Ian Is Merely Asleep
“Rest assured. Ian is merely asleep.”
“...Sleeping?”
I frowned at his words. It was obvious at a glance that Ian's condition wasn't simple. There was no way that vicious man had just knocked Ian out and let him go. I could almost feel Ian's shallow breaths and pulse in my arms, as fragile as if they might snap at any moment. I clenched my fists tight.
“High Priest. Tell me the truth.”
“......”
After a moment of silence, the high priest let out a short sigh.
“Hoo. He's definitely asleep.”
“But...!”
“But he might never wake up.”
“...!”
I widened my eyes at the high priest's calm declaration.
“What do you... mean...”
That was no different from being dead. While I stiffened, the high priest continued in his steady tone.
“It's not an external issue, but an internal one. It's been unstable from the start. That child...”
“Even so, there must be a way to wake him, right?”
“......”
I gazed at the high priest, clinging to a sliver of hope. He didn't resemble Ian in the slightest, but those deeply sunken eyes were exactly the same. Quiet, serene black eyes whose thoughts couldn't be read. I gritted my teeth and met his gaze.
“Do you truly wish to wake Ian?”
“Yes.”
“Even if he's not human?”
“...What?”
That was completely unexpected. Ian, not human? But I couldn't easily believe it. Memories of Ian alive and breathing before me flooded my mind. Sure, his doll-like expressionless face and actions sometimes made him seem mechanical, but I'd never once thought he wasn't human. He was the boy I'd lived with every day. We'd eaten together, fought together, done everything together. No matter how much the high priest disliked his own son, this was too far.
I gritted my teeth and glared at him.
“If you insult Ian any further, I won't stand by idly.”
But the high priest wasn't fazed by my murderous tone. Instead, he repeated the same words in an eerily serene voice.
“It's true. Ian is not human.”
“High Priest...!”
“He died the moment he was born.”
“...!”
“The current Ian is merely something wearing his shell.”
It was hard to believe. For a moment, Ian's blank face came to mind. I knew I shouldn't accept it, but I couldn't forgive myself for thinking, Maybe that's possible.
“You've been with him until now, so you must know. What it is that Ian, who has no interest in anything, obsesses over.”
The high priest's eyes fixed straight on me. As the object of that obsession all this time, I knew all too well, down to my bones. Ian's fixation wasn't normal. I'd chalked it up to the Servo clan's brainwashing. But if not...?
I frowned without realizing it.
“Wasn't it the temple's teachings that made Ian obsess over his duty as guardian?”
“Of course, we teach them thoroughly by the orthodox path. But for someone with emotions, blind loyalty can't truly exist.”
“So Ian's abnormal? That's why we shouldn't save him?”
“Little Duchess.”
The high priest's eyes were gravely serious, almost rebuking my agitation. I understood what he was trying to say with my head. But my heart boiled over.
“The berserker's power wasn't originally the Servo clan's power to begin with. It was a rare ability that sometimes appeared only in children sent as guardians.”
“......”
“And no child has ever fully controlled that power until the end.”
I recalled when Ian first became a berserker. He hadn't even recognized me and attacked. He'd even shattered Benjamin's magic with that terrifying strength while we were together. But afterward, through training, Ian had improved step by step. With Jade and the other knights' help, he'd made the mana-nullifying power his own.
With a rebellious heart, I opened my mouth.
“High Priest, it's true Ian couldn't handle that power at first. But through training, he gained control.”
“Do you think you've truly experienced a berserker's power, Little Duchess?”
“What...?”
“Forgive my impertinence, but I can't trust the sight of you standing unscathed before me.”
Then the high priest swept aside the leather cloak covering his arm.
“...!”
His left sleeve hung empty. I widened my eyes at the sight. The Servo clan, who valued martial prowess. As their high priest, he must have been an exceptional swordsman. Skilled enough to rival Serrian Sinus, the captain of our ducal knights, by ability alone. And yet his left arm was gone like that...? Made by young Ian...?
I stared at his left arm in shock.
“...If Ian opens his eyes again and becomes a berserker once more, no one will be able to stop him.”
“......”
“Will you still wake him, knowing that?”
The high priest asked, calmly covering his left arm with his cloak again.
“Lady Niv seems to think that power should be used, but I do not.”
“......”
“Ian is a monster, Little Duchess.”
“A monster...”
I mindlessly repeated his words. I remembered when he'd lost consciousness and lunged at me. When he'd knelt and begged to be sent back. When he'd winced at the small cut on my palm.
I twisted my face.
“Ian is not a monster!”
I shot to my feet and yelled at the high priest. He looked up at me with startled eyes. Blood rushing to my head, I screamed.
“Where's Ian? I need to take him out of this damned place!”
“Little Duchess!”
The high priest rose as well, following my furious pacing. He seemed flustered by my outburst. I snorted at him.
“Ian is Ian! My guardian, Ian Servbo! You think I'll listen to the man who calls his own son a monster!?”
“......”
“Even if something possessed Ian's body, so what? That body is still your son!”
“...!”
“Look at Ian properly! You bastard!”
I spat the words without breathing. In truth, half of it was directed at myself, an excuse for myself. When the high priest called Ian an unknown 'something,' I'd thought of myself possessing Abigail's body. If they learned my identity, they'd react just like him. They surely would. I pretended to be close and mingled to survive, but I was a foreign entity, not Abigail Carpoem. If they knew, people would turn their backs, point fingers. Call me a monster and scorn me.
That's why I felt pity for Ian instead. It was impossible to fear or dread him. After all, I was probably a greater monster than he was.
“......”
The high priest bowed his head at my words. His left arm must have been aching; he gripped the empty sleeve tightly with his right hand. I knew of his wound, but I was still on Ian's side. As I panted, the high priest lifted his head to look at me.
“Can you take responsibility for those words?”
“......”
For some reason, the high priest's face looked utterly exhausted. I could feel the anguish he'd carried all this time. Conflicting emotions toward Ian must have tormented him. I nodded stiffly.
“...Of course.”
I'd already resolved to accept all of Ian. A woman doesn't go back on her word.
A long sigh escaped the high priest at my answer.
“Hoo.”
He tilted his head to one side.
“Follow me.”
“Right.”
After a brief glance at Ren, I followed the high priest out of the room first.
* * *
Ian stood in a pitch-black space. It hadn't been long since he'd regained consciousness. Calmly retracing his memories, he recalled the last moment before losing it. He'd leaped at the suspicious shadow in place of his master and slashed what he perceived as the enemy. But his sword had only cut empty air, and the shadow had grown instantly, swallowing him. And ridiculously, he'd blacked out.
He, a guardian who must protect his master. A clear failure.
“......”
Ian quietly surveyed his surroundings. But the pitch-black area was silent, without a single point of light. After wandering briefly, he realized it was pointless. This place probably didn't exist in reality. Ian felt a strange certainty from the sudden thought. His body was likely still collapsed, unconscious. Regardless of his own state, he worried about his master. Ian began pondering how to awaken his body.
[Do you want to get out of here?]
“...!”
Ian was startled, even though he'd thought this was a solitary space. It was rare for him to feel 'surprise' in his life. He'd always monitored every presence around him without fail. Even if this was a fictional space, not real.
Ian turned around with tense eyes.
[Unfortunately, you can't leave here. Not right now.]
“...What does that mean?”
Its form wasn't distinct, but 'it' looked like a snake with scales. As large as Ian, the snake slithered silently toward him.
[You might never leave. You're too damaged right now.]
“......”
The snake's head tilted toward Ian. Strangely, Ian felt no repulsion toward the snake. He accepted its presence as natural.
“What are you?”
[Me?]
The snake chuckled amusedly at Ian's question. It was surprising to see a snake laugh, but Ian merely stared silently at the nameless serpent.
Gazing at Ian, the snake said lowly.
[I am you. You must feel it too.]
“......”
[Surprised? That I'm more sane than expected?]
The snake, chuckling, opened its mouth wide. Only then did Ian realize. This snake was the source of his power. The being that earned him the moniker berserker Servo.
But Ian's thoughts were singular.
“Ian must leave here.”
Ian felt no particular emotion even in this situation. So what? He wasn't curious about the giver of the berserker's power, nor did he particularly want to meet it. This power was merely for protecting his master. More importantly, Ian needed a way out of this space.
[Such monstrous loyalty. But...]
“...?”
[Do you really think that's my emotion?]
The snake questioned as if denying Ian's very existence.
[What if there was no 'me' in this world to begin with? What then?]