Chapter 15
Chapter 15
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 15
Chapter Title: If Anything - 2
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The first feeling she had toward him was gratitude.
How could it not be?
He had volunteered for the grueling journey to slay the Demon King, without even receiving the divine blessing.
That resolve was something that could never be taken lightly.
And so, she could only feel endless thanks toward the sage who accompanied them on their journey.
That gratitude doubled during their first journey when they fought the Demon King's minions. Facing a massive flying dragon that pressured them with horrific roars and screams, he strummed his lute and sang, bringing them a sense of calm.
And then came the healing that followed.
By the time their first journey barely concluded, he looked quite fatigued. Even so, he smiled for them.
It must have been harder without the blessing.
It must have been more painful since it wasn't his own mission.
That was why she could only feel grateful toward him.
Not just in battle, but throughout the journey, he handled the tasks they should have done themselves.
Fighting monsters was exhausting. It wasn't just the combat—checking and repairing equipment was part of it too.
The hero's sword, usable only by the hero, never broke and needed no repairs, but she and Evangeline were different.
Even the finest blade wore down from slicing through monster flesh and blood, and even the best bow weakened with prolonged use.
They couldn't afford to handle repairs and maintenance after every battle, but the sage managed it all with skill.
Thanks to him, their fights became a bit easier.
They couldn't stop at a village every time during the journey. Even when they did, they couldn't always find food to their liking.
Evangeline loved vegetables.
She loved meat.
For them, the sage prepared delicious meals with minimal ingredients.
After suffocating battles when fatigue set in, he would always strum his lute and ease the burdens weighing on their hearts.
Through all of it, she felt gratitude toward the sage, and before long, that gratitude turned to admiration.
How could it not?
He must have been suffering, in pain.
Yet he never gave up for a single moment, always silently fulfilling his role.
She thought more than once or twice that this was the true proof of a hero.
And during the journey, his actions only deepened her admiration for him.
The sage never passed by someone in need.
She was grateful.
For taking on even these trivial tasks.
She was happy.
For making her smile amid the harsh journey.
That was why she helped him.
The sage—Hyunwoo—was so good-natured it was almost as if he had no bones.
He laughed at any words thrown at him and enjoyed helping people even for meager pay.
Helping the weak and saving the world.
It wasn't just fighting monsters—he tried to help anyone within his reach however he could.
How could she not admire such nobility?
And each time, she realized her own shortcomings.
He walked a difficult path himself, accomplished everything, and always found the right answer.
She admired him, wanted to be like him, imitated him—but all she gained was one thing.
It was hard, and boring.
As much as she admired him, was grateful to him, and grew fond of him, the misery piled up from realizing she could never be like him.
Wasn't it natural?
People always seek rewards, and the greater their abilities, the larger the rewards they desire.
But the sage was different.
He cared nothing for rewards, only for helping others.
And when he succeeded, he always wore a proud smile.
As if helping others was his very mission.
That was why.
She envied him.
She felt jealous of that goodness that surpassed her understanding, something she could never achieve.
He wasn't wrong.
He was a hero, ideal enough to think so.
But.
Then what am I?
I, who sought to save the world as the hero's companion.
Why couldn't I become a noble person like the sage?
The sticky darkness she had tightly hidden in her heart revealed itself every time the sage showed his heroic spirit, and it reached its peak when Baek Eun Village was attacked by the heretics of the Pale Moon Cult.
It was right after they had barely found a clue about the Demon King's hidden minions.
They learned that a group of heretics was attacking the village where they were staying.
They were quite powerful, dangerous foes.
The village defenders were few in number, and the hero party knew they could provide great aid in protecting it.
But fighting here might render the hard-earned clue useless.
She agonized.
The hero party bore the mission to defeat the Demon King and bring salvation to the world.
For the greater good, they had to abandon the lesser.
They couldn't protect this village.
In that dilemma, the sage said as if it were the most obvious thing.
"I'll protect this place, so you all go."
To be honest.
It was impossible.
Even with the hero party there, defending the village was impossible.
One wrong move, and they themselves could be in danger.
That was why she suggested evacuating the villagers instead, but he calmly replied.
That he could protect it.
That he could win.
And he did it.
With a small force of soldiers, a few priests, and one inquisitor, he defeated the heretics and successfully defended the village.
The moment she saw that, she realized.
I.
Will never surpass you in my lifetime.
I.
Will live in your shadow my whole life.
You.
Unlike me, who keeps getting it wrong, you were right this time too.
As much as she had admired and loved the sage, as much as she wanted to be like him, the swollen jealousy finally took root completely.
Nothing about him pleased her anymore.
You are always right. You are always noble. You are always the hero.
Next to you, shining so dazzlingly, I feel so small and pathetic.
That was why she wanted to pull him down.
She wanted to curse him, insult him, torment him—anything to bring him down to her level.
But he didn't change.
No curse, no scorn, no blame. Nothing could dim his light.
It was so miserable, so agonizing.
Because he always showed the right path and pointed toward becoming a hero.
It made her even more miserable, and she cursed him.
Every time her gratitude toward him grew, she realized how small and pathetic she was, and denied him.
And.
In the end, he left.
She was glad.
Because the light was gone now.
She was glad.
Because she wouldn't feel small anymore.
She was glad.
Because without your massive presence, she thought she could become a hero too.
And.
She lost.
She lost the beacon that alone pointed the right path in the darkness.
Only after he was gone did she realize.
What.
Have I done?
Only after your light vanished did she realize.
You were in the darkness too.
You were suffering too.
Yet you led us—led me—as that light.
I ruined it.
I lost it.
I destroyed it.
I.
Drove away that great light that was you.
She didn't know.
Unlike before, when she could look to you and find answers whenever she didn't know what to do.
You were gone, and she was lost.
Not knowing what to do or what to achieve.
She simply had to remain in the darkness forever.
She searched for you.
For the you that she had ruined, lost, and destroyed.
Even then, you shone beautifully, saving people, but never came back to her.
Ah.
It's scary.
Without your light.
It's painful.
Without your warmth.
It's sad.
Without your pillar.
And.
She found herself—the one who drove you away—utterly revolting and loathsome.
But it was already too late.
She had even lost the chance to apologize.
In that loss, only one thing remained.
The words you said on the day you left.
"I'll cheer for you slaying the monsters."
Nothing else.
Only one thing left.
Kill all the monsters.
If she killed monsters for the path you cheered for, killed and killed and killed...
That was why she stayed on the battlefield.
She fought first in the most dangerous places, endured until the very last.
Like you, she saved people and felled monsters.
Even so, she realized she still couldn't reach you.
You were so great. She learned the misery of being only this much in the end.
But that misery no longer tormented her.
Because she had accepted it. Because she had acknowledged your greatness.
So. So.
"Huh... hngh... hng... hng..."
Please.
Just once.
Even just once is fine...
Listen to my story.
Please... please...
****
"Um. Sir Sage. Are you alright?"
"Hm? Yeah, I'm fine. Does it taste weird?"
"Ah, no. That's not it."
I nodded to the cook as I prepared a simple meal inside the tent.
The sobbing sounds growing louder from outside didn't need my attention.
"Here. Give me anything else to chop."
"Th-there's nothing left now. Um... more importantly."
"Then I guess it's time to start cooking."
The meals for the soldiers at the encampment were large-scale. And doing them properly earned a lot of points.
Ignoring Leventia's sobs and pleas filled with regret and despair, I boiled the soup.
"Um... Sir Sage?"
As I brewed soup for hundreds, the wolfkin adjutant came in. She glanced cautiously toward the noise outside and reported.
"Lady Leventia... is it okay to leave her like that?"
"No, so please get rid of her."
"...Uh. Okay."
"It's kinda off-putting to hear that while eating, right?"
Everyone already in the cooking tent was uncomfortable.
In the end, the adjutant sighed and went out, and only then did Leventia's sobbing quiet down.
"Sir Sage. Why is Lady Leventia acting like that?"
"You're not on payroll for that, are you? There. Hand me a carrot."
I added the chopped carrots to the large pot and boiled it with fire magic. Seeing the thickened soup and other dishes, I felt satisfied.
Opportunities to earn points by making large-scale meals like this were rare—should I come to the battlefield more often?
Anyway, the cooking finished, and the cooks carried out what I'd made.
Those waiting only for mealtime's eyes gleamed.
"Kraaang..."
"That savory smell from earlier..."
"Ugh... today's gonna be killer..."
They swallowed hard and started lining up with their trays.
Among them.
"H-Hyunwoo."
Claire, squeezed in among the soldiers and knights, hesitated before speaking.
"Um..."
"Hey."
I pointed the ladle at her.
"Get in line."
Where do you think you're cutting?
Author's Note
Hello, this is Malmulmalmul.
Hope you enjoyed the read ^^ Have a good night~