Chapter 66
Chapter 66
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 66
Chapter Title: Jealousy of Lovers
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"First, focus on the negotiations with the mages. I'll look into it more and get back to you."
Seeing him analyze things so coolly made me feel ashamed of my earlier misconceptions.
"Got it. You've been busy in all sorts of ways. You really did great work."
I'd even wildly speculated on my own about why Darsi hadn't come to see me.
"And what about Prince Ryan?"
Finally, the question I'd been thinking of came up, but now that my excitement had subsided, I could think rationally.
Regardless of our close friendship, Ryan was a prince opposed to him.
He was also the son of Kies, his sworn enemy, so it made sense he wouldn't want to face him.
"I don't know either. There was supposed to be a tea party with the ladies, and he showed up right around the end."
"A planned visit, then."
"I tried talking to him in case I could pry some information out, but no luck."
"...Marso."
Darsi stepped close—close enough that his lips nearly brushed mine—and frowned at me before whispering sweetly.
"Let me make this clear. No matter what Ryan does, you know me far better than him."
His voice brimmed with earnest appeal.
"So don't let him into your room carelessly. It'd be a pity for the mansion."
That was a new way of putting it—pity for the mansion.
Since his talk with Ryan really hadn't yielded anything, I nodded.
"Got it."
"And don't go hugging other people carelessly either."
...
Darsi had swooped in at a timing I hadn't even considered.
'So he wasn't ignoring it.'
I blinked, then smiled.
"Are you talking about Eaton? He's still just a kid."
"Even so."
"...Why?"
Normally, I would have calmly gone along with Darsi's words. Honestly, I might have even been happy that he cared about me.
But today, his small gestures of consideration—his worry for me—felt a little bitter.
I was still waiting for him to define what our relationship was.
And today, I'd had to reconfirm that fact from Duchess Werhna.
'Selfish of me.'
I disliked this side of myself that was expecting something from our connection.
I'd told him we should respect each other, yet here I was, my feelings shifting fickle-like. It felt unfamiliar even to me.
...
But unloading these emotions on Darsi wasn't right either.
I took a deep breath, then bowed my head to him in apology.
"That came out wrong. Sorry, Darsi. I've been stressed preparing for the tea party these past few days, so I've gotten sensitive. I'll be more careful from now on."
Ryan hadn't even noticed my expression was fake, but Darsi sensed something off just from my voice.
"Marso, is something wrong?"
He called my name right away.
'How could I not have expectations like this.'
Something welled up inside me. Seeing his face after so long made my emotions surge even more.
I had felt a bit resentful that he hadn't come to see me. Even knowing there was a good reason.
"Marso."
Urged by his words, I lifted my head. I hoped the mask I'd put on to avoid his probing was perfect.
"Some rest will fix it. No need to worry more."
I threw his own words back at him intact.
"A friend's comfort is enough at this level. You've worked hard coming here when you're busy too."
There was a bit of pettiness hidden in my tone.
Darsi's eyes narrowed, as if he didn't like what I said.
"Marso, you're really acting strange today."
"Yeah? Guess I need to sleep it off quick. A day's rest and I'll be fine."
"No, how can I believe you when you're making that face."
Darsi closed the distance to me in an instant.
His fingers gently touched the corner of my eye. Only then did I realize there were light tears gathered there.
'Maybe I can open up a little.'
Hadn't I decided to be more honest too? In the end, I opened my mouth.
"Darsi."
"Yeah."
"Duchess Werhna asked about us today."
"About us? Why? Does the duchess have an interest in you? I heard she's not on Ryan's side."
Instead of linking himself naturally to Duchess Werhna, he pulled me into it—and that finally burst my laughter out.
'Ah, I shouldn't laugh right after crying.'
I stepped back slightly from him, wiped away the remaining tears, and answered while looking at him.
"She has interest in you."
Darsi recoiled in disgust.
"Don't need it."
It was the reaction I'd expected.
"But for me, it was hard to refuse her outright. So I asked her for a letter she could deliver to you."
"What letter."
Darsi's responses grew shorter by the word.
His straight brows and lowered voice spoke to his twisted mood.
"How you could be of help to her."
Was it my imagination? Darsi seemed increasingly disappointed by what I was saying.
"...You could've refused right away."
"But Darsi, think about Duchess Werhna's position. If you play your cards right in talking to her, she could be a great ally."
I couldn't cut off all his connections just for my sake.
"Darsi, you can't have only me as someone you can trust forever."
I reminded him of reality.
"Once this is over, you'll leave... and I might live a different life on my own."
If I become happy, Darsi leaves. I recalled the words he'd long forgotten. Words even I'd forgotten.
"Maybe someone else will be by my side someday."
My last words were almost mumbled.
Even friends don't have eternal bonds.
If he kept living on, Darsi's world needed to expand.
He seemed to be doing that by meeting nobles this time... but judging by how he usually treated people, how smoothly it would go was anyone's guess.
Going through this with Werhna, I'd realized I hadn't prepared at all.
I couldn't cling only to my relationship with Darsi.
His life couldn't be just me, nor mine just him.
If our hearts weren't aligned, it was a balance that would shatter someday.
"So let's draw the line on things like this. I'll be careful too."
"I won't meet her, no matter what letter Duchess Werhna sends."
Darsi declared after hearing me out. I'd given the advice I could, and he'd made his decision.
"...Got it."
I didn't know exactly where his choice came from. But knowing his life up to this change hadn't been smooth, I respected it.
"You have an eyebrow on your face."
As we talked, Darsi hopped right up to me again.
His hand caressed my cheek before pulling away.
He lowered his head to look at me.
His silver hair draped down like an awning on both sides, casting a shadow just for me. His face, visible only to me, felt strangely intimate. The mix of emotions on it was hard to describe.
"I wish you'd be greedier."
"Greedier how?"
"Say in front of people that we're close. If any ladies try approaching me, you can fend them off. You're the one who can do that. Because you're that precious to me."
Darsi's words felt almost like a confession.
"You're in a bad mood today because we're not officially together, right? Then I'll lay down the law."
Did he not realize this wasn't something you could just wish for as a friend?
If it was a mistake from his inexperience with relationships, it was right for me to point it out first.
To let our bond mature further.
"Darsi, that's not something friends do."
Darsi's eyes blinked.
"If the relationship you want is friendship, you shouldn't spread rumors like that."
I said firmly.
"You can't reject people approaching me, and I can't reject people approaching you."
"Why not."
He demanded, almost scolding me.
"Because that kind of jealousy is for lovers."
At my words, Darsi furrowed his brow. His gaze deepened.
He always reacted sensitively whenever love came up.
He clearly had interest in me, and maybe even felt the same, yet Darsi hesitated to take that one step.
"Darsi, what are you afraid of?"
I needed to know. If I just kept waiting endlessly, we'd both end up stuck here, directionless.
"This feeling."
His voice sank low—into his depths.
"The me that craves your heart."
Not just me alone.
It wasn't a feeling only I had.
My heart swelled.
All this time, the way he'd looked at me wasn't just for a dear friend—it was a rational signal.
He held me in his heart too.
Emotions went both ways.
"I'm the same."
I cautiously expressed my feelings. Darsi smiled faintly at my words. But he didn't look as joyful as I felt.
"I know it's really wrong."
"What's wrong."
"Marso, our feelings are different."
"..."
"If we go further from here, I'll end up breaking you someday. Like what my mother did to Emperor Kies."
Darsi brought up his mother—a story he'd almost never mentioned.
I finally grasped where his trauma stemmed from.
"Marso, my brainwashing isn't limited to thoughts."
He lightly pressed his forehead to mine, then pulled back.
"It can deceive emotions too."
His voice was bitterly low.
"Aren't you afraid I might brainwash your feelings someday?"
"..."
"You said my brainwashing doesn't scare you. That's because you haven't truly experienced it yet."
"..."
"Do you think you could see all the way to my depths and still not doubt my feelings, my thoughts?"
He warned me. The wounds he'd revealed from his depths were deeper than I'd thought. The trauma, covered in thick scabs, was quite large in reality.
His warning toward me, his serious face—it was no different from how he'd faced Ryan earlier, yet it didn't scare me.
Instead, I was glad to finally know the truth.
Because it was something I could accept.
I didn't like Darsi carrying the burden alone forever. What he needed wasn't waiting, but a hand extended first.
So I reached out my hand right away.
"If I'm prepared to face it."
The one person who'd saved me from sinking into listlessness.
"If I can trust you without doubt and believe in these feelings."
How could I not love him?
"Darsi."
I called his name.
"How could I not love the one who wants me to be happy?"
I confessed my heart earnestly.