If You Mess with a Witch in a Bad Mood, You're Fucked
"Oh my!"
The royal guards were closing in at a terrifying speed. Killing intent blazed in their eyes. Why were they chasing us like they wanted us dead?
"Why are the royal guards after us? What did you do?"
"It wasn't anything bad... just a little misunderstanding with my friend."
"A misunderstanding? Can't you just clear it up? Talk it out like normal people."
"The problem is that the talking tends to turn physical."
"Oh dear... Then we really can't get caught!"
Sylvia and I ran without any real plan. I wasn't thinking about where to flee. But after sprinting for a while, we somehow ended up at the doctor's mansion.
Ding-ding. I rang the small bell several times until the butler came out to greet us.
"Hurry, inside, quickly!"
"I-is something wrong, sir?"
"No time to explain. The royal guards are chasing us."
We slipped into the mansion and hid the moment we crossed the threshold. Because of that, the guards simply charged right past the building.
"Have they left?"
"Yes. You may come out now."
"Thank you. I nearly got caught back there. Did the girl who came with me make it inside?"
"She did. She arrived earlier and hasn't stepped outside all day."
"Ah... I see. Thank you."
Sylvia and I strolled through the mansion's garden for a while before settling on a wooden bench.
"So what exactly is going on?"
"It's... actually related to the favor I wanted to ask you."
"What kind of favor?"
"We're trying to find some fruit jelly."
"Oh dear. I'm afraid I can't make that right now."
"Yes... I know. Do you remember the friend who was with me last time?"
"Of course I remember."
"That friend... remembered the fruit jelly her father used to give her as a child. That's why we came looking for it..."
"Oh no... Then your father..."
"Ugh..."
I pinched the bridge of my nose and let a few tears slip. Sylvia's gaze softened with sympathy.
"You poor thing..."
"There's no way around it. Lucas banned all the ingredients, and things aren't exactly friendly between us. It's so frustrating..."
"Goodness... Your friend must be devastated."
"So, Lady Sylvia... I'm sorry to ask, but could I trouble you with one request?"
"What is it...?"
Taking the risk, I asked Sylvia for a single favor. It was simple: persuade Lucas one more time. It was a long shot, but nothing else had come to mind.
Sylvia didn't answer right away. After a long pause, she finally said she would think about it.
"I'm sorry for not being able to give you a clear answer."
"Not at all. I completely understand."
"Good. But if I do grant your request, may I ask one favor from you in return?"
"What would that be?"
"I'll tell you when the time comes."
"Of course. Anything at all."
With those words, Sylvia headed back home. I watched her leave before returning inside the mansion.
Ah... I left the chicken soup behind. The witch must be hungry by now...
Inside, the old man was still suffering from his cold.
"Are you still unwell?"
"Allen, you've returned... I'm all right. Did you find any?"
"Not yet. It looks like it'll take some time."
"I see. The witch must be terribly disappointed."
"I'm searching for another way, so I should be able to get it soon."
"I'll look into other options as well. By the way, when do you plan to head back?"
"Hmm... I'll need to return tomorrow for now."
"Understood. I'll do what I can to secure some before your next visit."
"I'd really appreciate it."
After the brief exchange with the old man, I made my way to the witch's room.
Knock, knock. I rapped on the door.
"Witch."
No answer. I turned the handle.
Creak.
"Witch."
When I opened the door, she was crouched on the bed with her face buried in her arms.
"Witch... why are you sitting like that?"
"..."
"Witch?"
I approached and gently shook her shoulder.
"Let go."
"Huh...?"
"Get your hand off my shoulder."
"What's wrong? Did something happen?"
"..."
The witch didn't seem to be in a good mood at all. What had I done this time? I'd been running all over the place trying to get her that damn fruit jelly. Why was she acting like this?
"Just tell me what's going on."
"Forget it. Get out."
"...Why are you being like this?"
"I said forget it. Get out. Go eat with that bitch from earlier for all I care."
"What? You finished?"
"I'm finished. Get lost before I slice your throat open."
"Ha... Fine. I'm going. I'm gone."
What the hell was wrong with her? I'd bent over backward for her more times than I could count. Was I her personal slave? She really did whatever she wanted.
I slammed the door hard and left. Continuing the conversation felt like it might actually end with my head rolling. There was no point trying to talk to her right now.
The next day, we left the old man's mansion without exchanging a single word. The sheep needed feeding and chores had piled up back home, so we decided to return first.
After bidding the old man farewell and stepping outside the village, Sylvia came out to see us off.
"Allen!"
"Ah, Lady Sylvia."
"Have a safe journey. I'll think about the request you made, so please don't worry."
"Thank you. I really appreciate it."
As she saw us off, Sylvia pulled me into a warm hug.
"Hmph."
The witch saw it, turned on her heel, and started walking ahead without us.
"Wait for me. Lady Sylvia, I'll see you next time I'm down here."
"Yes! Safe travels!"
I hurried after the witch.
After passing through the checkpoint and reaching the spot where we'd left the cart...
"Witch, are you getting on?"
"No. You pull the cart."
"Fine by me. It's easier that way."
I pulled the cart in silence.
Thud. Suddenly the witch climbed up onto the cart.
"Hey, why? I thought you weren't riding."
"Shut up. I can't stand watching you be comfortable."
"Tsk. Why the sudden mood swing?"
"Because if you're comfortable you'll just go hook up with that bitch again."
"Hook up? It's not like that at all."
She kept spouting nonsense about "hooking up." She was the one treating me like a slave from the start. That kind of talk was for people who actually liked each other.
I pulled the cart in silence for a long while. Eventually I stopped to let the sweat cool and feel the breeze. Once we crossed this hill, we'd be home.
Clop, clop, clop... The sound of horse hooves.
Huh? Something was coming up the hill from below. A huge cloud of dust made it hard to see clearly.
"Something's coming."
When I spoke, the witch looked down as well.
"It's those guys from yesterday."
"The royal guards?"
"Yeah. There's one wearing armor too."
Was that Lucas? What was he doing here?
Soon a hundred armed royal guards and Lucas on horseback approached us.
"Criminal Allen, halt where you are."
"Criminal? What crime have I committed?"
"Insolence! For the crimes of insulting the royal guards and violating the lord's woman, we intend to escort you back to the village. Criminal, kneel!"
The guards drew their swords and stepped forward. Their eyes then turned to the witch.
"Arrest that bitch too. She's definitely a witch. There's no way we would have been defeated so easily otherwise."
"Be careful. She's a suspicious one."
Ah... Please don't do this. The witch is already in a terrible mood today. Just leave us alone.
"L-Lucas, why are you doing this? There's no need for bloodshed."
"Be quiet. I've heard everything. You held hands with Sylvia and ran away together. What exactly is your relationship?"
"When did I ever hold hands with her?"
At the mention of holding hands, the witch shot me a sharp glare.
Witch... it's not true. It's really not. Please don't look at me like that.
"Not only did you dare mock the royal guards, but you also laid your hands on the woman I love?"
"What are you talking about? That's not true. And it seems like you're the only one who loves her."
"Wh-what... w-what did you say? How would you know how Sylvia feels?"
"I know, you idiot. Let's just go quietly today."
"Go quietly? I don't think so. Everyone, deal with them."
The royal guards raised their swords and advanced on the witch. She let out a small, cold laugh.
"You're laughing at us? You must be insane."
No, you're the insane ones... Don't provoke her...
"Foolish humans."
"Human fools? As expected, she really is a witch. But no witch can stand against us. Attack!"
The moment dozens of blades flew toward the witch's neck...
Slice.
It happened in the blink of an eye. The heads of the surrounding royal guards floated into the air. Blood sprayed in every direction, showering us like a crimson downpour.
"Uh... uh? Aaaargh!"
Thud.
I collapsed in terror. The headless corpses fell with me.
"Wh-what is this... H-hey! Quickly, kill the witch!"
"Surround that bitch—urk..."
Crack. The sickening sound of necks snapping. It was a scene too gruesome to watch with open eyes. The witch rampaged through the dozens of royal guards in a frenzy. The whistle of arrows flew for a moment, but human screams quickly replaced them. By the time the sounds of slicing flesh and breaking bones began to fade...
"S-spare me..."
I'd been trembling behind the cart, but Lucas's desperate voice snapped me back to reality. He was begging. The witch was heading straight for him.
"W-witch, stop!"
I jumped up and shouted at her. Lucas had fallen from his horse and was shaking with fear. My own limbs trembled so badly I could barely walk toward her.
"Stop?"
"Yes... spare Lucas."
"Why?"
"Just... spare him."
"You said he was tormenting you."
"Even so, spare him. Lucas isn't really a bad kid."
"No. I'm killing him. I won't listen to you."
"W-witch, please. Just this once. I'll listen to everything you say from now on."
The witch approached me as I knelt. Seeing her drenched in blood made my trembling uncontrollable.
"Look at me."
"Y-yeah..."
"Then look only at me."
"Huh? Okay. I'm looking."
"Good."
She stroked my cheek with a blood-soaked hand. It felt sticky. The metallic stench of blood filled my nose. She gave a small smirk, stood up, and walked up the hill first.
Once she was gone, I rose and approached Lucas.
"What... what are you going to do with me now?"
Lucas asked, voice quivering with fear.
"What am I going to do? Have you eaten yet?"
"Fuck. You're asking if I've eaten in the middle of a corpse field? Those words actually come out of your mouth?"
"If it bothers you, too bad. They were just using you anyway."
"Who was being used?!"
"Get up. We have things to talk about."
I offered him my hand. Lucas took it and stood. We walked carefully around the bodies. His legs were so weak he had to lean on my shoulder the entire way.