Just for Tonight
A familiar voice drifted through the apartment.
In that instant only one person came to mind. Come to think of it, there was one other soul besides me who might turn up at this place.
"...Jia. What are you doing at Dad's again?"
"It's break, and I was bored, so I came by."
"Come on... it's not exactly a short trip from your house to here. And if you're coming over, at least call ahead."
Jia slid the door open and stepped out into the entryway almost at once. Seeing my daughter's familiar face again brought a wash of relief, but the fluster kept circling in my chest all the same.
"If I called first, where's the fun in that? I wanted to surprise you, so I snuck over."
"You scared me half to death. Last time, and now this... I was about to call the police, thinking someone had broken in."
"A burglar? That's a bit much. I already came by once. The only person who'd show up is your daughter — you should've expected at least that much."
"Even so, it's not a normal distance from your place to here."
"If I set my mind to it, it's not like I can't make it, right? The subway runs the whole way."
"Don't waste the time after the college entrance exam. It's precious, and it won't come again..."
"How is coming to see you wasting it? This is the most worthwhile way to spend it."
"I appreciate you saying that, but Dad's busy commuting too. I barely get to see your face."
"But we're seeing each other right now, aren't we?"
Watching my daughter refuse to yield a single inch, I thought, yeah — she's mine, all right. It reminded me, somehow, of fighting with my wife back in the day, and the feeling carried a faint taste of nostalgia. Her mother's genes really had come through intact. Unlike when I was dealing with my wife, though, I couldn't bring myself to say anything harsh, and it left me feeling as if I were losing every round.
"You could've at least called. I had plans today and got back late."
"That's fair. I just assumed you'd be home before seven. What kind of plans?"
"Nothing much. Dinner with someone from work."
"I see."
As she said it, a strange look crossed Jia's face, and she pressed her cheek to my coat. Then she sniffed, nose working. What is she doing all of a sudden?
"Was the person you ate with a woman?"
"Uh... yeah. A woman. How'd you know?"
"I can smell cosmetics."
"Isn't that just food? It shouldn't have clung."
"It barely did, but there's a little on you. I checked, just in case."
If I'd met a girlfriend and held her hand, maybe. All we'd done was eat. There shouldn't have been any chance for perfume to stick, and the fact that she'd nailed it sent a chill through me. Jia said as much, then added one more line with that same odd look.
"Dad. I don't really mind."
"What are you talking about all of a sudden?"
"You're still in your thirties, and I'm an adult now. You and Mom broke up, and that's that. Starting over with someone else doesn't really matter to me. That's all."
"...I appreciate that, but sorry — it is absolutely not what you're thinking, so don't worry about it. She's really just someone from work, and the age gap is big enough that she's closer to your side than mine. A young subordinate."
"Wow, that makes it even more suspicious, Dad. You were out drinking alone with a girl my age in the middle of the night?"
"Don't put it like that. It sounds weird. And how did you know I'd been drinking, anyway?"
"Your clothes smell a little like alcohol too."
"How are you catching all of that?"
Does she have a sensor in her nose? It was one bottle of soju split between the two of us — barely a drink with dinner — so it was strange there was any smell at all. And yet she'd sniffed it out like a ghost. Neither my wife nor I were the type with a particularly sharp nose. ...Wait. Thinking about it, my genes don't even factor in. So was it her biological father's side that carried the keen sense of smell?
"That was a close one, Dad. If I'd shown up without any tact, I might've ruined your fresh start."
"I told you it's not like that... We both live in studios, eating dinner alone felt awkward, so we ate together. And the drinking was half a bottle of soju. That's it."
It felt strangely like an interrogation. Jia had started writing her own novel in her head, and she didn't look as if she believed a word of it.
"And what 'close one'? Like you said, a daughter visiting her dad's place isn't some huge deal."
"Still, you might've brought a woman back to your room."
"Jia, just how far is your imagination going..."
The fact that we were even having this conversation felt unreal. We were joking, but it also made me turn over the fact that I really had divorced my wife. Was I still holding on to something, even now? Better not think too hard about it.
"It is absolutely not the kind of relationship you're imagining, and I have no intention of seeing another woman."
"The more aggressively you deny it, the more suspicious it sounds."
"I'm not joking. I mean it."
"Yeah, yeah. I got it."
She clearly didn't believe me at all.
Even so, the fact that Jia could tease me like this meant the emotional rift wasn't that deep, and part of me was relieved. It meant our family situation hadn't gone so far off the rails that she couldn't even bring it up.
Honestly, for me and for Yuna, a divorce would have been the end of it. What had worried me most, leaving that household behind, was Jia. Being told she wasn't their biological daughter. It was the kind of melodramatic twist you'd only see in a drama, but if it was real, it stopped being a comedy and became a tragedy. Better not dwell on that either. There was something more important right in front of me.
"Anyway, Jia — how were you planning to get home tonight?"
"Obviously I'm sleeping here and leaving in the morning."
"And you think Dad's going to allow that?"
"Then what, Dad? You're going to look at the daughter who waited until this hour and tell her to turn around and go?"
"...It's not that, but."
Saying it out loud, it did feel pretty harsh. If I'd gotten a proper place — even a small apartment — I wouldn't have worried about putting Jia up for the night. But this was a studio. One blanket. One pillow. Not a space you could call fit for a guest at all. I worried she'd be uncomfortable.
"Want a motel instead?"
"No. Even if you offer to put me in a taxi home, I won't get in."
"You want to sleep here that badly? It'll be uncomfortable. And there's only one blanket, and not enough pillows."
"What do you even think of your own daughter? You could toss me on the floor and I'd sleep just fine and get up on my own, so don't worry."
"I'm not... planning to make you sleep like that. Obviously."
I hadn't expected her to listen, but Jia was even more stubborn than I'd thought. She looked absolutely certain she was sleeping here no matter what. Force her out after a reaction like this, and this time she might actually sulk. Resigned, I told her reluctantly.
"Fine. Just tonight. You sleep over, and that's it."
"Yeah, yeah."
"And you get your mom's permission."
"Of course, Dad. Don't you trust me?"
Of course I didn't. She still spoke to me with careful politeness, and on the surface she seemed overflowing with manners, but the truth was that if Jia wanted something, she got it done no matter what. Looking at her like this, she was unmistakably Yuna's daughter. I never would have thought that just because she couldn't stay over last time, she'd wait until this hour. Still, the fact that she kept showing me this much attention wasn't entirely unwelcome. I'd more or less assumed that given time, she'd cut me off completely. In her own way, she was probably worried about me living alone. Thinking of it like that, my grumbling sounded like the complaint of a man who didn't know how lucky he was. I was supposed to grow old slowly as a single man with nothing but his years. But the bond with my daughter hadn't been severed yet.
Since Jia had come, I cranked the boiler, which I usually kept low. Normally I didn't even turn it on and just got by with an electric mat, but there was no need for that today. I'd decided to change into something comfortable, and I was halfway out of my clothes in front of Jia when I froze. She was an adult now. Changing right in front of her felt a little off. I considered stepping into the bathroom, but that seemed like making too much of a fuss. There wasn't much room to change in there anyway, and I might get wet.
"What's wrong, Dad?"
Maybe because I'd stopped mid-change, Jia asked, puzzled.
"Dad's going to change real quick. Mind turning around?"
At that, Jia burst out laughing.
"Oh, that's what it was? Don't worry so much, Dad. We're family. What's the big deal?"
When she put it like that, I had nothing to say. The shirt didn't bother me much, but the bottoms left me a little self-conscious. I wished she'd look away the whole time I changed. Bringing it up would only make things awkward, so I didn't.
"Your at-home fashion hasn't changed one bit, Dad."
All I'd changed into was a T-shirt and shorts anyway. Jia stroked my arm as if the sight of me in fresh clothes were somehow fascinating.
"I'm home alone. Comfortable clothes win."
I said it while peeling her hand off my arm. She didn't like that, and her lips pushed out in a pout.
"Is that how you treat a daughter you haven't seen in ages? You even made me wait until this hour."
"We just saw each other last time."
"That's so mean. A kid who couldn't see her dad for a year misses him this much, and you can't even give her a warm word, even an empty one?"
She wasn't wrong, but if I answered every line like this I'd never get anything done. I ignored Jia and opened the closet. Fortunately, when I'd bought a new blanket last time, a spare had been left over. I'd only ever thought of it as something taking up space that I ought to throw out, and thanks to today it looked as if it would finally get some use.
"What? There was another blanket?"
"Huh. There was."
"I got excited thinking I'd be sleeping with you..."
"If the bed were a little bigger, maybe, but it's a real single. One person fills it. Seriously, no."
I didn't understand why she kept saying she wanted to sleep beside me. It would only be uncomfortable for both of us. Hadn't she even hit puberty? Then again, watching how she acted with her mom, it seemed she had, and plenty. Strangely, she had never once been prickly with me — not even in middle school.
"More importantly, Jia, don't you have anything to change into?"