Fading Embers (2)
There isn't much to say about the Monbern family's villa.
Other than the fact that the carriage arrived safely and the servants showed me to my room, there was nothing worth noting.
I have no interest in dragging out a story that nobody cares to hear.
What mattered far more was the fact that I could lean back comfortably in a chair and fully enjoy the bottle of alcohol and the tobacco I had bought at a general store on the way here.
Regrettably, I didn't have enough money to buy cigars, but this would have to do.
Anyway, spending time alone in a place like this, with no one else around... I sometimes find myself wondering if this place might actually be real.
When you're soaked in alcohol and shrouded in smoke, the world feels like a much more bearable place than it actually is.
Even so, I want to escape this place.
Because I want to live in reality.
At the very least, a world where you come back to life after dying cannot possibly be real.
There is no way it was real—dying over and over on the battlefield, or sometimes being captured and flayed alive.
Staining my hands with so much blood, slaughtering living things... None of it could be real.
Because it never happened in reality.
Because my very existence here is something that shouldn't be.
It is the kind of thing that only happens inside a game.
I couldn't see a way to log out, nor could I find a way to escape, but for now, I chose to deny it.
I am not Lihen.
I am not indecisive, I am not incompetent, and I do not lack resolve.
If I don't constantly remind myself, I will eventually forget.
For instance, the original Lihen had come all this way just to see a childhood friend he hadn't even thought of pursuing.
If it were me, the moment she said she was leaving me for another man, I would have grabbed her by the hair, dragged her back, and locked her in the mansion.
Endrog is a game where you target the heroines, follow their routes, watch the story unfold, and reach an ending.
Of course, because events trigger randomly, you can't just clear it however you want.
You are often at the mercy of luck.
So, no matter what happens, even if it leads to a bad ending... as long as it's a game, shouldn't I just need to see the ending?
Whoever it is, I just need to end up with one of the heroines.
Or, if I just kill them and trigger a bad ending, wouldn't I be able to escape this shitty place?
I approached Roselyn with that thought in mind, but... how should I put it?
Whenever I was in the same space as Roselyn, I felt like I was losing myself, so I stopped.
In front of that woman, I cease to be myself and become 'Lihen.'
To Roselyn, I am a dog.
A pathetic, submissive dog that barks when told to bark and bites when told to bite.
Even though that pathetic creature is 'Lihen,' not me.
That is why I don't want to spend even a single second in the same room as her.
Lihen might, but I have no interest in wearing a collar and barking like a good boy.
As for Lione... she's just a fucking bitch.
Maybe it's because she grew up without a mother's love, but she's more pitiful than an orphan who doesn't even know what a decent life looks like... Sigh.
Anyway, what use is a crazy bitch who beats her own brother's head into a bloody pulp?
Unlike Lihen, who simply lacked skill, someone like Lione is exactly the type of person a knighthood should filter out.
Besides, whether through discipline or anything else, there won't be anyone left who can stop her.
Soon, Lione will become stronger than the head of the family.
There really isn't a single sane person around me.
Or, as the Captain suggested, I could go to the Academy and act as an instructor.
It's not like there won't be any heroines there.
But I don't know if I'd get along with anyone.
Meeting and getting close to new people is something that can wait.
Stripping away all the useless options, the only one left was Arin, my childhood friend who had abandoned me for another man to climb the social ladder.
Every time I think of her, it feels like 'Lihen's' heart is fluttering on its own, not mine.
What is he even hoping for?
It would be wise not to expect her to be in any decent state when we meet.
Being an adventurer sounds romantic, but it's basically just a day-labor agency.
While a select few might take on grand quests or subjugate monsters and bandits, the vast majority are bottom-feeders handling trivial beasts or sweeping chimneys.
It would be a different story if someone like me, who actually knows how to fight, became an adventurer... Wait.
I could just do it myself.
If I become an adventurer... I won't have to teach bratty kids, and I might be able to find Arin faster.
Since she's bound to be scraping by at the very bottom anyway.
Whenever I have work to do, I make it a rule to drink in moderation.
I set down the half-empty bottle, wiped my mouth, and stood up.
It wasn't entirely unheard of for noble children who had no inheritance but knew swordsmanship to play at being adventurers.
However, I had no intention of starting from the very bottom.
And I knew someone who could connect me to the right people.
I rummaged through my coat and pulled out a slip of paper.
On the paper the Captain had handed me before my discharge, a single address was written.
It seemed oddly far from the upper districts.
Regardless, I walked straight through the heart of the Capital.
The greasy smell wafting from street stalls, the voices of merchants calling out to customers, the laughter of children.
I pushed my way through the mixture of vitality and noise.
Once I left the bustling district far behind, the streets began to narrow.
Eventually, the path shrank to a width barely passable by a single person, leading into an alley where buildings were crammed tightly together.
I recalled hearing that he was a Count with a reputation for having extensive connections among the commoners, but for a place where such a man resided... the building was terribly run-down.
When I knocked on the door, a familiar voice drifted out from inside.
"I don't know who it is at this hour, but who... Ah, you actually came."
The one who opened the door was the Captain, his face unchanged.
However, wearing loose casual clothes instead of his military uniform made him look somewhat unfamiliar.
Perhaps it was because I was so used to seeing him in uniform.
He swept his gaze over me from head to toe, then let out a soft chuckle.
"Would you like to come in? I was just having a drink."
"As long as it's not watered-down wine."
At my reply, the man smiled and threw the door wide open.
"Well, come on in. It's a bit cramped, though."
I stepped inside.
Calling it a mansion would be embarrassing; it was a cramped house littered with books, liquor bottles, and all sorts of clutter.
It was certainly run-down.
The Captain retrieved another cup from a corner and stared at me for a long moment.
"Seeing you looking so clean... honestly, it's quite a sight."
Pouring alcohol into the cup he set down, the Captain continued.
"The battlefield was hell, sure, but honestly, the outside world doesn't seem like such a great place to live either, does it?"
I took the cup and lightly wetted my lips.
"So, what brings you here? Do you want to return to the front lines?"
"I plan to become an adventurer."
"Why would you want to do that?"
I couldn't think of a particular answer.
The Captain didn't seem to expect an answer either. He emptied his cup and stared blankly at the ceiling.
"Now that I think about it... you really were something else."
"Are you just realizing this now?"
"No, it's just... you fought as if you could see the future. Only two days after being dragged to the front, you were already more experienced than most knights. And... you harbored a bizarrely intense hostility toward the enemy."
Tilting his cup, the Captain cast a sidelong glance at me.
"Seeing you made me realize that reputation isn't everything. I was quite narrow-minded myself."
I wondered why he was dragging this out.
I just wanted him to use his connections to get me into the guild.
"By the way... do you feel sleepy at all?"
The moment those words left his mouth, my eyelids suddenly began to feel heavy.
I tried to pull a dagger from my coat, but the Captain grabbed my wrist, stopping me.
Thanks to that, I couldn't even kill myself.
"If you're carrying a blade with you at all times... I suppose the war hasn't ended in your head either."
"......Why?"
The man only looked at me with pitying eyes, offering no answer.
When I opened my eyes, I was inside an iron cage.
It was like a livestock pen, so cramped that I couldn't even stretch out my legs properly, even if I lay diagonally.
Handcuffs bound my wrists, and shackles chained my ankles.
The space smelled damp and faintly of rot.
And it was strangely humid.
The air felt so foul that merely breathing it could make one sick, and my head throbbed as if from a terrible hangover.
Wherever I was locked up, it was likely underground.
It was dark, but I could faintly see past the iron bars.
Looking across, I saw someone dozing off in a chair.
"...Hey."
The guard sat up the moment I called out. He stared at me, then stood up without giving an answer.
Not long after, the sound of a door opening echoed, followed by the clicking of heels.
Click. Click.
The footsteps stopped right in front of the iron bars.
All I could see were black heels.
"Lihen Grian. When you face someone, you should look them in the eye."
I raised my head. A woman was looking down at me.
A woman with blonde hair and crimson eyes.