Lingering Embers (4)
Adelaide... Adel.
Even if I didn't know Adelaide, the name Adel was familiar.
She was famous for being a heroine who hanged herself at the drop of a hat.
And she always did it after pretending to be so bright and cheerful.
If life got just a little more suffocating, if her father tightened the noose just a bit more, or if her reputation took a hit—even though she acted like she didn't care about what others thought—she would inevitably kill herself.
If I were like the protagonists of some other stories who memorized every detail of the game, things might be different. But I didn't know what Adel liked, what she disliked, or how to romance her.
Which meant I had no way of helping her.
It wasn't as if I could look at a walkthrough guide and pick the right choices. No list of options was going to pop up in front of my eyes.
"By the way... I heard you caused quite a stir yesterday?"
"Did something happen yesterday?"
"Oh, nothing much. Just that everyone is making a fuss about a certain war hero brutally beating down three knights. I was curious, so I thought I'd ask."
Seeing that I was reluctant to answer, the girl smoothly changed the subject.
"Well, since we're going to end up together anyway, shall we call each other by our first names? You can call me Adel if you want."
The petulant pout she wore just moments ago had vanished, replaced by a playful grin.
"My lady."
"...Yes? Like I said, you can just call me by my name."
"Do you really think we will end up together?"
"Of course we will. Even my father thinks that meeting a man from the Gryan family might calm me down a bit."
Adelaide lifted her teacup and took a small sip.
"Besides, compared to that Roselyn woman, I might not measure up, but in the end... you were sent here by your family head too, weren't you?"
"I've already been half-banished from the Gryan family. I'll likely have to live in the Capital."
"...I suppose that makes sense. Otherwise, there's no way someone from the Gryan family would come to us. But that's fine!"
"Even if I intend to cut ties with the Gryan family entirely?"
The girl stared at me as if I were joking, but as our eyes met, a dry, bitter smile formed on her lips.
"...You have grand dreams."
The eyes that had been sparkling just a moment ago suddenly grew dull.
As she spoke in a sighing tone, her face wore a look akin to resignation.
"There's no way you can live as you please when you were born into a family like Gryan. Even the Monvern family, which has nothing going for it but money, is like this..."
"There is nothing in this world that cannot be done."
"Well, you say that, but you just don't like me, do you? So... am I being rejected right now?"
"Yes."
Even upon hearing the rejection, Adelaide didn't seem particularly hurt.
Instead, she fell into deep thought for a moment before slowly speaking.
"Then... we don't necessarily have to get married. How about we just keep the engagement going smoothly? You said you'd be staying in the Capital anyway."
She didn't seem like the type of person to get hurt by a rejection from someone she had just met.
"I'll let you use my villa in the Capital."
"...Why go that far?"
"Because living freely is my dream too. As long as we are loosely tied together, my father and others won't bother me. Besides, whenever I want to go play in the Capital, I can just use you as an excuse!"
This was unexpected.
"What's the use of having a villa? I can't even go there."
The girl stood up, stepped closer to me, and whispered softly.
"You know, in those novels they sell on the streets, don't they have things like contract marriages all the time? Ah, maybe that's not to a man's taste."
Stopping right in front of me, she offered her hand.
I took it lightly and gave it a gentle shake. She beamed at me.
From the moment we are born, every single one of us wears a collar.
The only difference is whose leash is longer or shorter.
In this wretched world, I don't think I've ever seen a single person live happily.
And this girl, too, would live a tragic life.
So... even if it was just a contract, I could afford to give her a little breathing room for a brief moment.
After sharing a meaningless conversation with Adel for a long while, I left before the ball resumed.
My entire body ached.
Lethargy, fatigue, and Roselyn... everything piled up, threatening to crush my body to dust.
I acted as if everything would be resolved once I went to the Capital and escaped the Gryan family, but I knew better than anyone that nothing would actually improve.
I was a man who never acted unless a crisis was staring him in the face.
Because even if I died, I would just return.
Rather than being complacent... I actually found myself wishing I could just die for good.
After all, death is often called eternal rest.
Having suffered this much, having died so many times on the front lines, I deserved a little rest. Yet, I was never given the time to rest.
That was why the first thing I would do upon arriving in the Capital was shut myself away somewhere, just as I had done in the Gryan estate, and slowly kill myself with strong liquor and cigarettes.
It wasn't suicide.
Because I was the one killing Lihen.
I'd prefer it if they called it homicide.
Or perhaps euthanasia.
Since Lihen would want to die too.
How many people would actually want to live in a world like this?
Maybe if they had been born here from the start, but not me.
That was why I intended to drown myself in alcohol and smoke.
It would take some time, but pickling my body in alcohol and tobacco would at least speed up the process.
Though it would be agonizing if I kept waking up anyway...
For now, I just wanted to pour alcohol down my throat and empty my mind of all thoughts.
Leaving the drawing room and standing in the hallway, I looked outside. The music was starting up again; the ball had resumed.
There was no point in staying at the ball, so I grabbed an armful of liquor bottles and returned to my room.
The moment I opened the door, the sharp stench of alcohol hit my nose.
I saw Roselyn, who had let herself in and was drinking my liquor.
She had pulled up two chairs to a small round table, which was now cluttered with bottles.
Her usually pale face was already flushed red.
With slightly unfocused eyes, she looked at me, smiled, and swirled her glass.
"You must have been outside all afternoon... even though there's nothing to do out there?"
"...How did you get into my room?"
"I asked the young master of the Gryan family. He listens to me much better than he does to you, you know? Like a real older sister. Hehe."
Roselyn poured a glass and held it out to me.
"Anyway, what were you doing out there?"
I walked over, took the glass, and sat opposite her.
Then I downed the contents.
"No, you don't have to answer. I heard you're going to end up with that stupid girl from the Monvern family. I suppose there was no other reason for you to come to a place like this, but still..."
The aroma of the alcohol felt strangely faint.
Perhaps it was because the person sitting across from me was someone I could never comfortably share a drink with.
"But... are you serious? Even if the family head ordered it... even after I told you I'd call off the broken engagement, you're still going to end up with a girl like that?"
Roselyn glared at me with bloodshot eyes, speaking as if she truly couldn't comprehend my actions.
"Is your taste really girls who barely have breasts and haven't even fully grown yet? If that's the case... you never even laid a finger on me back then."
"Lady Avenberg, if you're just going to spout nonsense, get out of—"
Before I could finish my sentence.
Roselyn slammed her hand on the table, stood up, and marched over to grab me by the collar.
"Cut that out and call me Roselyn."
"Roselyn, take your hands off me."
"Why? If I don't, are you going to beat me up like those men yesterday?"
"Yes."
She thrust her face forward, daring me to strike. I gave her a light, pushing slap.
Even that seemed to shock her deeply.
Her stunned, frozen face slowly began to contort.
Ignoring her reaction, I grabbed the wrist that was still clutching my collar and pried it away with a squeeze.
"...I guess I'm not... that precious to you anymore?"
"That's right."
"Liar. You said you loved me before."
"Feelings fade."
"Mine haven't. If a heart can just grow cold like that, then it wasn't love, it was just lust. Lihen, I told you I would make you happy."
Roselyn continued, her voice trembling.
"You were born into a family you never belonged to, suffering your entire life."
"Being stuck with a woman I didn't belong with was quite painful too."
"When you didn't want to see anything, when you didn't want to hear anything, who was the one who gently covered your ears and shielded your eyes with her skirt?"
"I wonder who that was."
At those words, Roselyn trembled violently for a long time, unable to say a word.
"You ungrateful, parasitic... male whore of a bastard."
"Roselyn."
"Yes?"
"Didn't you also look for a new match the moment our engagement was broken?"
"...My father only looked around because he assumed you would die."
Saying this, Roselyn emptied her glass, poured another, and downed it in a single gulp.
Raising her flushed, drunken face, she slowly caressed my cheek.
"So I'm just supposed to... give you to someone else? Let someone else steal what I spent my whole life grooming to my exact tastes...?"
Holding my gaze, she began to slowly trace my lips.
"This... this shouldn't be happening..."
When I grabbed her wrist and pulled it away, Roselyn spoke in a voice that sounded on the verge of tears.
A reasonably pretty woman, the haze of alcohol, and the touch on my lips... the atmosphere grew strangely heavy.
"Hey, Lihen. Now that I think about it... do you know we've never kissed properly? All we've ever done is press our lips together."
Roselyn grabbed my face, forcing me to look only at her.
She lifted a glass with one hand and took a mouthful of wine.
And then, she kissed me.
My mouth filled with the scent of wine.
The wine that slid down my throat... felt strangely burning.
Roselyn whispered softly, locking eyes with me.
The drunken haze in her eyes and her emotional instability had vanished without a trace.
"I can't exactly... give what's mine to someone else."
Not long after... a sensation like something boiling surged from deep within me.
My eyes met Roselyn's.
Before my eyes, Roselyn's nose began to bleed. She wiped it with the back of her hand and stared blankly at the smear of red.
Then, blood began to pour from both her mouth and nose.
Roselyn looked at me one last time, then collapsed.
I wiped beneath my own nose with the back of my hand... and found it covered in blood.
In an instant, my consciousness flickered.
“Lihen, there's no way I could ever love someone like you. Why, did you want to hear me say I love you? Then... try a little harder to win my favor. Who knows? Maybe at some point, I'll actually fall for you.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, then forced them open.
"Hey, Lihen. Now that I think about it... do you know we've never kissed properly? All we've ever done is press our lips together."