The Name That Shouldn't Be Spoken
The Graveyard Preservation Record – 34th (3)
Titans were fundamentally organic beings.
Their fluid form resembled sticky slime, and after three days of molting, they evolved into something akin to larvae.
People called them the weak.
From that point, Titans strengthened their genetic traits in various ways, consuming surrounding metals to alter their forms.
By size, they were classified as Micro / Ultra-small, Small, Medium, Medium-Large, Large, Giant, and Super-Giant / Colossal.
By morphology, they were divided into plant-type, insect-type, mollusk-type, reptile-type, mammal-type, and machine-type.
Why Titans assumed the shapes of animals and plants had never been clearly determined.
Yet Titans possessed those biological characteristics.
However, what stood before Lutus Edan was unlike any Titan he had ever seen.
It unmistakably took the form of a human.
Organs were visible as well.
The grotesque mass of flesh, eerily mimicking a woman's shape—perhaps it had once been an actual body—traced smooth, streamlined curves.
And countless machines and wires connected to that flesh.
It was too realistic to be mere imitation.
Too grotesque to accept as reality.
Above all, the fact that it wore Leah's appearance on the outside was the most horrifying of all.
Why?
Why did she look like that?
What in the world had happened?
Faced with something he could only recognize as a Titan, Lutus instinctively drew his gun.
Beep-beep-beep. Beep-beep.
At the same moment, the bio-disruption device that had been running shut down.
The "thing" that had been wandering the parade ground like a zombie snapped its head toward Lutus.
Yellow eyes flashed. When her mouth opened, a crackling mechanical voice spilled out.
"Is… anyone… there? Save… me…"
Lutus's hand trembled violently.
The face he had desperately tried to deny appeared clearly before his eyes.
"Leah."
The name slipped out before he could stop it.
And as if recognizing that name, it—no, she—began walking toward Lutus.
"Leah! Leah!!"
Click. He chambered a round.
Fear engulfed Lutus.
"Leahaaaaah—!!!!"
It was not the Titan that terrified him.
What terrified him was having to acknowledge that this monster was her, having to shoot her with his own hands, and being unable to even imagine what she had endured while he wandered lost in the labyrinth.
Lutus was afraid beyond what he could accept.
Three pairs of sky-blue tentacles sprouted from Leah's back and swayed.
"Ah, wh-what… are you… doing…?"
"Kill… me… Please… just kill… me…"
"Leah… I'm sorry. Leah…!!"
Bang!!!!
Lutus squeezed his eyes shut and pulled the trigger.
The bullet from the pistol pierced her forehead cleanly.
"Kyaaaaaaaah!!! Aaaaaaaaah!!! It hurts, it hurts so much!! What are you doing?! What are you doinggggggg!!!!!!"
She screamed.
As if answering, Lutus let out a roar of agony.
"You goddamn bastards!! You fucking pieces of shit!!!!"
Bang!! Bang!! Bang!!
Fire spewed endlessly from the muzzle.
"It hurts, it hurts!! Lutus, Lutus… where did you go… You said you'd protect us… from those monsters…!! It hurts, it hurts so much!!! Kyaaaaaaaah!!!"
Bang, bang! Bang!!! Bang!! Bang!!! Bang!!! Bang!!
"Fuck, fuck!! You fucking bastards!!! Fuck!!"
Desperate curses drowned out the gunfire.
When the shots finally ceased, Leah's screams ceased with them.
Lutus's vision had turned blood-red.
The blood vessels in his right eye had all burst.
"You fucking bastards… you fucking… bastards!!"
Lutus threw the pistol away.
He gripped the plasma knives strapped to his thighs tightly in both hands.
Drawn by the gunfire that shook the ruined fortress, Titans began pouring out.
They all wore familiar faces.
Lutus tore his clothes and covered his ruptured eye.
He could not die until he granted them rest.
And he had to confirm Akasha, to burn into his eyes exactly what had happened here.
Only then…
Only then could he move forward to the next time.
Only then could he move forward together with everyone.
Only then could he avoid seeing this wretched sight again.
"C-Commander…!!"
"G-Graaaaaah—!!!"
Lutus charged into the swarm of Titans.
He etched every name and face into his memory: Houston of the 1st Battalion, Porco of Communications, Lucy of the Supply Corps, Helian of Intelligence, Bernot, Justia, Erewen, Hobbs, Jack, and Marian of Operations.
He willingly shouldered their pain once more in a regression that would be forgotten again.
He severed the sky-blue tentacles. Leaping over decapitated corpses, he drove his dagger into the crown of Hubert of the 4th Battalion.
He cut down Aslan of the Artillery rushing from the flank, kicked the screaming creature down, and crushed the heart that had been replaced by machinery.
After thousands of strikes and dismantling hundreds of Titans single-handedly, he reached the deepest part of the Graveyard.
His arms would not move properly. The muscles were completely torn.
His legs were the same; it was a miracle they still moved.
Yet even here, there was no rest.
Giant eggs filled the space around Akasha.
"Ha… haha…"
Lutus let out a dry laugh at the sight of his subordinates mutating into horrific forms inside the translucent eggs.
Of course.
His lovers, who would have defended the fortress to the very end, were here as well.
"Arhen, Charlotte… So you were here too…"
He staggered toward the giant eggs and stroked their surfaces.
Bubbles rose from the mouths of the naked women inside.
Were they still alive?
It was over now.
Such a horrific regression must never exist again.
"Akasha. The 34th regression ends here."
Voice identification in progress. Confirmed: Fortress Commander Lutus Edan.
Regression termination declaration confirmed. Beginning memory synchronization.
Lutus collapsed in front of Akasha and rummaged through his pockets.
With trembling hands, he placed a crumpled cigarette between his lips and lit it.
Memory synchronization complete. Graveyard self-destruct sequence activated.
10. 9. 8. 7….
"This life was a goddamn mess too…"
He uttered the final words that had become a habit.
You have worked hard in this life as well.
Offer your life for humanity.
A massive explosion blew away Lutus Edan's consciousness.
***
When the playback of all those memories finally ended, Leah Gilliard was already running, having left the fortress behind.
She had to find him.
She had to find Lutus Edan and hold him tightly in her arms.
The man who had risen above all those horrific memories, who had seized victory with nothing but the resolve not to burden them again.
She had to embrace her beloved tightly.
She had to heal his wounded heart.
She had to become his strength.
She had to pour out love many times greater than the sins she had committed, greater than everything she had failed to give him until now.
Please.
Please, just give me one more chance.
"Kyaa?!"
Thud.
Leah tripped over a rock she had not seen and lost her balance.
She tumbled across the ground.
Her face slammed into the mud; branches cut her cheeks.
She felt no pain at all.
Rather, she wished she could feel pain.
Her chest hurt so much it felt like it would tear apart, and if things continued like this, she truly felt she would die.
"Aah, ah… Aaaaaah—!!!"
She wanted to see him. She wanted to see him so badly it drove her mad. She wanted to call his name. She wanted to hear that sweet voice whispering her name.
She wanted to share jokes over dinner. Since the war was over, she wanted to take him to a fancy restaurant and splurge shamelessly together. She wanted to pay the bill herself. She wanted to see the surprised look on his face when she secretly paid while he was in the restroom.
She wanted to go to an amusement park too. She wanted to see him smiling brightly with joy. She wanted to stroll through the city, enjoying a cup of coffee at a nice café while watching the people on the street.
She wanted to go shopping. She wanted to buy alluring clothes she would only show him, then show them to him that night. She wanted to embrace him while watching his startled expression.
She wanted to wake up in the morning, brush their messy hair together, and brush their teeth. Then, when their eyes met, she wanted to share a natural kiss.
She wanted to see him off to work, prepare a delicious dinner when he returned, and share the details of their ordinary days.
But.
"I… I…"
She could not.
That life was not permitted to her.
It was just as he had said.
Lutus Edan had reclaimed the freedom he had so desperately desired.
He would leave behind the horrific, wretched military and live each day with a woman who suited him.
Every life Leah Gilliard had wished for was a dream that could never come true.
The moment she realized that, tears began to stream from her eyes.
Before she knew it, the risen sun was brightly illuminating the sky.
Yet Leah Gilliard remained trapped in the shadows.