First Class and the Eccentric Professor

I stepped into my first class! “Just asking, but… did ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠you eat breakfast?” “Do I look like I did?” “And did you at least wash your face and brush your teeth?” I let out a disbelieving laugh and shrugged. “Zophy, I’m a fully grown adult. Do you really think I’d leave my room without brushing my teeth or washing my face?” “I know you washed your face. That much is obvious, since you’re not wearing a speck of makeup.” “Ugh.” “And a fully grown adult, you say? Coming from the same person who just declared she was giving up on independence? As if. My lady, as if! I really can’t stand this. What on earth were His Grace the Duke and the Duchess thinking, sending you to the academy like this?” “Well… because you’re here with me…?”

The moment I transmigrated into this body was roughly three months before the academy entrance ceremony. When I first met Zophy in this life, she had only been dispatched to our family a few ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠months earlier. If I had suddenly come face-to-face with the Duke and Duchess of Polinbaroque back then, I might have shown some discomfort and blown my cover. That was why I had relied on Zophy, who was relatively easy to fool since I didn’t know Maria’s original personality that well. And Zophy, for her part, seemed to have concluded that “the young lady finally opened her heart after some time.” Which is why both the Maria from the novel and the current me have come to depend on Zophy Polinbaroque quite heavily, psychologically speaking.

Zophy must have sensed the sincerity behind my obvious flattery, because her tone softened a little as she gave me a light scolding. “Then you should have at least applied to be roommates.” I felt awkward, like a pathetic new recruit who had already given up. Zophy naturally pulled a portable comb from the front pocket of her coat and, at the same time, took out a croissant wrapped in foil and shoved it straight into my mouth. Before I could even resist, she turned my body toward the dormitory entrance while I stood there with bread in my mouth. “Eat that while you walk forward.” “Mmph? Mmph!”

“You’re supposed to be a genius destined to become a great witch overflowing with mana, so I’m sure you didn’t bother researching the academy’s curriculum in advance. But of course, your humble servant Zophy is only a mediocre blockhead, and since I must serve my superiors, I investigated everything thoroughly. Extremely thoroughly.” Are you holding a grudge about being called a blockhead? I wanted to say something, but I was afraid I’d drop the croissant, so all I could do was mumble incoherently. Meanwhile, Zophy had already started combing my hair with the portable brush while pushing me forward. And so I ended up walking toward the academy’s main building in the bizarre state of chewing bread in my mouth while my maid brushed my hair from behind.

I couldn’t offer a single word of protest against Zophy’s grumbling. If I dropped the bread, she’d probably scold me for wasting the breakfast she’d gone to the trouble of preparing, so I was too scared to speak. “You mustn’t overlook the fact that this place is called The Mountain. The biggest misunderstanding held by mages who attend ordinary noble schools, discover their magical talent late, and then climb the mountain is this: ‘Oh, the first and second days will just be about greeting people you haven’t met yet. Since it’s basically a military academy where we go dungeon diving, there’ll only be practical training. They’ll probably burn all the textbooks and smash the carriages, so it won’t matter anyway.’ That ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠kind of misconception.” “Mmph, chew chew…”

…It wasn’t on purpose that I destroyed Lillia’s textbook and carriage. But I wasn’t given a chance to argue. “But Zophy has investigated everything thoroughly. I even chatted with the senior mages who were snooping around the entrance ceremony yesterday and looked into the professors’ reputations. Did you know that for the first class, Professor Eleyna Machitof of mathematics doesn’t even bother with self-introductions? She starts by opening the textbook and reading from it, then suddenly throws questions at students. If they can’t answer, she flies into a rage. She’s quite the eccentric. So what’s the most important thing? Obviously, supplying nutrients to the brain. After all, a brain that hasn’t had enough sleep or breakfast can’t possibly endure a morning lecture. Goodness, starting tomorrow I’ll add plenty of lettuce, bacon, and tomato. Just endure plain bread for today, alright?” “Mmph…”

I wanted to ask her to leave out the tomato, but I couldn’t open my mouth. I also wanted to point out that the two of us had somehow ended up drawing the attention of the other young ladies on the path between the dormitory and the academy building. But whether I did or not, Zophy was so absorbed in artistically arranging my hair that she didn’t seem to care about the stares at all. At this rate, maybe the one destroying Letiaponk’s social reputation wasn’t me, but Zophy. After all, no one had the nerve to approach me and say even a single word of greeting.

Well, except for the one notable person who, like me, had no need to worry about social scrutiny. Erika Waldmark spotted the two of us heading to class in our bizarre state and casually walked over. “Good morning, Maria. You look beautiful today… is what I was going to say, but would that sound like mockery right now? Uh, what are you doing?” Even Erika, who was wearing the pure-white special uniform that marked her as the top entrance student and carrying her massive personal weapon—a fencing sword—couldn’t steal all the attention. The two of us looked that strange.

I had finally finished chewing the hard croissant Zophy had shoved into my mouth and was swallowing it. Erika waited until I had gotten the bread all the way down my throat before adding, “Maria, I told you not to abuse your maid too much. I don’t know how the Letiaponk family treats its court retainers, but even the imperial family doesn’t do this sort of thing to the children of our vassals.” “Exactly. Please save me, Your Imperial Highness.” “I see. Then on behalf of the imperial family, I shall apply pressure to have the Polinbaroque family cease sending their daughter as a maid to the Letiaponk household.” “That’s interference in internal affairs.” I protested.

Erika smiled brightly. “What about issues of human rights and dignity?” “The one being abused is me!” “In that case, the imperial family must intervene even more urgently to dissolve this master-servant relationship between the young lady and her maid.” “No, I’m actually enjoying it quite a bit. It’s perfect.” By then Zophy had finished combing my hair, so my maid and I were finally able to separate from our physical contact. Erika took a step back from me with a slightly disgusted expression. “Maria, you’re the one who told me you weren’t into going downward and even declared our breakup. If this was what you wanted, you didn’t have to do it with me.” “If you don’t want to be reported to the imperial family for failing to uphold your dignity as a member of the royal bloodline, then kindly refrain from spouting obscene nonsense in broad daylight on the street, you crazy imperial princess bitch.” “Fair enough. By the way, Maria, try not to get too caught ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠up in the joke. I hear Professor Machitof is the type who will straight-up burn a student’s hair with magic on the first day if they fail to answer her questions properly. You’re smart, so you’ll be fine, but if your beautiful hair gets ruined for such a ridiculous reason, even I would feel a little heartbroken.”

Wait, that was new information added to what Zophy had told me. I whipped my head around to ask Zophy if it was true. She stuck her tongue out playfully, confirming that Erika wasn’t wrong. …I’m not screwed, am I? I’m really not confident in math. The original novel never went into detail about the academy classes, so I don’t even remember the professor being like this. Of course, there was a description of Professor Machitof yelling during class, but the protagonist Elena was a book-loving honor student, so she appeared in a light, “Wow, Elena is so amazing for earning praise even from such an eccentric professor” kind of way… Now that it was my problem, I couldn’t laugh at all.

Anyway, class began in the large lecture hall. Just as Zophy had said, the eccentric witch in her forties standing on the podium—Eleyna Machitof—skipped any self-introduction, didn’t even call roll, and simply mumbled whatever she felt like while staring at the textbook with chalk in hand. From experience, professors like this also made the exam questions ridiculously difficult. They weren’t kind, explained things in a completely disorganized manner, and then wrote obscure problems on the test that they had mentioned maybe once—if at all—while claiming, “I explained everything.” …Official academy entrance exam, third place, Maria von Letiaponk. What am I supposed to do? Can I really protect Maria’s honor with my own two hands?

She’s way more foul-mouthed than she was in the novel. She’s swearing without hesitation even though the Emperor’s daughter is sitting right here. Sure enough, whenever the professor acted eccentrically, several students glanced nervously at Erika and their faces darkened. Erika herself, however, looked utterly indifferent, as if she couldn’t care less.

Then the professor pointed straight at me and asked, “You there, the curly-haired duke’s daughter. Answer me. In what field of magical research does number theory truly shine!” “Uh… huh?” What the hell? How should I know? I have no idea. That was never in the original novel!