Chaotic Club Admissions
"If we don't get along~ I'll give you a big squeeze hug?"
"I'm gonna pierce you with my horn right now, so stay still!"
"Please avoid the vital spots when you stab!"
"This jerk... talks more sense than I expected?"
Bukureshti-senpai jolted in surprise and tried to stab with the horn on her forehead, but Yungmei-senpai came up from behind and waaah squeezed her tight. And soon enough, a crumpled unicorn human dropped to the floor in a ball shape with a thud.
"Grand Duke, what did I just witness?"
[Breasts that devour people]
"Ahaha, mine are kinda big. When I squeeze tight, they get squished from above and fold over..."
"You okay, unicorn senpai?"
"So warm..."
"She's holding up better than expected..."
She looked like she could've had full-body fractures and stopped breathing without anyone batting an eye, but there wasn't a single scratch on her—she was just melting away with a blissful expression.
The Grand Duke flapped his wings yelling I want in too! and dove right in, only to vanish before my eyes. Yungmei-senpai probably couldn't see because her breasts blocked her view... I decided to stay quiet about the wingtip peeking out from under her chest.
"Alright then—shall I tell our cute witch junior all about the clubs?"
"Ooh~ But why's she on your lap?"
"Hm? Don't like it?"
"Not that I don't..."
My body was just bent into a ⊂ shape, that's all. I felt the maternal love, but could you call the one giving it a grizzly bear? The chest was fluffy soft, but I could feel the distinct presence of muscles in her thighs and the hands supporting me.
"Clubs need a minimum of four members to start."
Senpai explained in that soothing picture-book-reading tone while gently rocking me. I nearly dozed off listening, but I hung in there and made it to the end of the senior's explanation. Turns out, you could make pretty much any club. Extreme examples included harem clubs or even heretic extermination(?) clubs—but if you didn't produce proper [results], you got no support. Unlike personal points we earned, clubs were evaluated as a group. If scores were low or results too scarce, other students or clubs in need of facilities could just take them by force. Or if results were nonexistent, they got auto-dissolved.
She patted my head, saying that with lots of results, good rep, and fame, you could recruit tons of members and expand your clubroom. She was naturally shaking a baby bottle she'd pulled from somewhere, so I mustered every ounce of strength to escape the mama bear. If the man inside me were here, he'd be bawling like a cub—I barely held back from crying out.
"So, what club are you in, senpai?"
"Me? Hehe—I’m in the [Nursery Club]~ You can see cute baby animals? Wanna join?"
"Ah, n-no... I’ve never raised anything, so I’d probably end up the one getting raised."
"Hmm, maybe. You’re so cute, I might wanna tuck you in for naptime."
Steer clear of the Nursery Club.
"What about you, Bukureshti-senpai?"
"I’m in the [Holy Faith Club], the one for divine magic. Why? Weird that I’m not in the same one as her?"
"Yeah."
"Too many non-virgins there—students coming to the academy to learn childcare like it's no big deal... Urk..."
Bukureshti-senpai dry-heaved at the mere thought of the horror.
We'd heard all about clubs, exchanged contacts while promising to get along as fellow [witches], and she even mentioned the [Academy Walpurgis Night] where academy witches gathered separately from clubs. I was surprised there were that many witches, but apparently not. I said I'd definitely go, then headed off to check out the clubs.
No need to join one, but hey, you're at the academy—might as well try a club, right? Standing in front of the map in the central academy first-floor lobby with that in mind...
"Ugh..."
The elevators and warp devices were cool enough, but overhead, floating staircases twisted and turned every which way, seniors flew about, and on the translucent underground stairs, others rode massive magical beasts. Plus, with clubs numbering in the hundreds, I gave up on checking them all quick.
Best to join one with friends, then? The first-years shuffling in behind me gawked around in awe for a bit too. But then a weird vibe shifted—the lurking seniors suddenly charged at the juniors.
"Kwaaaang!!"
"Ahh?! Beatus!!"
My friend screamed Beatus's name as a giant eagle snatched her skyward, but Kali was getting dragged off by monster-looking seniors grabbing her ankle.
"Noble goblin!! Representative of the commoners!! Woo woo!!"
"Where's a working goblin at?! Noble goblin first-year, come out!!"
And then male seniors who looked like goblins came charging like a herd of water buffalo—it was like watching a green wave. The overwhelming numbers of commoner goblins pushed back seniors and juniors alike.
"Uh... that's me."
My classmate, the noble goblin who'd become a girl because of me, timidly raised her hand.
"Female? Girl? Why a girl?"
"Eeee! Goblin girl! Beauty! Drool!"
"No way! The club manual doesn't cover what to do with a female noble goblin junior!"
"The queen joins our club!!!"
"Kill that herd!!"
They'd seemed united to make her their herd leader at first. But the second they realized she was female, not male, the goblins turned on each other in a bloody brawl.
In this apocalyptic scene of chaos, the unicorn senpai from before barreled through, piercing everything with her horn.
"A unique goblin virgin!!!"
I watched her snatch my goblin friend while drooling and vanish in a flash—my respect for senpai cracked a little. But what could I say... I felt totally isolated from the world, like only I was cut off.
The seniors subtly backed away, flinching at my slightest move.
"?"
One more step, and they bolted. One tripped over his own feet, roaring Don't leave me behind!!! while wailing. Ah, that had to hurt their feelings for real... In the end, I'd have to find the club I wanted on my own two feet. After some thought, since clubs should be fun—
"Is this the manga club?"
Wonder when the Grand Duke, buried in that senior's chest, would come back... Thinking that, I knocked on the door of the manga club's room—tucked in a corner, super remote spot.
"Come in," they said, so I cautiously opened the door. Three people sat there with gloomy faces.
"Um... excuse me? I'm Wiyu Witchcraft, first-year."
"A grim reaper has come to our manga club, on the brink of disbandment after one graduation..."
"Not a grim reaper, a junior..."
I'd come to join the manga club, only to hear right away it was one graduation from disbandment. Akarino Kiduna-senpai, whom I'd met earlier, didn't even acknowledge me and just despaired over losing her precious nest.
Ignoring her, the glasses-wearing buzzcut male senior introduced himself.
"I'm Shovel Flag, president of the manga club. From the Merhen Kingdom."
"Ah, Wiyu Witchcraft. From some rural backwater."
Thinking about it, our village was so out there it didn't even have a proper name... Despite being on the verge of disbandment, the glasses senior diligently drawing manga asked if I really wanted to join or if it was just to save them.
"I love manga, and I wanna draw it myself!"
"If you've got the heart, that's enough! Welcome to our 200-year-old manga club."
"200 years?!"
"Kiduna-senpai's been holding it together to avoid collapse."
"Ah."
So the club survived thanks to the [Ghost of the Manga Club].
Only then did Kiduna-senpai notice me, introducing herself as vice-president in a listless voice. That left one more—green bob-cut, beautiful senior whose eyes gleamed with a weird madness.
"I'll introduce myself! Amamiya Echo! Whoa, never thought the famous witch junior would show up."
"...You okay?"
To Kiduna-senpai's cautious question, she smiled, but her eyes were off. No answer, just a shrug, then she grinned mischievously at me and—whoosh—yanked off her top to scare me.
"Uwak!"
I slapped my hands over my eyes in shock, and booming laughter echoed.
"Ahahaha!! Such a cute reaction!! Look, look? Nothing there, right? What~ could it be~? The answer is~ crossdressing silicone fake boobs! Ahahaha!!"
She grabbed the skin around her neck and streeetch—the fake peeled off, revealing real skin. Whoa, those exist? Amazed, I leaned in close; the texture was different, no veins... But why was senpai crossdressing?
I had questions, but whatever—
"Wiyu Witchcraft, first-year! And I'm a guy!"
I figured I'd clarify upfront, about to add "body's female though," when—
Senpai went Eh? and grabbed my shirt, lifting it right up.
"What material's your fake boob made of?"
"Ah."
My binder-wrapped chest was exposed, and Amamiya-senpai's face said she'd taken a hit. Kiduna-senpai and Flag-senpai wore the same expression, quietly shaking their heads.
"No no, that's—not a joke or anything! Body's female, but I'm male!!"
"Gender identity thing, huh... Hehe... Tell us quicker next time."
With that, Amamiya-senpai made a call somewhere.
"Aaah, junior... Remember this... I'm just a poor, pitiful man born obsessed with feminine beauty, dressed as a woman..."
I had no time to stop her as she turned herself in to the cops. Wait, this is a mistake—if she goes like that, what happens to me and the club?!
"A man whose gender identity is female got taken by a woman whose gender identity is male..."
"Amamiya!!!"
The two seniors knelt powerless, sobbing over the departing senpai.
"Our backgrounds, coloring, shading, effects, pen lines, coloring, storyboards, story, research, reporting guy!!!"
"Wha?! What do you two even do?!"
"...The mangaka role?"
"The manga-reading role?"
Our club is doomed. No need for guilt on my end, as the smiling senior rode off in the squad car. Wait, I'm the one feeling wronged here... No chance to explain I'm fine...?
And just like that, the manga club faced crisis again: one graduation, one arrest, down to three members. In an awkward-as-thorns atmosphere, Kiduna-senpai stood up.
"We've got a first-year now!! Our manga club can't go down like this!! Wiyu junior!!"
"Yes, ma'am!!"
"Let's go recruit at least one more somehow!!"
"...How?"
"Uh, maid outfits or bunny girl suits for the honey trap...?"
Honestly, it wasn't even a reading club—it was for making manga, zero perks. The shelves were packed with how-to-draw books and references, not comics. Would any first-year come to this out-of-the-way spot? Friends were all snatched up already.
"So, what now?"
[Causing this catastrophe in that short time—classic Witchcraft.]
No, I'm seriously wronged...!