Chapter 3

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Translator: Silver Dragon

Chapter: 3

Chapter Title: Cursed Mouth

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Someone asked me.

What’s the most rewarding moment in soccer?

I answered him.

"When the opponents are frustrated and crying. That’s the most rewarding time."

Beep- beep- beep!

The referee’s final whistle blew.

On the pitch, South Korean players wore bright smiles while the Brazilian players shed tears.

Even though the Brazilians desperately charged in the second half,

they couldn’t fill the gap left by Martínez.

In the 65th minute of the second half, I pierced the hole in their defense caused by Martínez’s red card and completed my hat-trick.

I didn’t have a particular celebration in mind, so I ran to the manager and grabbed his head, shaking it once more.

It was pretty amusing to see the seniors around me go pale.

I glanced ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠at the Brazilian players slumped on the ground, sobbing,

then turned toward the crowd chanting my name.

"Jesus Joo! Jesus Joo! Jesus Joo!"

As I approached, the Korean residents of Washington cheered my name even louder.

I waved ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠to them and handed my jersey and cleats to a young kid as a gift.

After greeting the fans,

as I headed to the locker room, I ran into Min-jun hyung who’d been looking for me.

"Jesus! You need to go do the M.O.M. interview right now!"

I pointed to my hulking, sweaty body.

"Right now?"

"What the hell! Where’d you sell your jersey and cleats?!"

"I tossed them to the Korean fans who came to cheer us on?"

"Uh... good call. Hit the locker room quick and change, then head to the interview."

"Got it."

I hurried to the locker room, grabbed a jersey with number 14 and JESUS on it, threw it on,

and headed to the interview area.

A sleek, pretty interviewer lady spotted me, flashed a bright smile, and teased me by name right off the bat.

"Oh! My Lord Jesus! That was some fantastic play."

"Yeah, thanks."

"South Korea wins thanks to Jesus’s goals. How are you feeling?"

"We got knocked out of the group stage, so not great."

The interviewer looked flustered and quickly changed the subject.

"Jesus is 17 years and 200 days old, shattering Pelé’s youngest hat-trick record by 44 days. How does that feel?"

"I’m glad I broke Pelé’s record against Brazil."

Her expression stiffened at my answer.

"Ummm... So it was all the more rewarding because it was such a tough opponent, right?"

"Sure, let’s say that."

"Okay. Who was the toughest opponent for you out there?"

"Sleep."

"Pardon?"

"I stayed up late gaming the night before, so being tired was the hardest part."

The interviewer was finally at a loss for words.

"If you’ve got nothing else to say, can we wrap this up? I’m beat and need to crash."

That post-match interview ended,

and soccer fans around the world lit up with outrage.

After Jesus Joo returned home, countless shows begged him for an appearance.

And one day,

some TV crew showed up unannounced at his orphanage, cameras rolling.

In place of the Lord in heaven, Jesus Joo taught them what the law is.

In the end, after that incident, Jesus Joo discussed TV appearances with his agent.

Blacklisting all S Network shows,

he picked the juiciest bait: a co-appearance with Song Yu-na, who’d later become the nation’s sweetheart singer.

"PD did good work, snagging Song Yu-na."

At that moment, Song Yu-na’s agency was saying the same.

"PD did good work, snagging Jesus Joo."

"What if Yu-na falls for Jesus Joo?"

"Our Yu-na’s standards are high."

"But Jesus Joo’s handsome too."

"No way. He’s a minor, would Yu-na hit on him?"

"Yu-na’s a minor too?"

"Oh right. Forgot how mature she seems. Hyun-jun, what do we do? Cancel?"

"Too late. Backing out now gets us blacklisted."

"But dating’s fine, right?"

"What’re you on about?"

"She’s not an idol. Boosting her fame by dating Jesus Joo could be good."

"...You’re right?"

"Yeah? Let’s hook ’em up."

"Sure."

"...But doesn’t Jesus Joo have to like our Yu-na first?"

"...Yeah."

"...We got ahead of ourselves?"

"...Yep."

Anyway, Jesus Joo and Song Yu-na’s first meeting was set.

Jesus Joo recalled his past life meeting with Song Yu-na.

Back then, they’d met on TV as adults.

He’d hit on her afterward for some fun.

"Get lost, pervert."

That was it—no contact after.

This life was for playing around anyway.

He planned to thoroughly train her.

Make it so she couldn’t sleep without him.

"Oh, Song Yu-na’s still a minor, right?"

Start light with dating, then.

With his goal set,

the next day, he appeared on a school-concept variety show called Any Big Bro.

He stopped by the waiting room.

First, he greeted Kang Seok-gu, the former strongman champ.

"Hello! Soccer player Jesus Joo here."

"Nice to meet you. Strongman Kang Seok-gu. Watched the World Cup. You’re damn good at soccer."

"Aigoo, speak casually."

"Cool? Then relax, call me uncle."

"Yes, Uncle."

"Hah! My nephew Jesus is sharp!"

"Haha, no, Uncle."

After greeting everyone,

he knocked on the door for the real reason he came:

his future wife.

Knock-knock.

"Yes~!"

The door opened with a sweet voice.

There stood Song Yu-na, still with baby fat, utterly adorable.

Playing the polite soccer star, he offered his right hand.

"Nice to meet you. Soccer player Jesus Joo."

She awkwardly grabbed his arm for a greeting,

and they started chatting.

"Hi! Song Yu-na. Nice to meet you."

"Mind if I ask your age?"

"I’m a high school senior. Huh? What about you, Jesus Joo?"

"Sophomore. Junior next year."

"So I’m your noona?"

"Should I call you noona?"

Her innocent snort was too cute.

"Duh!"

Fine, call her noona.

Enjoy this minor phase.

Soon as adults, noona becomes babe, babe becomes sex partner—in a flash.

To achieve today’s goal on Any Big Bro,

he handed her his phone.

"Cool, Yu-na noona, gimme your number?"

"Hmm? Should I? ‘Noona Yu-na! Gimme your number!’ Maybe then."

She loved “noona” that much?

Grinning ear to ear, teasing him.

‘Damn, wanna flick her forehead so bad.’

Little sister vibes, wanna smack her lightly.

"...Haha. Noona Yu-na, gimme your number?"

Satisfied, she punched in her digits.

"Jesus, no weird pics, okay!?"

She’ll send those later, noona.

He nodded like it was obvious.

"Of course!"

‘Why’s her manager not stopping us swapping numbers? ’Cause I’m a minor?’

Felt off, but whatever.

Mission difficulty was insane from the start.

Win the World Cup with South Korea?

‘Faster if Elon Musk goes to Mars. Fuck.’

As he inwardly cursed the mission window,

a staffer came in.

"Filming starts now~!"

And that day, he left a legendary clip.

"Jesus! Kick the ball or what?"

"I’m kinda bad."

"...? How’s a bad player scoring a hat-trick vs. Brazil?!"

"Guess they’re worse than me."

"...Anyone better at soccer than you?"

"Nope."

"Hah! Better than Messi or Ronaldo?!"

"Dunno Messi, but CR7? Probably."

"No idols then?"

"Got one."

"Who?"

"Johan Cruyff."

"Oh! Netherlands’ greatest genius! Johan Cruyff!"

"Geun-soo, you like soccer games?"

"Oh, Jesus plays too? Let’s game sometime."

"Sure, later."

"What’s that?"

"Soccer game. Don’t know? GTFO!"

"...Anyway, you respect Cruyff?"

"Smoking at halftime then playing second half? Badass."

"...? That’s why?"

"Yeah. When I’m adult, I’ll smoke at halftime too."

After recording, PD looked grave.

I said coolly,

"Nothing wrong with what I said. Air it as is."

He worried,

"Too cocky. Gonna get hate."

"It’s all real talk."

PD nodded anxiously.

Air day,

"Cut most of my lines."

Even edited, internet exploded.

And one year later.

Soccer fans went wild with news from home.