No Longer Your Saintess
"W-why are you doing this all of a sudden...?"
"And what would you do, I wonder, if you couldn't even perceive that your stigmata has begun to fade?"
The word stigmata all but gagged me — and left my eyes going round at everything that came after.
"What did you just say...?"
"Precisely what I said. Your stigmata has grown dim. Which would mean, I suspect, that you are losing the Goddess's trust. When I first confirmed it, I was so shaken that even now, the mere memory of that moment turns my blood cold."
"........."
"No doubt the fault is mine, and this Order's, for failing to give you a sense of security. Yes. I understand completely. After such tender days alone with the Hero, adjusting to communal life must have been hard on you."
Ervan flashed me a slick little smile.
"Now that the Hero has arrived, you may live in a single room, with a tranquil heart. I will inform the other faithful as well — that no one is to set foot in your room today. That alone ought to restore your stigmata, don't you think?"
So this was what it felt like for the sky to come crashing down. My head turned, slowly, until I was facing him. His face wore nothing but its usual cold blankness.
There had been a time when that face could hold a beautiful smile.
"I-I'll do it."
"A wise choice. And—"
Thump. I dropped the bra I'd unhooked to the floor and dragged his hand inside my clothes. Even if I had to force it, I made his fingers move — made them knead my bare breast. Even then I couldn't still the trembling in my body, and so no heat came at all. If anything, it felt like fear would swallow me whole — and that was exactly why I had no choice but to cling to an act like this.
"P-please... y-you can touch me as much as you want...."
"Saintess."
"I-I'll do anything. I'll strip if you tell me to strip, I can say dirty things, do the v-vulgar stuff — whatever you order, I'll do it. H-here, too. W-we can even do it here."
With hands shaking so hard I could barely manage it, I undid the tie at my back, and the dress slipped whispering down my body.
I reached to pull my panties down — and Ervan caught my wrist. My hollow gaze lifted to his face.
"I'm afraid I can't have you doing that."
"You told me to put out, so I put out... you told me to be honest with my feelings, so I laid every last thing down and smiled... for you. For those bastards with nothing in their heads but seeding a saintess day after day, I gave up both my holes, top and bottom, rocked my hips like a beast, and screamed for them. Right? There's nothing left for me to give."
Tears, welling faster than I could stop them, were slowly bleeding my sight white.
"I gave you everything...... so why... why are you doing this to me...?"
Perhaps he hadn't expected a reaction this violent — something shifted in Ervan's expression. Then again, even I hadn't known I could be shaken this badly.
The tears kept falling without end. I had already fallen past the point where swallowing my sobs was possible, and that made dragging out the words buried in my heart far, far easier.
"You told me to become a saintess like a bitch in heat, and I was getting along just fine in exactly that shape. So why...... how could you bring yourself to summon the Hero, all for the sake of restoring my stigmata...? When you know full well what he did to me...."
He answered by proving, with his own two hands, that the conversation was over. Without a word, Ervan gathered up the dress and drew it back up my body, while I threw my arms around his and clung for my life.
"Father...... s-save me. Please, please, please...."
He refused my plea without ceremony. With both wrists pinned, all I could do was watch my clothes being put back onto me. The dress that had hung flapping at my waist slid up over my breasts and, at long last, settled onto my shoulders.
"Saintess. I believe you are laboring under a misunderstanding."
"Mis...understanding?"
"You think we want your body? Nothing of the sort. I made myself perfectly clear, did I not — that the relations we shared with you were sacred acts, for the sake of this Order and of God."
Ervan's face had returned to what it was. That cold mask seemed to forbid me even the act of reaching for hope.
"The Hero is no different. He has hurried here for the sole purpose of restoring your stigmata. So all that remains for you, Saintess, is to strive to be chosen by the Goddess once more."
A light shove landed between my shoulders, and my head bowed of its own accord — toward my foot, where one shoe had slipped half off.
"Saintess? It has been ever so long. Surely the two of you should look upon each other's faces and exchange greetings?"
I dragged my stiff neck upward. If I didn't, I would only be struck again. Struck as if to kill me.
And as a familiar figure swam into my slowly rising line of sight, a new dread closed over me — that this time, I might truly die. Because I was the one who had cut away, cruelly, the part of him he treasured most.
"Hero. You may take her now. For today alone, I will permit the two of you to stay together in your room."
The man reaching his hand out to me would find some way, any way, to make me pay. My arms were seized at last — and whether he meant to snap them or not, the grip bore down on the muscle until I couldn't move an inch.
"Let go! I said let go of me!"
The crushing weight of that restraint laid my desperation bare. My gaze, thrashing in confusion, darted sideways — then fixed on a single point.
"Father! E-Ervan! Save me, please! Make him let go!"
"Saintess. Restoring your stigmata comes first. I shall pray that our earnest wish finds its way to you."
Then the Hero's voice slid in. "How heartbreaking, Saintess. Did you long to see me that badly? To think you would deny even the Goddess's grace. I shall do my utmost to set you right, so rest assured and come along."
"Then I shall see you tomorrow, Saintess."
Though my desperation had plainly reached him, Ervan spared us only an indifferent glance — and walked out of the parlor. All that was left to me was to scream with everything I had at the figure of him visible beyond the window.
"KYAAAAH! You fucking bastard! I did every single thing you told me to! How do you still call yourself human after that!"
It was nothing but a worthless flailing.
"Agh!"
One light kick to the shin and my stance collapsed in an instant. As I crumpled powerlessly to the floor, he dropped to one knee, seized my chin, and hauled it up.
"Ha. Honestly, Saintess. The moment I'm not at your side, you're carrying that foul language again. How many times have I told you not to?"
He met my eyes. Even at a glance, what lived in those brown eyes was unmistakable fury.
"Well — we can take our time with that particular talk later."
"Nnh— let go of—"
The cheeks seized along with my chin began to be squeezed harder still.
"You really ought to make a good showing for me. I have a debt to collect from you, Saintess, you see — so I may be a touch rougher than before."
When he shoved my chin away with force, my whole body rocked. In this place where I couldn't so much as call on that familiar light, I was nothing but utterly, endlessly powerless. And once that truth sank in, a defiance I'd never had before came welling up out of nowhere.
Because it seemed now that nothing I did would ever bring the outcome I prayed for. Since the outcome would not change either way, I no longer wanted to fawn and accommodate anyone's will.
"Believe me, I'd like nothing more than to begin right here. But even I have a reputation to think of, so — to my room first, I think...."
"Shut your mouth, you revolting bastard."
"......It seems the Saintess is in need of proper correction."
"Fuck off."
I grinned, with everything in me.
"Not that I've got anything left to kneel for—"
My head snapped around and my cheek went numb. Of course. Where would that habit of his have gone? He was so enraged he swung hard enough that I never even saw his hand.
"Ha...... Saintess. Do compose yourself."
"What? Does it sting, being told that for all you call yourself a man, there's nothing left hanging between your legs? Well, what can I say. That's just reality."
But strangely, the laughter wouldn't leave me — if anything, the corners of my mouth only climbed higher.
"If it pisses you off, go on and hit me again."
I took four more blows. But the laughter bursting out of me like I'd lost my mind kept ringing in my own ears.
"Now — I am sorry for this, but you see, I've made a promise: in exchange for bringing the Saintess to heel, this place will be restored."
Smack.
"Which is to say, all that's required of you is to crawl like a dog and beg my forgiveness. Saintess Serina."
Oh. So that was what you wanted? No wonder the Holy Sword was nowhere to be seen — you handed even that over as the price of setting foot in here? And after all that, you're beating me half to death for the sake of getting one single cock reattached?
"KYAHAHAHA!"
Laughter was all that would come out of me.
"Do whatever the hell your cock wants. Let's see if one word of apology comes out of my mouth. Honestly, I'm dying of curiosity to find out myself."
"That, you'll learn in due time."
For one brief moment, my vision blurred. Not until the gauntleted hand that had struck my belly closed around my hair and hauled me up did the smallest scream finally tear free — the pain was that total.
Even so — there was no fear. Because the fact that the Goddess existed had, at last, been proven. She had made her presence known to me all along in the most absurd way imaginable: by tearing my stigmata away.
.........You fucking bitch.
Fine. I'll give you exactly what you want.
A saintess? I'm done with all that. Not anymore.