Chapter 97
Chapter 97
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: penny
Chapter: 97
Chapter Title: Blocking and Being Blocked - 2
-----------------------------------------------------------------
"...Ugh..."
The moment her headache subsided, the first thing she noticed was that her mental illness was gone.
Up until she'd lost consciousness, all that had swirled in her mind were self-loathing and helplessness—the feeling that she was utterly powerless. But now, things were different.
With the helplessness and sense of defeat that had been eating away at her body now vanished, Evangeline let out a sigh without realizing it.
Whenever she saw those defeatist elves who came to the elven forest seeking treatment, she'd always thought the same thing.
How pathetic must someone be to lose even their confidence in themselves and turn into a defeatist like that?
Evangeline had always snorted at claims that you couldn't understand without experiencing it firsthand. Now, recalling the horrific memory of her own defeat, she shuddered violently.
"Ah."
No. That wasn't important right now.
Hyunwoo?
He'd said he would take her mental illness.
So, was he okay?
Of course, she knew that defeatism didn't hit humans as hard as it did elves.
But that didn't mean it had no effect at all.
Especially since he'd said he was taking her self-harm tendencies too.
"Hyun..."
-CRACK!!
Evangeline, frantically calling out to Hyunwoo, fell silent as a horrific tearing sound pierced her ears.
Just now.
What the hell was that sound I just heard?
"Aaah!! H-Hyunwoo!!"
He was right beside her, so she could see him clearly.
His face endlessly melancholic, his expression endlessly sunken.
Hyunwoo had snapped his own finger.
Self-harm disorder.
The mental illness that relieved stress by injuring oneself.
Recalling how she'd felt calm after hurting her ears or wrists, Evangeline urgently reached out toward Hyunwoo.
"No..."
"Cure!!"
Light burst forth from beyond the aura of darkness.
It was Cardinal Veronica.
The beautiful priestess who suited Hyunwoo so perfectly.
Though human, she possessed beauty and power that rivaled any elf.
Gritting her teeth, she hurriedly cast Cure to heal the Sage's hand.
-CRACK...!!
The broken bone began reverting to its original shape.
Was it because it was a cardinal's healing?
In an instant, his hand was restored. Then, the man with the glittering hair charged in wielding an axe.
It was definitely that adventurer named Sixman.
"Damn it! Last time, anything next to him got repelled, so why isn't she?! If I'd known, I'd have stayed by his side!! Screw this!! I'll smash through this stupid aura!!"
-KABOOM!!
Each clash of the unique axe Executioner against the dark aura scattered bits of the aura.
-BOOM!! KABOOM! BOOM!!
A single strike only shook the aura. But he didn't care. He just kept swinging relentlessly.
Gritting his teeth, axe crashing against the aura over and over.
As the aura shook, the Sage raised his gloomy hand.
"No!!"
"Stop!!"
Veronica's shout.
And Cecil's scream.
Evangeline scrambled to her feet and grabbed Hyunwoo's arm.
"H-Hyunwoo! D-Don't! Don't do it!! Don't dooo it!!"
Why should you have to hurt yourself because of someone like me?
Remembering the Hyunwoo she'd seen in the trial, Evangeline ignored the cold sweat pouring from her body and begged.
"Please! Please stop... Please don't do that! Pleeeease...!"
I just want you not to get hurt.
I just want you not to suffer.
You've already hurt enough because of trash like me—stupid, worthless, selfish trash.
So please, just stop now...
"...It failed."
Evangeline, clutching Hyunwoo's arm, felt chills crawl up her spine.
What was that voice...?
What the hell was that voice...?
Why?
Why was a voice laced with such despair coming from you?
Not just defeatist elves, but humans, dwarves, beastkin, and other races too.
She'd seen plenty who'd fought against the Demon King's immense power, failed, and drowned in defeat.
And even after the Demon King was slain, in the battlefields she'd joined, she'd seen countless humans succumb to defeatism.
But.
No one Evangeline had ever seen sounded as depressed and wretched as the Sage.
Why?
Why are you making that sound?
You've always succeeded.
You've always achieved your goals.
So why...?
"Kyaa!!"
Shaking off the arm holding him, Hyunwoo glanced at Evangeline, who'd fallen on her butt.
That gaze—so cold, so heavy.
Just meeting it made her heart clench. Unable to help herself, Evangeline swallowed dryly.
"...It failed."
The spell activated again.
This time, it was shadow magic.
Dozens of shadow tentacles emerged, trying to block those approaching.
"Nyaang! This is too complicated, nya!!"
"Evangeline! Block him!! Stop Hyunwoo from self-harming!!"
Urgent cries came from outside.
To save Hyunwoo.
To stop him from hurting himself, they were trying so desperately.
But he seemed utterly indifferent, not taking his eyes off Evangeline.
She should be happy.
Wasn't this monopolizing the gaze she'd so desperately wanted?
But what was this feeling?
Heart stabbing with pain, Evangeline stared blankly up at Hyunwoo.
How long did their eyes lock?
Hyunwoo's lips parted.
"...If it had been me, I could've done better. Then, I could've guided the Demon King slaying journey more smoothly... What do you mean 'stagnant water'..."
It felt like a massive hammer smashing the back of her head.
Right now. What did that mean?
"Ah... Niya."
No.
You did great.
You supported us better than anyone.
It was my fault for not recognizing it, for rejecting and hating you.
So don't blame yourself.
"Ah. Ahh..."
But she couldn't get the words out.
His eyes looked so sad.
His expression so pitiful.
As pain tore at her chest, Evangeline barely opened her lips when—
The Sage's hand grabbed his finger again.
"No!!"
That hand didn't snap the finger.
As if seized by something, Hyunwoo couldn't move his hand.
"Got him! Now, just—"
-CLANG!!
"Kyaa?!"
Cylon's scream rang out. Had she used a spell?
Telekinesis, probably.
But how did he break it?
Without even a staff, let alone other gear, he'd casually blocked Cylon's magic. Looking at his hand, Hyunwoo bit his lip.
"...Failed again. Can't even hurt myself. Can't even break a mere failure like me..."
-BANG!! BANG!!
"Almost through!!"
"Bless!! Sixman!! Hit harder, please!!"
Unlike the gloom inside, outside was frantic.
Faster.
Harder.
They focused solely on shattering the black aura and breaking the barrier he'd made.
Evangeline slowly turned her head.
Veronica.
She suited Hyunwoo so perfectly.
Tears welled in her turquoise eyes, but she didn't waver, never once looking away from the Sage.
No matter who.
Even if it was the Sage himself, the moment he hurt himself, she'd heal him instantly.
What a strong, radiant woman.
Nothing like me.
Unlike me—the stupid, selfish idiot who'd hurt him out of superiority—she was ready to save him anytime.
"The hostility you all directed at me was justified. My failure to control it... that was ultimately my fault. Even claiming to know everything, in the end..."
"What... No!! That's...!!"
"I failed."
"You didn't fail!! I did... "
"I failed."
His hand rose again.
Grabbing his finger, Hyunwoo muttered with that same gloomy expression.
"I'll fail again."
The finger bent in the wrong direction. Seeing it slowly turn purple from the excessive force, Evangeline yanked his arm again to stop the self-harm.
"Urk... I can't even... destroy myself..."
Self-harm disorder.
And defeatism.
Defeatism brought stress from the burden of failure and self-blame.
Self-harm relieved that stress by inflicting pain on oneself.
So what should she do?
If she thought of Hyunwoo's mind, she should let him self-harm.
But then he'd suffer physical pain.
But if she stopped him?
The immense mental agony from failing to self-harm, from failing even at that?
Like in the trial, Hyunwoo was human too.
He hurt from insults, suffered from torment—a normal person.
How to handle the mental torment from being denied self-harm, from failing at it?
Let him feel physical pain?
Let him feel mental pain?
What should she do?
In the perfect position to stop the Sage's self-harm, Evangeline trembled in confusion.
I have to do something.
But how?
"Evangeline!! Block him!!"
Cylon's urgent cry snapped her back. Somehow, the Sage was trying to teleport.
Evangeline leaped up and grabbed his arm.
"...Failed again."
The mental burden of the failed teleport paled his face.
Ahh. What... what should I do?
She missed the old days.
Missed when Hyunwoo showed the way, like before.
Why had she mocked his guidance back then? Why had she scorned him?
Why had she...
Tormented him when he showed the right path?
"Just attack me... me...!!"
Right.
You did nothing wrong.
You didn't fail.
So hurt me.
Hurt me instead.
"Hurt me!!"
Clutching his arm to prevent teleporting, Evangeline cried out desperately.
But Hyunwoo shoved her away and tried to hurt himself again.
"Why!! Why!!"
"...Because I failed. Because I can't do anything. And... I'll become someone who can't do anything. In the end."
"..."
"I can't go back."
A powerless mutter. An ice dagger formed in the Sage's hand.
The basic spell, Ice Dagger.
The moment he tried to self-harm with it—
-CLANG!!
Cecil's Dispel canceled his magic.
Staring blankly at his now-empty hand, the Sage shook his head.
"Ah... Aaaah..."
The more he failed at self-harm, the more he suffered.
And with suffering came despair.
It's my fault.
My fault.
Because I was by his side.
"Uwaa... Aaaah... If, if only I... If I'd listened to you...!!"
Evangeline clutched her head as if to tear her hair out, groaning.
Back in the underground waterway, Hyunwoo had said it.
You shouldn't do it.
But why had she challenged anyway?
Why had she stepped up to help, only to break down with mental illness and burden him in the end?
"Aaaaaah!! Pleeeease!!"
She wanted to apologize to him.
To convey how sorry she was.
But that was just selfishness too.
To think it tormented the Sage again.
Pathetic. Despised. Hatred.
Negative emotions began enveloping Evangeline.
"Aaaaaah!!"
Tears streaming, she snatched the shadow spear from his hand, blocking his spell.
Self-harm failed again.
Mental stress from inability to self-harm tormented him.
Self-blame for failing self-harm drove the Sage into a corner.
"Failed."
No.
"Failed."
I failed.
"Failed."
I'm the one who was wrong.
So please...
Like a child, Evangeline bawled uncontrollably, stomping her feet in helplessness while clinging to him.
Should she stop him?
Let him be?
"Failed. Failed. Failed."
Each emotionless word tore at her heart.
The pain was so intense it drove her to beg.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... It was me... my... my greed... Hic... Sniff... Me..."
Toward her.
The Sage spoke calmly, in a grim tone.
"I failed."
Confusion.
Could she deny Hyunwoo's words?
Hyunwoo was always right, wasn't he?
Even in this mess, ignoring him had caused it all?
Evangeline lifted her tear-streaked face.
Should she affirm him? Deny him? She didn't know.
Her mind blank, Evangeline panted, blocking his teleport and sobbing.
She could do nothing.
She was the true failure.
She knew nothing, could do nothing.
Even free of defeatism, she realized she could do nothing for him.
-SMACK!!
Unlike the radiant woman by his side.
Veronica burst through the shattered dark aura and seized the Sage's wrist firmly. To his dazed gaze, she swung her fist.
"I'll correct that talk!!"
"...I..."
"You didn't fail. Your true friend and the Church's Cardinal Veronica says so. Sage, you never failed, and you never will. Why? Because I'll be by your side."
With just those words, Veronica stopped him from self-harming.
Her strongest recovery spell, 'Light of Divinity', enveloped the Sage.
Now, no matter what he did, Hyunwoo couldn't hurt himself.
That radiant figure.
That confidence and assurance so unlike her own—it was blinding.
So different from her, who knew everything was irreversible.
Evangeline released her grip on the Sage's hand, head bowed, and could only sob quietly.
Author's Note
Hello! It's Malmoomalmoo!
Happy Friday! Everyone, enjoy your boozy Friday night!
Haha. Hope you enjoyed it! See you tomorrow! Bye~