Chapter 82: The Most Tasteless Thing in the World
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 82: The Most Tasteless Thing in the World
Lately, Jang Ji-hye has been living and breathing "Kang Yong-su's Mildeoks."
"You have to understand weapon systems well to write a good script!"
"But isn't the script already finished?"
"If there's anything I can polish before filming starts, I have to work hard at it!"
"As expected of our Unenlisted Pretty High School Girl Writer."
Since she, a mere human, tried to smack my back, I intentionally dodged by a hair’s breadth. Her eyebrows twitched in frustration.
"Yu-jin, how do fighter jets take off from such a small deck? I know aircraft carriers are big ships, but they're tiny compared to airports."
"There’s something called a catapult on the deck. It grabs the front wheel of the jet and—shoo! snap!—pushes it forward. The jet flies off using that throwing force."
"The pilots must have it rough."
"Oh, you hit the nail on the head. It’s not easy for an unenlisted high school girl to think of that perspective. You’re thinking at the level of a fighter jet designer right now."
"Don't go around imitating that GPT tone of voice. Your fans will faint again."
"I mean, if people are going to faint no matter what I do, what am I even supposed to do for fun?"
"Your face is a nuclear weapon. You can kill people and destroy the world just by existing."
"Aaaargh! Stop it!"
Today, as always, I suffer through Jang Ji-hye’s mental attacks as naturally as breathing.
*
The US Air Force Public Affairs Director showed a relaxed smile for the first time after finishing the script.
Han Ji-woo responded with a satisfied smile of her own.
"What do you think?"
"I can feel the writer's infinite affection for the F-22 Cold in this script. Yet, it’s never expressed too blatantly."
"With this script, the Navy and Air Force should be able to participate in the movie amicably, right?"
"The writer must have revised it with that in mind. We shouldn't treat such a precious sentiment lightly. Our Air Force will join hands with the Navy and actively assist in the filming."
"It looks like filming will begin as early as March or April next year."
"Understood."
The Air Force was satisfied, and while the Navy seemed slightly disgruntled about the Air Force butting in...
Lee Yu-jin giggled as she explained the situation.
"Director, that’s just the Navy teasing the Air Force. You don't need to worry about it."
"Oh, was that it? I thought the Navy really didn't want the Air Force involved and wanted to keep it all to themselves."
"From the Navy's perspective, why would they push the Air Force away when they can keep them close and mock them? Since they’re the ones leading the overall flow anyway, it’s more fun to stay close and keep flexing on them."
"I know what 'flexing' is. I saw it on the fan cafe."
Han Ji-woo suddenly remembered something and laughed, clapping her hands lightly.
"Oh, by the way, the US Army and Marine Corps are also desperately trying to squeeze into this movie somehow, but it doesn't seem to be going well."
"The Army has no business being here. All they have are Apache helicopters. The Marines have the F-35, but... anything the Marines can provide, the Navy already has anyway."
"How about giving them a small, low-stakes supporting role?"
"I won't say anything if Ji-hye wants to do it, but if the Army and Marines get involved too, won't the story get too cluttered...?"
"Ah, I see. Then there's no need to mention it to Ji-hye."
"I'll pass the word along. It's better for her to be aware of it than to know nothing at all."
However, as soon as Jang Ji-hye heard Yu-jin's words, she shook her head firmly.
"No way. There’s no room in my script for the Mud Army or those Glass Bottle Heads. I already have too much to trim down. It’s too cramped."
"Mud Army... Glass Bottle Head... Those terms are coming out so naturally now."
Jang Ji-hye’s daily growing military geekiness made Yu-jin feel a sense of pride.
*
Ultimately, the US Navy and Air Force reached an agreement to support the production of Ace Down to Sea.
Filming was scheduled to begin in the spring or summer of next year.
And the date for my appearance on the U Puzzle Talk Show was fast approaching.
"Interest from the fans is exploding right now because of Ace Down to Sea. It’s the perfect time to go on U Puzzle and give it a subtle promotional boost."
"I'm not very good at promoting things."
"It's fine. The MCs will bring up the movie on their own, so you just have to answer. Let's see... you wore jeans and a purple blouse last time, so shall we go with a pure black & white look today?"
The outfit Ji-hye picked out was black skinny jeans and a white blouse. It was clean and simple, which I liked.
"You're confident about the LoL quiz, right?"
"I've memorized everything down to the ancient metas. I honestly can't see myself losing."
"Oh, and they said today's session will be a live stream first, and the broadcast version will be edited and aired separately later."
"Doesn't matter to me."
"Are you confident about hitting 1 million live viewers?"
"I'm a bit less confident about that."
"Why is the world-tilting Elf Lee Yu-jin acting so weak?"
"..."
I struggled to pull my legs into the skinny jeans, put on the white blouse, and slung the Birkin bag over my shoulder.
"Yu-jin, don't you want to try doing your nails pretty?"
"Why would I grow out my nails? It's gross. Besides, long nails get in the way of playing LoL."
"You've been getting annoyed lately because of all the snipers in your queues. Why not take a break from LoL and grow them out for once...?"
"Absolutely not."
I decided to tolerate the color makeup, at least.
I was going on a broadcast, after all, and I wanted to show my face to the fans who were helping me mine Envidium.
"Baby Elf's skin is so fine that there's no need to spread foundation, but I have no choice if I want to add a rosy glow to your cheeks and eyes. What a shame."
When I opened my eyes and looked in the mirror, I flinched.
‘Wh-who are you...?’
Since Jang Ji-hye had gone all out with the color makeup, a completely unfamiliar woman was staring back at me from the mirror.
Suddenly, I felt a bit resentful.
‘So, I could have lived as that woman, but that divine being interpreted my wish however they wanted and trapped me inside her?’
I need a pipe dream. A pipe dream.
Seeing as I haven't had one lately, that divine being must have realized I’m sharpening my blade over the After-Sales Service Compensation issue.
*
The U Puzzle Talk Show filming studio.
A crowd of staff members had gathered at the entrance, craning their necks as they waited for Yu-jin's Cullinan to arrive.
There were actually far more staff members from other programs present.
"She's coming! Over there!"
"Ooh!"
The Rolls-Royce Cullinan, worth over 1.4 billion won and exuding an overwhelming presence in both size and appearance, pulled in.
The younger brother manager, who got out of the passenger seat, quickly opened the rear door. An ash-gray 7cm heel supporting a slender calf was the first thing to appear.
"Wow, her beauty is seriously insane."
"No joke. She really is a Goddess Elf."
"How can a high school girl have that kind of physique...?"
Everyone just gulped and marveled in silence, unable to bring themselves to approach her or ask for an autograph.
The U Puzzle staff, who had been staring blankly, quickly snapped out of it and moved to escort her.
"Actress Lee, welcome. We'll show you the way."
"Yes, thank you."
As she walked down the studio corridor, Lee Yu-jin drew everyone's gaze like a black hole.
Even the broadcasting station employees, who were used to seeing celebrities, found their eyes drawn to her as if they were enchanted.
The two MCs, who were preparing for the live stream, also widened their eyes and froze for a moment upon seeing Yu-jin, before barely regaining their composure to greet her with a smile.
"Welcome."
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Actress Lee."
"Yes, nice to meet you."
Even the way her long black hair flowed as she gave a slight bow was nothing short of elegant.
The main MC suddenly thought of a single line describing Yu-jin.
‘They said her beauty makes the Earth tilt, and they weren't kidding.’
The other staff members couldn't take their eyes off Yu-jin either.
The main MC thought of the rumors about the atmosphere on the set of Hwan's Torch and chuckled to himself.
"Please take a seat here between us MCs. Today's session will be live to communicate with the fans, and the main broadcast will be an edited version aired later. You can just relax and answer our questions."
"Understood."
Finally, the Wetube Live began.
Fans started pouring in with incredible momentum.
└ Lee Yu, Lee Yu, the reason (Iyu) I live!
└ Lee Yu, Lee Yu, unnie is here ㅠㅠㅠ You're so pretty today too ㅠㅠㅠ
└ Her sitting height is the shortest of the three, but look at how she has to turn her legs to the side because they won't fit. So cute ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
└ Wow, those legs are insane;; You're telling me she kept those hidden in Hwan's Torch;;
└ It was a period drama, so she had no choice. She couldn't exactly walk around in short shorts or mini skirts there.
As soon as the live stream started, the viewer count surpassed 5 million, leaving the production crew flustered.
"It's already over 5 million?"
"People are still pouring in! The influx is massive!"
"Wow, are we really going to hit 10 million live viewers at this rate?"
"It looks like fans from all over the world are flocking here. What do we do?"
"Subtitles! Try to get some English subtitles up at least!"
The two MCs, informed of the skyrocketing viewer count, also became tense as they proceeded with the talk.
‘If I mess up here, I’m dead...’
‘I’ll be buried in front of the whole world.’
The proceedings went smoothly and cautiously.
Starting with a simple self-introduction.
"My real name is Lee Yu-jin, and I use 'Lee Yu' as a stage name, though it doesn't seem to mean much these days."
"But I think 'Lee Yu' is a great stage name. The reason (Iyu) I live, the reason I like you, the reason I'm happy—it's a perfect stage name for fans to express their feelings in many ways."
└ Yoo Dae-jun’s still got it ㅋㅋ
└ Her real name is good, but her stage name is good too. No, they're both just good. Just like how both black hair and silver hair are good.
"In the beginning of your debut, there were rumors that you were originally silver-haired and dyed it black. What’s the truth?"
"Ah, I've been a black-haired Korean from the start. It's true."
└ The way she's emphasizing it is a bit suspicious?
└ Is she actually a natural silver-head who usually paints it black?
Many fans believed Yu-jin was a natural black-head.
This was because her elementary school classmates, who felt a debt of gratitude toward Yu-jin, had been actively spreading that narrative.
Things like: "I know because I was her classmate; she was originally black-haired. The silver hair was just from when she was briefly sick."
The first topic was Hwan's Torch.
"When picking Yeon Si-ho's best scenes, we can't leave that one out. The scene where Yeon Si-ho, having become human, tastes food for the first time—boiled pork with fresh kimchi—and her eyes fill with tears. It’s a legendary performance that’s still being talked about."
"Thank you."
"It was such a beautiful, sorrowful, and pathetic scene that it remains in my memory personally. Would it be possible to give us a brief reenactment here?"
"Yes, I'll try. Just a moment."
Yu-jin slowly closed her eyes.
The two MCs' hearts pounded with rising expectation. The live viewers were also exploding with excitement.
└ Lee Yu, Lee Yu! The reason I can live happily today!
└ Gasp gasp To be able to see that moving tear scene in person... I'm so jealous of the MCs ㅠㅠㅠㅠ
*
I'm screwed. Totally screwed.
‘If I knew they were going to ask for this, I would have gotten some of Eonnyeoni’s handmade boiled pork and kimchi from Yoon Se-rang’s mother.’
Stay calm, Lee Yu-jin. Don't panic.
The moment I let the fans' expectations down, the Envidium mining speed will drop rapidly.
‘Is there anything I can dig up in the imagery within me?’
I let my consciousness fall deeper and deeper.
The noise of the studio drifted away from my senses like distant starlight, as I pushed my mind further into a deep, dark place.
It was a mental control technique I had forcibly acquired to sleep in the midst of all kinds of noise, stress, and battlefields where death was a constant.
That’s when a scruffy little boy caught my eye.
He looked about four years old, a face I didn't recognize.
‘Did I have a past life like that? But this is a memory I’ve never seen before?’
I approached the beggar-like child.
The boy, who had been curled up in a small ball, snapped his head up the moment I touched his shoulder. His face was filled with deathly pallor.
"Mommy! Mommy!"
"No, I'm not your mother, I'm your futu—"
"Don't eat me! Don't eat me!"
"What do you mean, don't eat you?"
"I was wrong! Don't eat me! I want to live! Mommy! Mommy!"
The boy burst into tears, scrambled to his feet, and ran far away.
I stood frozen, hand outstretched in confusion, when a forgotten memory from a past life flooded into my mind, striking my entire body like a sledgehammer.
—Mommy! Don't eat me! Save me! I don't taste good! Mommy! Please! Save me! Mommy! Mommy!
Mommy, Mommy, Daddy, Mommy, Daddy, save me. I don't taste good. I'll be tough. There's nothing to eat on me.
I really don't taste good. Please save m—
*
The moment Lee Yu-jin opened her eyes, the MCs and viewers held their breath instinctively. It was as if time itself had stopped.
Her large eyes, tinged with a hint of blue, slowly looked at the main MC with an emotionless light.
Eyes like a still winter lake, giving no hint of what thoughts they held.
In those large eyes, tears welled up in an instant as if a spring were filling, and soon overflowed like a waterfall down her white cheeks, beadily gathering on her smooth jawline.
Eyes that weren't crying, an expression that wasn't crying.
The sight of only her tear ducts quietly bursting, without her nose or eyes turning red at all, gave the two MCs goosebumps.
‘How can a high school actress have emotions like this...?’
‘This girl is the real deal. She’s the real deal.’
"Ah... I didn't know you could perform a tear scene so instantly. I'm truly impressed."
└ It's just that Yu-jin's Elf-level beauty overshadows it, but she's a straight-up acting genius ;;;
└ Seriously, you kids who claim Yu-jin only acts with her face, go watch the scene of her eating boiled pork and kimchi 100 times!!!!
"What's the secret? What kind of thoughts do you have to be able to just shed tears like that in an instant?"
Yu-jin answered emotionlessly.
"The most tasteless thing in the world."
*
I feel alright.
Even if the memories of a past life burst my tear ducts, they can't touch my mental state.
‘It feels like I’m fighting a proxy war for someone else’s tears.’
Anyway, I wiped away the tears with a handkerchief.
It was convenient because my nose didn't get stuffy or anything.
"Now then, we're going to do a quiz. We MCs will solve it with you, and of course, we don't know the questions or answers either."
"Yes. I've memorized everything down to the ancient metas. I'm confident."
At that, the main MC laughed.
"In anticipation of that, our PD says he’s changed the quiz topic. He said it wouldn't be fun if it was too easy, so he’s going to raise the difficulty level a bit."
"Pardon?"
"You've been confirmed for a pilot role, haven't you? So, he’s prepared a quiz in the military field. You might not be confident, but we prepared it to convey knowledge that an actress playing a pilot must know."
"A military quiz?"
Ah, right.
The fact that I'm a LoL geek is well-known, but only the US military personnel I met know that I'm a military geek.
"Uh, I'm not confident..."
"It's okay if you get them all wrong. We've prepared it focusing on essential knowledge, so it will help with your movie preparation."
I'm really not confident.
Confident that I can hold back my laughter until the end.