Chapter 55: If You Won’t Come to Us, Then We Shall...
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 55: If You Won’t Come to Us, Then We Shall...
Today was the day of the housewarming party.
I was perfectly fine, but my younger brother and Jang Ji-hye were in such a panic they were pacing around like patients with severe anxiety.
“What do we do? What do we do?!”
“Noona! We have to call Anticco and request their private chef service right now! I’ll pour my entire salary into it! This is a matter of your honor!”
“It’s fine, it’s fine. All three of them said the same thing. They said a housewarming is originally where the guests bring the food. The host is just supposed to welcome them comfortably like usual. Hey, come over here and massage my legs.”
“Yu-jin, Yu-jin! Don’t you think the least you could do is dress up a bit? Why do you think those people are coming all the way here?!”
“Who was it that said I’m pretty even without doing all that? I’m asking because I genuinely don’t know.”
“You only use that as a counter-attack when you’re being obnoxious!”
Hehe, I landed a hit on Jang Ji-hye!
I finally pulled off the counter I’d been saving up, and it felt so satisfying.
“Hey, hey. Setting all that aside, Senior Yoon Se-rang is coming with a full-course meal prepared by her mother. No matter what we prepare, it’ll look pathetic next to that. So just enjoy it.”
The doorbell rang. My brother checked the monitor and opened the door, and a moment later, Yoon Se-rang walked in.
She wasn't alone; she was accompanied by several staff members carrying a mountain of food.
I gave a polite greeting.
“Welcome. Please, come in.”
“I brought a full course of my mom’s home cooking. Where should I set this up?”
“Brother. To work.”
“Yes, ma’am! I’ll show you the way! Please, come this way first...!”
Only then did I pat the shoulder of the now-calmed Jang Ji-hye and said pointedly, “Jang Ji-hye, what did I tell you? I said it wouldn’t be a problem.”
“Can I hit you just once?”
The second to arrive was Jung Yoon-ah.
Since she lived in the same villa complex, she arrived in comfortable slippers, carrying a heavy load of expensive liquor and drinks.
“I figured Yoon Se-rang would have the snacks covered, so I brought the drinks. Of course, the alcohol is only for the adults.”
I froze in shock after seeing one of the items.
“Co-Coca-Cola Zero? This is heresy.”
“Aren’t you the devil worshiper for drinking two or three original Pepsis a day? Seriously, just try it once today.”
Finally, Curator Han Ji-woo arrived.
People in white chef uniforms pushed carts in an endless, seemingly infinite line.
As if pitching a field tent on bare ground, they set up instant tables and whipped up a professional catering buffet in no time.
“...”
“...”
It was heartening to see Jang Ji-hye and my brother standing there, speechless.
I stood behind Jang Ji-hye and whispered lowly.
“I told you the guests would bring everything themselves.”
“Ugh... somehow, this feels frustrating.”
*
Yoon Se-rang’s mother’s home-cooked full course.
Jung Yoon-ah’s flashy beverage setup.
The hotel-style catering buffet arranged by Han Ji-woo.
There was plenty of food, but the atmosphere was awkward.
Hmm, but what do we do now?
“Yu-jin, what are you doing? You’re the host.”
“Right. I’ll give the opening remarks and proceed with the meeting.”
Yoon Se-rang, Jung Yoon-ah, and Han Ji-woo.
All three were waiting for me to speak with their arms crossed.
Jang Ji-hye and my brother were in standby mode, keeping their mouths shut off to the side.
“Hello. I would like to express my deepest gratitude to Senior Yoon Se-rang, Writer Jung Yoon-ah, and Curator Han Ji-woo for coming to celebrate Lee Yu-jin’s first home.”
“Honey, a question. Why was I called second? I’m not upset that I wasn’t first, and I’m not relieved that I wasn’t third—I’m just purely curious.”
“It’s in alphabetical order.”
“Satisfied. That’s so like you, honey.”
Jung Yoon-ah burst into laughter and clapped, and Yoon Se-rang clapped as well, her lips twitching into a smile.
Han Ji-woo followed suit, clapping with an elegant smile.
“Jang Ji-hye, do I perhaps have a natural talent for being a mood maker?”
“It’s just your face doing all the work, you idiot...”
“Can you please not land surprise attacks on such a meaningful day?”
“No? I’m going to keep hitting you every time you breathe.”
Anyway, thanks to my brilliant leadership, the awkward atmosphere vanished.
Yoon Se-rang, Jung Yoon-ah, and Han Ji-woo began chatting and laughing comfortably.
I entered waiter mode, diligently pouring drinks and serving the three of them...
“This house has a very pretty waitress. She’s quite attentive and good at her job.”
“...Senior, why are you doing this to me?”
“Honey, our Se-rang has finally opened her eyes to your weakness. She realized that your life force gets drained when you’re praised for being pretty. What are you going to do now?”
“Oh my, Writer Jung. Is that true? Is Lee Yu-jin weak to those kinds of compliments?”
“Curator, she’s ‘weak’ in the sense that she gets neutralized. It doesn’t mean she’s happy about it.”
“How fascinating. If I had that face, I wouldn’t feel anything no matter how much I heard those compliments. A diamond doesn’t feel anything just because people applaud it, right?”
Aaaargh! I want to run away.
“Se-rang, Curator Han. Isn’t it cute how our Baby Elf is running around not knowing her role because she has no experience hosting a party?”
Writer, why are you really doing this to me on such a good day... Ah, she’s already had a lot to drink.
Jung Yoon-ah grinned and grabbed my shoulder, forcing me into an empty seat.
“Now, our Baby Elf just needs to sit here and cleanse the eyes of us guests. Don’t go running around for no reason. At our age, even moving our eyeballs is tiring.”
“Baekhyun Group actively supports Writer Jung’s proposal.”
“Hey, why are you running around so restlessly when you have a perfectly obedient brother? Just sit there quietly. Let’s get a good look at that face today.”
And so, I sat there like a guardian statue in a spot where all three could see me clearly.
My brother took over the waiter role. Jang Ji-hye also slunk over and sat next to me.
Jung Yoon-ah clapped her hands.
“Oh, right! That photo of Yeon Si-ho’s hairpin that was posted on the fan cafe yesterday at dawn and then deleted at the speed of light—Curator Han Ji-woo, did you post that yourself?”
Curator Han Ji-woo pointed to the hairpin tucked into her own updo and showed an elegant smile.
“Are you talking about this?”
“Do you have any idea how much that turned the fan cafe upside down until morning? Everyone was fighting, crying, being jealous, acting petty, turning dark... anyway, it was like a jar of poisonous insects.”
“I know. It was intentional. Is there a problem?”
“Thanks to that, I was able to supply enough dopamine fuel for my creative activities to make my lymph nodes burst. Thank you so much for putting on such an entertaining show.”
“Writer Jung Yoon-ah, this is strange. It’s my first time meeting you today, but why do I like you so much?”
“Oh dear, I’ve been admiring you since I saw that 'speed deletion event' at dawn.”
“It’s truly bizarre. How has someone like you not been on my radar until now?”
“...”
Why am I sitting here?
Where can I find the reason for wasting the existence of this chair?
It seems like the three of them would eat and play just fine without me. Wouldn't I be contributing more to the world by sitting in front of my computer and protecting the peace of the Summoner's Rift?
“But seriously, honey, the more I look at you, the more your looks make no sense.”
“Right? How can there not be a single tiny mole? I asked her before, and she said she’s never had one removed.”
“Actor Yoon Se-rang, is that true?”
“Yes, Curator. So you can imagine how much courage it took for me to stand in a two-shot with her.”
“Oh my, you’ve worked hard. I’m happy just being an audience member watching and enjoying, but from the perspective of an artist standing next to her, it wouldn’t be all good.”
“Hic! Our honey... why was she so pretty? Do you have an Elf among your ancestors?”
The reason I was so restless earlier must have been because my subconscious sensed this coordinated attack coming.
Even when I was a military musician marching through gray smoke and beating a drum in a line of infantry, the future didn't look this dark.
Right now, it was just pitch black.
I tried to find an opening to escape when the three of them toasted at the same time, but Jang Ji-hye caught me by the waist.
“Let me go! Those people will have fun on their own even without me!”
“Hey, Lee Yu-jin! You’re the host! Where are you going, leaving your guests behind! Ugh! Why are you so strong! Lee Yu-seok, help me!”
“I’m coming... Aaaargh! Noona, that hurts!”
*
Jung Yoon-ah had a pipe dream.
Being somewhat of an experienced dreamer now, she didn't panic at all and simply chuckled.
The setting was America.
Whoa, new content! I was curious about the Great American Elf Life anyway!
Lee Yu-jin, who had wrecked the economy by throwing Korean chaebol families into an infinite battle for a wife and daughter-in-law, had immigrated after receiving a Hollywood casting offer.
The story followed.
—I’ve been so curious about what happened next that I haven’t been able to sleep properly.
As expected, Lee Yu-jin was successful in Hollywood.
Unexpectedly, Lee Yu-jin was too successful in Hollywood.
Even though she only took roles as a female warrior with absolutely no love lines, all of Hollywood stood in line waiting for their turn.
She became the object of money, fame, influence, love, hatred, resentment, and longing—basically every eruptive desire a human could harbor.
Fans wailed in enthusiasm, producers offered blank checks, and the super-rich were restless just to see her face once.
Having shed the heavy chains of Korea, Lee Yu-jin instantly transformed into a world-class top star. She made the world’s super-rich and their second-generation heirs suffer from lovesickness.
She was nominated for countless Academy Awards but never once showed her face, existing only through the screen.
It was only natural that her very existence was questioned.
└ Is it possible Lee Yu-jin is CG? Maybe she only exists in the metaverse, not the real world?
└ Has anyone actually seen Lee Yu-jin in person?
└ It makes no sense for such an Elf to exist in reality in the first place.
To the point where such conspiracy theories emerged, Lee Yu-jin strictly stayed inside her mansion.
She communicated with the world only through the screen.
Jung Yoon-ah nodded.
It makes sense. After what she went through in Korea and fleeing to America... wait, she did flee, right?
Based on her experience in Korea, Lee Yu-jin thoroughly protected herself, but the American ultra-wealthy had already begun the battle for a wife or daughter-in-law.
In a very fiery way, fitting for a country of guns.
No, wait, it’s escalating this much?
The corporations and banks that dominated the US economy began to bite and tear at each other like crazy.
The result was identical to what happened in Korea, only the scale was different.
However, this time, there was a fatal variable.
“Darling, my darling. If I cannot have you, I would rather set you free with my own hands.”
A former ultra-wealthy man who had lost everything in the corporate war went to find Lee Yu-jin with a shotgun.
Lee Yu-jin had been hiding well based on her experiences in her home country, but the obsession of a man who had lost everything transcended imagination.
In the end, he found her and infiltrated.
“Darling, I will love you forever. Now, I will give you your freedom.”
Bang! Bang!
One shot to Lee Yu-jin’s chest, one shot to his own head.
Because she was focused on a friendly game with a retired god, even Lee Yu-jin, with her superhuman reflexes, couldn't react in time.
But the obsessive man died, and Lee Yu-jin lived.
It was thanks to a bulletproof vest.
The US government made a secret proposal to Lee Yu-jin.
“Why don’t you just announce that you’re dead and go into hiding? We will apply a witness protection program and provide you with lifelong protection.”
The politicians in Washington were having a headache because the US economy was heading toward rock bottom due to the battle over Lee Yu-jin.
In fact, the children and grandchildren of those politicians were already players in the battle for Lee Yu-jin.
Lamenting her fate, Lee Yu-jin left America for a quiet place in Northern Europe. A team of CIA bodyguards, selected only from women, followed her.
“Sigh. The world is so wide, but where on earth is a place where I can live in peace?”
*
“...”
Jung Yoon-ah opened her eyes, drenched in sweat.
Lee Yu-jin, Yoon Se-rang, and Han Ji-woo were sitting around the same table, chatting pleasantly.
To be precise, Han Ji-woo and Yoon Se-rang were talking happily while staring only at Lee Yu-jin’s face, and Lee Yu-jin was looking at her phone with an indifferent and bored expression.
The phone vibrated for no reason.
Poltergeist!
A chilling sensation washed over her entire body, and she heard a whisper like an auditory hallucination.
「Be careful... it’s not... over yet...」
She couldn't stop. She had to keep going.
Overwhelmed by that compulsion, Jung Yoon-ah opened her laptop and began typing like a madwoman.
*
A bizarre event was taking place in Hannam-dong.
“There’s no inventory.”
“Ah, there really isn’t.”
“I’m telling you, every house worth over 5 billion—apartments, villas, officetels, detached houses—they’ve all been pulled from the market. It’s the truth.”
High-end real estate listings were disappearing from the market centered around Hannam-dong, but no one knew the reason why.