The Milk Cow Uncle from Home
Our house's milk cow uncle definitely needs a variety of nutrients to grow the spirit sapling. So I decided to gather whatever I could—but absolutely nothing like [Virgin's Milk], please. Sure, my body's female, but my mind and soul are male. I could feel the masculinity inside me trembling in fear that doing something like that would be irreversible.
"Can't even settle for a virgin's fluids, huh? What a slut."
"Senior, call it [Witch's Blood], please. That sounds weird."
"You're born a virgin, but you become a slut through practice. Underestimate a succubus type like me, and you'll get hurt bad, kid? It's girls like you who fall for trash guys and can't escape."
"Guys!"
I swung my fist in frustration, bonking her mushroom cap with a thunk. Her mushroom body shuddered with a prrrrng, releasing a cloud of spores. I'd picked the fight on purpose to test her, but her shocked face showed she was stunned by my pathetically weak girl-punch. It seemed the mental blow outweighed the physical one, as she groaned and changed the subject.
"I'm even giving it virgin spores, and it still won't grow."
"Huh? Senior, you've never dated?"
I'd thought that even as a mushroom, Kaoru-senior was pretty enough to count as a natural beauty up close. Never dated even before enrolling at the academy? That was unexpected.
"You're so oblivious, Wiyu."
Hmm, yeah, I'm hardly in a position to date girls myself, so the repeat-year senior was probably right. I coolly gave up on prying the greatsword dummy off the wall to show off her snow-white cat panties. More important things were at hand!
"Anyway, I contacted Aunt Merlen! Mmm~ Turns out Spotty from home is coming to the academy soon!"
From my earliest memories until I grew up, he'd always given me milk—a family-like bond full of gratitude. It'd only been a few months apart, but I'd worried about him so much. Knowing I'd see him again had me thrilled. I'd wanted to bring him, but had nowhere to keep him—though the Darkside Syndicate looked plenty spacious!
"It's Darkside Syndicate, remember that... Well, cows are big assets for farmers, so yeah, you'd worry."
How huge was a cow's value to a country bumpkin who'd left home for the city, enrolled in the academy, all to make his mom proud?
"...But do cows normally live that long? Like 20-30 years?"
"Y-yeah? He's old, so if possible, I'd love to care for him right by my side..."
I shared fond memories with senior: even at home, washing him was a chore since he was over 3 meters tall. Every morning, I'd head to the barn for Mom's fresh milk, feeding him warm feed and diligently milking him. I'd take him on walks so he wouldn't get bored, bathe him when dirty, cover him with warm blankets in the cold, and sometimes even sleep together... He really was like family.
"...Wait, a 3-meter-tall milk cow...? What breed is that...?"
"Uh... Holstein?"
"Even for a Holstein, from how you describe it, that thing's gotta be at least 5 meters."
Senior's point made me think—back when I was a guy, I was pretty tall myself, but he still felt like a wall sometimes. I hadn't really seen other cows, and for a small farm, one was plenty, right? Producing 300-500 liters a day? Totally sufficient!
"No, that's not a cow I know."
Senior freaked out, suggesting it was some Witchcraft-created cow-shaped something.
""
"Oh, Grand Duke! Where've you been?"
""
"?"
Eh... well, gender doesn't matter to him, I guess. Probably just swimming. I brushed it off.
""
"Yes! Spotty had a facial scar too!"
I beamed, telling Grand Duke all about it: feeding him expensive premium feed daily, saving up for medicine so he wouldn't get sick, brushing and bathing him, hoof care—grinning ear-to-ear about all the milk he'd given me as a kid. I'd figured he wasn't ordinary, but he was Mom's familiar!
"<...But he's a dude.>"
"Pardon?"
""
Ku-thud—male cow milk...! Wait, the phrasing felt off... Grand Duke said the milk from this eternally pure bachelor cow held divinity, which Aris loved using. I'd wondered if it was for drinking, but hearing it was for banishing undead or torturing demons bummed me out. Still, cows give milk, right? Male or not, that's fine—
""
".....Polymorph?"
"<...Not in human form? He was.>"
So I'd been sucking a guy's chest?! Imagining a guy nursing from another guy was too horrifying—I screamed involuntarily.
"Our junior grew up on a virgin dude's milk, huh."
"That's the secret to her strength...? No holds barred, huh..."
"Guys, I'm freaking out right now—cut it out!"
Learning even in beast form he could talk had my mind reeling—I'd only ever heard "moo"s from him. All that cleaning every nook, daily milking, hugging him to sleep on cold nights...? My soul felt like it was fleeing, but I grabbed hold with deep breaths. Panicking, I pulled Grand Duke aside so senior and greatsword dummy couldn't hear, whispering cautiously.
"W-we made cheese from that milk too...! Sold it to live off!"
"<...So your village's famous specialty cheese—the ultra-rare [Witchcraft's Ecstatic Supreme Cheese] even royalty can't get—was made by a witch?>"
"...W-we didn't make much, sold little... Mom handled sales, didn't know prices, but yeah, that was the name...?"
""
"Intangible cultural asset means academy prof job, right?"
""
Grand Duke patted my back with his wing silently, sighing that first gen never mentioned any of this—I'd had no idea it was that big.
"What's in it? Mom prepped the stuff!"
""
"Why so much painful stuff?"
""
Our house cow was a chimera familiar that turned human? The cheese I made and Mom sold was an ultra-exclusive luxury? I was one of 5 worldwide cheese masters without knowing? Aunt Merlen was sending that cow here now?
"I-I feel like I'm losing it. Wanna scream."
" Your emotional scream could kill a mandrake."
I could only grimace at that. Grand Duke's words left me speechless.
"...Wait, if he can turn human, won't he just walk here himself?"
""
"Heh heh heh, the more connections, the better."
Park Minji (MJ), boss of the Darkside Syndicate. Everyone called her MJ since her name was too friendly-sounding—a perennial repeat student and one of the academy's seven problem children. She was thrilled to build ties with the first-year top student, no less the "Second-Gen Witchcraft." Infamy could be built in many ways, right? Top-student heir might be tough, but if second-gen got pushed around by repeats and profs and turned dark? She'd recruit her, build a crime empire. Daydreaming about that pounding-future heartthrob was short-lived—she decided, as a pro, to handle the "smuggling" request herself first.
Second-gen Witchcraft requested it personally—better than delegating to underlings, no?
"A big milk cow anyone'd spot at first glance, right?"
At the academy's external exit linked to outside, intel said the "client" was coming personally. Smart witch-raised cow walking itself? As she waited, a knock echoed. MJ opened the door to welcome the guest.
"Come on i—"
Milk cow. Milk cow? No, definitely big, but... MJ froze facing a super-hairy cow suin in just suspenders. What relation to the Witchcraft family? She'd heard it was a precious daily-milked cow, but why...?
"Eeeeeek!"
The Darkside boss wailed like a little girl at the incomprehensible shock.