Chapter 49
Chapter 49
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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 49
Chapter Title: Finding Rest in Kindness
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My emotions got the better of me.
Overwhelmed by feelings surging up with memories I thought I had cast aside, I nearly burned everything, along with that box.
Just like that day.
Thankfully, Red stopped me, and I regained my senses. Just thinking about it makes my heart sink.
‘Haa…’
To think that was the Song of an Angel.
I never imagined it.
And why would I? Recording was forbidden there, so I thought nothing like that could exist.
If I had my way, I'd smash that machine for dredging up useless memories.
But there are too many eyes on me right now.
I forcefully suppress the boiling urge for destruction.
Anger burns everything, heedless of its surroundings.
If I gave in to my anger right here, right now, without a second thought, it would be a relief.
This feeling in my heart would ease.
But what then?
All that remains after a fire has passed is a pile of ashes.
Standing in a place where everything has been incinerated would only make me more miserable.
I want to stay a little longer in this home I finally found, one of the few in this world, and feel its warmth.
Though I know it's a great greed for someone like me to wish for.
I've suffered for decades in this world; a little bit should be okay, right?
‘Right. It's okay. It's all in the past. It's all over, so there's no need to remember.’
I'm not as weak as I was back then.
What happened then will never happen again.
Because I'm no longer the person I was that day.
I no longer have to tremble in the despair and fear I felt that day.
I no longer have to surrender myself to anger and disappointment.
Hasn't everything already burned to ashes? There's no need to reignite an extinguished ember.
I take a long breath in and out.
An irritating scratching sound by my ear made me shift my gaze.
My brow furrowed slightly.
I stopped the hand that was moving at my neck against my will.
Clenching my fist, I quietly lowered it.
I pulled my collar up to hide my flushed red neck.
A cool breeze blew, cooling my heated head.
Taking off my mask felt like it would let the cool wind blow away the heat and stray thoughts, but I didn't.
There were the gazes of the people on the street, but I also didn't want to reveal the ugly face beneath the mask.
Even if my face shows little emotion, it surely wouldn't be a pleasant one at this moment.
I waited, calming myself, until the two of them came out, which they did shortly.
As soon as she came out, Lena checked on me.
Her eyes were not the bright ones from inside the store, but melancholic and sad.
Even though I was wearing a mask, she looked full of worry, as if she could sense something.
“Why did you suddenly go outside? Are you not feeling well?”
I shook my head.
“Really?”
I nodded.
“My sister said to leave you alone for a bit, but you were really okay, right?”
I nodded.
Even though I moved my head as I usually would, Lena kept asking.
Only after I used gestures to show her I was fine did her expression relax a little.
Just then, Red came over and knelt before me.
Red looked at me.
Her gaze seemed to flicker toward my neck for a moment, and I unconsciously pulled my collar up higher.
Red placed a hand on my shoulder, looked me in the eye, and spoke with a smile.
It was a very gentle smile, but a faint trace of sorrow could be seen in it.
“If you're hurting, or if you have something on your mind, tell me. You don't have to carry it all alone.”
I hesitated for a moment, then, after some reluctance, I finally nodded.
Red stood up again, placed her hand on my head, and stroked it gently.
A gentle pat. A soft caress.
A gentle pat. A soft caress.
Excuse me?
The petting is much more intense than usual.
Lena clung to me too, stroking my head.
Ugh.
As I kept accepting it, my head and body grew hot.
But it wasn't the fierce heat that burns everything away; it was a comforting warmth that slowly calmed my heart.
That warmth tickled my heart.
I forcefully shook off the large and small hands.
Ignoring their disappointed sounds, I urged them to hurry back.
On the way back.
In the car, Lena asked.
“Lily, what did you think of the song in the store?”
After a brief hesitation, I nodded in affirmation.
“Really? I think so too. I want to sing a happy song like that someday.”
Looking at Lena's determined profile, I gave a self-deprecating, bitter smile behind my mask.
Lena began to sing the Song of an Angel in the car.
They say the Song of an Angel brings happiness to people's hearts.
The song Lena sings brings peace to my heart.
A song that should combine happiness and peace to warmly embrace the heart instead casts a dark cloud over mine.
But I don't stop Lena from singing.
Because that little girl is happy.
*
After returning to the orphanage, I acted as I always did, as if nothing had happened.
The same impassive face and actions as usual.
When I check my reflection in the mirror, I look the same as always.
And yet, despite that perfect facade, the others must have sensed something was off, because their attitude toward me changed quite a bit.
It didn't change for the worse. Quite the opposite.
They became kind to the point of being burdensome.
When it wasn't time for stage practice, they all tried to share their warmth with me to an excessive degree.
“Lily… lie down here… I'm going to read you a fun storybook…”
Bada, forcing me to lie on her lap and reading me a storybook.
“Here, today's snack is this.”
Rene, who, ever since we went to the music store, has been preparing the snacks I like best.
“Here, you have a lot today, too.”
The troublemakers, who used to start a war during snack time over who would get the most and the tastiest treats, were strangely giving their snacks to me.
That's not all.
“Lily, look over there, the birds are flying so gracefully.”
“Lily, the sky is clear, let's go play in the yard.”
“Lily, there's a strange creature here. Isn't it cute?”
“Lily.”
“Lily.”
They constantly stick to me, doing this and that, bothering me.
I understood to some extent why they were acting this way, so out of consideration for their kindness, I patiently endured it, even though it was annoying.
I thought they would stop if I just played along for a bit, but…
Pat, pat.
Rub, rub.
Cuddle, cuddle.
Far from stopping, they became even more intense, trying to bury me in their soft embraces as if they intended to suffocate me.
Aaargh!
In the end, I couldn't take it anymore and rolled around the room, protesting the sudden change.
Why are you all doing this!
The children looked crestfallen and began to explain their reasons one by one.
“Because you look down.”
“Hmph. And you won't tell us what's wrong.”
“That's right. You have the same face as usual, but you seem unwell somehow.”
“So we all worked together to try and cheer you up.”
After hearing their explanation, I let out a small sigh.
I thought my facade was perfect, but it seems I couldn't fool the children's eyes.
Come to think of it, I've heard that children are more sensitive to moods than adults.
It's true.
A sudden sense of emptiness washed over me, and the strength drained from my tense body.
In any case, I'm grateful for their consideration.
But they're making such a fuss.
It's not like I was whimpering like a puppy caught in the rain, but they keep trying to wash me, feed me, and put me to bed.
I'm not that weak.
…No. Or am I?
The children don't know I'm the Grim Reaper.
Without the Grim Reaper persona, I'm no different from any other child my age, just as I appear.
If a child seems down, it's only natural for those around them to worry.
The children aren't in the wrong.
They were just trying to lift my spirits in their own way.
It's all my fault.
Getting uncharacteristically depressed and becoming a burden.
I felt pathetic and let out a hollow laugh.
Suddenly, reflecting on the children's actions, I found it strangely funny and burst out laughing.
No sound came out.
But the corners of my smiling mouth widened, and my shoulders shook.
To anyone watching, it would look like I was laughing.
The children's eyes went wide.
After laughing for a while, I beckoned the children to come closer.
I placed my hand on the heads of the children who drew near, stroking each one in turn.
Enough to mess up their hair as if it had been blown by a strong wind.
After playfully messing with their hair, I gave them a mischievous smile.
The children, though feigning annoyance, laughed loudly and joyfully.
I smiled once more.
“Are you okay now?”
I nodded.
Toward the children, whose expressions had brightened considerably.
I showed them a genuine smile.
The girls blushed, and the boys clutched their hands to their hearts.
And so, in that much brighter atmosphere, we had our stage practice.
Time passed, and night fell.
I lay down on the floor where the blankets were spread.
The girls didn't lie down in their own spots but clung to me instead.
Honestly.
I tried to push them away, but their small hands held on tight, and they wouldn't let go.
I let out a small sigh.
Giving up, I stared at the darkened ceiling.
I gave a self-deprecating, bitter smile.
I am not a child.
Not a weak child who can't do anything on their own.
Unlike my appearance, I am the Grim Reaper who instills fear in people.
The Grim Reaper is not a being that needs protection.
They don't need to share this warmth with me. It's a warmth too tender and gentle for me to receive.
Just being able to rest for a moment in the place where you all are is enough.
This uncharacteristic melancholy was merely due to the lingering fragrance left deep in my heart.
Intoxicated by a scent that hadn't completely vanished, like the smell of burning rising from ashes, my emotions were simply exposed.
But this, too, won't last long.
Because with one strong gust of wind, the lingering scent will easily scatter into the air and disappear completely.
Then, everything will go back to the way it was.
Just as it always has.
“Lala~”
Just then, a small song came from beside me.
A cozy, soft, and warm melody enveloped my heart.
Lena was quietly humming a lullaby next to me.
Drowsiness slowly washed over me in the face of such tenderness.
As I closed my eyes, my consciousness slowly sank into the descending darkness.
And so, I walk within that fallen darkness.
My feet are submerged in darkness, making it hard to walk, and many words are whispered quickly in my ear. I can't understand them, but I can feel the emotions embedded within.
Sins do not disappear.
The sins that accumulate, whether by my own will or another's, only weigh down my heart.
Even though I know I shouldn't let it bother me, I am a foolish human who cannot easily shake it off.
And this place is the hell where such a foolish human resides.
The place I barely reached after wandering through the darkness was, as always, that place—the beginning of everything.
But this time was different.
A faint song coming from somewhere.
That song created a crack in that terrible place, shattering it to pieces, and a clear sky unfolded.
A garden bathed in warm sunlight.
Under a tree that came into view, a yellow-haired girl was singing.
I slowly approached and lay down for a moment in the shade of the tree.
Listening to the girl's song, I quietly closed my eyes.
The guilt that had been wandering in my dreams, embraced by tranquility, fell into a sweet sleep.