49
Chapter 49
"Pathetic."
"...."
"Strive for more."
That was the brief critique my father gave after watching the swordsmanship I had honed for three years.
To be honest, it would be a lie to say I hadn't expected anything. Although he was always blunt and rarely smiled, I thought he would be pleased to see his daughter's skills reaching such a level.
It was merely my own delusion.
That was all.
"...Yes, I will work harder."
I bowed my head in gratitude, thankful that he had given me any critique at all.
"Right. Carry on."
"Farewell, Father."
My father, a man of mountain-like proportions, stomped away heartlessly without once looking back.
Since he is a man who never bends his resolve, regardless of rain or snow, I admire him more than anyone.
Yet, at times, I feel a sense of disappointment. He knows exactly how hard I've worked as his daughter. He knows I trained until my hands blistered and I went without sleep.
Is a single word of encouragement really that difficult?
I simply feel let down.
Oh, I haven't introduced myself.
My name is Beatrice Constantino.
The Commander of the Holy Church's 1st Holy Knights Corps, and the daughter of His Holiness, Pope Constantino.
Two hundred years ago, marriage for clergy was forbidden by law, but following the Messiah's holy word to 'be fruitful and multiply,' a Pope from two centuries ago allowed clergy to have a single spouse. From then on, priests began to marry...
And so, I was born as the daughter of a priest.
The daughter of a Pope with immense power and lofty authority—a position anyone would covet.
Honestly, it doesn't bring me much joy. Some might call it greed, but it's because I lack my father's love. Because I fail to meet his expectations, and fail to live up to the vague hopes of those around me who expect great things simply because I carry the Pope's bloodline. That is all.
I am not happy.
Whoosh-!
"Commander! Training again?"
Just as I gripped my sword to swing it once more in the space where I remained alone after my father's departure.
One of the Holy Knights under my command approached me.
"Lucio, what is it?"
"Still as stiff as ever. Do you always need a reason to come see me? I just came to watch the Commander train."
"Don't just stand there; you should train as well. Resting is the peak of a pampered Sloth."
"Good grief! I've already finished my training for the day! Keep those horrible words to yourself!"
"Then why insist on staying by my side? Can't you find something useful to do? You're an eyesore and a distraction to my training."
Whoosh-! Whoosh-!
"Haha, the Commander is great in every way, but seriously, sometimes you're just like a machine. A person will break if they don't rest."
"Your words make me curious about what it means to 'break.' Wouldn't that be glorious proof that I pushed myself to the absolute limit?"
"...Our Commander is saying some really dangerous things."
Whoooosh-!
"Don't even joke about that. Whenever we see you, our hearts are on edge. We're always worried you'll suddenly collapse from a nosebleed."
"I train because I enjoy it. Why are you all so worried?"
"That's because we seriously doubt you're actually doing it for pleasure."
"...."
"What did he say today? His Holiness?"
"He said I'm still pathetic and should strive for more."
"Goodness, you should probably leave out that word 'still.' I bet Your Holiness won't acknowledge you even in a hundred years. He's a man with no blood, no tears, and no mercy."
Perhaps that's true.
But I must not give up.
I am Beatrice Constantino. A Holy Knight who must follow only the Lord's teachings and the seven virtues.
Ridiculously, I am currently more influenced by my father than by the Lord. But I must not use that as an excuse. An excuse is nothing more than a pathetic justification for a loser.
In the first place, if I build enough skill to be recognized by my father, what use would such an excuse be?
"Commander, may I say just one thing?"
Whoosh-!
"Speak."
"Please don't live your life so tied to Your Holiness."
"...."
"You know how kind Your Holiness actually is. He's upright and noble. He's just bad at expressing his emotions, which is why he's so harsh with you."
"Even so..."
"His Holiness is just so strict, solemn, and serious. Oh, do you know what we've been calling him lately? We call him the 'Strict-Solemn-Serious' Pope! Just taking the first syllable of each word!"
"Pfft."
"...Please make sure this doesn't reach his ears. If it does, we'll all be dragged off to the training camp! Hahaha!"
It had been a while since someone made me laugh; surely, that wouldn't happen.
"Do not worry. That nickname... *ahem*, I shall keep it a secret for the rest of my life."
"Haha, then I'll put my trust in you, Commander!"
Lucio, one of the Holy Knights in my 1st Holy Knights Corps, is a fairly good fellow. To the point where he can exchange trivial jokes with someone as socially inept as I am.
Though it is my order, the relationship between me and the knights isn't particularly close. One might say there is a distance that refuses to narrow.
They respect me as an exemplary Holy Knight, but separately from that, they do not seek to build personal friendships.
I actually prefer it that way. For the daughter of the Pope, a friendship that makes a knight lazy is nothing more than a luxury.
Though, occasionally—very occasionally—having a light conversation with Lucio like this puts my mind at ease.
Whoosh-!
This is merely a 'mental refresher.' No further indulgence should be permitted.
Because I am still lacking.
Because I fall short of the expectations of my father, the people, and the world.
I must train more devoutly.
Whoosh-!
I swing a greatsword nearly 2.5 meters in length. A truly massive blade that wouldn't be filled even if three people stood side by side.
This weapon, also known as a Greatsword, has fought countless battles by my side. Every achievement, from winning noble victories over evil to raising the glorious banner of triumph, was possible because of this blade.
It is practically my own clone.
Lately, however, I sometimes feel a seed of doubt.
I wonder if I am truly meant to use this sword. If this blade is too much for someone like me.
Since I show no progress and only receive reprimands from my father, these thoughts have grown stronger. They are mere distractions born of futility.
"Com-Commander! Something happened! Something big!"
While I was lost in meaningless contemplation, Lucio, who had left earlier, came rushing back. He was drenched in sweat, clearly in a great hurry.
"What is it, Lucio?"
"The Nation of War has invaded! They say the northern region of the home country is under attack!"
"...! Those bastards finally...! But why are you so agitated? While it is serious, the Nation of War has always raided the Church frequently."
"B-but...! This time, the scale is unprecedented! They've brought their entire army! They're dead set on this!"
"No way!"
The Nation of War, the state most hostile to the Holy Nation.
That barbaric nation, which treats battle as a profession and operates by enslaving prisoners from defeated countries, inevitably clashes with us as it contradicts the Doctrine of the Holy Church.
Interstate conflicts naturally lead to armed clashes.
Though the Nation of War invades frequently... a full-scale invasion using all their strength. The Nation of War is attempting to trigger the most terrible ruin: war.
Quickly gripping my Greatsword, I headed north toward the battlefield.
*****
Lucio's words were true. The Nation of War had planned a surprise attack on the Holy Church, and the Church lost every single battle due to their overwhelming combat power.
The Nation of War is a nation of warriors. Their infantry, governed only by the logic of strength, is the strongest on the continent. I hate to admit it, but even our Holy Knights struggle against their infantry.
The problem is that the entire army of the Nation of War is attacking the Holy Church simultaneously. The south has already fallen, and the east, west, and north have been occupied. All that remains is the Holy Emperor's Palace in the center.
I—or rather, we—are preparing for a final battle here at the Holy Emperor's Palace, betting our entire fate.
On this glorious land, where the history of the Lord's doctrine is preserved.
I will gamble my very life.
"Commander! His Holiness wishes to hold a Bishop's Conference!"
"A Bishop's Conference?"
"Yes! He said this might be the final meeting, so you must be alert and arrive dressed impeccably!"
"Why add such a comment? I hope that was a general message sent to all the bishops."
"T-that... he said it was a special addition specifically for the Commander...."
"...Of course it was."
Sighing weakly, I straightened my clothes. It is best not to give anyone a single reason to pick on me.
Picking on me even in the face of the apocalypse; the elders of the Church are truly... I wonder if they would have done the same if I were a man.
In society, there are roles for everyone. Just as the elderly pass their knowledge to the next generation, and children humbly receive that knowledge.
Usually, men go out to handle external affairs or fight with weapons. Women provide support at home or manage the interior.
I do not have a grievance with that system. Everyone has a method that suits them. As long as they are satisfied, what is the problem? However, as for me.
I simply want to be a knight recognized by my father.
The elders, the priests, and even my father tell me to become a nun.
But I do not want to be a nun. I do not want to be a weak woman who sits tediously in a cathedral, showing a fake smile to the occasional believer.
A Holy Knight.
Planting firm footsteps upon the earth, clad in snow-white armor, guarding a sacred conviction with one's own body—that is my ideal.
However, until now, there had never been a single female Holy Knight. It was common sense that male believers became priests or Holy Knights, while female believers became nuns. Everyone who heard of my dream either laughed in my face or looked at me with pity.
But I refused to remain a fragile woman. I wanted to be the one who protects rather than the one being protected. That is why I took up the sword. Specifically, I gripped a Greatsword—a massive blade that even an average adult man would struggle to lift.
I trained. I trained while others rested. I trained while others slept. I trained while others played.
They say hard work never betrays you. In the end, I became the first female Holy Knight, and my skills were eventually recognized, leading me to become the Commander of the 1st Holy Knights Corps. Yet, since there are still those who distrust me, I sometimes wonder if things would have been different had I been born a man.
Regardless, it was all due to my own shortcomings. Carrying the Greatsword on my back, I headed toward the place where the Bishop's Conference was to be held.
"You've arrived."
As I reached the round table where the conference was taking place and took my seat, my father spoke.
"Yes, Your Holiness."
"It seems everyone has gathered, so we shall begin the Bishop's Conference."
At my father's solemn declaration, the atmosphere around the table sank heavily.
The first to speak was the 1st Bishop, who had been fidgeting as if he had been itching to say something for a while.
"We must postpone our hopes for the future!"
It was the suggestion I expected. The 1st Bishop always claimed there was no chance of victory in this fight and insisted that we abandon the Holy Emperor's Palace and flee to another country. I let out a sigh.
He wasn't wrong. Although we had my father, an absolute strong one, on our side, our opponent was the Nation of War. There was a reason only the Holy Emperor's Palace remained. Furthermore...
"1st Bishop, we are currently surrounded."
"Even so, abandoning the Holy Emperor's Palace is... this is the land chosen by the Messiah!"
"The Nation of War is strong, but they have been fighting for a long time. Having routed the Church's eastern, western, northern, and southern forces, they must be exhausted. To turn our backs without even fighting them..."
The other believers began to refute the 1st Bishop's statement. I kept my mouth shut and stayed still.
To them, I was an eyesore. Because I occupied the position of Holy Knights Corps Commander—a seat most of their sons would covet.
"3rd Bishop, has the Nation of War ever not fought? They experience battle every season! They are not so easily exhausted! And the Messiah would not wish for all his descendants to be extinguished for the sake of a single building like the Holy Emperor's Palace!"
"1st Bishop! Do not dare distort the will of the Messiah! This is blasphemy!"
"We must find a way. As things stand, we are all just walking toward a meaningless death. We must break through the Nation of War's siege around the Holy Emperor's Palace and seek a way to survive."
"Blasphemy! Blasphemy! This is blasphemy! How can you speak of abandoning this graced land! All we must do is firmly defend this land of the Lord!"
"Though the 2nd Bishop is excited, he is not wrong. A noble martyr is better than a surviving apostate."
"Martyrdom varies. Even if we all die, we must save the children. We cannot force the duty of martyrdom upon innocent children."
"Hmm... is there no possibility that the Nation of War would at least spare the children?"
"Rather than living in the Nation of War, where they are turned into prisoners of war and slaves as soon as they are captured, it is better to die. We cannot let our children be treated as less than human."
"Are we to consider mass martyrdom as a last resort... goodness..."
"Hmm...."
The atmosphere at the table became solemn. Mass martyrdom—I could do it a hundred or a thousand times for the Lord, but that must be the absolute last option.
Still, the fact that it was being mentioned.
"In the end, only one thing matters."
"Dame Beatrice?"
"That this is our final battlefield."
"...."
"Whether we flee or defend, we must fight. We must fight to open a path, and we must fight to protect the Holy Emperor's Palace."
"...."
At my words, the bishops nodded in agreement. Though they usually dislike me, it seemed they had nothing to refute this time. I closed my mouth again.
"Dame Beatrice is correct."
In the silence that fell over the table, my father alone spoke.
"Whether we evacuate or sacrifice our lives, the truth that we must struggle remains unchanged. When dawn breaks tomorrow, we shall engage in a final battle for our fate against the wicked hordes of the Nation of War."
His words were steeped in dignity and authority. No one dared to voice a dissenting opinion.
"...Then."
"?"
"If we are to fight anyway, let us carve out a retreat. A path where at least the children can be evacuated to the Empire. We will hold out at the Holy Emperor's Palace until the end. Expecting support from the Empire is also an option."
My father nodded at the 1st Bishop's suggestion.
"That is a good idea. Then, who will take the lead in carving out the retreat?"
"...."
Those who had been advocating for battle just moments ago hesitated. I understand. No one wants to hasten their own death.
The Nation of War's siege is thick and dense. Opening the gates of the Holy Emperor's Palace and charging into the enemy lines is nothing short of a suicide mission.
"The Holy Knights should take charge. Is that not the duty of a Holy Knight?"
The 2nd Bishop said, glancing at me.
"I also believe it would be best for the 1st Knights Corps to open the retreat."
The 3rd Bishop spoke, pointing me out.
"I agree. Aside from Your Holiness, Dame Beatrice is the greatest combat power of this Church, so she should naturally take responsibility for that strength."
Finally, the 1st Bishop drove the point home.
Having heard the bishops' opinions, my father's gaze turned toward me. I closed my eyes bitterly.
I cannot say these opinions were entirely free of personal bias, but they weren't wrong.
Holy Knights exist to protect. They exist for the faith, the Church, and the believers.
As the finest Holy Knight of the Church, it is only right that I step forward.
"Yes, the 1st Knights Corps will handle it."
"Dame Beatrice, will you be alright?"
My father asks in a tone laced with concern. I wonder how long it has been since he showed me any emotion other than strictness.
Only when it is time to go to my death do you finally show me such a side of yourself.
I replied flatly.
"It is no problem."
"...."
After that, the Bishop's Conference ended after settling a few minor agendas. Upon returning, I informed the 1st Knights Corps that we would head to the battlefield tomorrow. Some accepted it with resignation, while others wailed at the thought of an unavoidable death.
Climbing the wall, I looked out at the encampments of the Nation of War surrounding us. Each soldier was heavily armored and equipped, and even though it wasn't currently an active clash, they were brazenly training right before our eyes. At the forefront stood Agesiliad, the commander of the Nation of War, limping slightly.
Born a cripple, having overcome all odds and struggled through a miserable environment to become the King of the Nation of War, Agesiliad was once my idol... but now, he is merely the enemy of a hostile nation. I glared at him intensely before returning inside the walls.
Before I knew it, the time had come for the Sun God to vanish. The blazing sun seeped into the earth, and the moon, the sun's shadow, shyly revealed itself. That moon visible through the window is the last moon I shall see.
Screeeech-.
Returning to my room, I sat on the edge of my bed. A hard, rusty bed. It was a bed that felt somewhat similar to the life I had lived.
Click-.
I opened a bottle of wine. I do not drink enough to get drunk, as I refuse to lose my composure, but I personally love alcohol. Drinking allows me to forget the loneliness and the pain.
Glug, glug-.
When dawn breaks and tomorrow arrives, I will die. I will be swept away by that grand wave of enemy soldiers, my body hacked to pieces until I am nothing but a shred of a corpse.
I have no regrets. No lingering attachments. In fact, this is what I wanted.
Once I die, those who ignored me for being a woman will no longer be able to speak lightly of me. Even my blunt father might shed a single tear once his daughter is gone.
"Ah..."
Perhaps it is because of the wine, but my heart feels unsettled. My resolve, which had been so firm until now, is suddenly overwhelmed by an indescribable emotion.
Drip-.
"Ahhh..."
Blood flows from my eyes. Hot, transparent blood. A Holy Knight must be strong; I must not cry; I must not blubber pathetically.
In truth, one regret remains. A regret I could never admit while sober.
To hear my father say he loves me just once. That is all. With that one phrase, I would die happily.
"Ah, ahhh..."
I spent my entire life striving just to please my father.
Tomorrow, I die.
That fact weighs heavily upon me. I am crushed helplessly.
It is futile. It is unfair. It is sorrowful.
I want to be recognized by my father. I do not even ask to prolong my life miserably. Just once, just once, I want to hear my father tell me that I worked hard.
It feels as if the effort I built up my whole life is collapsing like a burst dam. Just like the salty seawater flowing through my eyelids right now.
Lord.
I do not ask for salvation.
Please, to your sheep.
If you could grant mercy just once.
I would die gladly.
As I prayed with my hands clasped desperately toward the void.
[Hey, Lady? Why don't you lift your head?]
A voice drifted in from the window.
A sticky, smooth, and sweet voice.
Wiping the moisture from my eyes, I looked up. There, I saw a man standing at the window.
Black wings were attached to his back.
Goat horns were embedded in his forehead.
And he held an inverted cross, the symbol of evil.
A tall, pale, and handsome man.
[How pitiful. Honestly, the Lord is too much, don't you think? How could He just let a lovely lady like you die?]
[I wouldn't do that. Now, Lady. Take my hand. Become my subordinate and accept my power. Then you can live, lead this war to victory, be recognized by everyone, and receive more than enough of that fatherly love you crave so much.]
[Now, hurry? You know that opportunities to change your life don't always come around, right?]
It was a sweet voice, enough to tempt anyone instantly.
But my instinct screamed. That man is dangerous.
Moving my hand toward the Greatsword lying beside me, I remained highly alert and asked a quiet question.
"Who are you?"
He spread his arms wide and shouted boisterously.
[I am the Son of Dawn! The Fallen Angel Lucifer! The devil who shall become your salvation!]