An Unmistakable Instinct
Lefonya froze at the blunt, unfiltered apology. Turning her head, she saw Havelian’s contorted face.
It looked remarkably like the expression she used to make whenever someone beat her as a child.
Did the director hit him?
No. The very premise that an Aura Master could be struck by a nobody like that director was utterly absurd.
He doesn’t even look bruised. Why is he making a face like he just took a severe beating? I’m the one who almost got hit.
As if he had no expectation of hearing an answer, Havelian simply continued his frantic confession.
“It’s... it’s my fault. I never wanted something like this to happen. I, I... No. I am so, so sorry. I was wrong.”
It was a strange feeling.
In all of Lefonya’s life, Havelian was the very first person to apologize so wholeheartedly for his own wrongdoing. She had heard casual, offhand mutterings of regret before, but never had anyone practically begged and pleaded, desperately seeking her forgiveness like this.
Because of that, Lefonya found herself unable to say a single word. She could neither tell him it was alright, nor offer to forgive him.
“I regretted it the moment you were gone, Lefonya.”
“...”
“I was so consumed by self-pity that I didn’t even realize sending you to an orphanage was abandoning you. I just... I don’t even understand why I ever thought that way.”
Havelian pulled her into a fierce embrace.
Seeing this man—who looked as though he would maintain rigid, impeccable posture even in his sleep—muttering with such sorrowful, hesitant tenderness felt strangely pitiable. When Lefonya let out a soft sigh, Havelian flinched.
Gently setting her down from his arms, Havelian dropped to one knee before her.
“I never wanted you to be hurt. The moment the carriage carrying you departed, I snapped to my senses and realized the horrific thing I had done.”
Murmuring in bitter self-reproach, Havelian carefully buttoned Pelens’s coat around Lefonya so the chill wouldn't reach her. Even after that, he took off his own coat and draped it over her small shoulders as well.
“I was just a pathetic coward. I was terrified... terrified of myself for accepting you as my sister, as my family.”
...Huh?
Accepting me as his sister? As family?
Lefonya sifted through her memories of the time she had spent with him. They had sat side by side studying, and he had answered thoroughly whenever she asked questions, but...
...That counted as accepting me as his sister?
She wondered in all seriousness if Havelian normally just gave anyone else the cold shoulder.
“I convinced myself that doing so would be betraying our lost sister.” Having finished fastening the buttons, Havelian clasped Lefonya’s tiny hands in his trembling palms. “If I accepted you like this... if even I accepted you...”
Havelian rested his forehead lightly against her small frame.
“I was terrified that no one would be left to remember her anymore, so I lashed out.” His hollow murmur trembled with raw grief. “I thought everything would be fine once you were out of sight... but the moment you vanished from before my eyes—”
Havelian choked on a breath.
“I couldn’t breathe.”
The gentle weight of Havelian leaning against her calmed the turmoil that had been churning inside her chest just moments before.
“I don’t know why. I really don’t. But... I was so terrified that if I lost you like this, I would regret it forever,” Havelian muttered frantically, his voice shaking. “Just like when I couldn’t do a single thing and lost Mother... just like when we lost my sister back then.”
“...”
“I was terrified that I would fail to protect you and lose you too.”
Havelian lifted his bowed head. Lefonya’s mouth fell open in shock.
“*Gasp.*”
Havelian, who had never once shifted his expression or lost his composure no matter what happened, was quietly shedding tears.
He’s... he’s crying?
Seeing his eyes rimmed with red, Lefonya instinctively reached out and placed her small palm over his wet eyes. She darted her gaze around, but fortunately, no one seemed to be watching. As the heir to House Craitan, a celebrated genius since childhood, and an instructor at the Military Academy, she felt an urgent need to protect him from anyone witnessing him in such a vulnerable state.
“...I’m sorry.”
The small palm covering Havelian’s eyes quickly grew damp.
“You can curse at me or even hit me.”
That’s hardly something you should be saying to a five-year-old.
“It’s fine if you hate me. But Lefonya, please, just let me keep apologizing to you. That’s all I ask. I was wrong.”
“...”
“I know it’s time to let go. I know I have to stop clinging to the past eventually. I—”
“Teacher.”
Lefonya cut him off in a soft, clear voice.
“You don’t have to stop.”
She whispered gently, tilting her head.
“It’s not like solving an exam problem; how could you just cut it off cleanly like that? Keep looking until you have no regrets. That’s the only way you won’t linger on it later.”
“...”
“And alsooo...”
Lefonya trailed off and cleared her throat with an adorable little cough. Pulling her hand away from his eyes, she lightly patted Havelian’s disheveled platinum-blond hair.
“I’m right here.”
His glistening, blood-red eyes mirrored her tiny reflection.
“You didn’t lose me. Teacher came to save me, didn’t you?”
Lefonya understood Havelian. She had understood him from the very start—his suspicions, his wariness, and even his relentless attempts to push her away.
Granted, I didn’t expect him to literally dump me at an orphanage.
She had been incandescent with rage when he abandoned her there, but as time passed, she simply came to understand. To Havelian, Lefonya must have looked like a plunderer who had stolen everything that belonged to his lost sister. His refusal to readily accept her merely showed how deeply he loved his missing sister, and how fiercely he believed she was still alive out there somewhere.
Which meant...
Later, when Lefonya was disowned and had to leave this place, Havelian would probably remember the space she had once filled for a long, long time, just as he did now.
That was why she could understand all of it.
Of course, understanding him was one thing; trusting him was quite another.
“Lefonya.”
Havelian, tears still trickling down his cheeks, clasped the tiny hand that had been patting his head.
“Let’s... let’s be brother and sister.”
“...”
“I want you to be my sister... No, I want to be your older brother. I don’t know. I can’t explain it any better than that. You might never forgive me, but... never again. I will never let something like this happen again.”
Havelian gathered Lefonya tight against him, tenderly stroking her back.
“I will protect you... no matter what. Just give me one chance.”
Havelian had gathered Lefonya, whom he had once cast away, back into his embrace. Held securely in his arms, Lefonya wrapped her arms around his neck in return and gave a small nod.
“...Okay.”
Of course, having abandoned her once, doing so a second time would be even easier, but at least nothing like this would happen for a while.
Lefonya’s expression barely shifted.
I’m so tired.
It was finally over now, surely. Lefonya closed her eyes.
The moment Lefonya’s body went limp like an empty husk, Havelian let out a panicked shout as if the world itself were collapsing—completely oblivious to the fact that she was merely fast asleep, purring softly. Only after the Duke approached and informed him that she was simply sleeping did he finally manage to calm down.
With Lefonya resting soundly in Havelian’s arms, the knights of House Craitan arrived.
The instant the Duke had received the blackmail letter claiming they held Lefonya, he had mobilized the knights without wasting a single second on verifying its authenticity. Losing someone because of hesitation and caution was a tragedy he would endure only once in his life. He had no intention of repeating that mistake.
“Transfer the children to the orphanage Havel mentioned. Inform them that I will visit in person soon to inspect the facilities myself.”
“Yes, Your Grace.”
“If they find it difficult to take in so many children all at once, tell them we will provide a sizable donation. And ensure they know the donation will be made under the young lady’s name.”
“Understood, my Lord.”
A detachment of House Craitan’s knights loaded the children who had been trapped at the abusive orphanage onto carriages and mounts, escorting them safely back toward the capital.
Having finished overseeing the arrangements, Pelens quietly walked over to Havelian’s side.
“If Ponya’s asleep, hand her over. Let me hold her.”
“Why bother when she might wake up if I pass her to you?”
“You’re not even close to Ponya yet, Brother. Did you apologize properly? I don’t even need to ask. Kindhearted Ponya probably just let you off the hook.”
Havelian’s brow furrowed faintly.
“I asked her to be my sister, and she agreed. And as for the apology... I gave it, but I intend to keep asking for her forgiveness in the days to come. I never expected to be forgiven all at once.”
Pelens let out a dry, incredulous scoff.
“Brother and sister? Ha. Have you ever even heard Ponya call you ‘Brother’? Because my Fluffball calls me that every single day.”
Havelian flinched. He *had* heard her call him that once—except that was right before he forced her onto the carriage to abandon her at the orphanage.
“If I had returned to the estate sooner than you, I would have grown far closer to her than you have.”
“Then you should have come sooner.”
Havelian froze at Pelens’s offhand retort. Lowering his gaze, he pressed his lips into a tight line.
“...I suppose so.”
What was I so afraid of all this time?
Havelian looked toward the Duke of Craitan. The Duke had stepped inside the battered orphanage building to confiscate every ledger, record, and adoption document stored within. His determination to ensure the director faced total social and legal annihilation was unmistakable.
“Pelens.”
At Havelian’s call, Pelens turned his head.
“I’ve never felt this way looking at any other child. It feels almost like the moment I first awakened my aura. Every single sense... is screaming at me never to let her go.”
Pelens gazed at Havelian with a calm, solemn expression. More precisely, his eyes were fixed on Lefonya, who was fast asleep in Havelian’s arms.
“I don’t think it’s simply because she resembles Mother. Among those who came claiming to be the lost daughter over the years, there were some who bore an uncanny resemblance to Mother, yet I never felt anything like this before. This anxious, suffocating terror of losing her... Do you feel it too?”
“...That feeling you're talking about, Brother.”
“...”
“That bizarre sensation you can't put into words. The instinct shouting that we have to hold on to her no matter what.” Pelens clenched his fists tightly. “Both Father and I felt the exact same thing.”
Havelian caught his breath.
“Even if it could be called a coincidence for the two of us, if you feel it as well, Brother... could this truly be just a coincidence?”
Five years old. An age at which she couldn't possibly be their lost sister. Yet three Aura Masters were experiencing the exact same inexplicable instinct at the very same time.
Havelian tightened his embrace around Lefonya.