Chapter 60: The Elf Wears Hermès
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 60: The Elf Wears Hermès
I’m as fluent in Classical Latin as I am in Korean.
That’s because the education was literally beaten into my soul through brutal, physical discipline.
Even after several reincarnations, I haven't been able to forget it.
However, I’ve forgotten almost all other European languages by now. That’s the limit of my brain.
As for French and Italian, I can only stumble through and grasp the general meaning of parts rooted in Latin words.
And English?
I’m exactly at the level of my mock exam grades.
Fortunately, thanks to my Classical Latin skills, my listening is much better than that of a typical native Korean. The problem is that my vocabulary and grammar are severely lacking.
‘Cast? Series? Making? Ask? Possible? He wants to cast me in a drama? But why is the phrasing so long and complicated?’
I got the gist of it, but the expressions were a bit different from the English I learned in this life.
Or maybe my mock exam grades were just too low to keep up with sophisticated Hollywood style.
[Jang Ji-hye] Yujin, Yujin.
[Jang Ji-hye] He’s asking if he can have permission to ask how he might go about casting you in his drama.
[Jang Ji-hye] Wow, I didn't know English had such double, triple, multi-layered ways of asking things. How fascinating.
[Me] Tell him I have no interest in debuting as an actress.
Jang Ji-hye nodded and conveyed exactly what I said.
‘Wasn’t her grade a 3 or 4 too? Why is her English so fluent? I guess kids from English kindergartens really are different.’
But Chris’s expression was strange.
He looked exactly like I did when I heard the rumor that Shin Sang-hyun was transferring to an overseas team.
It was the face of someone who had just heard the most ridiculous nonsense imaginable.
“Pardon me... but aren’t you actress Lee Yu?”
I understood that much—wait, how did he know?
‘I-is this the keen eye of a Hollywood actor?’
I desperately put on a face as if I hadn't understood a word.
I was finally seeing the payoff for all the time I’d spent honing my acting skills.
Jang Ji-hye was flustered and didn't know what to do, so she hurriedly said something back. She used so many advanced vocabulary words that I couldn't understand her.
‘Damn, do I need to dig into English again? But I’m too lazy to study at this age.’
Then again, if I want to get the most out of a tour of a US aircraft carrier later, it might be better to improve my English.
Visiting an aircraft carrier is one of the items on my bucket list for this life.
I’m too scared to go to the US because of the guns, so I’m just counting down the days until one docks at Busan Port.
“My apologies. Please enjoy your shopping.”
Judging by the conviction in his eyes and the tone of his voice—implying he wouldn't press further—it seemed like he knew exactly who I was but was backing off for now.
‘Whatever, I don't care. In a masquerade, the polite thing to do is pretend you don't know even if you do.’
Chris purchased one item and left the Hermès boutique. Seeing as he actually bought something, he at least had manners.
I put it out of my mind and focused on shopping again.
‘Hermès clothes have a lot of simple, cool pieces. There aren't many distracting designs like other low-end fashion brands. As expected of Hermès.’
It’s definitely not because the 10 billion won Ambassador fee that was deposited recently has opened my eyes.
It’s just that the Hermès design philosophy is very, very excellent.
I picked out clothes with a strong gender-neutral feel. I also chose some daily shoes that fit my feet.
Finding men’s shoes was difficult because of the size difference, but I managed to scavenge some.
‘Wow, how much is all this?’
So, every time I pick one of these up, 10% of the price tag will eventually land in my bank account, right?
I reflected on my past self, who used to think offline shopping was a tedious, pedantic, and wicked culture that suppressed a man’s instincts.
Shopping is like hunting. It’s a man’s favorite thing.
‘My god, I’m making money every time I pick something up! If this isn't hunting, what is?’
I was reminded of the thrill of the Stone Age, when man first succeeded in hunting a rabbit with a stone knife, a stone spear, and a club.
Right now, I am hunting incentives!
‘Still, I should have some conscience. Let’s not buy things I’ll never use just to pile them up.’
When someone treats you well, you have to know where to draw the line.
That way, it comes back as a greater blessing later.
If I were to grab everything in sight just because I was blinded by incentives, Hermès would think my greed was pathetic.
Suddenly, my eyes were drawn to a watch.
A Skeleton Automatic—a piece where the exterior is transparent, revealing the precise internal components.
As if possessed, I picked it up and put it on my wrist.
It fit perfectly, as if an anonymous Swiss master had crafted it specifically for me.
[Jang Ji-hye] Yujin, Yujin...
[Jang Ji-hye] That’s a man’s watch.
[Me] It’s the watch that’s most "me."
When I put the watch on, the employee looked slightly flustered, their eyes wavering.
I processed the payment with my Ambassador membership card.
It wasn't a credit card, but to the store staff, it processed just like one.
Delivery service was available, but I left the store draped in shopping bags.
The most enjoyable part of the hunt is carrying the prey back with your own hands.
“Hehe, I just made 20 million won. Nice.”
“You just spent 200 million won in there. How did you make 20 million?”
“There are things in this world you don't know yet, kiddo.”
“Baby Elf. Baby Elf. Baby Elf...”
Ugh, how frustrating.
I couldn't shut that mouth of hers because both my hands were full of my incentive-prey.
*
Chris sat on a distant bench with his bodyguards, watching Lee Yu-jin leave the Hermès boutique.
She looked so happy, wearing a bright, beaming smile that was beautiful enough to catch anyone's eye even from across the street.
“Chris, why did you think she’d be a good fit for the Heretic Inquisitor role? To me, it seems like she’d be better suited for the Saintess.”
“Of course, she’d suit the Saintess role perfectly. But imagine the shock the viewers will feel when a Heretic Inquisitor in full plate mail removes her helmet at a crucial moment, and that face appears.”
The manager thought about it for a moment and then marveled.
“That would definitely be shocking.”
“It would deliver a powerful impact to the viewers right from the first episode.”
“The Saintess appears later on, so to draw viewers in early, the Heretic Inquisitor role is more appropriate.”
“Exactly. We have to go all-in on the first episode.”
You have to hook the viewers with a massive shock in the first episode to create a hit.
Saying things like, ‘Lee Yu-jin appears from Episode 5, so please hang in there!’ doesn't work in the US drama market.
You have to cause a massive explosion with the very first episode.
“But if you kill her off right in the first episode, won't the viewers be furious?”
“Even that anger is converted into viewership ratings.”
“As expected, you were born to be a producer...”
As Lee Yu-jin disappeared into the distance, Chris closed his eyes.
He could almost hear the roar of angry viewers like tinnitus in his ears.
Screams like desperate pleas to bring Lee Yu-jin back, to resurrect the Heretic Inquisitor, and to stop the production company’s tyranny.
“You said the Netscreen CEO was shot by a Texas rancher, right...?”
“Pardon?”
“A bulletproof vest alone won't be enough to put my mind at ease. I should buy a new armored car as well.”
“Pardon?”
*
I want to beat up my past self from a moment ago, the one who thought shopping was a delightful hunt.
Now, like any other man, I’m sitting on a waiting bench in front of the fitting rooms, waiting for Jang Ji-hye to finally end this agonizing time.
‘The nightmare from last time is repeating itself.’
Customers and staff alike are all stealing glances at me.
I suppose it’s a strange sight—a foreigner surrounded by Hermès shopping bags like a protective barrier.
This time, no one is asking if I’m the actress Lee Yu. The Hermès shopping bag barrier is providing an effective shield.
A few people tried to take pictures out of curiosity, but they sheepishly lowered their phones under the silent pressure from those around them.
Honestly, even if someone isn't a public figure or a celebrity, the culture of taking pictures just because something looks interesting needs to disappear. People deserve privacy.
“How’s this?”
“Dea bona, quam pulchra es! Me occidis! Praeclara est!”
(You look like a goddess! You’re so beautiful! I’m dying! It’s magnificent!)
“I know. It’s not that great.”
Aaaargh, Ji-hye. Please, have mercy.
*
Finally, as the department store was nearing its closing time, Jang Ji-hye granted me peace.
‘Should I just bring my brother next time?’
I considered it, but then my only friend might feel hurt and run away from my life forever, so I dismissed the idea.
‘Right, let’s just think of it as a friendship fee. She’s the one who follows me to film sets without a penny in salary, doing all sorts of grunt work, including being my stylist.’
“Get in. Did you enjoy your shopping?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I finished everything in 20 minutes, but Ji-hye took four hours...”
“Yujin spent 200 million won in 20 minutes! She’s completely equipped with the 'Young & Rich' mindset now!”
I didn't spend 200 million in 20 minutes; I made 20 million.
‘But when should I tell her?’
Is it really right to crush Jang Ji-hye’s expectations when her eyes are sparkling at my bold shopping power?
Wouldn't it be happier for her to just stay in the dark?
‘I don't know. I’ll do whatever I feel like later. Since when did I live my life thinking so hard?’
As I sat in the back of the Carnival, I suddenly missed the ride quality of the Rolls-Royce Cullinan.
But the internet already knows that car belongs to the actress Lee Yu-jin.
So, I can't drive it when I’m cosplaying as a Latin-speaking foreigner.
‘I received my Ambassador fee, should I pick up another nice car?’
I thought about it but decided to just stick with the Carnival when I’m in Latin-foreigner mode. It’ll be less conspicuous.
‘Ah, I forgot to buy Nike sneakers.’
I was so drained by Jang Ji-hye that I completely forgot. I’ll just have to buy them online later.
*
[Title: Elf, wake up, you need to film Season 2]
[Title: A story about seeing the Baby Elf at the New Land Gangnam luxury hall]
*
Choi Yu-riang, the CEO of Hermès Korea, sipped coffee while leisurely enjoying the Han River view.
His eyes and hands were busy checking the weekly domestic sales report on his tablet.
“Our Ambassador only mined 20 million won.”
Just because Lee Yu-jin picked up 200 million won worth of products didn't mean Hermès was spending 200 million won.
Since Hermès products have very high profit margins, it only cost them a small amount in production expenses.
Then, a startling figure caught Choi Yu-riang’s eye.
“Wait, what is this?”
Surprisingly, the sales at the New Land Gangnam store had hit an all-time high.
And it had jumped by an impossibly high percentage in a single leap.
Choi Yu-riang had a sudden hunch and hurriedly requested a detailed report.
[Global VVIPs visiting Korea happened to visit this store. We were very lucky.]
He trembled.
They hadn't come for tourism; they were the Hermès VVIPs who had settled down around Lee Yu-jin in Hannam-dong.
Every single one of them was a billionaire.
Dozens of groups had visited and spent at least 1 billion won each.
Naturally, they were the same products Lee Yu-jin had purchased, and since most of them were items men could also wear, they had bought them without hesitation.
“Is this... the Ambassador effect?”
Until now, Hermès had scoffed at the sales strategies of other fashion brands that used stars as Ambassadors to appeal to the masses.
But after tasting the sweet Ambassador effect, he realized he could no longer mock them.
‘Yes, they were doing their best in their own way.’
What if they had lost Lee Yu-jin to another brand?
Choi Yu-riang shuddered at the horrific thought.