Entirely Yours, Brother
Really?
What on earth was she talking about?
From my childhood days living at the family home, no one knew more intimately what words I'd heard and how I'd lived than Byul-i.
"…Byul-i. What do you mean? You know what kind of people my parents are."
—I don't know exactly what they meant, since it was too complicated for me. But what I clearly remember is that you're not a replacement for Kang-hyuk hyung.
A bitter smile tugged at my lips at Byul-i's words.
"Byul-i. That didn't happen… I still remember every single word of that conversation I overheard back then, without missing a syllable."
I'd once thought the same. That my parents hadn't brought me home just for organ donation.
But the "our kid" they used for Kang-hyuk hyung, and the finger pointing at "me" when they asked why they'd even brought me if that was the case.
I'd never forgotten those words from the study, not once in the 23 years since.
They'd been tattooed onto my body the moment I heard them.
—I knew you'd still be thinking that way. I'm so glad. That you could meet hyung again now, of all times.
"What… do you mean?"
—Remember, hyung? When we lived in the same house, I roamed everywhere I wanted. The yard, the kitchen, the study. Hehe, climbing stairs wasn't easy, but no one stopped me. That's how I overheard all sorts of stories.
Byul-i licked the back of my hand as if comforting me, continuing with words I couldn't comprehend.
—That's how I know. It might sound confusing to you, hyung… but your parents didn't adopt you with those thoughts in mind.
"What…"
—I'm not the one who can tell you this. You have to hear the truth for yourself. Asking for it and hearing it—it's entirely your share, hyung.
"…?"
As I stared in bewilderment at her baffling words, Byul-i smiled brightly and rubbed her fluffy face against the back of my hand.
—Right now, I want to talk about us. Aren't you curious how I've been? I'm old now, so I don't know how much longer we can chat comfortably like this.
"…"
Her words, from that tiny fluffball of a body, hit me heavy in the chest.
I shoved the talk of my parents she'd brought up deep into the back of my mind.
Even now, time was slipping away, and Byul-i's labored breaths between words weren't something to waste on my questions.
"Yeah. I'll look into that later."
—Good thinking. Promise you'll check with your parents?
"…Yeah. I will."
23 years of waiting.
And now, with no idea how much time was left, I resolved to pour every second entirely into Byul-i.
"Byul-i. How have you been all this time? After leaving that house… did you come straight here?"
—No. I was sent to another house, but the lady there got sick. Her family all had to care for her, so I…
My ears tuned solely to the story of Byul-i, the one I'd considered my only family.
Hanging on every word from her tiny mouth, determined not to miss a single one.
Byul-i paused now and then, as if continuing was tiring, and I waited patiently for her to go on.
That was how I learned things I never knew about her.
That she loved swimming, and liked strawberries as snacks.
And that she fell asleep to the soft jazz the pension owner played while watching the sunset.
—My favorite is sitting by the campfire, talking like this. With someone I like.
She said it while gently licking the back of my hand.
—How about you, hyung? I heard some from Ssal-i and Il-nam-i, but not the details.
"Oh, sorry. I've only been listening to you."
Byul-i shook her head at my sheepish grin.
—No need to apologize. I'm just curious about you. You were going to be a doctor like your parents, then suddenly a vet.
"Haha… yeah, I guess. Back when we were together, I was all about becoming a doctor."
I stroked her thinned fur—much sparser than in her puppy days—and continued.
"I… thought about you a lot. If we ever met again someday. Then maybe… I could be of help… something like that."
—What? Why are you crying again?
A wave of uncontrollable sorrow crashed over me. When was the last time I'd shown emotion like this?
When I lost Byul-i, I had no power to help. Now I did, but still couldn't do a thing for her—that unbearable pain surged up.
—I'm not hurting anywhere, so I don't need your help, hyung. Shih Tzus like me don't live this long often, you know? So no sad faces today. Got it, crybaby hyung?
"…Yeah. Okay."
Her eyes, clouded white from denatured lens proteins, looked up at me with a grin, making my chest ache even more. But I forced a smile back.
"Alright. Then I'll tell you everything about my life. From childhood right up to now—everything!"
—Hehe. Sounds good. I'm looking forward to it? How did our crybaby hyung get by?
I chattered on like a show-off grandson, and Byul-i licked my hand now and then, thrilled.
—Hehe. What? So you're still single? I figured you'd have kids looking just like you by now.
"Hey, don't talk like some old fogey."
—I am an old fogey. In human years, over 100. So listen to me, hyung. Don't bury yourself in work—meet lots of people while you're still young.
"Haha, you're right. Do you have any puppies, Byul-i?"
—I got spayed the day before going to your house.
"Oh… I didn't know."
—Kuku. It's old news.
As we bantered on, the pension owner approached with an armful of firewood.
"Heh heh. Looks like you forgot to add wood while chatting. If it's alright, may I sit nearby and tend it?"
"Ah, sorry. It's been so long since I saw Byul-i, I forgot."
"No worries. Anyone would if they reunited with a face they've missed. But Byul-i's an old girl, so she needs to stay warm."
The owner smiled as he shoved wood into the flames.
"I've shared plenty of stories with Byul-i—joyful times, sad ones, through countless seasons. So you should make as many memories as possible, Director. No holding back."
"Thank you."
I was endlessly grateful that the man who'd filled the void I left was someone like him.
"No need. Byul-i would want that too. Have a happy time, our Byul-i."
—You too, Dad.
The owner spoke warmly to Byul-i, who rose slightly and licked his hand in reply.
"You and your dad are really close. I'm glad he's such a good guy."
—Yeah. He's wonderful. I think I lived this long because he took such good care of me.
Just watching the owner's retreating figure felt so warm and comforting.
—Anyway, tell me more about you. You've only talked about the old days so far—I want recent stuff too. How you met Ssal-i and the others, and what that Animal Kingdom show on TV is really like.
"You watch Animal Kingdom too, Byul-i?"
—Yeah. But I only started again recently. After hearing you were on it.
"…Really?"
Her words—that she'd watched my show despite barely seeing—choked me up.
Unaware or not, Byul-i rested her face on my hand and continued slowly.
—Of course I have to watch when you're on. Oh, right. Our pension had filming crews a few times. Dad got super nervous each time. Do you get nervous too, hyung?
"Nah. I don't get nervous at all."
—Really? You used to tense up all the time as a kid. Your face would stiffen.
"Heh heh. Busted. Yeah, I still do sometimes. Anyway, starting from when I met Ssal-i—it was last year's Dano festival. That's when…"
Like wanting to shine more for close friends and family, I did the same for Byul-i.
Unlike usual, I spiced up my tales with extra flair, and she giggled along.
Before long, the sky had turned pitch black, brimming with stars and moon.
"…So yeah, Ssal-i and I ran like crazy that day. I kept thinking it'd be great to run like that with you too. Remember how we raced around the yard as kids, Byul-ah?"
—Uhuhu. Yeah, I remember. Back when we were little…
"…Getting sleepy? Should we head inside? Sleep and tomorrow…"
—No… I want to stay with you tonight. I'll fall asleep soon, but can we talk till then?
"Of course. Hey, Byul-ah, remember? There was that flower bed Mom tended in the yard. You came to me once with a flower in your mouth, and…"
Worried she might get cold, I kept adding wood while talking.
Our stories flowed in the cozy, almost-too-warm glow. Byul-i just listened quietly.
"…Byul-ah?"
At some point, no matter how much I warmed her, her body stayed cold.
"…My little sister. You'll miss her a lot."
I whispered love into the ear of Byul-i, fading away—and she became a star in the sky.
Byul-i's funeral was held at the place the pension owner had reserved.
"Byul-i looked so happy at the end. I'm glad it was you there for her final moments, Director."
"That's what I want to say. Thank you for giving her such a happy life all these years. And for letting me be with her at the end."
"Seeing how much she loved it, she must've been waiting for you all along. I'm the grateful one."
After cremation, Byul-i's ashes were buried in a corner of Ddangddang Pension.
It was her favorite spot for walks.
Due to the sudden funeral, Min-hyeok and the group stayed a few more days at the pension before heading back to Seoul.
And that night.
Min-hyeok met Byul-i in a dream.
—Hehe, hyung. Here. Come here.
"Byul… Byul-i?"
In the dream, Min-hyeok was back in childhood, rolling and playing on the hill with the now-puppy-sized Byul-i. Just like old times.
—Take care, my hyung.
As the joyful time ended and Byul-i gave her final goodbye, tears streamed from Min-hyeok's closed eyes.