An Illness Beyond Rewind
I woke to the torture of a splitting headache, muscle pain that lashed every inch of my body, and a chill that wormed its way into my very bones. My eyes flew open without warning.
“Ah……”
I must have fallen asleep……
The cataclysmic urges that had gripped me the night before had ebbed, if only slightly. I couldn’t tell whether the horrific waves of pleasure from that frenzied masturbation had dulled the craving, or whether the transcendent being whispering from beyond reality had simply lost interest for the moment.
But—
“Ugh……”
The price for spending the night on that hard, unforgiving inn bed was steep. I had no blanket, only a single sweat-drenched camisole clinging to my overheated skin after I had spent hours touching my breasts, my sex, and every other sensitive place. The drafty room had done the rest.
A feverish heat raced through me. The mere brush of fabric against my flesh felt like it was peeling my skin away, and the slightest movement of my head sent my brain sloshing inside my skull.
“It hurts……”
Of course I was sick. I had trudged through winter winds carrying a load as heavy as my own body, collapsed into this room without a thought for my exhaustion, and then ignored every warning sign while I touched myself. A fever was inevitable.
Come to think of it, I had never suffered anything like this as a child. In the basement beneath Mittenburg I had been so frail I must have caught every illness imaginable, yet I had been too far gone to even register the pain.
Only now did the truth hit me: this was no longer a world where I could simply walk into a convenience store for painkillers. Even if I begged an alchemist for medicine, there was no guarantee it would be any good. Could I really keep traveling while this sick?
“Maybe I should just stay at the inn until I recover……”
But I had no confidence I could manage it.
In a place with no soundproofing at all, I would have to listen every single day to the villagers gathering downstairs, laughing and shouting over bread and meat and ale. The sound of men’s voices alone would set my body on fire. I would end up touching myself until dawn, and far from recovering, my condition would only worsen.
Still……
Yes. There was a method only I could use.
If I was sick, I simply had to rewind myself to a body that had never fallen ill.
I had only been hesitating. My power had decayed so far that I could no longer even mend a broken twig, and I had assumed—without even trying—that it could never repair a broken body.
I pressed both hands desperately to myself, closed my eyes, and focused.
I summoned images I had grown so used to that I no longer even recalled them: flowing sand, falling droplets, turning clockwork and the sway of a pendulum. With everything I had, I pictured them and thought—
“Rewind……”
⟨ Time Rewinding ⟩
“Haa……”
I let out a long sigh.
There was no sense that the illness had lifted. I felt none of the world-bending vertigo that had come when I rewound myself to the body of a nineteen-year-and-four-months-old girl.
Still, the piece of charcoal I broke earlier did mend……
Perhaps my power had shrunk again, reduced to fixing only things I had just broken. Back to the days when I had only just entered the magic academy and shared a room with Opia.
I had forgotten, because I had abused an ability I was never meant to possess so freely. When you fell ill, the natural thing was to endure the sickness. Yes, I had lived far too comfortably until now. This was simply the price I had to pay.
I forced my boots onto my feet and staggered downstairs. It was not yet full morning, but a few guests were already eating simple meals.
“Excuse…… me……”
The inn’s cook, servant, and owner all in one—an old man with a face full of wrinkles—sat resting on a small wooden chair behind the bar. He recognized me at once and greeted me warmly.
“Ah! The traveler girl who arrived yesterday. Well? Did you sleep well last night? Heh heh, it was uncomfortable, wasn’t it? Our inn is noisy and shabby. Can’t be helped in a tiny village like this, so please bear with us.”
“N-not at all. It was truly comfortable…… and a very nice room. However……”
The old man narrowed his eyes at me. My staggering steps, stammering speech, and pained grimace would have told anyone how bad I looked.
“Young lady, you don’t look well at all.”
“Yes…… I pushed myself too hard while already tired, then walked through the cold wind. I think I’ve caught a fever. Is there an apothecary or alchemist in the village……?”
He shook his head with clear regret.
“We have a few herbalists, but no one who can make proper medicine. Still…… shall I at least fetch some warming herbs? No charge. Hey! Krena! Did you hear? Bring a bundle!”
The old man didn’t even wait for my answer. He called out to one of the men who had been chewing bread and beer since morning. The man glanced at the innkeeper and me, gave a single nod, left his meal unfinished, and walked out.
“That fellow’s part of the village hunting band. They don’t just hunt—they gather mushrooms and herbs too, so he’ll have some dried bundles at home. People get hurt or sick all the time out there.”
“I see…… I’ll have to reward him as well.”
I let out a long, shaky breath. Even speaking a few words left me exhausted. Maybe I really should rest today……
“No, about the money……”
I forced ten small silver coins into the protesting innkeeper’s hand. The moment the herbs arrived I planned to eat them, so I chose a table on the first floor at random and collapsed onto it, cradling my head.
“Ugh…… ow……”
“You really don’t look good, miss.”
“Y-yes…… This is the first time I’ve pushed myself this hard……”
The first time I’ve pushed myself that hard with masturbation, that is.
“I can tell. A young girl like you shouldn’t be traveling in winter without proper preparation.”
The old innkeeper began one of his long lectures, but most of it never reached me. I was too dizzy, face-down on the table.
“That’s why my daughter back then…… Oh, is that you, Krena?”
The door creaked open. A gust of freezing wind swept in, slicing through me like a blade. I hugged my arms to myself and barely managed to lift my head.
Krena stood there with far more herbs than a single bundle and a set of crudely made but thick beast-hide clothes.
The taciturn hunter dropped the bundle and the fur garment onto the table in front of me without a word, then went to the owner and whispered something.
“You’re in luck, miss. That coat is a gift from Krena. He’s surprisingly shy, so he asked me to tell you he’s sorry for speaking through me. And yes, I made sure he received his reward.”
I had been gently rubbing my cheek against the coarse yet soft fur. At those words I looked up at the hunter in surprise. His stiff face was faintly flushed with embarrassment.
“Th-thank you…… But this coat must have been expensive. Are you sure it’s all right for so little? I should give you more money……”
Krena waved his hands wildly in refusal, and the innkeeper stopped me as well.
“You think we’re helping you for a few coins? A little girl traveling alone is both admirable and worrying. That’s why we want to help. So just accept it quietly.”
“Yes…… Thank you so much……”
I answered weakly and collapsed onto the table again. I had no strength left to climb the stairs. I would rest here a little longer……
While I lay there clutching my head, a steaming wooden bowl was set before me.
“Here. I cut up some of those herbs and made a thin porridge with the boiled water. It should ease the headache a little. It’ll serve as a meal, too. I’d love to give you our pride and joy—Eternal Stew—but something that oily would be impossible for you right now, wouldn’t it?”
Lost in pain, I hadn’t even noticed the old man chopping herbs and boiling water.
Eternal Stew. A stew made from whatever ingredients were available, kept simmering forever in a pot that was never allowed to cool. Every inn had its own specialty; it wouldn’t hurt to try one at least once. But as the old man said, I couldn’t manage it now.
I thanked him again, blew on the bitter porridge, and forced it down.
After lying across the table for a long while, I felt somewhat better. Perhaps the herbs were working, or perhaps the warmth in my empty stomach had helped.
Suddenly my mind cleared.
…I think I can walk now. Let’s leave.
I dragged my staggering body upstairs, packed my things at once, and came back down.
The old man—who had assumed I would rest in my room—looked utterly shocked to see me descend with my enormous pack.
“What? Miss!? You’re leaving now? Rest, all right? Is it the room fee? I won’t charge you until you’re better, so just stay! What are you thinking, going out in this weather?”
“Thank you for your concern. But thanks to the porridge you gave me, I feel much better……”
I decided to tell a small lie.
“And I have reasons to hurry my journey. Thank you truly for your hospitality.”
I bowed deeply, slipped the bundle of herbs into my pack, pulled the slightly oversized fur coat over my robe, and began to walk with great effort.
“If you have your reasons, I can’t stop you…… But don’t overdo it, miss. Even strong men die on the road in winter. Be truly careful. I’m sorry I can’t send you off with more food since you’re ill. It weighs on me.”
I answered by summoning a small orb of light above my left hand, then letting it vanish. I forced a smile.
“It’s all right. As you can see, I’m a mage…… I can at least warm my own body.”
I had no choice but to leave even while sick. My mind was in a dangerous state.
Tonight the dining hall downstairs would be noisy again, overflowing with cheerful voices. Hearing them, I would once more surrender to the whispers that came from the darkness. I would go into heat and spend the hours until dawn touching myself all over. There was no doubt about it.
Living that way, my body would never recover. On the contrary, lighting a fire with Perius’s igniter and sleeping by the remote roadside might relieve my fatigue better.
I left the inn, left the tiny village, and walked the wide path that wound between sparsely wooded forest. I did not check my watch constantly, but I kept roughly to a rhythm of thirty minutes walking and five minutes resting—slowly, without pushing myself.
The effect of the herb-boiled water was not particularly strong. By the time the warmth from the hot porridge left my body, I felt no better than if I had never taken the medicine at all.
Of course. It was only folk medicine with a trace of active ingredients, not the refined pharmaceuticals of modern medicine.
And so, in the middle of a journey I could no longer turn back from, I had to keep walking—enduring a throbbing headache and the unpleasant pain that flared every time my clothes brushed my skin.
Even with the fur coat, the cold still seeped through and made me shiver. The weight of my pack, nearly equal to my own body, crushed my trembling legs. I fought to keep them moving.
Yet I could not rest for long. The moment I stopped, the chill invaded my bones and my body grew cold. I had to keep moving, even if it hurt. Every five minutes I regretted not staying at the inn.
At least it was not snowing. If it had been, I would never have left the inn in the first place; I would have spent the entire day melting my sanity with masturbation.
I gritted my teeth and endured until the sun began to sink. Even that was reaching its limit.
“Ugh……”
As my stamina drained, the time between rests grew shorter and shorter. Gazing at the setting sun, I let out a groan, leaned my back against a tree by the roadside, and sank to the ground.
“If it keeps going like this, even if I reach another village with an inn, I’ll only manage a single warm meal before leaving again. Is this really the right choice……”
When the body hurts, the will erodes with it. Perhaps I should spend the night masturbating if I must, but rest at least one full night at the next inn……
While I was thinking that, a dull pain struck my lower abdomen.
“Ugh!!”
Had something gone wrong inside me? Had I been carrying an injury I didn’t know about? Or was this not a simple cold from fatigue but something far more serious? All sorts of thoughts swirled through my mind, but—
When I looked down without thinking, I understood the source of the pain.
Blood……
A crimson stain had soaked the white skirt between my legs. I also felt an unpleasant, sticky sensation as if something were flowing out. The meaning was unmistakable.
“Haha……”
The woman’s cycle that I had not paid the slightest attention to for nearly three years had returned. And at the worst possible moment.
Come to think of it, yesterday’s fever had not been mere illness. It must have overlapped with the premenstrual symptoms.
When Pirel had her first period, I had taken such devoted care of her. I had even obtained sanitary products from the innkeeper’s wife for her. Yet I had prepared nothing for myself.
Because time rewinding had become such a complete habit, I had lived without ever imagining the power might suddenly vanish. Was I receiving punishment for that now……?
“This is truly the worst……”
Even so, I could only keep walking. I endured the terrible discomfort flowing between my legs on top of the fever, the stiff, cold texture of the blood-soaked skirt hardening in the winter wind, and the cramping menstrual pain that felt as if it were wringing me dry.
While even a sliver of sun remained, one more step.
When I suddenly came to my senses, I was kneeling in the middle of the road. I didn’t know whether I had fallen, collapsed, or briefly lost consciousness.
What do I do…… My legs won’t move. But if I lie down here without even spreading my sleeping bag, I’ll…… die……
I felt it with painful clarity. The single thread that had allowed this frail girl’s body—weaker than average—to endure every cruel ordeal until now had been that ability granted by the being beyond.
Now that the power I had depended on so completely was gone, I had become this weak from nothing more than a cold and menstrual pain—a useless woman who could not even take a proper step.
Various misfortunes have overlapped to worsen my condition, but even so, it can’t be so bad that I can’t put any strength into my legs……
Thinking that, I tried to rise from my kneeling position, but my trembling legs refused to obey. I pitched forward and fell.
The freezing cold of the hardened earth seeped into my face. The dusty, bitter taste of dirt filled my mouth. I clenched my fists and struggled. The luggage pressing down on my back was unbearably heavy.
It could not be this bad from a mere cold. Had the fatigue accumulated over more than a month of travel weakened me this much?
What do I do…… I have to…… get up……
Yes, I have to get up…… but……
Why…… am I…… lying here…… in this cold place……?