Waking Up in Shaolin's Repentance Cave

I sat there for a long while, staring blankly as I tried to deny reality.

“Me, a eunuch…? Me, a eunuch…!”

In a panic, my trembling hands groped at my chest. The soft, rounded sensation that filled my palms was unmistakable. If this wasn’t some bizarre case of gynecomastia, then this was clearly a woman’s body.

Don’t tell me… my consciousness hadn’t transferred into the body of some abused woman from this pseudo-wuxia world instead of my own young, handsome, virile form?

I was still wallowing in despair, sobbing, when an old, hoarse voice echoed from somewhere deep inside the Repentance Cave.

“Child, what terrible sins did you commit to end up in this worst of hells—Shaolin’s Repentance Cave?”

Everything felt like too much trouble between the crushing despair and the pain wracking my entire body, but I still turned my head toward the sound. Having spent so long in the darkness, my eyes had adjusted; I could now make out shapes, however faintly.

Thankfully, my worst fear—a communal cell—hadn’t come true. The space was a massive natural cavern with artificial tunnels dug into both walls, each entrance sealed by iron bars. It was a perfect solitary-confinement prison.

In a weak voice, I answered, “...It’s unfair. I haven’t done anything wrong.”

The silence shattered instantly. Laughter erupted from every corner of the cave.

“Kahaha! Ask anyone here! Is there a single bastard who doesn’t say that?”

“Exactly! Every last one of them claims they’re innocent and got locked up because the world’s biggest scumbags misunderstood them!”

“That’s right! Me? I’m the kind of guy who couldn’t even kill a passing ant!”

That single remark triggered a chaotic chorus of villains loudly proclaiming their innocence. The cave rang with their noise.

Man, this really is no different from a marketplace.

My long years protecting Earth as a hero had given me one rather useless superpower: the ability to tell whether someone was a villain or not in a single second just by listening to their voice. These guys were all villains, without question.

In conclusion, the only truly innocent and upright person here is me.

From the wuxia novels I’d read, Shaolin was supposed to be a righteous place. Of course, that didn’t include the bald homicidal maniac who had severed my meridians.

I should just cultivate the Heaven-Shattering Divine Power Art.

The Heaven-Shattering Divine Power Art restored physical damage at a near-miraculous speed. The wounds from my severed meridians would heal completely in a month. By tomorrow morning, even if I still felt pain, I’d be able to move without issue. If it could even reattach severed limbs, this was nothing.

I was busy grumbling to myself when, with a creak, a small side door to the Repentance Cave opened. A young monk entered carrying a wooden food bucket and a ladle.

“It is time for offerings.”

At those words, the villains’ noisy chatter cut off like a lie. As if on cue, they all pressed themselves right up against the iron bars. They looked exactly like monkeys at a zoo.

Offerings? Oh, so it means mealtime.

But something felt off. They were about to eat, yet no one had any utensils. What were they doing?

My question quickly turned to shock. The monk scooped up the thin gruel with the ladle and simply dumped it onto the floor inside the bars with a wet splat.

“......?”

I couldn’t believe my eyes. Yet one of the villains broke into a huge grin, scraped the gruel off the floor with his fingers, and happily shoved it into his mouth.

Soon it was my turn. The monk dropped the gruel in front of my bars with a loud splash.

“Monk! What exactly are you doing?”

I couldn’t hold back any longer and shouted. Even so, I didn’t forget to speak with proper courtesy and dignity. My stomach was painfully empty from all the beatings, but this was too much.

“Where are the bowls? Are you seriously telling me to eat this off the floor?”

The bald monk didn’t even look at me. He answered in an annoyed tone, “Eat it however you like.”

“Excuse me?”

“......”

Wow. Where had they sold human rights? Was this guy a direct subordinate of that bald homicidal maniac from earlier?

Watching the villains greedily devour their food like beasts, I resolved to maintain at least the minimum dignity of a hero.

That’s right. I’m not eating. No way.

The gruel was the worst possible sight—thin liquid with a few unidentifiable vegetable scraps floating around like ghosts. Just before the door closed, I spoke to the monk as politely as I could.

“Monk, please provide utensils next time. Otherwise, I will refuse to eat.”

He whipped around and looked at me like I was ridiculous. His face was the very picture of someone who’d bitten into a bug.

“...Then starve.”

Bang! The side door slammed shut without mercy. Once again, the cave filled with the disgusting slurping and smacking sounds of the villains eating.

…Ugh, I’m so hungry.

A ruined city. The streets were on fire, and corpses were piled into mountains. The nine other Awakeners who had regressed with me were barely standing, bleeding heavily.

What the hell was going on? Hadn’t I regressed to the past with them to change history?

My memories were hazy. Why were they looking at me with such resentment?

“Why… did you only come now? We needed you… We needed you there.”

“Where were you when humanity was being destroyed?! We couldn’t save them with our power alone, damn it!”

I couldn’t understand what they were saying. When I asked what had happened, their screams poured out.

“Why! We all went back to the past together, so why did you abandon humanity?! If only you had been there…! How were we supposed to save the world without you?! Where the hell did you disappear to?!”

That’s right… that’s what happened. But it was all a misunderstanding. I had been dropped into some bizarre pseudo-wuxia world and only returned after going through hell and back. Yet everything was already over.

How tragic.

I shed hot tears as I watched the collapsing world without end. No. This couldn’t happen. I couldn’t give up!

I ran toward the monsters approaching through the massive flames and shouted.

“……Higigik!!”

“You crazy bitch! Let me sleep!”

“I told you she was completely insane.”

I was suddenly sitting bolt upright with both arms raised in the air. Drool had spilled from the corner of my mouth and soaked the front of my clothes.

“Ah, fuck… it was a dream.”

I lay back down and thought to myself.

I need to get out of here quickly.

How could those incompetent fools possibly save humanity without me? I had to clear up this misunderstanding, escape this place, and find a way back to my original world.

But my body was in terrible shape. They said they had destroyed my dantian, and the aftereffects left my lower abdomen feeling like it was being torn apart. Wherever they had cut my meridians, my whole body refused to listen to me.

First, I needed to restore my stamina. One: nutritious food. Two: consistent rehabilitation training.

The rehabilitation could be handled by learning the Heaven-Shattering Divine Power Art. It would take a week to restore balance to my broken body, after which it would gradually awaken a person’s latent potential—in other words, their Awakening abilities.

I had learned it once before, but since I was already Ultra S-Class, there was nothing left to awaken. I had only used it to recover from fatigue. This time, though, things were different. This body wasn’t mine. Maybe it could awaken an entirely new ability.

If my soul—the soul of the greatest hero of the century—had possessed it, this body couldn’t possibly be ordinary.

The problem was the first requirement: nutritious food. Could my weak stomach really handle that garbage that was worse than dog food? No, the bigger issue was that my ironclad pride and conviction refused to acknowledge that slop as “food.”

Yes, that unbreakable conviction of mine had always been the problem.

The time it took for my iron will to crumble?

Exactly three days.

Three days later, I was shoulder to shoulder with the notorious criminals who ruled this place, happily licking the floor together in perfect harmony.

Lick.

Huh. This gruel actually had a bit more substance than yesterday’s.

That’s right. I, the absolute evil of the Central Plains, the hidden mastermind of darkness, had ultimately surrendered to the oppression of Shaolin’s gathering of psychopaths.

Had I been completely brainwashed by some wicked demonic hand? Twice a day, I now waited eagerly for the thin gruel they splashed onto the floor. The mere sound of the food bucket being dragged from afar made my heart fill with reverence.

Ah… they’re coming. Today’s mercy has arrived.

I had even started associating the word “gratitude” with the steam rising from that watery gruel. Something had clearly gone very wrong.

No! I am not a beast! These demonic bastards…! No! I’m just replenishing my energy, that’s all!

I agonized endlessly between human dignity and the resurrection of a hero.

Then, a lightning bolt of realization struck me.

“...Huh? Wait a second.”

Hold on. If Shaolin was a den of evil demons and wicked monsters, then the people locked up in this Repentance Cave…?

They’re not villains… they’re innocent victims, aren’t they?!

It felt like scattered puzzle pieces were suddenly snapping together in my mind. Shaolin had kidnapped innocent ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠me, so they were evil. Therefore, the people locked up with me must also be…!

Right? It has to be, right???

I looked at the prisoners around me—the same ones I had been cursing as beasts just moments ago—with brand new eyes. Over the ugly, foul-mouthed brute’s face, I now saw the sorrow of a family man who had been unjustly dragged away. The gaunt prisoner greedily licking the floor looked exactly like a pitiful commoner suffering from starvation.

The “villainous aura” I had sensed in their voices must have been a temporary distortion caused by Shaolin’s wicked energy!

Oh my god… my comrades!

I had been misunderstanding these innocent victims all this time. A burning sense of camaraderie suddenly surged in my chest.

And so, on the fifth day of my imprisonment in the Repentance Cave, I finally began a small exchange with my comrades.

“Hey, newcomer! What’s your name, and what’s your nickname?”

The one who broke the silence was the rat-faced old man locked in the special solitary cell directly across from me.

I hesitated before giving my real name. What if—what if by some 0.1% chance these comrades were actually villains? Revealing my glorious true name felt too risky.

I cleared my throat and began explaining my situation with a polite demeanor.

“It’s a bit difficult for me to reveal my name, but there is one thing I’d like you all to know. I am someone who has saved tens of millions of lives and lived my entire life for justice. In the crude, pre-modern terms of this place, the title ‘heroic wanderer’ would suit me best. Humanity’s hope, the great hero… well, those obvious titles, along with the slightly embarrassing nickname ‘Lady Heartbreaker Arsonist.’ What is certain is that I was brought here due to a serious misunderstanding.”

When my sincere appeal ended, silence fell over the cave for a moment. Then came the sound of tongues clicking all around.

“Tsk tsk… a completely crazy bitch has arrived.”

“How pitiful… she’s not just mildly insane, she’s completely off her rocker.”

These foolish comrades who couldn’t understand my greatness!

Then the rat-faced old man who had first spoken to me delivered his verdict.

“She’s definitely crazy, and her face must be horribly ugly too. How about we call her the Ugly-Faced Madwoman from now on?”

Ugly-Faced Madwoman? As in, a crazy woman with an ugly face?!

All the other demonic heads immediately chimed in as if they had rehearsed it.

I’m… ugly? The greatest pretty boy in the world, an absolute beauty, has possessed an ugly girl?

I hurriedly felt my face in the darkness.

Heh, no need to worry. I am an Ultra S-Class hero who has reached the realm of perfectly interpreting objects with just my fingertips. With my delicate senses, I can perfectly discern the shape of my own face!

I carefully traced my facial contours with the touch of a true expert. And a moment later…

Ah! I have no idea…

What I didn’t know, I didn’t know. My heroic tale had been dismissed as the ravings of a madwoman, and they had the audacity to call me something like Ugly-Faced Madwoman. My pride was deeply wounded.

In an instant, those who had been “comrades” in my heart plummeted to the status of “demonic heads.” I tried my best not to show how sulky I felt. After all, I had to maintain the dignity of a great hero. But those foolish demonic heads had no idea about the rage boiling inside me.

What broke my lofty meditation was the demonic ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠heads deciding it was time for each of them to do their own self-promotion.

“Kahaha! Ugly-Faced Madwoman is a fine moniker! I am the Thousand-Poison Old Man. I released ten thousand poisons into the waters of the Yellow River and wiped out a mere five sects, yet here I am.”

The rat-faced old man proudly introduced himself. Five sects? Was he insane?

After him came Hyeolbu Mak-ga, who boasted about swinging his axe with terrifying force, and Ok-myeon Eum-ma, who claimed to have laid hands on even a prince’s concubine.

“Your face is somewhat… well, quite disappointing, but your figure is well-balanced and graceful like a willow branch. One could say it possesses the charm befitting a woman.”

Is he insulting me?

It was Ok-myeon Eum-ma, evaluating my appearance even though the walls of the Repentance Cave blocked any view of me.

Has being locked up for so long made his imagination reach immortal levels?

After that, Demonic Head 1 and Demonic Head 2 continued boasting about their crimes, but there was no point in listening. Every single one of them was the worst kind of villain.

Was I really in hell? Not the one guarded by the King of the Underworld, but the one guarded by Shaolin’s bald monks? Don’t tell me… the woman whose body I possessed was a legendary villainess who had committed crimes on par with these demonic heads?