The Living Hero Is Scarier Than a Dead God
“Fake!”
“He was a fake all along!”
“Receive the wind of Lord Hastur!”
The moment Freya, Guardian of the Key Gate declared me a fake, the priests stretched both hands toward me and began wiggling their fingers.
They seemed to be entirely serious about it, but no matter how I looked at it, it resembled a children's game.
I turned to study Freya's face. She was a dark elf like Tia, but her far deeper black eyes didn't reflect even a trace of sunlight.
I answered with all due courtesy.
“Truly the insight of an S-Rank adventurer. A pleasure to meet you. I am Wicker Phedia, Chair Professor of Caesus Academy.”
“You appear to be a slave merchant.”
I drew the black academy license from my breast pocket and showed it. A line of mana shimmered across its surface.
A few of the priests seemed to have no idea what it was, but Freya, S-Rank adventurer that she was, clearly recognized it.
That didn't mean her attitude turned friendly, of course.
“Surely displaying one's nametag is a matter of personal freedom. I trust you'll take my earlier words as a gesture of goodwill toward your... Dark Priest Cult.”
“How unfortunate. We welcome no worshippers of other gods.”
Freya proudly raised a single thick, ancient tome to her chest.
“All truth is inscribed within these pages. The Goddess you serve is a false idol manufactured by the Pope of the Holy State to deceive the world. Do you know what fairness to all mankind truly is?”
“And what might that be?”
“The fear that springs from ignorance.”
Freya glared at me fiercely.
“This true scripture speaks of gods of the outer universe, beings beyond our comprehension. With overwhelming, irresistible power, they would destroy us.”
With a soft flap, Freya spread the ancient tome open, revealing monstrous forms sketched in charcoal, shapes nearly impossible to identify.
“Ooooh!”
“Fear! Fear!”
“Hastur, the unnameable wind god! Yog-Sothoth, the lurker at the threshold! Azathoth, the trans-dimensional being who defies all law and reason! And... Cthulhu!”
“Yah-r! R'lyeh!”
“Yah-r! R'lyeh!”
The dark priests dropped to their knees and howled strange incantations toward the sky.
“Should even one of them descend, this world would meet its end. You cannot comprehend that, can you? Such is the limit of us human folk — and of you.”
Freya suddenly thrust her face up close to mine. It was admittedly a little intimidating.
“So you are the priests who serve this Cthulhu.”
“Indeed. Through the power of this true scripture, we have grown this strong. Our very strength is proof that the Goddess is a fraud!”
“I see. Ah, by the way — that scripture of yours is called the Necronomicon, I believe.”
“...Huh?”
Freya's mouth hung open, as though she'd been clouted over the head with a blunt object.
What's so surprising about that? You didn't even know the name of the book you'd been reading?
Well, to be fair, if she had known, she probably never would have opened it.
Junk / Common Grade
1. Overview
A book describing the Cthulhu Mythos.
2. Details
Cthulhu never appears in this game world — not even a fingernail's worth of him — yet somehow this item exists. The dev team must have had a hardcore Cthulhu mythos nerd on staff.
Even the cover text is written in R'lyehian for some reason, so unless your Cryptography skill is at level 10, you can't read the full text. (...)
Flavor text:
[A certain boy's lost worldbuilding notes for his vanity novel. Please don't mistake it for real scripture!]
3. Full Text
...
“Impossible. I've spent my whole life deciphering that thing and managed to extract only three words!”
Freya recoiled from me in alarm.
“Now you know everything. Congratulations.”
“Guardian, is it true?”
“Did she just spout off about something she didn't even...”
“Then how did she know the three words, hm?”
“The remaining words must be a secret known only to you, Guardian.”
“So if this letter is large and this one is long... ho. It actually makes sense.”
Freya recomposed her solemn expression and planted herself before me once more.
“In recognition of your merit, I hereby grant you special permission to join our Dark Priest Cult, Wicker Phedia.”
No thanks. I'll pass.
“Rather than that, I'd like to propose a trade.”
“A trade?”
“A long-term commission that would benefit you all. Security work.”
I handed Freya the proposal. She skimmed its contents at speed.
“Hah, you underestimate us. I refuse.”
“The reason?”
“An academy? We have no reason to guard the land of heretics who worship the Goddess.”
To anyone looking, the heretics of this continent were these people.
Still, their competence was beyond question.
There were only twenty of them here, but gathering every dark priest across the kingdom would total some five hundred. Their leader Freya was an S-Rank adventurer, and her senior priests were all A-Ranks.
They were a little — no, very naive, but honestly I found that rather endearing. I wasn't fond of the Goddess either.
Astoundingly, despite being adventurer parties, they were a deranged outfit in which the priests filled every role from vanguard to rear guard.
There were few materials in the world that could replenish a priesthood in bulk on such short notice.
Dark priests might have a dark name and pitch-black coloring, but they faithfully wielded genuine divine power.
If even heretics could serve as priests, perhaps the Goddess's generosity was broader than I'd thought.
No, surely not. She was probably just too dim to write the rules correctly the first time.
“We bear the Goddess's name, but we don't force religion on anyone. Her divine authority is merely used to operate the systems.”
“Even so, there's a church on the grounds, no? We can't possibly work alongside the priests there...”
Thump.
I set a pouch of gold coins down in front of them.
“You seem to misunderstand something. We're an A-Rank and B-Rank party. If it's compensation you're talking about, we've always had more than enough...”
Thump. Thump.
I kept pulling out pouches and stacking them.
“Guardian, that's quite a lot.”
“Are professors always this rich? Honestly, that's almost tempting...”
“Money from selling slaves, no doubt.”
“It's an academy, so I suppose they're loaded.”
Freya raised a hand and quietly silenced her priests.
“The virtue of adventurers is not gold alone. Rare artifacts obtainable only within dungeons — the chance to claim them is limited within a single lifetime. Would you not agree?”
“I agree.”
“Then step aside, if you please. We intend to clear that intermediate dungeon in front of us today. At intermediate rank, one can reasonably hope for a unique artifact or two.”
“That will not be possible.”
“Why not?”
Hands clasped behind my back, I answered firmly.
“That intermediate dungeon is currently the lecture hall for my dungeon studies course. I intend to keep using it until the semester ends, so it cannot yet be subdued.”
“Ridiculous. You're postponing the subjugation of an intermediate dungeon?”
“It appeared three months ago. Intermediate dungeons don't rampage until the one-year mark. It will be subdued within three months.”
“We must depart for another region in one week. After that, no one will remain to subdue it.”
“Our students will do it.”
“Academy students subduing an intermediate dungeon? My, my. Nyarlathotep himself would leap up from his throne at that one.”
Apparently it was a funny image. The priests burst out laughing, clutching their bellies.
“This has already been agreed upon with the regional guildmaster.”
“I suppose he couldn't have forbidden dungeon subjugation outright.”
Sharp. As expected of an S-Rank — she had real experience under her belt.
“Any further objections? Then, if you'll excuse us.”
If they subdued the intermediate dungeon now, my lectures would grind to a halt.
Which meant I'd have to dangle something even more tempting.
I scrolled through my wiki.
“Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.”
Freya, who had been about to brush past me, froze at the words that left my mouth.
“...What was that.”
“In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits... doing something.”
Freya swallowed audibly.
“Doing... what?”
“Such is the doom of us all.”
Freya whipped her face around toward mine, her tightly sealed lips trembling.
“Doing what? What could he be doing?!”
“Come to the academy, and I shall have the Necronomicon translated for you, one page each day.”
With an offer like that, I could keep these people tied down for over three years.
“You seem to find it amusing that we serve outer gods, but we are hardly so feeble as to be hired as mere guard dogs.”
So they do realize they look ridiculous.
“Then how about proving that my students are worth guarding?”
“You believe you can persuade us?”
“Mm. You see, it would trouble me if you subdued the intermediate dungeon. As it happens, it's our turn to enter the seventh floor — how about a clearing contest?”
“A contest to see which side finds the staircase to the eighth floor first?”
“Precisely. Though, mindful of the difference in skill, the terms shall be two A-Rank parties on your side and eight student parties on ours.”
“If we win, you'll provide the complete translation of the Necronomicon?”
“Of course. And if the students win, you sign on as the academy's security force.”
“Deal. But know that we will hold nothing back.”
The bargain was struck.
Satisfying.
“Professor, there you are!”
A rustle came from the underbrush, and Tia emerged. Catching sight of me, she smiled and hurried over.
“Everyone's waiting on you, Professor. How long do you intend to leave us lonely?”
“The talks ran long. I'll be right along.”
When Tia spotted Freya, she slipped her arm through mine.
“Ahaha, someone I haven't met before! Hello there. I'm Professor Phedia's student.”
“Student?”
Freya frowned, apparently unable to adjust to Tia's easy familiarity.
“I'm called Testia. She takes my dungeon studies lecture, and she's so exceptional that I've made her a teaching assistant as well. Now that I think of it, you two are of the same dark elf race, aren't you.”
“A human can recognize our kind?”
“Of course! The Professor is brilliant. He saw right through what I was the very first moment we met.”
“Hm.”
I added one more thing for Freya's benefit.
“Ah, one fact you should hear in advance.”
“And what is that?”
I took a single step closer to Freya and tossed it out lightly.
“I am the teacher of the proud heroes who saved this continent.”
Tia's eyes went round as she looked up at me. Freya, too, seemed to be weighing truth against falsehood.
“I know little of the fear of unknowable gods. But my heroes — I've seen them with my own eyes, and I know them well.”
“...Which is what, exactly?”
“That compared to your outer gods, my heroes are beings far, far more terrifying.”
“...Ha.”
Freya shook her head as if she couldn't believe a word of it.
“Shall we be going? To the contest grounds.”
We set off together.
Tia, who had been clinging to my side and reading the mood, stole a whisper at me.
“Wicker, what was all that about?”
“Nothing. Just do what you always do.”
“As I always do?”
“That's right. Normally. Exactly like always.”
Watch closely, dark priests.
A fear you can see is far more frightening than one you can't.
Believe me — I would know.