If You Won't Feed Me, I'll Just Eat Bugs
If you won't give me food, fine—I'll just scrounge up bugs.
Ugh...
It had already been two solid hours of rattling along this unpaved road. Strictly speaking, most of the roads across the Jung Peninsula were unpaved dirt tracks anyway, but this particular mountain trail seemed hell-bent on jolting every single bone out of place.
“...Hey.”
“What is it now?”
“Are you sure turning up into these hills was a good idea? The road is practically all potholes. And what kind of flat plain suddenly sprouts a mountain right in the dead center of it anyway...?”
“Hmm.”
Gawol pulled out his map once more.
“Look here. This eastern edge is Dongbuk.”
“Right.”
Talk about lazy naming. Dongbuk literally meant Northeast—did they name it that just because it sat on the northeasternmost tip of Hoan, or what?
Tracing the northern border of Hoan with his index finger, he continued, “To reach Dongbuk after leaving through Jungno's west gate, we inevitably have to cross the open plains along the frontier road.”
“Right! So my point is, where in blazes did this mountain come from?”
He shook his head with a long-suffering sigh.
“Haah... This map has the general territories and cardinal directions right, but the scale is a complete disaster. Look here. There's no way Jungno is this massive.”
Now that he mentioned it... he had a point.
“Ah...”
Come to think of it, hadn't it taken less than a day to walk clear around Jungno? Putting it that way, Gawol was probably right.
“So what's your point?”
“My point is that because Jungno was drawn so disproportionately large, this little mountain wasn't depicted at all. Well, calling it a mountain is generous—it's more like elevated woodland.”
“So what you're telling me is, we're wandering down a road that isn't even on the map?”
“Precisely. Most travelers take the long way around the plains, but surely a shortcut is better, wouldn't you say?”
I had to hand it to him.
“Aah, hell yeah.”
The kid actually had some sense after all. Mhm, mhm.
Clack.
Resting my right hand casually on my scabbard, I puffed out my chest.
“A true man carves his own path where no one has dared tread.”
Gawol narrowed his eyes at me.
“Except you aren't a man. Nor are you a child... so you claim.”
I flinched.
“Hey! Does 'man' have to be purely literal? It's about being bold, gutsy, charging headfirst into the unknown—that's what makes a real man!”
“...Since when did 'real man' become a synonym for an utter fool with zero economic sense?”
“Hey, that's not it at all!”
I take back what I just thought. Unromantic bastard.
Rattle, clatter.
Thud.
Having trotted along without a single break for hours, Daeseong finally ground to a halt.
“Phew... Good girl. You did well.”
Murmuring soft praise, Gawol patted the mare's neck a couple of times before turning back to me.
“Looks like we'll be camping here for the night. Daeseong seems exhausted.”
Fair enough. She'd pulled that wagon plenty far over rough terrain; she'd earned her rest.
“Guess we have no choice, then...”
“Ah.”
Gawol snapped his fingers as if struck by inspiration.
“By any chance, can you pull the wagon?”
“Huh? Very funny, but—”
Wait, he wasn't joking. His reddish-brown eyes were gleaming with terrifying, genuine earnestness, like a man who had just stumbled upon a brilliant breakthrough.
Whoa, creepy.
“Do I look like a draft horse to you?”
“Haah... Figures.”
...Figures? Then why the hell did you ask?!
A surge of indignation shot through me, and I stood straight up from my seat.
“Hey! On a normal day, I could pull it no problem, alright?! My stamina is just completely depleted right now!”
Who does he think I am?
“Good grief... You're going to burst my eardrums. So the bottom line is you can't pull it today, right?”
Well—
“Yeah...”
“Then we'll need to start a fire first. The ground around here is overgrown with dry grass, so start digging out a fire pit. You seem to have more than enough energy for that much.”
“Urgh...”
He wasn't wrong. Resting in the wagon had restored at least a bit of my strength.
Fine... Let's just get some food in our bellies.
“So you're making dinner, right?”
At my question, Gawol gave me a look of pure bewilderment.
“No. I already gave you two meals today.”
“Ack, when did you ever?!”
Quit your lying!
“Your first meal was the rice and jerky this morning. Your second was a few hours ago, when you polished off two strips of jerky and then helped yourself to the trail rations.”
“Heeey! Those were snacks...!”
“When a 'snack' is double the portion of my entire meal, it stops being a snack. It's a meal.”
“......”
Haah... seriously. Put that way, I had zero room to argue.
“Whew...”
Thud.
Gawol hopped lightly down from the wagon, drove his heel into the dirt, and kicked out a hollowed trench for the fire.
Now that I looked at him, was this guy at least on par with that bandit trio from earlier...?
“I'll build the fire myself too.”
“......”
Well, damn. He wasn't even giving me an excuse to earn a bite.
“Hey.”
Clack, clack.
Fwhoosh!
“Yes?”
Holy crap. He already lit it?
“......Fine, guess I have no choice.”
Turning on my heel, I sprinted back toward the dark tree line and yelled over my shoulder, “I'll be right back—!”
“Wait, the woods at night are dange—!”
Hurry, hurry!
“—rous...”
Regrettably, I didn't stick around to hear the rest of his warning.
Tug.
Alright, tail secured first.
After plastering crushed leaves all over my body, I rubbed their bitter green juice into my hair. That should be enough to mask my scent.
If anyone asked why I had dashed back into the woods, the answer was obvious: hunting, of course.
Ahem. There was no reason to mope around just because he wouldn't feed me, right?
At this hour, middling game like wild hares or foxes rarely roamed about. Besides, those creatures were all bone and barely worth the hassle of eating. Fox meat smelled awful anyway—the only time it was halfway palatable was eaten raw...
I crouched low in the thick underbrush, erasing my presence as thoroughly as possible. My target was a wild boar.
Big, reasonably clever, but just dumb enough to make the perfect quarry.
Rustle, crunch.
I had gathered whatever wild date plums I could find nearby, along with old acorns and chestnuts that squirrels had hoarded last autumn and forgotten about, and piled them neatly beneath a broad tree.
Early spring was just as barren and merciless for foraging as winter. With the Awakening of Insects just past, animals would be ravenously on the prowl for food. If a boar caught sight of an untouched heap of nuts and fruit lying out in the open, there was no way it could resist.
Snap.
Gasp—
Ah, here it comes.
A wild boar roughly the size of myself—a sow, maybe? Whatever it was, its eyes reflected a yellowish-green glint in the gloom as it trotted in my direction.
Step, step.
Snort, sniff.
Just a little closer. Just a little more.
Until its guard dropped completely.
Rustle.
The moment it reached down to gobble up the bait—that would be my chance.
Crunch.
Now...!
Fwiiiish—!
I whipped a heavy, jagged stone through the air.
Smash!
Squeeeeeaaal—!
“Haaah... haaah...”
The breath I'd been holding burst from my lungs in ragged gasps.
“Phew......”
I wiped away the cold sweat dripping down my brow. Rolling in the grass earlier to keep my sweat from giving me away seemed to have paid off.
“...Pfft.”
Gotcha.
“Real men only eat meat they caught with their own two hands.”
Muttering smugly to myself, I grabbed hold of my dinner, intending to drag the carcass back toward the faint smell of campfire smoke, when—
“Oh, right.”
Come to think of it, there was something else I shouldn't leave behind.
I scooped up the remaining bait, stuffed it all into my pockets, and paused.
“Well then......”
Gulp.
I swallowed hard.
Crunch.
Drip—
I filled my stomach.
“Haah... You're finally back. What on earth were you doing for four whole hours—”
Thump!
“Hey. Roast this for me.”
“What in the world......”
Crack.
“It's been almost a week since I last had a successful hunt... That was exhausting.”
“No, wait... You. What...”
Beyond mere shock, Gawol looked thoroughly appalled.
What? Impressed by my stellar skills?
With that exact same horrified expression, he pointed a trembling finger at my face.
“What... what is all that blood......?”
Swipe.
I wiped the back of my hand across my mouth.
Huh, look at that. I really was bleeding.
“Ah, this? I was starving.”
Crunch.
“Ptui!”
The stinging, astringent tang on my tongue dried my mouth out.
“I was so hungry I tried cracking acorns with my teeth and ended up cutting my lip...”
Better me eating them than the boar, right?
“............”
“What's with that look? It's not like I took a bite out of the live pig!”
Still wearing a deeply disturbed expression, Gawol said, “Um... a grub just crawled out of the acorn in your hand.”
“...Really?”
“Yes.”
Oho, protein.
Chomp.
“HEEEEY—!”
“Hic!”
Whoa, calm down.
“Wh-what the hell?! Why are you screaming like that?”
Yelling makes my ears twitch, damn it.
“No, I... haah. Just... lend me that jangdo from before. I'll butcher the meat for you. And...”
“Yeah?”
“Please, for the love of heaven, stop shoving bugs down your throat. I'll cook you a proper meal instead, so just...”
“Ohh...”
From now on, whenever I'm hungry, I'll just bring back a handful of ants.
“Whew—”
Stripping off his upper garment, Gawol set to work butchering the boar.
“...Wait. Have you been working out?”
Why does a merchant have such an absurdly ripped physique? Meanwhile, my current body doesn't have enough frame for visible muscle to latch onto in the first place...
“Didn't I...”
Chop.
“...tell you before? I've been earning my own keep since I was barely in my teens.”
“Yeah.”
He had mentioned that.
“Back then, I did butchery, gathered medicinal herbs, chopped firewood, wove cloth, repaired tools, plowed fields... Honestly, you name it, I did it.”
Crack—!
“Fond memories, really.”
...Hey now.
“Look, no matter how nostalgic your story is, it's pretty terrifying when you're reminiscing while splitting a boar's skull in two, you know?”
“That... hardly feels like something I should hear from someone who went hunting on an empty stomach and scarfed down acorns along with the weevil larvae inside them.”
“Hey, I'm telling you, they're tasty!”
What does he know about the savory pop of a plump weevil grub?
“......”
“C-could you please stop looking at me like I'm a worm myself...? Not that my feelings are hurt, but it's getting awkward.”
“Haah... Never mind. Just go throw some more firewood on the flames over there.”
“Firewood?”
I looked over my shoulder, and sure enough, there was a tidy stack of logs waiting.
“I gathered them while you vanished into the woods earlier.”
Hoo boy. The guy was nothing if not thorough.
“So, how are we cooking it?”
Out in the wild like this, romance called for...
“Ideally, I'd love to roast the whole pig on a spit...”
“Yes, yes!”
Now you're talking!
“...however,”
“Ack—”
“Preserving our provisions comes first. So half of it will be cured into jerky on the back of the wagon... and of the remaining half, we'll eat some now and prepare the rest... in the style of the Hwan Empire.”
The Hwan Empire's style...?
“What kind of method is that?”
“Have you ever heard of smoking meat over wood chips?”
...Ah.
“Smoked meat?”
“Oh? You actually know what that is? Very few people around here do.”
“I'm surprisingly well-read, you know.”
I'd actually overheard something about this back in my past life. Due to the ondol underfloor heating system, the Korean peninsula rarely developed smoked delicacies compared to neighboring cultures, or something like that.
“Guess things are similar here too...”
“Pardon? What is...?”
“Nothing. More importantly, hurry up and grill what we're eating tonight...”
The hunt had completely drained whatever crumbs of energy I had left.
“Well... Lean cuts with virtually no fat will go into jerky, and the moderately lean portions will be smoked... Which leaves—”
“Pork belly!”
That's the good stuff.
“......I have no idea what that is supposed to mean, but I'll grill up the belly cuts for you. Wild boar is naturally lean, but that cut should still render plenty of fat.”
“I've eaten wild boar before too, you know.”
“Have you?”
“Yeah. Tossed the whole damn thing straight into a bonfire once. Burned the outside to a crisp while the inside stayed completely raw.”
“Ah... Well, tonight you'll finally get to eat it properly.”
With that, he scored the meat with a few deft slits of his blade.
“Alright... Butchering is done. Go ahead and set up the grill plate.”
“Ah, right.”
Clatter.
“Hup...”
I hauled the cast-iron griddle plate from the wagon and balanced it firmly over the glowing fire pit.
“Hmm. We should probably wait a bit for it to heat up, right?”
“Most likely... I'll just go wash the blood off my hands and chest.”
“Sure, go on~”
...He's gone, right?
“Haaah... damn it.”
Looking at that guy's build made me feel pathetically scrawny by comparison.
If whoever orchestrated this whole reincarnation or rebirth gig was going to turn me into a woman, they could have at least made me tall and long-limbed! What the hell was this pint-sized frame?
Sure, having a flat chest made swinging a sword a hell of a lot easier, which was an undeniable perk, but if that was the case, being reborn as a man again would have been a hundred times better!
“Haaah...”
Hover.
Holding my hand over the griddle plate, I felt the radiating heat.
“Feels like it's hot enough to throw the meat on...”
Hmm...
I pricked my ears, but there wasn't so much as a whisper of his footsteps returning yet.
“Seriously.”
Even I had enough of a conscience not to dig in before he got back.
“......”
If you don't hurry up, I'm going to tear into it raw, you hear me...?
“...I'm back.”
“Ooh... took you long enough.”
Still, real grilled pork for the first time in ages!
Sway, sway.
My tail wagged back and forth in sheer, unadulterated anticipation.