A Desperate Bargain

Aria's face, twisted in rare panic, was quite the sight. Watching her, I felt an inexplicable rush of satisfaction. But I kept it hidden, responding with the utmost gentlemanly composure.

"No, that's not it at all. I simply have no intention of marrying anyone right now."

"Ah..."

It's all because of you. Because you abandoned me so cruelly back then, I can no longer believe in something like love. I wanted to hurl ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠those words at this villainess right to her face. But I couldn't possibly say something so blunt. In the end, what came out of my mouth was nothing but a pathetic excuse.

"There are still many things I haven't accomplished, and quite a few things I want to do."

"......"

Aria stared at the floor with her lips pressed tightly together, her expression complicated.

"So I believe marriage is still too premature for me. Therefore, let's dissolve this engagement in three months..."

"W-why..."

For a moment, I thought I heard Aria choke back a sob.

"Why does it have to be that way? From what you said, if it's not an immediate marriage, then an engagement shouldn't matter much, right...?"

"No... an engagement is still part of the path to marriage, isn't it? Even if it's just a formal one, it would naturally restrict my freedom more than staying single. There would be various constraints compared to being alone, and more responsibilities to bear."

"B-but... if we make an effort not to interfere with each other..."

"Effort doesn't solve everything. And above all, you know as well as I do, my lady, that a marriage without love only ends in misery."

"That's... still..."

For some strange reason, I got ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the feeling that Aria was strangely fixated on this engagement with me. But who are you to say that? You already rejected me once in the past. You said you didn't even want to look at my face anymore. You claimed you'd found someone else you liked. At this point, our engagement means nothing. Our hearts have already drifted apart—what's the point of an engagement now?

My silence seemed to darken Aria's expression even further.

"......"

Yet as I continued to observe her quietly, something about Aria seemed off. She suddenly fell silent, biting her lower lip anxiously, before her pale face gradually flushed red.

What is that?Is she acting again?

I was making a puzzled face when she spoke.

"If it's not too shameless of me... could I ask you for just one favor...?"

"Yes. Let's hear it."

"If you truly dislike it, you don't have to marry me... but could you possibly delay the dissolution of our engagement for just one year? Just one year...?"

"......"

"I will truly make every effort not to interfere with you at all. I'll do my best to avoid meddling in your affairs, so... just one year..."

Why? Why was she acting so pathetically? It wasn't as if I couldn't guess the reason, but I decided to ask anyway, just in case.

"...May I ask for the reason?"

"Well..."

Aria couldn't answer right away. After a moment of hesitation, she clasped her hands in front of her chest and timidly listed her reasons.

"No matter what, this is a match arranged by our parents. Breaking it off after just three months seems far too hasty.... And by now, the news that we're engaged has probably spread to all the surrounding families. If we annul it in such a short time, it could negatively affect our reputations..."

Ah. I understood immediately. This woman was worried about her own reputation taking a hit. Of course. An engagement broken after only three months was perfect fodder for wild speculation among the noble houses. The eldest daughter of the illustrious Count Grace family, jilted? They would say they knew it would happen, that there must be some flaw in her that led to the rejection. And once they learned the man had initiated the breakup, they would surely gossip about it with glee.

So that's why she was desperately trying to prevent the annulment. All for the sake of her own reputation and future. Just how selfish and self-centered could this villainess be? To think only of her own dignity even now.

...However, I couldn't view it in such simplistic terms. This engagement involved me as well. No matter how much of a villainess she was, she was still the daughter of a rather wealthy count's family. If we broke it off so quickly, others would undoubtedly scramble to find some flaw in either her or me. Inevitably, my own reputation would suffer as well.

In that case, it would be best to concede this round and plan for the future. After carefully weighing the pros and cons in my head, I finally reached that conclusion.

"...Very well. I also think three months is too soon. Instead, one year. Once the year you mentioned has passed, we will dissolve this engagement immediately. Is that acceptable?"

"Y-yes..."

With that, she would have nothing left to say. After all, there was no chance I would ever marry this villainess. No matter what nonsense she pulled in the meantime, once the year was up, I would find a way to end it.

With that thought, I subtly studied Aria's complexion. She was biting her lower lip hard, her face suggesting she had much to say but was holding it back. Somehow, the longer I looked, the more pitiful she seemed. What could that expression possibly mean?

I had deliberately said harsh things to get a rise out of her, yet seeing her react this way left me feeling strangely unsettled and uncomfortable.

It was evening, after all my daily tasks were finished. I curled up on my side on the bed in the dark, empty room and softly whispered his name. Just saying it made my chest tighten painfully, and something hot rose up my throat.

Leo. My beloved Leo. No matter how many times I said it, I never grew tired of that precious name.

Having vividly remembered the sense of loss from losing him once before, I was endlessly grateful that he was still alive and well like this. He didn't know, but during my time studying abroad, I had secretly used servants to check on his well-being every single day without fail and receive updates about him.

What if something happened to him? What if he got caught up in something dangerous? I had spent every day in constant worry.

In truth, right after my regression, I had desperately wanted to stay by Leo's side. However, the words my master had spoken in my previous life held me back.

In other words, if my relationship with Leo remained the same as in the past, the same tragedy would repeat itself. Even though I knew I would regret it later, saving Leo was my top priority. So right after regressing, I forced out cold words I didn't mean, swallowed my tears, and left him.

I still couldn't forget the bewildered look on Leo's face when I announced our separation. It was only natural. By timing, I had rejected him less than a month after confessing first. It would have been strange if he hadn't been hurt. How much pain had he endured? How difficult must it have been? I couldn't even begin to imagine.

I knew that Leo had lived only for me. Just as I had lived only for him. I knew it better than anyone. And yet I had coldly pushed him away. It was an unforgivable act.

But if I had left any room for hope, Leo would surely have clung to his feelings and followed me when I left to study abroad. So I left him as heartlessly as possible, keeping my face as emotionless as I could.

I knew it. No matter how much I wanted to turn back time now, it was impossible. I had thought about it constantly. Weren't there countless gentler ways to say it instead of being so cruel? My thinking had been too shortsighted. At the time, I had no mental room left and ended up saying things that should never have been said.

Still, I had always rationalized it to myself as unavoidable. If I hadn't left him immediately and stayed by his side, the events of my previous life would have repeated exactly. Because even if I had the whole world, it would mean nothing without Leo beside me.

Thus, I spent five incredibly lonely and desolate years. But I couldn't just do nothing during those five years apart from Leo, so while studying abroad, I relied on my memories of the previous life to preemptively eliminate any threats to the future and built up my own strength.

I trained both body and mind so I could overcome any danger that came. They were hard and grueling days, but I endured each one by thinking of Leo's face.

Even then, I received daily reports about Leo through the maid Marie. Knowing from my previous life that Marie had a connection with Sebastian, the Stuart family's butler, making such a request wasn't particularly difficult.

Of course, given that I had ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠rejected him once, going to see him directly was impossible... but simply confirming that he was alive and well was enough. It should have been enough.

Then, about a month ago, devastating news struck like a bolt from the blue. Count Stuart, Leo's father, had sent letters to various nearby families seeking a marriage partner for his son.

The moment I heard it, it felt as if the sky had collapsed. Leo marrying another woman? Just the thought made my heart feel like it would tear apart. I could barely breathe.

This couldn't happen. Leo was mine.

After hearing that news, I couldn't focus on anything. I spent days holed up in my room, groaning in agony. Then a miraculous thing happened. The letter from the Stuart family seeking a bride had also arrived at ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠our house.

Coincidentally, that day marked exactly five years since I had left Leo. There was no need to think long. I hurried back from my studies abroad and begged my father to immediately arrange the marriage with him.

I insisted that marrying him was essential for the family's future and that I myself desired the union. I persuaded my father with desperate fervor.

Originally, I had planned not only to stay away for five years but to avoid approaching him until the day of his death in my previous life. But once the marriage talks began, I couldn't just sit idly by.

If I didn't hold onto him now, it felt like he would slip away from me forever. Besides, the five years my master had mentioned had already passed, so I judged that I could afford to be a little greedy now.

Persuading my father wasn't too difficult. My doting father would gladly grant any request I made, and from his perspective, someone of Leo's caliber was an impeccable first-rate groom.

Count Stuart also responded positively to a marriage with our family, and that was how we had reached the present.

Naturally, Leo's own wishes were a separate matter. It made sense—he was now supposed to marry the woman who had once rejected him. I knew he couldn't possibly be happy about it.

But it couldn't be helped. This too was the result of my choices. It was a responsibility I had to bear entirely. Above all, I simply could not endure the thought of Leo belonging to someone else.

Even though a one-year grace period had been created...

If it meant I could stay by his side like this, it was far better than never seeing him again.

"I'm sorry, Leo..."

Even though I knew he couldn't hear me, I murmured to myself. I'm sorry for leaving you like that back then. I'm sorry for leaving on my own and now clinging to you so pathetically.

Still, I hope you understand. Every action I took, every intention I had, was all for you alone.

I lay there quietly for a while, thinking of Leo's face, then slowly turned over and stared up at the ceiling. In truth, until very recently, I had barely felt the reality of my regression. But seeing Leo's face directly today made the fact that I had returned to the past hit me anew.

I had agonized hundreds of times over whether to tell Leo everything about my regression. But no matter how many times I thought about it, I felt I shouldn't tell him. It seemed as if revealing it would render all my efforts so far meaningless. Besides, there was no guarantee he would even believe me.

Who would believe such nonsense? That I had regressed to the past after my lover died. If someone had told me the same story, I knew I wouldn't have believed it either. So I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"Haa..."

Lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling, I let out a soft sigh. My head was too cluttered to think about anything. I just wanted to see Leo's face again—the one I had seen only a few hours ago.

I'm sorry. Let's end things here.

The incredibly cruel words I had spat at him five years ago.

I've found someone else I like besides you.

Cold words I had deliberately said to force him away from me and change our fate.

That horrible remark had come back like a boomerang, stabbing my heart with pain.

Burying my face in the pillow, I murmured to myself as if sobbing.

"I'm sorry, Leo. Those words back then... I didn't mean them..."

In truth, I've never once thought of anyone but you all this time. My heart has never changed and has always been devoted solely to you...

An apology that would never reach him. Burying my face in the pillow and sobbing, I regretted it all alone.

One year. The time I had promised him. Within that time, I had to make him look at me again somehow.

Just wait a little longer, Leo. I won't let you die again.

"......"

As usual, I woke up early in the morning. Without even washing, I sat at my desk and read the letter from Aria that Sebastian had delivered in front of my room at dawn—over and over again.

What is this? Is she crazy?