Lingering Smoke (6)

I left the room, but I had nowhere to go.

In the end, my feet led me to the ballroom.

As a ridiculous waltz echoed through the air, I stared blankly at the people dancing and laughing merrily.

For some reason, I didn't want to touch a drop of alcohol.

Especially not in a place crowded with so many people.

No matter how much I poured down my throat, I wouldn't be able to stop my thoughts as long as my eyes were open.

So, I just watched. Aimlessly.

What did I even want to do?

Why was I, a man barely clinging to life, crawling out to a place like this just to watch people?

If I went up to the Capital like this and met the slutty commoner 'Lihen' had dreamed of so much, would it solve anything?

She was just a woman loved by a pathetic bastard who hanged himself because he couldn't be with her... She probably wasn't anything special.

I didn't know.

I didn't know anything anymore.

Honestly, my time on the battlefield felt much easier.

As long as I cut down the enemies appearing before me, I could somehow let the days slip by without thinking.

Even as I thought this, I knew that if I were actually thrown back onto the battlefield, I would do nothing but complain.

Anyone would do.

I wished there was someone who would wrap their arms around me when I opened mine, and tell me that everything was going to be okay.

That it was okay for me to live in this world.

I wished there was at least one person who would tell me that it was fine to live such a pathetic life.

"It's tedious, isn't it?"

It was right when I was lost in those idle, useless thoughts.

Adelaide appeared out of nowhere.

Quite unfittingly for her, the girl held a bottle of wine and two glasses in her hands.

On a whim, I opened my arms as if to test her.

Making my fleeting thought look foolish, the girl merely tilted her head as if asking what I was doing, and sat down next to me anyway.

Of course.

"I don't really like these kinds of gatherings either."

Saying so, the girl naturally sat beside me, poured wine into my glass, and then filled her own.

I took the glass, clinked it lightly against hers, and brought it to my lips, taking a slow sip.

After lightly emptying the glass, Adel stood up and offered me her hand.

"Would you like to share a light dance?"

I briefly thought that the roles of man and woman were reversed in this situation... but I just took her hand.

Adel led me straight to the center of the ballroom.

As the music began to flow again, I slowly stepped to the rhythm.

Three-quarter time.

In the middle of stepping, the girl kept glancing somewhere.

Where her gaze landed... Roselyn stood, watching us.

Dancing with me, Adel seemed to lock eyes with Roselyn. She smirked in her direction and spoke in a low voice.

"Hehe. Roselyn Avenberg is glaring at us like she wants to kill us. I never thought I'd receive such a look from that woman."

"..."

"Why? Is it too much pressure for you too?"

It wasn't that the gaze was burdensome.

It was just that Adel in front of me, and everyone around us, all seemed to want something from me... and I didn't want to be here anymore.

"...My lady. Let's stop the dance here."

I let go of her hand and stopped right where I was.

Adel, who had been moving to the rhythm, stumbled slightly but didn't fall.

She merely stared at me in bewilderment.

Leaving in the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠middle of a dance drew people's attention.

Though, of course, it was just a brief glance from people who then went right back to chatting and dancing.

Feeling the weight of those gazes, Adel looked around with trembling eyes before chasing after me as I walked away.

"...Um, did I... overstep again?"

She caught up and grabbed my sleeve, but when our eyes met, she shrank back slightly and slowly let go.

"Since you kept going along with it... I didn't know my place and crossed the line... didn't I?"

"It's just... the alcohol is making me dizzy. I think I drank too much."

"...Is that really it?"

"Yes."

Hearing my answer, the girl briefly averted her eyes, bit her lip, and forced a smile onto her face.

It was a face that didn't believe me at all.

Then, she turned around as if fleeing and walked away with quick steps.

We had only met yesterday.

I didn't know what to say, and even if I stopped her, I wouldn't know what to tell her... so I just watched her retreating back.

Well, it wasn't like the girl would die from this.

And even if she did die, I didn't think I would be sad.

I had already witnessed far too many deaths to grieve over someone I had known for a single day.

I was staring blankly until her figure completely vanished.

Then, rustling footsteps sounded beside me, followed by a low voice.

"She did cross the line."

"...Roselyn?"

"Lihen, she shouldn't be acting so insolently to me right in front of you."

It seemed Roselyn had been following me.

Is she seriously insane?

Wasn't she just looking down at the ballroom from the balcony earlier?

"Anyway, what's this about you going to the Capital?"

"None of your business."

"Tell me."

I let out a hollow laugh and stepped closer to Roselyn.

I stared at her lips, then quickly scanned her hands to see if she was holding anything.

It didn't matter if I died since I would just loop back anyway, but I still hated pain.

Regardless, as I approached, Roselyn took a step back.

"Since yesterday, you step back when I approach, and approach when I step back... What exactly do you want?"

"...Don't leave."

"What?"

"Don't leave my side."

"Why?"

Roselyn's face stiffened for a moment.

But she soon returned to her usual expression.

That unpleasant, condescending look, as if she were lecturing and teaching me from above.

"What could a talentless, useless person like you even do there? The people in the Capital... they're nothing but lowborns who think they can ignore status just because they have money."

"I can do something. I survived the battlefield... Why wouldn't I be able to survive there?"

"If you go... you won't even be treated like a proper noble. And... you won't be able to meet anyone like this. Whether it's me, or anyone else."

"That's why I like it."

"...What?"

"Any place without you is fine by me."

"...You said you were happy when you met me."

"Do I look happy now?"

"Why are you talking like that? Can't you just act like you normally do? This isn't like you."

"...And what exactly is 'like me'?"

"..."

"Is keeping my mouth shut and just listening to whatever insults you throw at me 'like me'?"

"After hearing all kinds of humiliating words... thinking you would at least comfort me, only to hear even worse things spew from your mouth... and believing I'm trash just like you say—is that what's 'like me'?"

In an instant, anger flared in my head, and I drew the sword from my waist.

I stepped even closer to Roselyn.

"Who the hell are you to say that to me?"

"I'm your fiancée. The one decided for you since we were children."

"Not anymore."

She was a woman who backed away every time I approached.

Looking back now, all I ever got in return for begging for her affection was ridicule.

As the memories drifted back, I stepped forward and grabbed her by the hair.

Forcing her to look at me.

So she couldn't even avert her gaze.

So she could no longer back away whenever I approached.

"If you're not my fiancée... you're nothing to me."

"...Why, why... Lihen, how could you do this to me... Let go..."

"You're nothing. I don't love you, and I don't want to give or receive even a shred of interest from a coward like you."

Fearing Roselyn ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠would spew more words I didn't want to hear, I pressed the tip of the blade against her neck.

The blade sliced slightly into her skin.

A drop of blood welled up and trickled down the edge of the blade.

"I don't want to exchange a single word with you. Fuck, even locking eyes with someone like you right now is a waste of my goddamn time."

"...But you said you loved me."

"How could I love someone who has done nothing but take things away from me?"

I gently released my grip on her hair, wiped the dagger on my clothes, and hid it back inside my coat.

Perhaps her strength had failed her from the tension, because Roselyn collapsed to the floor in front of me.

I looked down at her and spoke.

"What exactly do I have to do to love you?"

"You... will regret this."

I was an idiot for expecting a proper answer.

I thought she might say something different for once.

"...But if you stay here, if you beg for forgiveness by my side... I might overlook it a little... Lihen, Lihen! Lihen... don't go..."

Her voice was small and tearful, yet it sounded strangely clear.

"Why won't you listen to me? I didn't do anything wrong. You're the bad one. You're the bad one for not ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠listening to me."

I fled the scene, unable to bear listening to her any longer.

I felt a bit sorry for Lione, but I left without a word, taking the Grian family carriage.

I didn't bring any luggage anyway, so leaving with just the clothes on my back wasn't a problem.

Since it was a time when the coachman would be fast asleep, I took the driver's seat myself, whipping the horses to drive the carriage.

Once I escaped the Montbern estate, I finally felt like I could breathe.

Just knowing that I didn't have to look at Roselyn's or Lione's faces anymore... made things feel a tiny bit better.

The scenery blurred past.

The acrid smoke of my cigarette drifted away with the wind.

Every time I inhaled the smoke, my chest stung slightly.

Did I have lung disease? It would be better if I just died like this.

I spent several days traveling like that, driving the carriage.

I hadn't counted the days, but it felt like a week had passed.

However, I had no desire to rush.

There was no hurry, and the sense of liberation from simply... running away was incredibly refreshing.

To the point where I thought it wouldn't be so bad to spend the rest of my life just driving horses.

Driving the horses slowly and looking at the surrounding scenery, I lit up another cigarette today, as usual.

Then... a flash of light suddenly flew from the sky.

Boom!

Instantly, my ears went deaf, and my vision turned stark white.

Something had flown in and exploded.

A thick cloud of dust rose, and I found myself sprawled on the ground.

The carriage had been blown to pieces, and as wooden splinters scattered in all directions, it seemed something had pierced my neck.

Feeling the foreign sensation in my throat, I reached up to touch it... It was a large wooden shard.

A high-pitched ringing echoed in my ears.

Gasp, wheeze.

Even as I tried to inhale, only those ragged sounds leaked from my throat.

I opened my mouth to say something, but only metallic-tasting blood welled up.

My fingertips trembled uncontrollably.

The cigarette still held between my fingers slipped and rolled limply onto the ground.

"The driver looks like he's about to die... and, huh, there's no one inside?"

"...The client said the target left in this carriage. What the hell are ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠you talking about?"

The smell of smoke and blood mingled, stinging my nose.

...I'm sick of this. I don't want to hear anything.