Oh My Homi
A sense of unease prickled at him. Askal sat in his office with his chin resting on his hand, feeling as if he had forgotten something. It wasn’t anything terribly important, yet it wasn’t trivial either—an item lost at some exquisitely awkward in-between point.
“I’ve come for your approval, Director Askal.”
Someone entered the office. It was Devan. The report he carried was impeccably neat, so Askal stamped it at once. Just what he’d expect from a man he himself had recognized.
Still, one thing nagged at him. Ever since the successful negotiation with Count Luderon, Devan had been strangely deferential. He ought to have grown more arrogant, if anything.
Indeed. It seems ripe rice bows its head first.
He must have reached some kind of realization. Askal nodded in understanding and raised his opinion of Devan another notch.
What Askal didn’t know was this:
That pensive look on his face… What kind of devious scheme is he cooking up now, Director Askal? I’m truly terrified of you.
Devan’s estimation of Askal was rising without limit.
That afternoon, the item Askal had lost returned in a form he never could have imagined.
“Where is the man called Askal!”
“Hey! You can’t just barge in here!”
A dwarf with a nose glowing bright red was rampaging through the government building. A dangerous weapon gleamed in his hand.
His strength was monstrous. The guards who rushed him were sent flying in an instant. It looked like the highlight reel of a superstar athlete earning a hundred million a year.
Askal watched the dwarf’s breakthrough with quiet admiration.
“Askal! Askal Debr, come out right now!”
This dwarf was calling his name with the fury of someone summoning a mortal enemy.
“Director Askal, sir! Please run. I’ll hold him here. You must survive and make the Evaluation Department great!”
A Division Four employee blocked Askal’s path, eyes burning with determination.
“Wait. Step aside.”
“D-Director Askal?”
Askal stared at the employee who kept shouting his name, utterly bewildered.
Is he trying to announce that I’m right here?
Regardless, Askal stepped forward because the weapon in the dwarf’s hand looked painfully familiar.
That distinctive curve like the Korean letter, the warm, rustic feeling that somehow evoked the countryside.
It was a homi.
The very one he had lost at Baron Yorick’s estate some time ago.
Now that he finally knew what he had forgotten, Askal felt refreshed. It was like finally dislodging the piece of meat that had been stuck between his molars all day.
“Come out! Askal!”
The dwarf kept roaring.
His voice carried the exact tone of a petitioner who had missed a subsidy approval by a hair’s breadth.
Askal studied the dwarf carefully.
According to the Imperial Encyclopedia, dwarves were notoriously stubborn. An indisputable fact. Absolutely not racial discrimination.
In short, the commotion would not end until the dwarf found him. Or until the imperial guards arrived in force.
“I am Askal.”
Askal stepped forward boldly.
“D-Director?”
The employees who had been desperately blocking the dwarf looked stunned. Askal, however, didn’t sense any real danger from the intruder.
Every so often the dwarf would gaze at the homi in his hand with unmistakable satisfaction.
“Oh!!!! At last I see it!!!!!”
The dwarf strode forward.
Just as he opened his mouth to speak, Askal cut him off.
“I don’t sell homi.”
“Why?????”
The dwarf instantly deflated.
There had clearly been a misunderstanding, but the visitor had come a long way.
Askal guided the dwarf to the guest seat in his office.
“We have coffee and tea. What would you like?”
“Hot coffee, obviously. Straight, no sugar.”
The dwarf poured the steaming, pitch-black coffee straight down his throat, face scrunched up tight. Was his throat made of steel?
“Krrrrrrr. That’s the stuff. Wakes your head right up.”
Having drained the cup with evident satisfaction, the dwarf introduced himself.
“I come from Stonehead up north. Call me Dugrim.”
“I am Askal Debr, Director of the Empire’s Evaluation Department. A pleasure, Dugrim.”
“Hmm.”
Dugrim rummaged through his mountaineer-sized backpack and set a sheathed dagger on the desk.
“Have a look.”
“Er, accepting bribes on our first meeting is rather—”
Dugrim looked genuinely offended.
“Among dwarves, it’s customary to show each other our prized possessions upon first meeting. It’s not a bribe.”
“My apologies.”
Askal reflected on himself. After encountering so many abnormal people lately, it seemed his common sense had warped.
“Have a look.”
Askal examined the dagger Dugrim offered. Aside from it looking like an ordinary dagger, he couldn’t tell much.
“Hmm… It’s a dagger.”
“So even this fails to impress. I’ve met my match. Now show me yours.”
Unfortunately, Askal didn’t have any personal work to display. The homi was currently in the dwarf’s hands.
After a moment’s thought, he took down the sword hanging on the office wall. It was the famous blade the emperor had bestowed upon him previously.
Dugrim’s eyes sharpened the instant he saw it.
“May I?”
“By all means.”
Dugrim first tested the weight and balance like a true craftsman, then ran his eyes along the blade.
“Exceptional steel. This quality would be nearly impossible to obtain outside the imperial family.”
To identify it as an imperial sword at a glance—how sharp. Exactly what one would expect from a dwarf.
“The hilt is also superb. Good grip, finely worked leather. Outstanding craftsmanship. No wonder you could look down on my dagger.”
The dwarf returned the sword.
“Well observed. For one so young to possess this level of skill, the future looks frightening indeed. I’m almost jealous.”
“Um… There’s been a misunderstanding since earlier.”
“Misunderstanding?”
“I didn’t make that sword.”
“You son of a bitch.”
For the first time in his life, Askal witnessed a dwarf swearing.
After barely calming the dwarf whose face had turned volcanic red, Askal was finally able to resume the conversation thirty minutes later.
“I admit my own words left some room for misunderstanding.”
“I’m glad we cleared that up. May I ask how you came to possess the homi?”
True to the dwarven preference for blunt speech, Dugrim answered directly.
“I was visiting my old friend Baron Yorick’s estate and helped with the farming while I was there. I found this in the fields. Looked like it was for digging soil, so I gave it a try. Unbelievable. I knew at once it was revolutionary.”
Watching Dugrim marvel like a home-shopping host, Askal felt a surge of pride. It was the same feeling as hearing a foreigner praise bibimbap.
“So let me ask again. Any thoughts on selling me that homi? I’m not asking for it for free, of course.”
Dugrim flipped his enormous backpack upside down and poured a mountain of iron goods onto the desk.
“All handmade by me. Each piece has considerable value, I assure you. How about trading the homi for everything here?”
“Hmm…”
At first glance it was no loss. Trading a single homi for a pile of dwarven handcrafted ironware.
Yet somehow Askal felt uneasy.
Why? It reminds me of someone dumping their entire collection just to trade for one rare card…
At that moment someone appeared behind him. Askal barely suppressed a flinch.
“May I speak for a moment?”
It was Ria. She had finished her errands and entered the office at some point.
“Who is this young lady?”
“My assistant, Ria. Please discuss the matter with her from now on.”
From now on, please speak with my lawyer.
The reason Askal so readily yielded the floor was that he trusted Ria’s abilities without reservation.
Since becoming his official assistant, Ria had grown noticeably more assertive.
“Just to confirm, Sir Dugrim, what you wish to purchase is not simply the ‘homi,’ but ‘this homi along with the exclusive copyright to develop homi,’ correct?”
…!
Askal was stunned. He hadn’t realized the deal carried such implications.
In truth, it wasn’t that difficult to notice. If he had to make excuses, he simply hadn’t expected a dwarf—known for being hasty yet sincere and warm-hearted—to pull something like this.
“You have a wise assistant. Correct. What I want is not only the homi but its exclusive rights as well.”
Dugrim subtly tried to hide the contract he had brought.
“And Sir Dugrim, you place a very high value on this homi, correct?”
“I won’t deny it.”
Dwarves could not lie. More precisely, they hated lying. They might conceal information, but they would not speak falsehoods when asked directly.
Ria used that trait to its fullest.
“Director, you appear reluctant to sell the homi. May I ask the reason?”
Askal pondered. The reason wasn’t entirely clear even to him. If pressed, it was the anxiety of being unable to predict the snowball effect that would occur once this otherworldly object entered the public domain.
“Ria, do you believe selling the homi would benefit us?”
“I do.”
“Then I leave the deal in your hands.”
With those words, Askal left the office.
Hmm. Did that sound a bit cool just now?
In truth, he had always planned to sell the homi eventually. The original timing had been after he resigned his post, but moving the schedule up a little wouldn’t hurt.
It also conveyed that he trusted Ria, which was another gain.
After stepping outside to smoke his pipe for a while, he returned to find the negotiation already over.
Ria wore her usual blank expression. Dugrim, looking as if he had been thoroughly trounced, was stamping the contract with a rigid face.
“You really… have a terrifying assistant.”
A quick glance at the contract showed it was borderline extortionate.
Just what did you do, Ria?
“Director! I hear homi has become all the rage among the young ladies lately!”
“…Why?”
“Something about an eco-friendly green lifestyle. I bought one too! Could you sign it for me?”
Sushia held out the homi she had purchased herself. The handle was pink.
It wasn’t difficult, so Askal signed it.
“Yes! I can brag to the young ladies now! Thank you, Director!”
Having returned from her vacation in the Kelly Kingdom, Sushia had reverted to her original lazy self. She scribbled a half-day leave request and went home.
Trends were frightening.
Everyone who visited brought a homi.
After signing a few, the hassle grew too much. Askal began fleeing at the mere sight of one.
The last visitor, however, was unexpected.
“Director… Would it be all right if I asked for a signature as well?”
Ria approached hesitantly and showed him her homi.
Even you?
“Of course.”
If it was anyone else he might have hesitated, but doing a favor for Ria was always profitable. He signed hers with more care than the others.
“Thank you.”
For some reason Ria looked pleased as she carefully put the homi away and left with light steps.
It had been a very strange day.