The Weight of Freedom
Haah, haah, haah…….
I let out ragged breaths. Being a Grand Duke apparently made no difference — his broad chest was heaving up and down just the same.
The surroundings were silent. Perhaps because this was the first time anyone had ever seen the Grand Duke's breathing fall into disarray.
'And I suppose it must be hard to believe that the one who threw that breathing into chaos was his butler, of all people.'
But in the end, the victor had been the Grand Duke. Maybe that was only to be expected.
I looked down at the wooden sword resting just beneath my chin and spoke.
"I lost."
At that, the Grand Duke withdrew his wooden sword and said,
"No. I lost."
"……Pardon?"
When I stared at him in a daze, he lifted the hem of his left sleeve. It had been torn through, roughly a handspan's length.
Ah!
'……I touched him!'
I've become strong enough — strong enough to reach the Grand Duke!
My heart pounded. The truth was, over the past two years I had poured out tremendous effort to reach the level I once had as Sia.
It had been, realistically speaking, an impossible goal. My body was different, and the aura each body held was different, which had given me quite a hard time.
And yet — even granting that I still hadn't revealed the full extent of my abilities — the fact that I had managed to touch the Grand Duke, the strongest knight in the Cadea Empire, carried enormous weight.
Hoo, hoo……. Taking a deep breath, I looked back and forth between the Grand Duke's torn sleeve and the Grand Duke's eyes.
He spoke in a gentle tone I had never heard from him before.
"At this point, calling it a graze would be generous — it's a full tear. You won, fair and square."
A sigh escaped me at his words. Before the thrill of the duel had even faded, relief came flooding in.
I did it……. I'm finally free of confinement…….
Struggling to contain the surge of emotion, I placed a hand over my chest and bowed my head.
"Thank you for granting such an insolent request, Your Grace."
"……"
Whatever my reasons might have been, defying the Grand Duke's orders, bursting out of my room, and demanding a duel out of nowhere was undeniably an act of disrespect, after all.
But no answer came, despite my apology.
Why the silence?
'Normally, wouldn't he say something like "It's fine," or "That infuriated me — let's go again"?'
I raised my head slightly, meaning to check the Grand Duke's expression — only for his broad, well-filled chest to fill my field of vision instead.
Huh?
Confused by the unexpected sight, I lifted my gaze further, and only then did his face come into view. He had closed the distance to stand directly in front of me without my noticing.
As I stood there blinking in surprise, the Grand Duke reached out his hand toward me. Then, after a brief hesitation, the hand that had been approaching as if it would touch my face abruptly changed course and came to rest on my left shoulder.
"Are you hurt anywhere?"
"……Ah, no, I'm not."
Hah……. A short sigh slipped out of me.
"Good."
His hand, which had been gently wrapped around my shoulder, soon fell away.
"I don't consider it insolent. If anything……."
"……"
Then, without warning, he smiled.
'Uh-oh?'
That smile again!
I'd seen it recently enough, but I never expected to see it again in a moment like this. Apparently I wasn't the only one taken aback — the spectators, stunned by the Grand Duke's smile, had begun to murmur among themselves.
Still holding that faint but unmistakable smile, the Grand Duke said,
"If anything, I am nothing short of delighted that a talent of this caliber belongs to our House."
That praise. That smile.
'That was sincere.'
Thump, thump, thumpppp—.
My heart was racing. Whether it was because his praise felt so unfamiliar, or because his smile was so beautiful, even I couldn't quite tell.
Staring blankly at his face, I murmured,
"……Thank, ……you, ……Your Grace."
My voice was small and the words came out halting, but the Grand Duke acted as if nothing were amiss. He turned toward the crowd that had gathered and called out loudly,
"The duel is over. Let everyone gathered here serve as witness that this was a legitimate duel, free of any and all foul play."
Whoa! The moment the Grand Duke declared the end of the match, the spectators erupted in cheers.
It felt like the signal flare announcing my return to butler duty had gone off.
***
"You called for me, Your Grace?"
It was the day after the duel. He had summoned me just as I was leaving the bedchamber at dawn to resume my duties.
The Grand Duke told me to wait a moment, then opened a desk drawer and took something out.
In the meantime, my eyes darted sidelong to the Grand Duke's immaculately made bed.
There was no sign that he had ever lain down in it.
Does he even sleep?
'……If anyone needs rest, I'd say it's the Grand Duke, not me?'
From today onward, I would have to feed him plenty of teas and foods known to aid restful sleep. As the Grand Duke's butler, managing his condition was one of my most fundamental duties, after all.
'He needs to be in peak condition until the Hunting Festival, too.'
Right. I'll make sure you collapse face-first into your bed without even realizing it, Your Grace.
I was plotting his bedtime in my head when the Grand Duke approached me. In his large hand was a small, flat wooden box.
At the mere sight of a wooden box, an unpleasant memory surfaced, and I flinched for a moment.
The Grand Duke, having come near, spoke.
"You were hiding your strength."
"Pardon?"
"If you had shown everything, you might have beaten me."
At his words, I gave a casual shrug.
"Weren't you holding back as well, Your Grace? You never used your aura, either."
"That's—."
"Besides, my master told me to conceal my strength. He said that hidden abilities could one day become the very weapon that saves my life."
The Grand Duke nodded at that.
"……A good teacher, then."
"That's right."
I smiled faintly, thinking of our old man.
Then, without warning, the Grand Duke thrust his hand toward me.
'Huh? Hasn't this happened before—.'
Before the thought could finish, the tips of his fingers had found my dog collar.
Tap—.
Huh?
As the Grand Duke gave the collar a light tug, it slipped off my neck with ridiculous ease.
Shhk—. He tossed the ribbon with its blue gem carelessly onto the floor and looked at me.
"It must have been suffocating. You bore it well."
"……What are you doing right now—."
"It seemed unnecessary now."
"……"
Unnecessary, ……you say?
'Then…….'
Don't tell me…….
'You're going to grant me my freedom, Grand Duke?!'
My heart began to flutter ever so slightly. And then — click — the Grand Duke opened the wooden box and drew out a necklace.
Uh……?
Another necklace? Another one?!
'Are you toying with me, you—!'
As I glared at the necklace dangling from the Grand Duke's fingertips, he set the wooden box down and turned me around to face away from him.
Fastening the necklace around my neck, he said,
"There's nothing worth staring at like that. This necklace has none of those leash-like functions."
"Pardon? Then……."
I turned back to the Grand Duke and awkwardly fingered the necklace he had fastened for me. A slender golden cord with a purple gem the size of a pinky nail set at its center.
'An amethyst?'
It was similar in color to the Grand Duke's eyes, and somehow, I liked it.
Watching my fingertips toy with the gem, he said,
"It's a necklace that aids stamina. A butler is the one who needs stamina most among all the members of House Aldion."
Oh? Is it some kind of magic tool?
Come to think of it, the moment I put it on, a warm heat had spread through my body — no wonder I'd felt ready to dash off at any moment.
'Only an idiot would refuse a magic tool like this.'
I bowed politely and gave a light laugh.
"Then I'll gladly accept it. I'll treasure it always and never forget Your Grace's kindness. Thank you, Your Grace."
"……Mm."
"Well then, I'll take my leave."
Straining to suppress the urge to skip down the stairs two at a time, I made my way to the first floor. It was still the dark of early morning, but I wanted to shout at the top of my lungs.
'I! Have no more dog collar! Ahhh!'
Freedom! Freeeeedom!
'True freedom! The freedom to go wherever I please!'
That freedom……. It's real…….
'Freedom…….'
Sniffling, I stopped for a moment in the middle of the corridor.
"……"
Freedom, huh.
It was something I had never once considered in my entire life — not since my days as Sia, not through any of it.
'When I was Sia, staying by Serhin's side had simply seemed like the natural order of things…….'
And now?
'What about now?'
Now that freedom was actually in my grasp, nothing came to mind. I had assumed that the moment I gained it, I'd want to leave the Grand Duke's residence right away.
And yet, the instant the Grand Duke had torn my dog collar away, what I felt wasn't exhilaration, but a strange, aching pang of loss.
Don't tell me I have that kind of taste?
I shook my head quickly.
'Maybe it's just that I used the dog collar as an excuse, and ended up adapting far too completely to life at the Grand Duke's residence…….'
Yes, that's it. I've been soaked through. By the warmth of the people in this residence, by butler work that suited me better than I'd expected, and by the stability of belonging to House Aldion.
'Still, the fact remains that I have to leave this place.'
Even if not right away.
'I need to think this through carefully.'
Freedom would take a great deal of money, after all.
'And if I want to make money, there's nowhere better than House Aldion.'
And more than anything…… I didn't want to leave the Grand Duke's residence just yet…….
'I've only just earned the Grand Duke's trust — I can't up and leave now.'
Trust……. Trust, of all things.
Trust between that Grand Duke and me?! He tore off my dog collar, and he fastened a precious magic tool around my neck, telling me it would help my stamina —
'Isn't that proof that he acknowledges me as one of House Aldion's own, that he trusts me?!'
That was why I felt so deeply moved. Of course, I had long since shelved the old plan of slitting the Grand Duke's throat, but still — the feeling of finally belonging somewhere, of having earned someone's trust, was not something I could possibly remain unmoved by.
My neck felt strangely empty. Truthfully, that dog collar and this stamina necklace had weighed about the same.
But because the meaning held within the two necklaces was so different, the weight I felt was as far apart as heaven and earth.
Resting one hand against the corridor wall, I bowed my head for a moment.
Hahh……. My nose stings.
I rubbed the tip of my nose briskly, sniffled once, and started walking down the corridor again.
How light. My footsteps were light, the space beneath my throat was light, and my heart was light.
Having quite forgotten how, just moments ago, I'd been sniffling with tears brimming in my eyes, I hummed a little tune as I descended the stairs.