The Final Life
This work is fiction. Any resemblance to actual events, persons, religions, organizations, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Has there ever been a single day in human history without war?
Right now, I was sitting dead in the middle of a battlefield.
“—Today, I’m trying on clothes ordered from Size 66 Unnie, the number one trending shopping mall on Garosero…”
Holding my phone in one hand and idly scrolling through short-form clips, I froze when the familiar cadences of my native language drifted through the speaker. A woman on the screen tried on one outfit after another, heaping breathless praise on each piece. It was a video uploaded from the opposite side of the globe—a dispatch from my divided homeland, yet a place infinitely more peaceful than this hellhole.
Watching the video loop over and over, I wondered what kind of work she actually did. And right as the thought crossed my mind of what life must be like for someone like her—
“Shira!”
A young woman’s frantic shriek shattered the air.
In one fluid motion, I shoved the phone away and seized the grip of my rifle. Tracking the direction of the scream, the very first thing my eyes landed on was a child.
“Shira! Shira!”
A little girl in a one-piece dress was running through the open dirt, utterly defenseless. Soldiers and mercenaries shouted in panic, wildly waving their arms.
Wiiiiiiing—
It was almost absurd. The piercing shriek of the air raid siren swallowed the desperate clamor of shouting voices whole. Just like a scene from an old silent film, people were frantically flapping their mouths without a sound reaching my ears.
Click-clack.
Hearing the distant scream of approaching fighter jets, I threw myself forward. I couldn’t say why I did it. I simply ran, snatched the child into my arms, and, at the whistle of something dropping from the sky, leaped with every shred of strength I possessed. I curled my body tightly around the girl, shielding her beneath me.
That was my final memory.
The price for abandoning the most basic rule of survival on a battlefield was death.
I was definitely dead.
Anyone standing in a place like this would understand immediately that their life was over. Suspended in a vast expanse resembling deep space, I drifted aimlessly like a weightless phantom.
“Well then, shall we begin?”
A woman seated in the distance broke the silence. Or rather, I wasn’t entirely sure whether her lips had actually moved. Either way, the moment I saw her exquisite, human-shaped form, I simply knew: she was a god.
“It has been quite some time since I met a soul that has attained divine standing. It is truly a pleasure.”
“Greetings.”
Unsure whether this was proper etiquette, I simply paid my respects in the most familiar manner I knew. I bowed deeply at the waist and waited for her to continue. Though I wondered if calling such an entity a "her" was even appropriate.
“In your 6,973rd lifetime, you saved the life of a child.”
So the little girl I had thrown myself over had lived. The Goddess looked upon me with a benevolent smile.
“When she grows up, that child possesses the potential to comfort countless souls.”
“I see.”
“Yes. It was quite a close call.”
I had no idea what had been close, but the Goddess showed no inclination to elaborate further.
“Bearer of karma that preserved countless souls… hear my decree.”
“Yes.”
“At times a hero who saved a nation, at times a righteous soul who spared countless lives. And at other times…”
Her voice flowed low and gentle. As her words resonated through the void, memories of innumerable past lives began to surface. Sometimes ordinary, sometimes magnificent, and at other times utterly insignificant.
“Every seed of karma you have sown shall return to you.”
“Understood.”
“Prepare to ascend to divinity.”
“Excuse me?”
Now that was far beyond anything I could comprehend on instinct alone. For the first time, doubt surfaced in my response to the Goddess.
“O worn, pitiful, and exhausted soul.”
“I am not entirely sure what you mean.”
“I mean that the time has come for you to break free from the wheel of samsara.”
“Is that so…?”
Her grand proclamation stirred no emotion within me. Because just as she said, I was bone-weary.
“Rather than godhood, I desire rest.”
Even as memories of thousands of lifetimes flooded back into my head, my thoughts remained remarkably unclouded. A single emotion swallowed everything else whole. How should I put it? Emptiness. That seemed to be the closest word.
At some point across my countless lives, I had grown profoundly exhausted. Emotions like joy, anger, love, and delight had long since dulled into nothingness. External stimuli rarely reached me anymore; I had merely lived on by repeating learned behaviors and socially conditioned patterns. Going by the Goddess’s words, my soul had simply worn itself down to the marrow.
That spiritual exhaustion had begun to warp my recent lifetimes as well. My 6,973rd life in particular had been utterly hollow and dry.
“Eternal rest, or even the dissolution of your soul, is indeed possible. However, I cannot grant that request right now.” The Goddess continued, her serene smile unchanged. Ascending to godhood or vanishing into eternal slumber was out of the question for the time being. Her instruction to "prepare" meant I had to live through one more mortal life. “I command you to live out your 6,974th lifetime.”
The moment her decree ended, a figure stepped forth from behind me. Taking the shape of a man, that presence was undeniably a god as well.
“By living out this one final lifetime to its fullest, you shall attain the right.”
“Whether you ascend to godhood or enter eternal rest—the choice is yours only after you have fully lived your 6,974th life.”
The Goddess and the Male God spoke in turns, their divine voices reverberating with heavy significance.
“I shall bestow a gift upon your final life.”
“And I shall inflict hardship upon your final life.”
Their declarations struck my mind like heavy blows.
“A single memory shall remain with you.”
“And one thing precious to you shall vanish.”
As if seized by sudden gravity, I began to plummet, the forms of the two deities shrinking into the distant void.
“I must prepare a body unattainable in that world.”
“Then I shall place constraints upon that body.”
A sickening wave of vertigo washed over me.
“To live a life to its fullest is to heal a soul worn to the bone.”
“To live a life to its fullest is to steel your weary heart and forge ahead.”
Their voices faded across the boundless darkness.
“Other souls shall offer you their aid.”
“Yet you shall not accept that aid with ease.”
Seriously, that damn Male God had nothing but spite to offer right up to the very end.
“You who began as human and shall end as human.”
“A soul once fuller than any other, yet battered and scarred.”
Without the chance to utter a single question, I was cast down toward an unfamiliar world.
“Seek out the emotions of others. May these words guide you well.”
“You shall forge deep bonds with others. And those words shall become your shackles.”
Their parting decrees tangled together, droning relentlessly in my ears before carving themselves deep into my soul.
To receive and feel the emotions of others. And through that, to live a single life to its fullest. That was the final trial laid before me. If I managed to conclude that human life properly, the right to choose would finally be mine.
And so, my 6,974th lifetime began.
I grew up in the mountains.
From the moment my memories began, the mountain was my home and my playground. The Monk never sent me to school. Instead, the old monk educated me himself and told me stories about the world outside. He believed it was the will of the Buddha.
“So you must be Jeongseo.”
“Hello.”
“Right. Come along with me now.”
One person departed from my life, and another stepped in. At that very moment, my memories returned. It was the exact year I turned twenty.
Thank you for everything.
Inwardly, I bid a quiet farewell to the late Monk. Now that my past memories had flooded back, I understood that I owed him a debt of gratitude I could never repay.
The woman who had suddenly appeared helped arrange the Monk’s funeral. His body was cremated, and I scattered his ashes across the mountain. Even as I watched his remains scatter into the wind, I never learned his name. To the very end, he was simply the Monk.
“My name is Dongja. A little old-fashioned, isn't it?”
“Not at all. It carries a fine meaning.”
“Oh my? Do you know what my name means?”
“Yes. The Monk told me.”
Dongja Ajumeoni explained that she had received great kindness from the Monk during her youth. That was why she had come to take me in now that I had come of age. Everything had been arranged according to his wishes.
Well… even I would have been worried.
Only after regaining my past memories did I realize why the Monk had chosen to raise me deep in the secluded mountains. He had spent those years studying and nurturing my mind right beside me.
“Why did you kill it?”
“Because it squirmed. When I pressed down like this, it kept thrashing around.”
“Do you understand that the snake’s breath has ceased?”
“Yes. That’s what dying is, isn’t it?”
That had happened just after I turned ten. I had killed a small snake near the hermitage. Even when he saw me clutching the slaughtered serpent with my bare hands, the Monk hadn't flinched.
“Jeongseo. This old monk, too, will die one day, just like that snake.”
“Yes. And so will I, right?”
“Indeed. Yet you must never take the life of another.”
“Why?”
“Because that is the rule one must observe in order to live alongside others.”
“A rule? But I don’t live with other people.”
The Monk had not scolded me. He never showed irritation, nor did he brush aside my questions. With boundless patience, he guided me through a rather peculiar method. He told me that harming something was breaking a promise between people. And that people punished those who broke their promises. He calmly explained that such punishment would bring me pain and misery.
That was how the Monk conversed with me, over many long years. When I killed that snake, he never told me that its family would mourn, nor did he lecture me on how much pain the creature had felt.
“Um… Jeongseo?”
“Yes?”
“You know you need to be registered under my family register, right?”
“Yes, I know.”
The reverie of the Monk slipped away. From the driver’s seat, Dongja Ajumeoni seemed to be subtly gauging my reaction.
“That’s a relief. Is there anything you’d like to ask me?”
“Well… would it be all right if I asked over time?”
“Of course. You must be exhausted, so feel free to get some sleep. It’ll take a while to get there.”
“I’m fine, really.”
This woman was going to become my legal mother. And right now, I was traveling with her toward Seoul.
With my past memories intact, everything made sense. I understood why the Monk had chosen to educate me in that peculiar fashion, and why Ajumeoni had harbored lingering anxieties before visibly relaxing at my answer. The Monk and Ajumeoni must have thought my mind was broken.
Their worry was only natural, but there was no need for concern anymore. Having reclaimed thousands of lifetimes of memories, I was more than confident in my ability to uphold society’s rules.
At the time, I had no idea that this lifetime would be entirely different from any world I had ever known.