Irreversible Things (1)
I stared blankly at my body, now completely healed. The lower half exposed pale between the torn clothes. The upper body where the fabric had ripped enough to reveal my pitiful chest.
The body that had been covered in semen, blood, and bruises was now clean, as if none of it had ever happened. I had no strength left to move, so I stayed like that for a long while. Until enough time passed that I finally felt like fixing the shredded skirt and crumpled shoes.
When the bandits attacked, they hadn't bothered to tie my hands or feet. They had simply pinned me down with raw strength. It must have been their calculation that such force would be more than enough to subdue a mage who hadn't undergone any proper training.
If I had been an ordinary mage, they wouldn't have been wrong. But I had another weapon. So if I wanted, I could have 'reversed' them all and taken my revenge. Just like I had done at the Mittenburg estate.
But I didn't. Only two people could be touched at once, after all. If I didn't give the bandits the impression that I was harmless, I risked being counterattacked and truly killed. And besides…
I hadn't wanted to.
Even though they were men who deserved to die for gang-raping me to the brink of death.
The reason was simple. I had wanted to be miserably violated. Only then could I feel like I was truly alive. That wasn't the whole of it, but it was part of it.
The mind that had been completely shattered had slowly begun to mend while I spoke with my comrades. Everything except the walls that had been twisted beyond repair. And in the process, I had come to realize just how… how horrific the things I had done at Mittenburg truly were.
I never wanted to do it again. I didn't want to use this ability that should never have existed for such things. Yes. The place where this power should be used was…
To reverse things that could not be reversed.
I turned my gaze toward the merchants' corpses scattered in gruesome disarray. Those things drenched in blood and entrails, with all manner of yellowish-black mucus and half-solid lumps spilling from their bodies… I had to turn them back into people.
I walked through the scene of carnage, gathering the fallen corpses and piecing them together.
'A head is heavier than I thought. The liver gets crushed so easily…'
Thinking such things as I worked.
They would come back to life once reversed, but I could only reverse two at a time. If the first ones to awaken saw me reversing time, it would be troublesome. Even if they simply thought it was some unusual magic, the result would be the same.
Merchants who had witnessed a mage bringing the dead back to life would hardly be capable of rational thought.
In my head, I calmly considered how to resurrect them. First, I would revive the dead horses. Then those whose bodies had been most severely damaged, saving the ones who looked relatively intact for last.
The point in time I would reverse them to would be the moment just before the first attack. I couldn't let them remember their comrade's head being severed right before their eyes.
'…I've already come to view people's deaths with nothing but these eyes, haven't I?'
Thinking that to myself, I gave a bitter smile and reached out toward the body of the caravan leader, whose torso had been sliced clean in two. He had been the first to die, after all.
"I still can't believe it."
I sat in the front seat of the carriage on the final stretch of road leading to the capital, listening silently to the caravan leader's thoughts.
"The last thing I remember is their blade sinking into my neck, yet you say you defeated all of them and healed us, miss?"
"That was the contract, yes. But I'm sorry. Even though I drove them off, I couldn't prevent the cargo from being plundered on my own…"
The caravan leader waved his hand with an expression that said it was fine.
"It's all right, it's all right. Just saving our lives is more than enough."
There wasn't the slightest hint of pretense in the smile that rose on the caravan leader's face.
"To be honest, at first I only half-believed it and simply picked up a mage as a sort of bonus. But now I see it clearly. You really are the hero Kaira, aren't you?"
My face flushed bright red. I waved both hands frantically, rejecting the name.
"N-no, that's not it. Just Kaira is fine. That burdensome title…"
"Understood. But what should we do? We still have plenty of goods left, but all the gold and money was taken, so we don't have anything to reward you with."
"The original condition was simply that you would give me a ride. As long as I can pass through the capital's gates, I'm happy with anything…"
The caravan leader looked somewhat dissatisfied.
"Still, as a merchant, I ought to give back as much as I've received."
I cut him off firmly.
"Horse feed is a cost. Time is a cost. Giving me a ride is more than enough payment. If you really want to do something for me…"
"Then?"
There had been a delay because of the attack. If Mittenburg had sent out a fast horse or messenger pigeon immediately, they would have reached the capital faster than us. The checkpoints looking for me might have already begun. So…
"When we pass through the gates, please hide me among the cargo."
At that moment, I saw a strange look flicker across the caravan leader's face. A hint of suspicion mixed in.
"Hmm… It seems our hero has circumstances she can't speak of."
"Yes. Just as you said, circumstances that require me to stay hidden. …If it's too much trouble, I can get off outside the gates."
"That won't do."
The caravan leader shook his head with a smile.
"Even if you turned out to be the third head of the Demon King instead of the hero Kaira, since I owe you my life, I must repay it properly. Understood. I'll hide you among the cargo. Though I should warn you, the freight is the highest quality flour from Mittenburg, so you'll have to endure the smell of wheat."
Hearing that, I forced a bright smile.
"I like the smell of flour. I'm a baker's daughter, you see."
As soon as the capital's walls came into view, I slipped between the cargo sacks. Contrary to my worries, it seemed the warrant for my arrest hadn't been issued yet. The gate guards showed no particular reaction and simply checked the identities of the caravan members.
Even so, asking to be hidden had been the right choice. It was obvious that I would be wanted before long.
If I had shown my face to the guards and revealed my identity here, they would have spread a search net across the entire capital knowing that my last known location was the imperial city.
I stayed hidden long after passing through the gates, until my once-black robe was completely covered in white flour, until the bread-colored hair carried the heavy scent of wheat. Only then did I crawl out from between the sacks, grunting with effort.
Being wedged between the flour sacks like a piece of luggage reminded me of that day. The day I had regained the memories of my previous life.
If only that day had never happened… Or if I hadn't been discovered to have talent during the Magic Academy entrance interview… Could I have lived a proper life? Could I have avoided becoming like that to Zophy and lived an ordinary existence?
While I was lost in those thoughts, a voice called out.
"We're here, mage lady."
It was the deep voice of the large merchant who had forcefully stuffed me between the flour sacks, telling me it was time to get off.
I had to leave behind the caravan members who whined that they didn't want to part with the wonderful mage who had saved their lives.
There wasn't much I needed to do in the imperial capital, and I had to finish my urgent business and leave as quickly as possible. A wanted poster declaring the fallen hero Kaira might be put up at any moment.
The caravan's carriage stopped in the bustling market district of the capital, not far from the imperial palace and the Magic Academy. It meant I wouldn't have to walk very far.
I hadn't said anything, but I was sure the caravan leader and his men had sensed that something was off. That they themselves were strange for surviving such a hopeless pillaging, and above all, that I was strange.
They were good people who were grateful to me now, but once the warrant was issued, they could easily become the eyes and ears of my enemies. I had to leave.
Though I had refused with all my might, the caravan leader insisted on giving me a portion of the flour transaction fee. It wasn't a large sum, but because it was precious money given with sincerity, I couldn't refuse it entirely and accepted only half of what he offered.
As a final farewell, the caravan leader said,
"I didn't say this earlier because I thought it might be rude. Our hero,"
"Yes?"
"You smell wonderfully nostalgic and fragrant."
I gave the answer I always did.
"Ehehe… It's because I'm a baker's daughter."
Leaving behind the cargo wagon that scattered flour with every jolt, I thought,
'The gate guards didn't seem to notice anything, so I should still have some time…'
I slowly strolled down the street. My heart felt a little lighter. To explore the capital's market to my heart's content. How long had it been since I'd enjoyed such a luxury?
The cries of merchants soliciting customers. A man carrying a large loaf of bread, walking briskly home. A woman carrying eggs somewhere. Fruits from an orchard near the capital, with a large sign claiming they were picked today, fruits whose names I couldn't even fully remember.
Children running and laughing through the crowded market streets. A little one who approached cautiously, eyes wide with curiosity at my robe and the glimpse of a spellbook beneath it, and timidly reached out to touch.
They were all sights I had forgotten for so long.
The Magic Academy had been a good place, but it was also so self-sufficient that there was no need to go outside. Because I still carried memories of my previous life where I had lived well on my own, I had rarely left the dormitory, to the point that my parents had been hurt by it.
…I should have gone out more.
The imperial hospital hadn't been a bad workplace either, but in a life where I could only pray that no one would die before I arrived on the emergency wagon, there had been no leisure to enjoy the streets.
And then I had left with the heroes, become a wreck and shut myself in the house, only to go to Valdenheim. There had been no chance to leisurely browse the market like this since childhood.
Even that childhood had been tainted by memories of my previous life… so perhaps this was truly my first time experiencing it.
With a soft smile I had lost long ago, I watched the noisy, lively market.
Then, just as the surrounding scenery began to feel dangerously familiar, I saw something I should never have seen.
There was an ordinary general store. One that sold tasteless preserved rations for adventurers, emergency medicine, traveler's cloaks and supplies, and low-quality reagents for beginner mages who had never received systematic magic education.
Though it was ordinary, it was larger than my tool shop in Valdenheim. After all, it was a shop on the capital's market street.
I rubbed my eyes several times and looked at the general store again. I examined the building where the store was located and the houses lined up around it. No matter how many times I looked, it was certain.
It was the spot where our bakery had once stood.