Real Madrid's Problem Child -1
A-match period was finally over. The players called up to the national teams had returned. Quite a few had picked up injuries during the internationals. Luka Savic came back with a minor bruise and needed about two weeks' rest. And Alejandro Jimenez, the reliable workhorse at right-back, was out for around two months with a hamstring strain.
"Puta! That fucking A-match bullshit needs to disappear!"
At the sudden news of key players getting injured, coach Valverde's wrinkles deepened. Was it the excessive stress? The chronic stomachache that had become routine since Jesus joined was back.
He popped some pills and barely managed to calm down when his assistant coach brought word that Jesus had caused trouble again.
"Uh... Boss? You might wanna step outside."
"Oh... Please, God..."
With all the negative news piling up, Valverde found himself invoking God without realizing it. He dragged his feet, which felt glued to the ground, and followed the assistant.
There, he saw Jesus getting "treated" by the team doctor, next to a lawnmower gang mower crashed into the wall.
"He was practicing driving, took the gang mower for a joyride, and got injured..."
"Puta Madre! Why didn't anyone stop him—argh!"
Valverde, already undergoing a forced stress test courtesy of Jesus, finally hit his limit. He clutched his stomach and collapsed.
The team doctor, who had been pretending to treat Jesus, rushed to Valverde. The players gathered around Jesus frantically grabbed the defibrillator and called 061.
Meanwhile, the "collapsed" Jesus and Luis Garcia got up, shoving the blame at each other.
"...Gilipollas, I told you the boss was stressed enough, no hidden camera pranks."
"Whoa... Look at this bastard Jesus trying to back out now."
Beep! Beep!
The ambulance arrived at Valdebebas and rushed coach Valverde to the hospital.
Thankfully, nothing major happened to Valverde. But Jesus faced his first club disciplinary action since joining Real Madrid.
Nothing beats the sight of young sprouts growing. And crushing them feels even better. Hit with a fine from the club discipline, I unleashed my rage on promising youngsters in the league match resuming after A-match break.
"What kinda demon bastard is that...?"
"Shouldn't the coach sub him off by now?"
Even my Real Madrid teammates were whispering. I targeted one guy viciously, but he kept blocking me without tiring.
"You shall not pass!"
The kid, set to become a world-class center-back, was French CB Emmanuel Bernard. Our connection ran deeper than expected—we'd shared a locker room at Manchester United back in the day.
Which made him all too familiar to me. I easily nutmegged him, broke through, and unleashed a shot.
The fine must've thrown off my aim—the shot sailed way wider than intended.
"Heh heh—Jesus is too strong. Perfect. I get stronger against tougher foes..."
I let Emmanuel Bernard's words go in one ear and out the other. He was probably spouting some Japanese anime line in Spanish.
When I was 37, crashing the World Cup, this guy turned down fat Middle East paydays to go to Japan. First thing he did there? Not chat with the squad—snapped pics at a maid cafe in Akihabara.
Anyway, one line like that and you'd be buddies. Simple as that.
"Is that a tweak on 'Reincarnated as a Normal Monster, Despaired for a Bit, But Turns Out I Was the World's Strongest' light novel?"
I'd gritted my teeth ignoring him in my past life. Reason I'm buddying up now? Guys this fun just watching are rare.
Emmanuel Bernard's face lit up instantly.
"Whoa!! Jesus knows this light novel? So touching! How far'd you read? Japan's at vol 11 already. Sucks no Spanish translation. My fave scene's the protag rallying monsters to build a civilization against otherworld assholes. Late career, I'm heading to Japan to learn Japanese. Gotta build my name value, so I block you! Become my sacrifice for a comfy retirement!! Jesus!!"
Watching him spin is the real treat.
Possession stretched wider. Real Madrid hammered Girona FC's solid defense relentlessly. Finally, it cracked.
Assured by the stand-in coach at halftime he'd start, Jesus ramped up, netting the opener.
"I'll return before this celebration cools."
Jesus, channeling Guan Yu, quickly added another.
After scoring, Jesus dashed to the corner flag, foreshadowing a hat-trick before striking a pose. Korean soccer fans watching went wild.
And Jesus completed the hat-trick in under five minutes after his first.
...
Match End: Real Madrid 5 : 0 Girona FC
Three days after Girona. UCL Round of 16 second leg vs. Tottenham at Santiago Bernabeu.
UCL yellows: three means a ban. I'd accumulated two, so card-washing time. Hospitalized Valverde ordered me to clean my slate.
Unlike typical late-game laundry, I did it right at kickoff—stomped the opponent's midfielder.
"Jesus Dominion!!"
Tweet!
"Get off my pitch now!"
Not cheese—a ketchup card.
"...Huh?"