Self-Destruction (1)
Before stepping out the door. “…It won’t show, right?”
I stood in front of the mirror, doing my best to hide the kiss mark my wife had left on me. Thanks to how meticulously she had placed it—hidden so well that only the most careful inspection would reveal it—I had to check every inch of exposed skin.
As I twisted and turned, examining myself from every angle, my wife returned from the kitchen. She slipped up beside me, straightened my collar, and spoke in a soft, knowing voice.
“...If anyone saw you, they’d think you were going on a date.”
It was her playful way of asking why I was dressing up so nicely just to go out. Her teasing tone made me smile, and I answered her with that smile instead of words.
She was right. It was a date. Even if it was just grocery shopping at the large supermarket.
Today was the first time in a while I’d be shopping with Soyeon. Last night I had received my wife’s permission to go out, which made today a rare, legitimate chance to meet her. I had been nervous because we’d already made plans in advance, but fortunately my wife gave her blessing right away, telling me to take good care of Soyeon.
She had looked a little sad that she couldn’t join us. In my heart I wished we could all go out together, but the cruel reality of our situation forced us to settle for a vague promise of “next time.”
“Then I’m off.”
“...Come home early.”
With my wife’s farewell, I left the house, caught a taxi, and called Soyeon. She must have been waiting, because she answered right away saying she’d head out immediately.
“...Is she tired?”
Her voice carried a clear trace of exhaustion, as if she hadn’t slept at all.
After meeting up with Soyeon and arriving at the nearby large supermarket, we took our time pushing the cart and browsing the aisles. However…
“...Soyeon. Are you sure you don’t need to rest?”
“...Huh? No, I’m fine?”
Soyeon’s condition looked quite bad. She had the haggard face of someone who hadn’t slept, and her eyes seemed unfocused, almost dazed. Even though she insisted she was okay, I decided we should take it easy.
With that in mind, we headed first to the processed foods section. Snacks for Soyeon and a few basic groceries were our initial targets.
“There are so many new things…”
While leisurely pushing the cart and looking around, a particular snack caught my eye. It was a short stick cookie with a mushroom-shaped chocolate on top—the exact snack Soyeon had loved since she was little.
I immediately grabbed a box and showed it to Min Soyeon, who was following behind with a blank expression.
“Soyeon. Should we get this one?”
She had been staring into space, but when she turned to look at the box in my hand, her face suddenly flushed bright red.
Why is she reacting like that? I wondered. Is she sick?
Worried by her sudden strange behavior, I asked gently, “Soyeon. Are you really okay? Do you have a fever?”
Her unfocused, hazy eyes snapped back into clarity. She quickly insisted she was fine.
“...Ah, no? I’m really okay?”
But she didn’t look okay to me at all. I stepped closer and carefully placed my hand on her forehead.
“...Mmh…”
It was a little warm, but not burning hot like a real fever. Still concerned, I suggested we take a break.
“...Want to rest for a bit?”
“...Uh, umm…”
She seemed flustered, breathing unsteadily as she took a small step back and nodded mechanically.
I hope she’s alright…
In the end, we had only picked out one box of snacks before moving to the food court. It was exactly lunchtime, so we chose a spot and ordered simple items to fill our stomachs. Soyeon picked a sandwich with fruit jam, ham, and cheese. I ordered a sausage hot bar and french fries.
While keeping an eye on her condition, we waited until the pager finally buzzed and our food arrived. But the moment I brought the tray over…
“...”
From the second the food was set down, Min Soyeon’s gaze locked onto the sausage hot bar I had ordered. When I picked it up, her head followed the movement. When I moved it to the side, her eyes tracked it perfectly. She showed zero interest in her own sandwich, completely fixated on my hot bar like her mind was somewhere else entirely.
What on earth is wrong with her…?
Worried, I set the hot bar down and slid it toward her.
“...Soyeon. Do you want this? I’ll eat the sandwich.”
“...No, it’s fine… …W-well, maybe?”
After a brief hesitation, she quietly agreed to swap. Saliva must have pooled in her mouth because she swallowed hard before carefully picking up the hot bar. It was perfectly grilled, glistening with savory sauce.
With that dazed look still in her eyes, Min Soyeon licked her lips, slowly brought the hot bar to her mouth, and—
Slurp—
She licked the sauce off the tip in one long stroke.
Huh?
Then she carefully wrapped her lips around the end and began to suck on it, slurp… slurp… as if drawing out the juices inside.
Completely unprepared for the sight, I stared at her in a daze. That was when our eyes met.
Slurp—
She flinched, quickly pulling her mouth away. Her face was so red it looked like it might explode as she glared at me.
“...W-what are you looking at?”
For some reason, I suddenly thought of what my wife looked like when she was younger.
“No reason. You’re just cute.”
The honest words slipped out before I could stop them. She whipped her head away, looking utterly flustered. Maybe it was because she was in that rebellious teenage phase, but she was impossible to read sometimes.
Right after returning home with Yu Jihwan.
I unconsciously glanced at the delivery box. The sensor light that would indicate a package had arrived remained dark.
It’s not here…
That meant the box was empty. A small wave of disappointment washed over me. I opened the lid anyway, then followed after Yu Jihwan with my shoulders slumped.
The USB that arrived yesterday had been labeled with the number ‘1’, and the video file’s progress bar had gone from 100% down to 80%. Anyone would assume a sequel existed. But the delivery box was empty, leaving me only able to lick my lips in frustration.
After we set the groceries down in the kitchen, Yu Jihwan spoke.
“Soyeon. Go upstairs and rest. I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.”
He seemed to think my condition was poor and was telling me to stay in my room.
“...I’m fine.”
It wasn’t that my body felt sick. I had simply stayed up all night. Among the videos my ‘friends’ occasionally sent, none had been as stimulating or realistic as the one on that USB. The fresh shock had consumed me; I had stayed up all night with my ‘toy,’ replaying the video over and over until it was time to meet Jihwan.
After doing that, of course I was exhausted.
When I stubbornly tried to help put the groceries away, Jihwan gently pushed me out of the kitchen.
“...I’m not okay with it, so go rest properly. Actually, just take a shower and get some sleep. I’ll wake you for dinner.”
“...O-okay…”
The moment his hand touched my back, a spark of excitement shot through me. I obediently hurried upstairs to my room.
He said he would wake me for dinner, which meant I had about three hours. In other words, I could do it at least three times.
The moment I realized that, a wave of self-loathing crashed over me.
“Crazy…”
I had barely kept my promise to meet Jihwan, and while we were at the mart all I could think about were filthy fantasies. And now I wanted to do it again… I felt like someone addicted to those obscene videos.
“No.”
I shook my head, trying to scold myself. Jihwan was right downstairs. If I moaned loudly like last night and he heard me, he would immediately come up to the second floor… and then…
Gulp—
“Absolutely not.”
I slapped my own cheeks to snap myself out of it, then hurriedly stripped and entered the bathroom. I turned the shower knob and stood beneath the pouring water.
Shhhhhhhh—
I closed my eyes and stood motionless under the cool stream, trying to wash away the dirty thoughts… no, the lust.
Shhhhhhhhh—
The sound of water hitting my ears was irregular and dull. The heat that had been burning inside me gradually cooled, and a sense of peace slowly returned to my heart.
“...”
To keep my mind wholesome, I tried to erase the scenes from the video that were burned into my brain. The scene of him bursting through the door and carrying a woman in his arms. The scene of them making wet, obscene sounds as they kissed. The scene of him pouring out proof of his love and then gently stroking her in satisfaction. The scene of that thick hand roughly covering her mouth…
…Actually, that last scene was the one I was most jealous of.
The raw, sticky affection that looked like it wanted to devour her body, throwing his entire being into consuming her—
“...Hah…!”
I came back to my senses and frantically turned off the shower.
My heart was pounding violently. I had gotten excited again.
Ah, no… Jihwan is downstairs…
What would happen if he caught me like this? He’s a man too, so he would definitely get excited seeing me so disheveled, and then it would be just like in that video…
“...”
W-wouldn’t that be okay? We’re going to get married anyway…
My thoughts flipped in an instant. I slowly raised my hand and brought it to the tip of my breast.
Gulp—
My skin had cooled and grown stiff. “...Haa…” But it was enough to soothe my burning body.
“You didn’t have to come out… Go back inside.”
“...Just to the gate.”
I stubbornly followed Yu Jihwan out and saw him off at the front gate. He looked at me with worry and asked if I would be okay tomorrow. I told him I was fine and that he should worry about what to wear for our plans instead.
He stared at me with concern for a moment, then patted my shoulder a couple of times before finally turning to leave.
“Then I’ll see you tomorrow, Soyeon!”
“...Bye.”
As he walked down the street, he kept turning back to wave. Each time, I waved back to reassure him that I was fine.
A short while later, the moment Jihwan disappeared around the corner—
“...”
Tap tap tap!
I rushed over to the delivery box and stared intently at the brightly lit sensor. It meant there was a package inside.
Clunk—!
I yanked the box open and found a small package waiting for me. It was the delivery I had been waiting for so desperately.
“...Haa… haa…”
With trembling hands driven by strange anticipation, I carefully picked up the box and tore it open without hesitation. And then…
“...”
The moment I saw what was inside, I even forgot to breathe.
Inside the box was USB number 2.