Those Who Wish to Be Forgotten (2)
Shhh. The night breeze rustled pleasantly through the grass and leaves. This place felt nothing like the Graveyard, where only gray concrete had stretched as far as the eye could see. It had been so long since he last gazed peacefully at the night sky that he could scarcely remember when. Every day had been an extension of the front lines, after all. This feels rather novel, Lutus thought.
"Wow, Commander. Look at that. The moon is so bright tonight."
"So it is."
"The lake! I want to see the lake too!"
At the unusually eager voice, Lutus let out a soft chuckle and stepped closer to the railing. The view was indeed quite different from the daytime. Moonlight shimmered across the water's surface, and yellow evening primroses blooming along the shore swayed gently in the breeze. Lutus simply took in the scene in silence. Arhen, who had been chattering beside him, seemed utterly captivated by the view and fell quiet as well.
He found himself imagining it—children with hair just like his wife's, running along the lakeshore. He would take his son fishing by the water every weekend, and he would weave pretty flower crowns for his daughter from the evening primroses. They would all be happy together. Peaceful, without a single worry. The thought brought an unconscious smile to Lutus's lips.
"…So, Arhen, what did we decide about the house?"
Lutus turned his head and asked. But no one was there. Only a single tree, grown wild and untended, stood alone.
"…"
Another illusion. The moment he realized it, the warmth at his fingertips faded. Her voice, which had eased his heart, sank back into the depths of his unconscious. Unbearable silence and pain once again swallowed Lutus Edan's mind. His lips went dry. Of course. After everything that had happened, there was no way Arhen could be by his side. Lutus reached into his coat for a cigarette, driven by a burning thirst. It was the same harsh brand he had always smoked—a desperate measure to relieve the stress that built up on the battlefield drenched in gunfire. The war was over, so there was no longer any need, but old habits were hard to break.
Click. A blue flame rose from the old metal lighter. He lit the cigarette between his lips, and thick smoke was drawn down his throat.
"Hah…"
He exhaled a long breath. Lutus blew out the smoke and looked back at the lake. The scenery that had seemed so beautiful moments ago now looked unbearably lonely. A full moon hung in the starless night sky.
"…"
He could not forget. That smile. That voice. That scent. At the same time, he remembered her death, the blood, the tears, the screams laced with agony. The voice that had whispered love was Arhen's final, broken gasp. The touch of a hand was Leah's, enduring horrific torture at the hands of a Titan. The tears soaking his collar belonged to Charlotte, who blamed herself for failing to save everyone. The screams that echoed endlessly were those of the countless soldiers and subordinates who had died over and over again.
Even after leaving the Graveyard, the memories of countless regressions clung to him like ghosts. It was no surprise that specters would haunt him after spending so long among the graves. Maybe I should just die like this. The building looked quite tall at a glance. If he fell headfirst, it would be instant death. Yet fear held him back. What if this cursed ability activated once more? What if he returned to before the victory and had to face them all again? Could he endure it? No. It was already this painful now; it would be several times worse then.
Lutus crushed the burnt-out cigarette under his heel. He had already decided not to do anything he would regret. If he had intended to turn back, he would have held onto Arhen at the Graveyard. The moment he pushed her hand away, he had already crossed a river of no return. In exchange, he could smoke as much as he wanted. There was no one left to scold him now.
Just as he was about to light another cigarette, a rustling sound came from the grass—an artificial noise that did not belong to the night. Reflexively clenching his fists and assuming a defensive stance, Lutus locked eyes with a woman who emerged from the overgrown bushes.
"…"
"……"
She froze, startled. Though it was night, the bright moonlight made it easy to recognize her. It was the survivor from Forbidden Lake he had encountered a few hours earlier—Karin Maven. Had she come out to see the moon as well? Perhaps he was the one intruding on someone's peaceful rest. Lutus returned the cigarette to its pack.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you."
Even as director, he was still an outsider who had rolled in uninvited. Lutus had no desire to interfere in their daily lives. Unlike earlier, when she had only cried, Karin Maven now averted her gaze and forced herself to speak.
"…A-are you the new commander who was just assigned?"
"Something like that."
"Ah… I'm sorry. During the day, I… wasn't in the right state of mind."
Lutus did not press further. He simply nodded, as if he understood. When one was barely managing to take care of oneself, there was no room to worry about others. Since he had not asked for the director's position, he had no intention of being strict. Especially not now that the war was over.
"You… can smoke if you want. I'll be heading down soon anyway."
Shhh. As Karin stepped fully out of the grass, her appearance was revealed completely. Her figure, which had been hard to see while she was crouched, was far worse than he had expected. Her arms were painfully thin, her shoulders hunched. Her hair was unkempt and frizzy from long neglect, and her eyes were dull. The way she subtly wrapped her arms around herself suggested she might have been self-harming. Even in the northern hemisphere's cool summer, long sleeves were still a bit warm for the season. But it was not his concern. Her life was her own. As an outsider who did not even know her face or name properly, any interference would only burden her—just as it had been for Lutus himself. That is, until the sound of her stomach growling reached his ears.
"…Ah."
Karin quickly stepped back, embarrassed. Lutus, who had been debating whether to take out a cigarette, ultimately slipped the pack back into his pocket. Given what he had seen of their stored food supplies, it was unlikely she had been eating proper meals.
"Let's head down together."
"H-huh?!"
"I haven't had dinner either. No matter what, one has to eat."
Lutus spoke and began walking without hesitation.
"If you don't feel like it, you don't have to come."
Karin hesitated, then reluctantly followed behind him.
===
Lutus tied the apron tightly around his waist. It was a green apron that matched well with the olive-drab T-shirt he wore. A former general and current field-grade officer wearing an apron was quite an unusual sight. In the Graveyard, where the commander and even the lowest-ranking privates had been like family, it would not have been strange. But Karin could only stare at Lutus with wide, dazed eyes.
"Wait just a moment. There aren't many ingredients in this fortress to begin with, so I'm not sure what I can make."
Supreme Commander Arthur Philias had promised various conveniences, but everything required proper procedures. For the time being, they would have to make do with whatever was on hand. With so few mouths to feed, it was not particularly difficult.
Lutus Edan, apron and all, rummaged through the shelves of the communal kitchen. The boiler was functioning normally, so there should be no issues with the gas supply inside the fortress. As long as the gas worked and there were decent ingredients, cooking was not a complicated task for Lutus. The abilities he had gained over forty regressions were not limited to combat alone.
His eyes landed on a pack of dried pasta. A staple preserved food with versatile cooking methods, it was perfect for military rations. Lutus picked up the pasta and asked Karin,
"Do you like pasta?"
"…Ah. Y-yes, I do."
"Good."
If it had not been pasta, he would have been in trouble, as there were no other usable ingredients. Lutus nodded and placed a pot full of water on the stove. While pasta could be prepared in many ways, with the ingredients available, aglio e olio was the only option. Cream pasta required milk and whipped cream, tomato pasta obviously needed tomato sauce, and rose pasta required both. In the end, the only dish he could make was aglio e olio, using olive oil, garlic, and basic spices.
Once the menu was decided, Lutus cooked without hesitation. He boiled the noodles in the pot and poured olive oil into a large wok. Thinly sliced garlic flakes were added as well. From the knife work to the stir-frying, Lutus's movements were almost like those of a professional chef. Even Karin, who had no particular interest in cooking, could easily tell that he was very skilled.
In no time at all, the aglio e olio—made with oil, perfectly cooked noodles, and pasta water—was complete. It was the most basic version, without parsley, cheese, or bacon, but even that was enough to whet Karin's appetite after days of hunger.
Gulp. Karin swallowed dryly. She had followed him on impulse and was still debating whether she should eat when a steaming bowl of pasta appeared before her.
"Ah…"
It had been so long since she had seen a proper meal instead of preserved food or combat rations. But Karin did not need to worry.
"It's been a while since you've had a decent meal. From now on, I'll prepare dinner at this time, so come and eat."
At those words, she looked up at the man wearing the green apron. So he had not been suggesting they eat together. As if to confirm it, Lutus lifted the remaining pasta in the wok and said,
"You can eat here or take it with you. Either way is fine. I'll be eating in my office, so just leave the dishes in the sink when you're done."
And that was truly the end of it. Without any further conversation, Lutus took his portion and left the kitchen. Karin stared blankly at the director's retreating back, then carefully picked up her utensils and tasted the pasta.
"……"
It had been months since she last ate real food.
"It's delicious…"
The meal prepared by the newly assigned commander tasted even better than she had expected.