The Bratty Child Star and the Bitter Pill of Apology
The boy from that short story, the little deceiver, looked down at me lying there and muttered something like he was in a real pickle. Then he came over to the sofa, stared right at my face, and immediately yelled,
"Whoa, your hair's really white! You're that famous novelist everyone's talking about lately, right?"
He was a kid with manners about as refined as chewed-up rice. If he knew who I was, he'd know I was an adult, but here he was, spewing banmal like it was an art form.
"How old are you?"
"Me? Sixteen."
"I'm twenty-eight, kid. If you had any common sense, you'd use polite speech."
"Oh, right. But honestly, no matter how I look at you, I can't believe you were ever an adult. Who'd listen if you demanded respect looking like that? You seem more like the kid here."
What the hell? Was he nuts?
"I was an adult, and I am an adult. Show some respect, you rude punk."
"Come on, just admit it. All that 'I was an adult man' stuff is just a gimmick, right? A total lie? How old are you really? Fourteen? Fifteen?"
"You little shit..."
"Whoa, whoa, calm down. No need to get like this—we're in the same industry."
Gu Ji-ye had said earlier that she and I weren't a good match. Time to correct that. Compared to this clueless brat, Gu Ji-ye was a perfect fit. Anyone would seem that way standing next to him.
I don't hate kids. But this guy claimed to be sixteen—old enough to be grown—and here he was, manners tossed out the window, talking down to his elders. It was enough to make me sigh in lament.
Of course, I was aware that my current appearance didn't exactly scream "authority figure." That's why I'd kindly informed him of my age and that I'd originally been a man.
Something felt off about him from the start, so I'd chosen to ignore him in the end. But this bastard was no ordinary bastard.
Even as I completely ignored him and turned away, he kept yapping. The nonstop chatter from the side was driving me insane, especially since he was spilling his life story when I hadn't asked.
"You don't know me? I've been on TV a bunch. Name's Ji Kang-hyeon. What's yours again? Seol-guk? Whoa, that's a fucked-up name. A pen name or something? Nah, your face says it's real. You're the star of this talk show, right? Gonna reveal it's all a show? I'm on it too, you know. I'm a pretty big deal actor. Done movies and all. Well, that one tanked hard. But I've been on tons of dramas. Ever seen Step Aside, Life? That was a national hit. Oh, you were probably too young back then? The recent one, Urachacha Family—that's worth watching, right? You haven't seen that either? Damn, you really don't talk much. Aren't I kinda hot? Girls go nuts for this face. You don't like it? But you're pretty cute. The makeup makes you look a bit down, which is a minus, but overall, not bad. Wanna date?"
"You psycho."
By the end, he'd even spouted something insane he never could've said if he knew my original self.
He was right—I did look depressed. Listening to this asshole had me on the verge of a breakdown.
I couldn't take it anymore and stood up. Took a deep breath. Hoo.
"Finally reacting? Hey, hey, where you going?"
Honestly, I wanted to smack him upside the head. But looking up at him from my height, seeing his bigger build, I gave up. No way this tiny body could handle it. Better to just bail.
I'll hole up in some corner outside. Was it the needless stress? A sudden urge to pee hit me. Might as well hit the bathroom on the way out.
But when I reached the bathrooms, I froze, unable to go in. This wasn't like home. Of course public restrooms had separate men's and women's...
Which one? If I went into the women's and ran into someone, the fallout would be obvious. Women's was out from the start.
Men's, then? In this body? If I bumped into someone... Hmm. Actually, that might be safer. A guy probably wouldn't call the cops. And people here would know who I am anyway—no big fuss.
No matter how I thought about it, men's room was the way to go. Lower risk than women's by a mile.
With that, I stepped inside. A guy was at the urinal. He spotted me, froze, then hastily zipped up.
"What the—? This is the men's room!"
"I'm a guy."
He stared like I'd said something absurd, but then realization dawned—he knew who I was—and he relaxed.
"Still... you're a woman now. Shouldn't you use the ladies'?"
He grumbled as he headed out. I ignored his muttering and went into a stall.
It always hit me like this: since becoming a woman, holding it was way harder. Something about shorter urethras. Women's bodies were a nonstop irritation from top to bottom. Even peeing meant sitting in a stall—such a hassle.
Relieved myself, washed up, and headed out. There stood the guy from before and that rude brat Ji Kang-hyeon.
"Hey, why'd you come out of there? That's the men's room!"
"I said I'm a guy."
"With that face?"
At Ji Kang-hyeon's sneer, the guy next to him chimed in. "She's a guy for real. Well, a woman now, but anyway."
"Hyeokjin hyung, you buying that? It's all a show, I tell you. People don't just turn from man to woman. Whoa, but this is legendary. Even hitting the men's room? Your concept is genius."
"Wanna see pics of her as a guy?"
The man called Hyeokjin whipped out his smartphone and searched my face. An old interview photo popped up quick—probably all over communities now.
"Whoa, is she an actress too? Damn, she looks like you. Your brother?"
"Fuck."
It had been ages since I'd sworn like that. Last time was cursing God, I think. This kid was godlike to me now—in the shittiest way possible.
"S-sorry about that. Kid's still immature. I'm Gong Hyeok-jin, his manager. Hey, your time's up—gotta go."
"What about her?"
"She'll come later. And yeah, she was a guy."
With that, the brat who'd grated my nerves to the end vanished with his manager.
My head was boiling. Back to the waiting room to cool off till my turn.
~
Taking slow, deep breaths to clear my mind brought Jin Seo-hye to the forefront.
I'd have to apologize to her eventually. I'd steeled myself for it, but could I actually pull it off? It wasn't just pride—it denied the core of who I was.
Honestly, I still didn't get why I had to apologize. What did I do wrong?
Sure, the outing was a crime. But hadn't she started it? I was the first victim—why should I have spared her?
I knew it was childish logic. Immature response. Maybe matching her method was the issue.
But no one could deny it was the most effective revenge.
Still, that choice had boomeranged back, landing me here needing to apologize.
I didn't want to. But I had to. Do it, and maybe life smooths out from here. Everything falls into place.
But... would that even be me?
Could I call myself me after ditching my beliefs, hiding my views, burying my true feelings for that apology?
Wasn't this selling off something precious about myself?
Worry, fear, anxiety wrapped around me.
But no turning back now. No undoing it.
I had to apologize to her.
Screw it up here, and I couldn't face Ham Ye-jin either. I had that much shame, at least.
Yeah, keep it simple. Think of it as writing a short story. One full of deceit and lies.
Only one difference: my stories were always truth. This one would be pure fiction.
And soon, time was up.
"Seol-guk-ssi. You're on."
~
I walked slowly to the set. Up close, cameras, equipment, and crew came into view. Glancing inside, there was my chair, the MC standing beside it, and the other guests.
Not time to step forward yet. Per the script, the MC would call out here.
And soon, the voice boomed.
Now for the line: "Give it up for novelist Seol-guk!"
It was my cue. I stepped forward and stood.
Looked at the camera and said,
"Hello. I'm novelist Seol-guk."
Bowed.
"Please take care of me."
Applause erupted from the guests.