reassigned because of something related to an Evil God." Celicia raised an eyebrow. "Can you tell me the specifics?"
"I can tell you part of it."
"Only part?"
"I was reassigned for two reasons. One is a top-tier Imperial secret; everyone involved had to sign a Covenant of Silence. I can't reveal that even to you, Celicia."
"Pink Bear mentioned that to me." Celicia nodded. "What about the other thing?"
"The other thing..."
Hathaway thought for a moment before saying, "This isn't exactly a secret among the Imperial upper crust, and it doesn't involve direct contact with an Evil God, so it's fine to tell you. The situation is this: a small village on the shores of Lake Baikal was wiped out overnight."
"Overnight?" Celicia's eyes narrowed. "What about the villagers?"
"All gone." Hathaway's expression turned grim. "We searched the entire village. All we found was a single, recently buried head beneath an unmarked tombstone."
"A head?" Celicia frowned.
Hundreds of people vanishing, leaving only a single head behind—it was bizarre no matter how one looked at it.
"Yes, a head. A female head. She was identified as a B-Rank adventurer registered with the Association, though she had recently applied to cease activities to get married. That village was apparently her hometown. Later, we appraised the head and confirmed it had been contaminated by an Evil God."
"Which one?"
"Who else? Naturally, it was the most active among them—the God of Corruption."
"Him again?"
Celicia's gaze darkened. That Corrupted Love God had appeared at the Academy not too long ago.
"He's certainly been busy, this God of Corruption."
"Tell me about it. I don't know why an Evil God needs to be so diligent. It's forcing us ordinary people to work overtime until we're coughing up blood." Hathaway gnashed her teeth. If she hadn't been away from the Academy when that Love God invaded, she would have personally lugged a Grand Ritual out to tear Him to shreds, just to avenge her lost sleep.
"But... surely something of this scale wouldn't be enough to leave you at your wit's end, Dean Hathaway?" Celicia asked, puzzled. "Cold as it sounds, in the grand scheme of Evil God incidents, the destruction of a single village doesn't even rank."
"You're right. If it were just a standard corruption case, the higher-ups wouldn't have sent me. The Silencers the Empire keeps on payroll aren't useless, after all. The problem is... this contamination was too clean."
At this point, Hathaway's voice took on a weight she hadn't even noticed.
"The scene was unnervingly clean. Aside from the corruption inside that head, we found nothing. There were signs of a struggle, yet we couldn't detect even a trace of mana. It was as if everything had been wiped away by an invisible hand."
"No mana... a martial artist?"
"Mages, martial artists, even Divine Blessings—we've considered every possibility, but with no traces or clues, they remain just theories."
"What about investigating her background as an adventurer?"
"That's too difficult. Adventuring is a freelance profession. However, the investigation did find that her relationship with her two regular companions was... complicated. And those two adventurers have also completely vanished. We suspect they might have perished in the incident as well, and their complex emotions were the catalyst for the God of Corruption's influence. But..."
Hathaway gave a bitter laugh. "Knowing that is useless. We still know nothing about the core of the event."
"I see..."
Celicia began to understand. Compared to the usual large-scale corruption events that left endless trails of destruction, a specific incident tied to an Evil God that left no trace was far more unsettling. It made one wonder if this was yet another of the Evil God's schemes.
Especially since it happened near Belland.
No wonder the higher-ups were panicked enough to send Dean Hathaway. Her research focused on Evil God corruption; few in the Empire carried more authority on the subject.
"We even paid a hefty price to invite the Grand Astrologer from the Holy City to see if he could find a lead through his Great Prophecy," Hathaway sighed. Even though the higher-ups reimbursed the cost, it still pained her to see such a fortune spent. If that money had passed through her hands, she could have skimmed quite a bit off the top.
"So? What was the result?" Celicia asked curiously.
"Beware the blonde."
"Huh?"
Even the usually stoic Celicia was stunned, thinking she had misheard.
"You heard right. The result the Grand Astrologer gave us... was to beware the blonde."
Hathaway covered her face. "According to him, because of the Evil God's interference, the images he saw were extremely blurry even with the head as a medium. But within those blurred images, he could discern that a key figure in this incident had a head of conspicuous yellow hair. So, he told us to beware the blonde."
"A blonde... that's a rather broad category, isn't it?"
"Exactly!" Hathaway wailed. "Is this blonde someone with sickly yellow hair, or bright golden hair? Is it long or short? He could have been a bit more specific!"
"..."
"And even if he were specific, what could I do? How many blondes are there in Belland? Has anyone ever done a census? How am I supposed to investigate based on just 'yellow hair'?"
Hathaway pointed indignantly toward the room they had just left. "Even that fiancé of yours counts as a blonde, doesn't he? Maybe we should lock him up and interrogate him first. Who knows, we might find a clue."
"...Anyway, good luck."
Celicia didn't know what else to say, offering only a dry word of comfort.
"Sigh, it's just one mess after another lately. I don't know what's gotten into those Evil Gods suddenly."
Hathaway rubbed her temples tiredly.
In truth, compared to the Lake Baikal village incident, the other "unspeakable" matter was the real headache. The impact of a Divine War was far too unpredictable; the entire upper echelon of Belland was currently on edge.
Plus... the Academy had just been simultaneously invaded by two Evil Gods.
Hathaway wondered if the Evil Gods had just held a convention and decided to cause trouble all at once.
"Still, it's impressive you found time to come back to the Academy under these circumstances," Celicia noted. "The round trip must have cost you a lot of time."
"Sigh, I couldn't help it. This is my beloved Academy, after all. After something this big happened, I had to come back and see for myself."
Hathaway looked out the window at the scenery that remained unchanged despite the chaos. A smile finally touched her lips.
"However, I have no intention of getting involved in Academy affairs."
Hathaway's tone turned mischievous. It was as if she could see through the walls to Pink Bear and the other professors, who were currently being hounded by various factions for information regarding the Love God and the Silent Moon.
"Being able to temporarily set aside my duties as Dean... isn't so bad, is it?"
*
"Holy Sword? What Holy Sword?"
Pink Bear slammed a furry paw onto his desk, roaring at the man in silver knight's armor standing before him. "You need evidence before you speak! What does the Life Church losing a Holy Sword have to do with my St. Maria Academy?"
"But..."
The Temple Knight sent by the Life Church gritted his teeth. "According to our intelligence, when that Love God possessed the Purification Saintess to invade, she was indeed wielding that Holy Sword!"
"Intelligence?"
Pink Bear's round, glassy eyes widened exaggeratedly. "St. Maria Academy has always been a closed-management institution. Where did you get this 'intelligence'?"
"I..." The Temple Knight's expression stiffened.
"Could it be..." Pink Bear leaned in, his expression meaningful. "That you were... scammed by some unscrupulous information broker?"
"...You!" The Temple Knight was fuming. "You'd better think carefully about the consequences! That is the Holy Sword of the Life Church!"
"Even the Life Church has to follow the law," Pink Bear said, spreading his paws. "Today you say you lost a Holy Sword, tomorrow you'll say you lost a Saintess. What's next? If your Pope loses his underpants, are you going to come looking for them at St. Maria Academy too?"
"You! Bastard! How dare you profane His Great Holiness the Pope!"
"Don't talk nonsense. When did I profane him? Does His Holiness not wear underpants?"
"You're asking for death!"
Enraged, the Temple Knight drew his longsword and swung.
He still possessed a shred of sanity, so the blade didn't hit Pink Bear. Instead, it cleaved the desk in front of him in two as a warning.
But even though it was just the desk that was cut, Pink Bear let out a blood-curdling scream. "Ah! My desk!"
"What? What happened?"
Professor Glen, as if hearing the commotion, rushed into the room followed by a swarm of teachers.
Scanning the room quickly, Professor Glen looked horrified. He rushed to Pink Bear's side and helped him up. "Acting Dean Pink Bear, are you alright? Did he actually attack you?"
"He didn't hit me, but my desk!"
"The desk..."
Professor Glen acted as if he had only just noticed the split desk. He cried out in "shock," "Could this be your desk made of ten-thousand-year-old whatever-the-hell wood, with a value comparable to a Holy Sword? How did it end up like this?"
"He hacked it... my desk..."
Pink Bear looked "utterly devastated," clutching a piece of the broken wood and wailing as if he wanted to follow it to the grave.
"This is too much! Simply too much!"
Professor Glen stood up, looking at the twitching Temple Knight with righteous indignation. "What did our Acting Dean Pink Bear do to deserve this? This desk is worth a fortune and was his most prized possession! Even if you are from the Life Church, you must provide an explanation!"
"What 'worth a fortune'? It's just a piece of junk—"
"I'm literally shaking! When will desks finally be able to stand up for themselves? Can a desk not be worth a fortune? You're discriminating against desks, do you know that? I'm telling you, it's worth ten thousand gold!"
Professor Glen puffed out his chest aggressively. "All these teachers here saw it! Don't you dare try to back out of this!"
"You people!"
The knight's face turned beet red, fury erupting in his chest. As a Temple Knight of the Life Church, when had he ever been mocked like this?
'Worth ten thousand gold'? They just wanted an excuse to dodge the matter of the Holy Sword!
"Just you wait! I'll be back!"
Knowing that staying would only lead to more humiliation, the Temple Knight spat out a threat and stormed out.
"Remember to bring the money for the desk next time!"
Watching the knight's retreating back, Professor Glen let out a cheerful whistle. "Or just bring another Holy Sword, that works too."
The Temple Knight stumbled outside the door and quickly vanished from the professors' sight.
"When it comes to dealing with those thick-headed church types, it really has to be you two."
With a sigh that was half-relief and half-disgust, Professor Prang walked in, leaning on a new cane.
"It's only because that person took the Holy Sword and didn't give us a straight answer," Professor Glen said with a long face. "Otherwise, who'd want to deal with those Life Church fanatics? They're a pain."
"Hmph, I'm the one who's truly unlucky here!"
A furry hand emerged from Pink Bear's mouth to light a cigar. He sighed. "I'm just an Acting Dean. I've offended so many people for the sake of this Academy lately. What if they won't let their pretty little sisters play with me anymore?"
"Well, the Academy has been at the center of the storm lately," Professor Glen sighed in return.
Although "that person" had stepped in and successfully resolved the Evil God invasion, the Academy hadn't had it easy since. Because the Silent Moon's final moment of madness had drawn too much attention, every faction was now watching them. People were constantly visiting under the guise of "concern," but they were really just fishing for intel.
The Life Church was actually the easiest to deal with; they just wanted their sword back. Others were truly trying to pry deep secrets out of the Academy.
"So, for the time being, we'll have to trouble you, Acting Dean Pink Bear."
Professor Prang looked up, offering a rare, "kind" smile.
"Huh?"
Pink Bear shuddered, his cigar dropping to the floor. He stared blankly. "It's not over yet?"
"What are you saying, Dean? There's an important meeting waiting for you next."
"What meeting?"
"A safety inquiry meeting initiated by Marquis Colbert and a large group of nobles."
"Is that meeting... important?"
"Of course. I think you're well aware, Dean, that a huge chunk of our funding comes from the donations of those nobles. So, if this meeting goes south..."
Professor Prang stared at Pink Bear with a meaningful look. "The cigars and photo books you love so much..."
"I won't be able to buy them?"
"No, we'll have to start investigating your embezzlement of public funds," Professor Prang said coldly. "After all, every copper is vital to the Academy right now."
"..."