Vestige (18)
A lot of time passed.
Graduation was right around the corner.
I'd spent the intervening days half torn apart between Serepina and Estelle, getting blind drunk most nights, but no real problems.
Problems only become problems once they blow up.
Until then, they're just dead weight taking up space in your head.
Levina hadn't thrown any more hysterics after that day, either.
Once in a very long while, she'd turn up at my room drunk and ask if we could try the thing from last time again. Sometimes I'd walk in and find her already there, drunk out of her mind, and she'd pin me down and try to strangle me—but a slap or two usually sorted her out.
The next day, whether she remembered anything or not, she'd bring me an amount of money that was far too much to call pocket money, along with a load of needlessly high-end tobacco leaves and liquor.
Since mixed in with the pile of gifts was a small tin of sticky white powder, I didn't bother to thank her.
I couldn't afford to drug myself all day and lose what was left of my memory of this loop.
Some of the things that happened before my last death—I remembered that they happened, but the details were gone.
They lingered only as faint afterimages with no texture or color.
At any rate, everything seemed to be passing quietly. Smooth, no hidden disasters blowing open.
At least Estelle and Serepina hadn't tried to kill each other face-to-face yet. That probably counted as no problem.
Maybe that was only because it had gotten hard to see Estelle's face lately.
These days, heretics were turning up in droves, even around the capital, not just in remote villages.
And that was only the ones the locals had noticed and reported to the Church or the local nobles.
The number of priests who had infiltrated the Church from within—like during the Rineta incident—was nothing to scoff at either.
I'd asked Estelle to find out the names of the priests who were actually hidden heretics and had written them down one by one in a notebook. Every night before sleep, I went over those names.
I'd never fixated on anyone this hard—not even Serepina, when I was still writing her letters.
Whether they'd been heretics from the start or someone had popped their lids and broken their brains, I didn't have the time to think about each case.
Those little details weren't what mattered to me.
Just call it bad luck.
Anyway, today I was out with Estelle, tagging along with the holy knights she'd be fighting alongside once the demons invaded. We'd come to a village where heretics were supposedly gathered.
I'd had to wait in the carriage at a distance, though.
After a while, smoke rose in the distance. Some time later, Estelle came back.
"I practically had to throw my weight around to get you to come this far. Thanks for coming."
"It's nice seeing your face for so long."
She opened the carriage door and reached out a hand, smiling.
Like a lady accepting an escort, I took her hand and stepped lightly down.
There was a faint scent of soap in her hair.
"So. While I was gone—nothing happened with that woman, did it?"
I smiled.
"We just went to cafés together. That's all."
The look in Estelle's eyes didn't soften.
"You've never even been to a café with me."
"Do you have a favorite dessert or something?"
I changed the subject.
Nothing good ever came of letting a conversation revolve around Serepina.
Estelle clearly didn't appreciate the redirection, but she went along with it.
"Hmm, cake? I don't know. I haven't been to many places like that."
After that, her tone turned oddly curt.
Still better than spending the whole day hearing her say that it was only natural to prefer the girl she'd grown up with since childhood over someone she'd only just met.
After enduring Estelle like that, I'd go back to my room and chain-smoke tobacco. Then Levina would show up and spout some horseshit about how we'd already done it once so why not tangle tongues again. On those nights, I'd find myself treating Levina rougher than usual, without quite meaning to.
I was walking with Estelle for a good while, lost in those pointless thoughts, when a sudden, enormous scream ripped through the air.
I turned my head and saw the holy knights. They appeared to have doused a villager in oil and set him alight.
The burning figure shrieked and ran through the center of the village like a madman, then collapsed. He began to twist and char where he lay.
The stench of burning flesh rode the wind, thick and foul.
There is no world where the guilty get what they deserve.
I'm proof enough of that.
All the things I did to Estelle in a previous life have been wiped clean, so now I get to start over as if nothing ever happened.
For the decent, the ones with a conscience—maybe just surviving in this world is the punishment.
Living your whole life squeezed dry by nobles so full of themselves they can't stand a world where people don't grovel at their feet, convincing yourself you're happy in your own way—and then demons invade, and you die.
The sheer pointlessness of it.
Not that I pitied the heretics. But burning them was a bit much.
There are limits. Burning someone alive still crosses a line.
The fire, started with oil, sputtered out before long.
The body was still twitching. Still alive, it seemed.
I thought about pulling the revolver from my waist, but I remembered what Serepina had taught me.
I gathered mana at my fingertips for a long moment and aimed straight for the head.
A flash of blue light. The twitching thing's head vanished without a trace.
The two holy knights who'd been kicking at the body and giggling shot me a startled look.
"Not really a subject for casual conversation while watching someone burn," I muttered.
Estelle shrugged.
"There were no 'people' here. Every last one of them—even the children—ate human flesh."
She took a slow step forward and kicked a stone that had caught on her toe.
The stone didn't roll. It split in half and flew off somewhere.
"There was grain piled up in the storehouse. They wouldn't have starved to death or anything."
"Storehouse? I didn't see one coming in."
"You think I'd bring you somewhere dangerous?"
Estelle paused, clearing her throat with a small sound.
"While you were waiting in the carriage, we gathered everything there and burned it. Right now, we're hunting down the ones who hid or ran."
"......."
I said nothing.
Estelle had said it as casually as if she'd just had soup and bread for lunch.
"Anyway. Any trouble from the Church?"
"What kind of trouble?"
"About you going around with me like this. That sort of thing."
"None. And I'd ignore it if there was. Those old men have their hands full with the heretics. They don't have the energy to fuss over every little thing."
I didn't reply.
We walked for a long while. An aging holy knight trudged over, shot me a sidelong glare, then spoke.
"Saintess. Purification is complete."
"Well done. Prepare to withdraw, then. From the mess scattered everywhere, we'll have to move again within a few days—so go back and get some proper rest. Ah, and have a carriage ready for us."
The holy knight nodded and walked off.
Estelle and I crossed the harvested wheat fields surrounding the village and climbed into the waiting carriage.
Before long, the wheels began to turn.
Estelle left the seat opposite empty and sat down right beside me.
She laid a hand on my thigh and whispered.
"You do realize coming all the way out here in a carriage is ridiculous, don't you? The Saintess arranged it specially for you."
I ran my hands over Estelle's body as she leaned in and traded shallow kisses.
She wore an ecstatic expression. I didn't feel much of anything.
Once I got back to the academy, I'd have to manage Serepina's mood—she'd cross-examine me about what Estelle and I had done alone together. I'd take her around to eat sweets or whatever to smooth things over. Meanwhile, Levina would snipe at me, demanding to know why I kept crawling into dangerous places of my own accord, and spit out unpleasant words.
At least my sister shut her mouth when you raised a hand to her. Did that make her the better option?
I'd rather Serepina just slapped me instead of bringing up Estelle.
At least a slap wouldn't give me a headache.
By the time I'd finished a meaningless back-and-forth with Estelle, the carriage had reached the capital.
The night streets glittered brilliantly, as if nothing had happened at all.
After escorting Estelle back to the Church that night, I returned to my room and spent the rest of the day draining a bottle.
Once the demons invaded, I'd be hard-pressed to drink anyway.
Everyone was acting like nothing would ever happen.
Serepina. Estelle. They only craved love.
Levina had eyes only for me.
I was the only one who knew. And to save Rineta, I had to move on to the next. An anxious restlessness gnawed at me.
Sometimes it felt like my heart had been more at ease back when it burned up and died—back when I'd let go of everything and acted like a fool.
But I had to do something.
I have to do something.
There had to be a reason I opened my eyes in this place.
A reason I became 'Ravin.'
A reason I kept coming back no matter how many times I died.
This time, it felt like the opponent had changed.
I'd had that thought every time I met Serepina.
A strange pressure was squeezing the breath out of me.
Even if I said it out loud, no one would take it seriously.
The people who claimed to love me—they loved me. Not the horseshit that came out of my mouth.
Levina had gotten drunk in my room, raised a ruckus, gotten slapped, cried, and fallen asleep. I laid her down on the bed, then leaned back on the sofa. I lit a cigarette and turned over useless thoughts.
They weren't pleasant.