Coloring (15)
Coloring (15)
Estelle came back the following evening.
I was sitting in front of the first-floor altar, staring blankly at the stained glass.
Without light behind it, the glass was just a dark, muddied image.
The church door opened with a shriek.
It sounded like a rusted hinge being forced to scream.
I didn't turn my head.
Her footsteps were quiet.
Almost inaudible on the stone floor.
"I'm back."
Estelle's voice was the same as always.
No hint of exhaustion, no trace of excitement.
Like someone who'd stepped out to the corner shop for a pack of cigarettes.
She came and stood beside me.
The neat priestess robes she'd left in were gone, replaced by something inexplicably comfortable-looking.
She smelled faintly of dust and dry grass.
At last, I turned my head to look at her.
Even in the darkness, her red eyes were vivid.
"I heard you had a visitor yesterday."
More confirmation than question.
"How did you know?"
"When the Saintess asks a question, most people tend to answer."
She perched on the altar and swung her legs.
A childlike gesture.
The tips of her shoes sliced small arcs through the air.
"So. What did she have to say?"
"Nothing important. She asked what I was doing at the Perion estate."
I turned my eyes back to the stained glass.
"And?"
Estelle's voice stayed light.
"So I told her I couldn't say — that I'd spent that whole night holding penance prayers with the Saintess.
We were very devoutly praying, after all."
Estelle laughed, a thin giggle escaping her.
The sound echoed low through the empty church.
"Even your ex-fiancée showed up?"
Her tone dipped, so slightly it was almost imperceptible.
"Let that one go."
"...Ah. Hmm. Was that out of line?"
Estelle looked faintly put out.
I hadn't expected this reaction.
I'd thought she'd double down on the mockery.
She touched her lips for a moment, then spoke again.
"I don't know. Do you still love her?"
"Yeah."
The answer came more easily than I'd expected.
"I can tell."
She sat down beside me.
The altar was cold, but I could feel the warmth of her next to me.
We sat without speaking for a while, watching the stained glass sink deeper into darkness.
Outside the window, the wind was blowing.
"I'm still not quite there yet, am I?"
I opened my mouth to answer.
Estelle pressed her index finger to my lips.
The touch was soft and cool.
"No. Don't. Don't say it. I might be, but.
I'm not sure yet, so I won't listen. So don't say it.
I know perfectly well that time will sort these things out.
After all, I'm the one who gets to be alone with you."
She gave a soft laugh and rested her head against my shoulder.
Her hair smelled faintly of apples.
"Anyway, they don't know anything.
They don't even know I was there, so don't worry."
"I'm not worried."
"I know. You don't care about that sort of thing."
"What about you?"
"The old men are telling me to go round up some heretics.
Once a date's set, I'll be gone for a few days. You know you're not supposed to pine away from loneliness and die, right?"
I let her nonsense slide past.
I stood and headed for the small cupboard behind the altar.
"It's nighttime, so coffee seems wrong. How about I brew some tea?"
I took the small tin of tea leaves from the cupboard as I spoke.
She nodded without a word.
We sat side by side for a long time, cupping the warm teacups.
After Estelle finished her tea, she silently took my hand.
Her hand was small and warm.
At some point, this had become part of everyday life.
'If it stays like this... endings, everything — do I even need to go back?'
The next day, I went to class with Estelle.
As always, we walked together, and the stares followed us.
It was a familiar sight by now.
Before long it was lunchtime, and the hallway filled with the clamor of students.
The laughter, the running footsteps, the distant chime of bells.
I leaned against the hallway window, looking out as I waited for Estelle.
Then someone approached me.
A neatly uniformed male student.
A silver Student Council badge gleamed on his chest.
"Student Ravin Edelgard."
I let out a sigh instead of a reply.
He continued, unperturbed.
"The Student Council President is looking for you. She asked that you come to the Student Council Room."
"Tell her I'm busy."
"......"
He hesitated for a moment.
Something almost like embarrassment flickered across his expressionless face.
"President Levina said that if I told you she would let the salad bowl incident slide, you would come."
He delivered the words like an automaton.
At the same time, the image of Levina rose up: blood running from her head while she persisted in what she'd imagined was mercy.
I said nothing.
The student bowed his head and turned away.
I made my way slowly toward the Student Council Room.
The door stood at the end of the hallway.
Heavy, dark-brown wood.
A creak.
The door opened with the sound of old hinges.
Levina was alone inside.
She sat behind a large desk, studying documents.
The student who had brought me gave a silent nod at the door and disappeared.
Thud.
Once the door shut, silence filled the room.
Only the occasional rustle of documents turning.
I stood still and watched her.
The room smelled of ink, aged paper, and the faint hint of Levina's perfume.
How long had it been?
She set down the document she was holding and raised her head.
Our gazes met in the empty air.
"Sit."
Her voice was composed.
I sat wordlessly in the chair she indicated across from her.
The leather chair was cushioned, but it was not comfortable.
"Why did you call me?"
"I hear you've been staying at the church lately. With Estelle, isn't it?"
"So what?"
"And someone found you at the house of the priest who died this time, after you went out in the middle of the night.
Perion or whatever. I don't remember the name."
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"I know. I know it wasn't something you did."
Levina said it matter-of-factly.
"I know Kyle's family caught the wrong person."
She spoke as though only she could possibly understand me.
If I hadn't been cast out of the family, it might have tempted me.
"...What exactly are you trying to say?"
"What happened at the Perion estate. And the archbishop beaten to death.
That crazy bitch Estelle did all of it.
This latest incident probably happened because she dragged you around with her."
She tapped her fingers against the desk.
"Not many people know the Saintess is actually a depraved lunatic.
Even if Estelle did it, it might end up looking like your doing.
So I can cover for you. If that's what you want."
"If I want?"
"Yes. Get away from Estelle.
I'll find you a suitable room.
And I'll give you a living allowance generous enough to cover your needs."
She spoke as though it were a foregone conclusion.
"You've been staying by Estelle's side, so you must know she's not in her right mind.
And that crazy bitch is using you as her dead little brother—"
"I told you plain as day last time that I don't care about any of that."
"What?"
Levina's brow furrowed slightly.
"Ravin. Right now, one misstep and you die.
That's not a metaphor or a threat. I mean it literally."
"What can I do about it?
Just as I was cast out of the family no matter what I did — I might as well accept this the same way."
"I told you, I can give you the Annex."
"I don't need it."
"You think Estelle can protect you?
That reckless fool who relies on nothing but her own power?
She has no faction in the Order. What's she going to do if you get framed?"
"Whether she can protect me, I don't know either.
But at least she'll try. Unlike you."
"I—!"
Levina started to say something, then clamped her mouth shut.
Her face twisted for an instant.
She rose from her seat and walked to the window.
With her back turned, she stood silent for a while.
Her shoulders were trembling faintly.
The room filled only with her rough breathing.
She turned back, pressing her fingers to her brow, and glared at me for a long moment before she spoke again.
Her voice was sharper and far less steady than before.
"It's always like this when I'm with you.
Why can't you just accept that I want to help you?
Instead we just get into these stupid goddamn verbal fights.
Just do as I tell you! Is that so hard?"
She shouted at last.
Bang!
Her fist slammed down on the desk.
"I don't care where you stay.
But don't stay next to Estelle. Please.
It's dangerous. You'll end up in danger too."
The pens on the desk scattered and clattered.
"At least — at least we share the same blood!
It's because we're family that I'm doing this!
If it were anyone else, I'd have already...!"
She spoke between gasps.
Desperation and rage mingled in her voice.
She seemed to expect that I would be shaken by these words, or at least show some reaction.
"Since when were we family?"
I rose from my chair.
Then I walked slowly toward Levina.
The memory surfaced of strangling Levina in this room before.
Why had I done it?
She took my revolver.
I suppose watching me die in front of her had left quite an impression.
Enough to drive her to theft, anyway.
'Ravin' had never hated Levina, no matter how she treated him.
Not the way I did, at least.
He had only ever envied her.
He accepted his station as a matter of course.
In a slightly twisted way.
I stopped in front of her desk.
I picked up a pen from the floor, then set it back onto the desk.
"Noona."
In that instant, Levina's expression blanked.
As if time had stopped.
"...Ah."
A meaningless sound slipped from her lips.
She simply stared at me blankly, then glanced at the pen on the floor, then looked back at my face.
Then she came toward me, reaching out her hand, slowly.
A trembling hand.
"You, you. What you just said. Say it again..."
I caught her wrist lightly and removed it from me.
Right now, I didn't want to be caught up in 'Ravin's' emotions or memories.
"Why did you do it to me?"
I walked past her, heading for the door.
Levina called my name in a very small voice.
That voice was shaking.
With my hand on the doorknob, I paused for a moment.
But I didn't look back.
Without giving any answer, I opened the door and walked out.
There had been no need to be afraid.
Why had he always been so afraid?
I wanted to see Estelle.
The hallway was still quiet.
I leaned against the window, started to take out a cigarette, then tucked it back inside my coat.