Memories That Should Never Have Been Rewound (4)

The one hundred and thirty-third day since Zophy kidnapped me.

I received two guests. One of them raped me.

The servant who had been feeding me porridge, cleaning up my waste, and looking after me had stopped violating me at some point. It was as if he had watched me for so long that he had begun to feel pity.

The one hundred and thirty-eighth day since Zophy kidnapped me.

My breasts still leaked a small amount of milk.

I received seventy-three guests. Roughly half of them raped me. My strength and intellect had melted away, so I couldn’t even count the exact number.

It hurt. My whole body… hurt so, so much.

My weakened body couldn’t handle receiving so many guests in a single day. Though my eyes were covered and I couldn’t see, I knew I had already begun bleeding heavily after about ten men had trampled over me.

Even as blood streamed from me, the guests violated me without hesitation. Zophy had apparently cast an illusion spell on them. To their eyes, I must have still looked like a prostitute sent from some brothel on a house call. They wouldn’t have seen any blood at all.

In the end, while being ravaged by the last guest I could remember, I felt an agony as if my lower abdomen were being torn apart and fainted. Because the day ended like that, I couldn’t use the diary spell.

The one hundred and thirty-ninth day since Zophy kidnapped me.

The moment I woke, my stomach began to hurt terribly. Even after they gave me medicine, the servant from the ducal house opened the door and approached upon hearing me groan in unbearable pain. He seemed slightly startled the instant he saw me.

Though my mind was still broken from the drugs, I remember roughly what he said. I couldn’t recall every single word, but it was something like:

The doctor arrived without much delay. Even though the pain made time feel stretched, I could tell he had come quickly.

Zophy seemed to genuinely want to keep me alive. …For now.

It wasn’t as serious as the servant had assumed.

…At least, it wasn’t fatal enough that even with emergency treatment I would only have a short time left to live. What had protruded between my legs was simply… yes, simply the amniotic sac, the placenta, and the fetus.

The doctor who was called this time, unlike the devils who had sawed off my limbs and pulled out my teeth, saved my ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠life with excellent care.

Only my life.

The one hundred and fortieth day since Zophy kidnapped me.

I received only one guest.

For the first time in a while, porridge mixed with minced meat was brought to me. …It must have been to help me recover even a little after what had happened.

It tasted almost exactly like the minced meat porridge I had eaten long ago—after losing my father, after losing my limbs. Perhaps the meat was a little more tender this time. And there was the faint scent of freshly baked bread, though weaker than before….

When that thought crossed my mind, I realized.

‘The smell of bread… So that’s it…’

I had finally noticed. If my mind hadn’t been dulled by drugs, abuse, and starvation, I would have realized it on the very first day.

…Zophy must have known that the clever me would eventually figure it out, and that was why she had mixed in the meat.

“Heh heh heh… haha… ahahahahahaha….”

After laughing for a long time, I vomited up everything I had eaten that day. Thanks to that, the servant from the ducal house had to clean up the filth that had splattered messily over my body, but he wiped me down without a word.

I’ll get revenge… I will… I definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely will chew her flesh and spit out her bones. No, I mustn’t do that, Kaira. You mustn’t kill her. If you kill her, she’ll go to the intermediary zone and start her next life comfortably. You mustn’t kill her. I won’t kill her, but… I’ll return it several times over, dozens of times over. Once I’m free, once I’m free, once I’m free, once I’m free, once I’m free, once I’m free, once I’m free, once I’m free, once I’m free, once I’m free, once I’m free, once I’m free, once I’m free, once I’m free, once I’m free, once I’m free, once I’m free, once I’m free, once I’m free, once I’m free….

…That will never happen. Not before I completely break.

I hate it. I hate everything… Please, someone just kill me. While I still have even a little reason left….

The one hundred and forty-second day since Zophy kidnapped me.

I was given porridge without meat again.

Even after losing the child who was also my little sister and the last trace my father had left behind, milk still flowed from my breasts. My eyesight had deteriorated so badly that even my chest looked blurry, but I could tell by feel.

With all my teeth gone, my pronunciation slurred, I carefully begged the servant who had come to clean up the filth mixed with blood and excrement that my body had expelled, as always.

“Thank you for always taking care of me… Um, I’m sorry, but I have a favor to ask….”

The servant tilted his head. It was only natural; he had never seen me make any kind of request other than begging for my life while being brutally violated.

“Um… the milk… is still coming from my breasts, right…? I… I can’t see very well anymore….”

He answered that it was. Feeling my face grow slightly warm, I spoke in a voice that barely rose above a whisper.

“Could you… just once… taste it for me…? And if it’s not too much trouble… could you tell me… what it tastes like…?”

The servant stood there for a long time before granting my request. He did not treat me as violently as the guests. He simply licked the trickle of milk exactly as I had asked and gently sucked on the nipple from which it seeped.

My limbless torso had become hypersensitive to both pain and pleasure. The mere light suction on my nipple sent a sharp thrill through my brain. So broken that I could not resist even that small pleasure, I lightly climaxed with a moan. Drooling saliva and love juices pathetically.

“Ugh… ngh. Aah, uhh….”

Because my physical condition was at its worst, my breast milk was only secreted in tiny amounts that took a long time to collect even a single mouthful. He took quite a while, tasting it carefully. After waiting for some time, I asked cautiously.

“Um… how was it…?”

He answered.

“It’s almost tasteless. Just a little salty. It must be the taste of the sweat you’ve shed. And…”

Given that I was on the verge of starvation, I don’t think he was lying.

“There’s a faint aftertaste like freshly baked bread. Just like the scent that comes from your body.”

With a resigned expression and slurred speech from having lost all my teeth, I replied.

“Thank you… And… I’m the daughter of a bakery, after all.”

Though that bakery probably no longer existed.

I should have at least let the child—my little sister, the last trace my father left in this world—taste even a single drop of my milk before sending her off. Forgetting that the servant was watching, I wept bitterly.

“Daddy, Daddy… Daddy… Hwaaang…”

The servant seemed a little flustered when I, who had not shed a single tear for nearly a hundred days as if all emotion had vanished, finally burst into sobs. At the end of those tears, I asked quietly.

“By any chance… could you… strangle my neck…? Until I die. I… I want to die now… Please… kill me…”

Beyond my dark, blurry vision, he shook his head. Of course… The servant immediately turned and left, closing the iron door behind him. Through the bars of the iron door, a despairing mutter could be heard.

“This won’t do… I really can’t do this anymore…”

I think that was what he said.

After that, I received five guests. Two of them raped me.

The one hundred and forty-seventh day since Zophy kidnapped me.

I heard that the servant from the ducal house who had been taking care of me had quit.

In his place, one of Zophy’s maids was assigned to me. Seeing me still bound and having scattered my excrement, the maid cursed me for being filthy and stomped on my stomach.

It had not even been an hour since I had forced down the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠thin porridge. My weakened body vomited while expelling watery diarrhea.

The maid, now forced to clean up the excrement and vomit once again, slapped my cheeks until her anger subsided.

I received three guests. Only one of them raped me.

There was one male guest I remembered. He reeked so badly of rot that even I, who had lost nearly all sensation, could smell it, which is why he stuck in my memory.

He was a customer who had asked me to restore not himself, but some object, for exactly one year. Because I always had to wear a blindfold when receiving guests, I never learned what it was.

I do remember that the moment I rewound the object’s time, the guest wept with joy. Unlike the vast majority of guests, he did not rape me; he simply repeated words of gratitude in a tearful voice.

The milk that had still trickled a little during the day stopped that night and never came again.

The one hundred and seventy-first day since Zophy kidnapped me.

Zophy, who I thought had nearly abandoned me, came in person.

“It’s been a while.”

Whether from prolonged malnutrition or from some unknown illness, I could now barely see at all.

Even so, I could tell that her expression was just as bright, cheerful, and overbearing as the last time we had met. I wanted to leap at her and bite that face off, but without limbs or teeth, I could not have done so even if these restraints were released right now. The instant I became aware of that helplessness, my desire for revenge hid far beyond my heart, and only servility and fear raised their heads. Toward this woman… the servility of wanting to simply obey and beg for my life like a dog.

“H-hello… Your Grace…”

“Oh my, you can still speak. Your pronunciation is quite funny, though. And that strange bread scent is still there. You probably haven’t been washed in a very long time.”

“Because… I’m the daughter… of a bakery…”

The duchess lightly mocked me for answering almost reflexively, then stated her business.

“Lately, the guests who visit have been quite dissatisfied. It’s because your reactions are far too lukewarm, Hero Kaira. You humiliated me back in our university days, and now even in this state you plan to disappoint the guests and humiliate me again?”

Her words carried the superior amusement that only someone in absolute dominance could possess.

To her, drunk on victory, the enemy of both me and my entire family… I begged miserably.

“I’m sorry… I can’t see anymore… My body… for some reason, won’t move… Please spare me. I’ll do anything you order, anything you wish… for the rest of my life… Please, spare me… If you don’t want that, then… let me die… I don’t want to end up like my father…”

Even speaking had become difficult. After making that plea, I slumped down limply.

“I see. To think someone as unbroken as you would end up like this. It truly pains my heart. But Kaira, right now you’re simply weakened by illness. Illness can be cured. So hang in there.”

Her voice was so bright. As if she were eagerly anticipating something.

“That’s why I researched and prepared a medicine to cure your illness. You were an excellent student who diligently attended Professor Melissa’s classes on herbalism and toxicology, so you probably would have developed it much faster, but it took me quite a while.”

I simply listened to her words with my mouth hanging open stupidly. Wondering if taking the medicine would at least restore my eyesight. Zophy held out something like powder.

“Take it. Don’t swallow—place it under your tongue and let it dissolve slowly. It should improve your condition somewhat.”

I obediently followed her instructions. If I died, it wouldn’t benefit Zophy either, so no matter how wicked she was, it must be true that she intended to do something to keep me from dying. Because my death would be a loss for her.

I put the small amount of powder from Zophy’s pure white palm into my mouth, rolled my tongue, and moved it under…

“Eh…?”

My heart gave a powerful thump. My vision suddenly returned. At first I thought it was the ‘medicine’ taking effect….

Yes, it was the medicine’s effect.

“Hweh…? Ah, ha, hah, ngh…”

Heat spread through my entire body as if it were on fire. My heartbeat surged wildly, as though someone were pounding inside my chest. A chilling sensation brushed through my nose, and then something began streaming from my nostrils. A nosebleed? Soon, the face of Zophy that had appeared clearly in my momentarily restored vision melted into a grotesque shape.

“U, uh. Uhh… nghu?! Ah, aeh…? Ha, heh…”

Without warning, I reached a sudden climax and spurted love juices and excrement together. Sharp orgasms that felt like a knife stabbing my spine, severing my reason piece by piece, came without end.

Perhaps unable to bear the stench of the filth I had released, the distorted, wavering face of Zophy moved to cover its nose.

“Just ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠as I thought, you really are a filthy bitch, our hero. You climax that quickly the moment you take the medicine? Well, I made it myself, but the effect is quite good.”

…I think that’s what she said. I’m not sure. Because Zophy’s words no longer reached my ears. I simply,

simply

thought

I want my pussy touched.

The body laid on the wooden frame twitched beyond my control. I surrendered to the desire to somehow move my severed right arm, my bound left arm, and my missing feet to rub my vulgar cunt.

Yes. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠I wish someone would fuck this cheap, dirty cunt of mine.

Aah, I want to feel good. I like feeling good, I like it, so please, touch me, my pussy… ehehe, pussy, I like it….

Cock.

Cock, give me cock….

Zophy… ah… ahaha, Zophy, who’s that?

One hundred and seventy-second day.

Three people who made me feel good.

One hundred and eighty…? Nine?

Ehehehe… someone fucked my pussy. Five times? Still, I want my pussy touched more. And I moved my left hand. Moving my left hand made me happy. It felt like I had to. Like a cock entering my pussy.

One hundred… ninety….

Asshole, pussy, ehet, please touch me, I’m Kaira… Kaira is a good girl.

It hurts, it hurts when you hit me… please touch my pussy… I like it ehehe.

Give me more of that good feeling….

Left hand, remember….

The two hundred and twenty-second day since Zophy kidnapped me.

The medicine… ran out.

Medicine, I need medicine… Medicine, medicine, give it to me, hurry, medicine, there’s no medicine. Medicine… It hurts, my head is breaking. I need medicine. Master, Master… please give me medicine, medicine….

Someone said it was noisy and stuffed my mouth with a stinking cloth. Probably the one who had wiped my shit and piss….

I don’t know.

Medicine, medicine, medicine… medicine….

How many days has it been…?

Ah, haha… it’s Master. Powder… give it to me, hurry, huuurry….

Medicine, medicine… ehet, it’s medicine….

I took the medicine.

My left hand… moved a little.

Two hundred… thirty… eh? Ah… aeh?

Ehehehet. Ahaha, ha, ehet, hu, hihit….

Twitch twitch, I like it, having my pussy fucked, I like it so much….

My… baby… tastes, tastes good….

Hik… Th-there… who are you…? Daddy…? Is it Daddy…?

Daddy, I miss you… Daddy, Daddy… Where are you?

Daddy….

I was wrong, Daddy… Daddy, Daddy… Daddy….

I’m sorry….

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I’m sorry, I’m sorry… Daddy, Daddy… I’m sorry….

Don’t go, Daddy… Don’t go….

I hate it… I hate ithateithateithateithateithateithateithateithateithateithateithateithateithateithateit….

…. Uhehe, ha, aeh… et, uh, haeh…? Ahat, hahat, huhaa….

My left hand moved… Jo, I like it….

Ehehehe….

Hehet.

Ahahahahat….

Ah….

I’m happy, Kaira.

The two hundred and seventy-third day since Zophy kidnapped me. In the middle of the night.

I was… rescued…. Someone released my bound left hand and pressed it firmly against my chest.

By then I could no longer see, could no longer hear, and could no longer smell or taste anything. The only sensation I could feel was the pleasure entering through my female organ, so I had no thoughts other than craving it. I couldn’t tell who had done what. Though my reason and personality had already been ground to dust, instinctively, with the thing that touched my hand… this time I rewound my own time. Together with the unique magic I had practiced like a habit.

Toward the time when I had lived four more months after turning nineteen—the moment when my life had been happiest.

And all the memories I had recorded so far in Kaira’s Secret Diary poured out at once, burning my brain to ashes.