The Wall-Slam and the Floor-Stomp
Live long enough, and even a horse stable starts looking like a home.
Having said his piece, the guy had been staring at me with a distinctly dubious gaze for a while now.
“Ha.”
Opening with a personal attack right off the bat? Seriously, calling me what... a hunting dog?
Honestly, if this whole mess hadn't been my fault to begin with, I would've personally carved a crater straight into his skull with a knife-hand chop. What a missed opportunity.
“Now, listen up, will you?”
“To what?”
“...!”
How on earth could someone manage to sound that thoroughly punchable while speaking in polite honorifics? Whew... patience, patience. I'm Party B; he's Party A. Right now wasn't the time for an emotional outburst; it was the moment to logically persuade him why he needed to take me along.
“Look, you saw him earlier, didn't you?” I pointed toward the mountain of meat sprawled out about four paces away. Still knocked cold. “Well?”
“Him? What about him...?”
“Huh? Didn't you see? I took that behemoth down in a single clash!”
Pretty damn awesome, right? Come on, hurry up and accept the—
“...Pfft.”
“W-what? What're you snickering at?”
“Pffft—bwahaha...”
Is this punk actually laughing at me?
“Heh. You really expect me to buy that? I'd sooner believe a crow-tit took down a stork...”
Look at him. Now he was actually wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.
“Whew... Hey.”
Stay calm. Maintain composure. If I learned swordsmanship from two lunatics, I learned the art of keeping my cool from my other siblings. Sure, what does he know? Common sense dictates that a ti... ny girl taking down a giant like that is hard to swallow. Yeah, I get it.
“'Hey'?” Yet he clearly had no intention of leaving well enough alone. “By the way, this has been grating on me for a while, but why do you keep speaking so casually? Anyone can see you're younger than me... Instead of 'hey,' wouldn't it be far more appropriate to address me as orabeoni?”
“... ...”
Oh, seriously. I've been as patient as a saint.
Step. Step.
I stalked toward him, one deliberate stride at a time.
“W-what's got into you all of a sudden...?”
Backing away step by step, he soon found himself backed hard against a sturdy wall.
“Hey.”
Thud—!
“Guh—!”
I drove my fist straight into the wall right beside his shoulder. Because my arms were on the shorter side, our bodies were practically glued together.
“...See that?”
“Y-yes...?”
Why the hell are you trembling like that?
“Look. You can sense qi to some degree, can't you? Am I wrong?”
He shook his head frantically from side to side.
“Then you must realize I didn't coat a single shred of qi over that strike, right...?”
“...Y-yes, ma'am.”
This time, his head bobbed rapidly up and down.
“Whew...” I yanked my embedded left hand free from the crumbling stone and shook the dust from my knuckles. “So. Did I pass?”
“... ...”
Huh?
Crash—!
This time, my left foot drove clean through the solid ground beneath us.
“Answer me.”
“P-passed...”
Only then did he finally stammer out the words I wanted to hear, his face drained of every drop of color. I bared my teeth in a wide, triumphant grin.
“Thought so.”
A guy who looked three whole handspans taller than me had no business quivering like a leaf. ...Well, being terrified out of his wits was the natural reaction, I suppose. As expected, the 'wall-slam' and the 'floor-stomp' were undeniable techniques for bewitching a person's soul.
Before long, twilight settled over the sky.
After reaching a reasonably humane agreement, he and I set off toward the place where he was staying. That was when a bolt out of the clear blue sky stopped me dead in my tracks.
“...What?! S-say that again. I heard wrong, right? Tell me I heard wrong!”
“No. You heard me loud and clear... Two meals a day. Meat side dish once.”
Are you trying to starve me to death?!
“That's outright extortion...!”
Even Joseon-era servants were fed three square meals a day, meat or no meat!
At that, he doubled down without missing a beat.
“What's extortionate about it? Given your small frame, eating half of what I do should be plenty.”
“That's pure prejudice! R-Rangin eat a ton by nature, I tell you!”
Why, just look at me—I eat more than those two crazy... Ahem, feels bad calling them crazy all the time. I eat more than my two older brothers combined!
“...Isn't that the real prejudice? Assuming Rangin eat a lot simply because your muscle strength is superior.”
“Hey, haven't you ever heard the difference between discrimination and distinction?”
He turned his face away and muttered under his breath.
“Tsk, didn't work...”
“Hey! I heard that loud and clear!”
“Ah, you must have misheard.”
“... ...”
Shameless bastard. Well, not that I had much moral high ground myself.
“So how much further is it? Feels like we've been walking forever.”
“Hmm... just a little further...”
Following his gaze down the street, a two-story building at the far end caught my eye.
“Ah, it's that place with 'Inn' written on the sign.”
“...You can read that from here?”
“Of course!” I thumped my flat chest with pride. “Something like that is a piece of cake.”
“...Cake?”
“Ah, I mean it's nothing.”
“You have an extraordinarily bizarre way of speaking.”
“Ahem...”
I know, okay? Old habits die hard.
“Anyway, hurry up!”
Catch me if you can!
I shifted into my natural walking speed.
“W-wait a minute! Running ahead alone won't do you any—”
That's why I'm telling you to move your ass. He looked like he was around 6-Geom, too.
“I'm deliberately pacing myself for you, so keep up!”
Yet the moment I kicked my pace up a notch, he began lagging behind.
“Gasp, wheeze... You're supposed to be my bodyguard...!”
“Hmm...”
Should I stop for a second? To think he'd be wheezing this hard... He looked decent enough, but he was pure weak sauce.
“Hey.”
“Haaah... y-yes?”
I bent down slightly.
“Want a piggyback ride?”
First-class seats, buddy.
“...No thanks. If I got on your back, my feet would drag and grind against the dirt.”
“Hmm.” Fair point. He was tall as a beanpole. “Nothing for it, then...”
Cheeky bastard. I gave you an option, remember?
Snap!
“Whoa—!”
I hooked his ankle, swept his legs clean out from under him, and scooped him up under my right arm like a sack of grain.
“Eeeek! Y-you! What happened to your sense of maidenly modesty—mph!”
“Shut it.”
I pulled the jangdo from my tunic and shoved the scabbard firmly between his teeth.
“I'm pretty fond of that, so don't you dare drop it.”
Do you have any idea how handy that blade is for peeling fruit?
And just like that—
Whoosh!
I hoisted him up and sprinted.
You know that trope in ninja stories where they leap effortlessly across rooftops? Exactly like that.
“How's this? Told you I do this purely on muscle!”
“Mmph—mrmmph—!”
Hmm... Struck speechless by my sheer magnificence, no doubt. After clearing one more rooftop, we suddenly stood right in front of the inn I'd spotted earlier. Now for the landing...
“Hup...!”
Landing: perfect.
“Phew... See, if you just channel a tiny bit of qi into the ground upon impact... Wait, huh?”
“... ...”
“Did he pass out?”
Hmm...
“Gotta hand it to him, he held onto the jangdo with his teeth the entire way.”
Even if it's classified as a short sword, the blade was about the length of an adult's palm... Kid's got the makings of the Pirate King's first mate.
“Wake up.”
I gave his forehead a firm slap. Without qi, of course.
Smack!
“Gasp—A-am I dead?”
“Hey. Get up. What kind of nonsense are you spouting?” A grown man whining like this... Have some shame! “Look around.”
“Ah... We've... arrived.”
“I only ran for twenty seconds, you know.” The distance was... about half a kilometer. “Barely broke a sweat.”
“Next time... I would deeply appreciate it if you didn't carry me like luggage and sprint across town...”
“Then I'll train you so your scrawny body can handle it.”
“...Haven't we known each other for less than an hour?”
“Well... that just means the time we spent was intensely intimate, wouldn't you say?”
“Your mouth—whew... Let's just go inside.”
“Alright.”
To be honest, I hadn't expected much. Having wandered around like a vagabond for months, my recent sleeping quarters had consisted of abandoned shacks, hand-dug trenches, or the occasional floor in a peasant's hut. Because of that, my threshold for what passed as 'lodging' had plummeted to rock bottom.
“...Whoa.”
“What is it?”
Still, this was...
“...It's practically a barn. You sleep in a place like this? Just how stingy are you...?” You're not planning on making me sleep here, are you?
He shot me a look of pure pity.
“That's because this is a stable.”
“Ah.”
Let me retract that. Sleeping in such wretched conditions must have degraded my senses so badly that an actual livestock pen started looking like a bedroom.
“I was driving the newly built wagon back then. If I'd brought the horse along too, it really would have been...”
“... ...”
That was targeted straight at me, wasn't it?
Regardless, he walked over to one of the white mares resting in a stall and began gently stroking her coat.
“Her name means 'to achieve great things,' so Dae—”
“Wait, wait, wait! Don't tell me.”
Big... weed?
I cut him off before the word could leave his mouth. Come on, you know what I mean. I know they have that kind of herb around here.
His expression turned even more appalled than before.
“What on earth are you imagining? What's wrong with Daeseong?”
Ah, Daeseong. Not Dae-... ma?
“G-good... name. Yep. Thought for sure it was going to end with a pun on horse.”
“... ...”
Hey, stop looking at me like I'm a roach! I have feelings too, you know.
“A-anyway! Where are we actually sleeping?”
“Ah, follow me.”
Should've said so from the start.
Following him through a pair of doors brought us to a small room.
“Hmm...”
A single bundle of bedding, a single wardrobe.
“Guess there's no bed after all...”
Well, that was typical for an inn out here.
“As if a place like this would have one.”
Why wouldn't it?
“I had two in my room.”
Ah, my big mouth.
“...You're joking, right? Things like that only exist in the estates of regional governors. Come to think of it...”
Don't look at me like that. I'm just a penniless vagrant right now.
Taking the hint, he turned his head away.
“Well, if you'd rather not say... at least tell me your name.”
“My name? Out of nowhere?”
“Yes. Calling you 'hey you' or 'miss' won't do, considering we'll have to travel together for at least a few seasons.”
“Ah~ So you're the type who's obsessed with titles?” Earlier he was harping on about orabeoni and whatnot.
“No. It's more that... being spoken to casually by someone nearly two handspans shorter than me is bad enough, but not even knowing your name feels like an absolute outrage.”
“Aha.”
Well, if you insist. I pointed my index finger at my chest.
“I'm only telling you once. My name is Baek—”
“Baek...?”
“... ...”
Whoa, almost slipped up again. Giving my real name would blow my cover in an instant. After all, my family had a strict naming formula; anyone would recognize the clan immediately...
“Baek...”
Besides, 'Cho-ryeon' sounded way too feminine.
In the end, the name that crossed my lips belonged to someone who existed in this world, yet didn't.
“Siun. It's Baek Siun.”
“Siun... Have you, by chance, not yet reached your capping ceremony...?”
Wait, hey.
“Hey! I'm a full-grown adult!”
This punk... It's not like I'm completely flat, so why on earth would he think I'm an underage boy? Unlike earlier, he suddenly had zero assumptions!
“If I offended you, I apologize... but I'd rather not become a criminal, you see.”
“...I get it.”
Well, it was a name originally used by a guy, so his intuition wasn't entirely off. Now it was my turn.
“Alright, now tell me your name.”
“Ahem... I'm Gawol. Cha Gawol.”
“Pffft—”
What?
“...Don't laugh.”
Cha Gawol.
“Bwahaha! Come on, how can I not laugh?!”
You laughed at me earlier, you bastard. Payback time.
“Must be nice and chilly in the summer, then~”
And freezing cold in the winter.
“Sigh... Suit yourself.” Giving up, he brushed off his trousers and stood. “I need to go pay the extra fee for another guest, so go ahead and wash up first.”
“Sure thing~ Gawol-ah.”
“... ...”
He paused mid-stride and looked back over his shoulder.
“...How old are you, really?”
“Me? It's a secret.”
You're probably older anyway.
“Hah... Yeah, whatever. Feel free to keep speaking casually. Miss Siun.”
“You can drop the 'Miss,' you know.”
“I decline.”
Cold-hearted bastard.
“In that case... sit tight, runt.”
“...!”
Did this little...?
He's got far more bite than he lets on.
Toward the back of his head as he strolled out, I raised a hand and mimed a very specific shape. That shape, naturally, was the universal middle finger.