The Value of the TS Bishoujo Pro Gamer Internet Broadcast Novel
My mind went blank at the doctor's words. Wait, wasn't my hair already white?
"What if I ignore the warning and dye it anyway?"
"You'll get seriously sick. Your scalp will swell up so bad you probably won't even be able to open your eyes. You'd have to be readmitted."
Hearing it put like that scattered even the stubborn thoughts I'd had about dyeing it by force. Even I had no desire to go through that kind of pain, disrupt my daily life, and rack up hospital bills on top of it.
Was following the doctor's advice and just wearing a wig or hat really the best option after all?
"What about the hospital bills..."
"As you probably know, Sudden Gender Transformation Syndrome is a rare disease, so insurance doesn't cover it. The amount is substantial, but the government will provide some support, and we have no intention of billing the patient right away. We'll spread it out over a few years in installments. And one more thing..."
"One more thing?"
"Would you be willing to provide the byproducts from your body for research purposes? It comes with a discount on hospital bills. Any future visits for related issues would get free additional treatment."
"...How much of a discount?"
The amount the doctor mentioned was no small sum. I agreed without hesitation. In my tight financial situation, I couldn't afford to turn it down.
"By the way, what do you mean by byproducts?"
"We'll collect them during exams—basically blood, hair, and the chunks of flesh you vomited up while you were asleep."
"I vomited up chunks of flesh?"
"Your original massive body couldn't just vanish into thin air when it transformed like this."
It was a bit unsettling, but I'd already agreed, so there was no backing out. I wasn't in a position to anyway.
"Anyway, as long as you live like this, there shouldn't be any major issues. But if anything feels off at all, come straight to the hospital."
"Do I have to come to this hospital?"
After getting my smartphone, I'd learned from searches that this hospital was quite a distance from my place. Far enough that commuting would be a hassle.
"For minor issues, no. Any university hospital level should handle it fine. Depending on the condition, you might get transferred here, or if you think it's serious, you can come directly. I'm the only one in Korea handling Sudden Gender Transformation Syndrome patients right now."
That was new information. Curiosity struck, and I asked the doctor.
"So, have you handled my predecessors who came to this hospital before...?"
"Yes, that's right. I took care of them."
"What happened to them...?"
I wasn't asking about myself—I wanted to know about the others. How were they living after going through this? Were they even alive?
The doctor glanced at the wall where the window had been bricked over. The meaning behind that sealed window was all too obvious.
After a moment of silence, he spoke.
"I can't disclose patient information. However..."
"However?"
"You might learn a bit from the NIS agent who visited."
With that, the doctor gave a few more nagging reminders (mostly just rereading the precautions) and left.
Now my room held only me and my assigned nurse.
Come to think of it, I hadn't had a proper conversation with her despite seeing her for days. No time or need for it. She didn't seem particularly interested either, so I hadn't bothered starting one.
I turned my smartphone back on. Opening CocoaTalk, there wasn't a single message since my last reply. It really drove home how shallow my connections were.
But reaching out first? That bruised my pride. I could beg mercy from a nonexistent god, but not grovel to acquaintances for check-ins.
I couldn't risk ego-searching and shattering my mental state again either. That left novels as my only option.
I considered trying the webnovel Jae-a recommended, but resuming tutoring in this state was impossible. He hadn't even sent me his own story. No point reading that stuff if tutoring wasn't happening, right?
But browsing for others, nothing sparked interest. Sure, there were good webnovels out there. Problem was, under that webnovel label, they were hard to spot.
I checked recommendations on a webnovel site, but nothing clicked.
In the end, what I lacked was philosophy. A hack novelist like me, without a philosophy degree, spouting off about it was overreaching. Still, I believed novels needed philosophy.
Chasing pure entertainment might be the truest literature. But it wasn't my literature.
Coming full circle, I picked up the internet broadcast novel Jae-a had recommended. A TS one, no less.
Was reading this in my situation right? Then again, maybe it'd help.
At least the one I chose wasn't utter trash. Being Professor Seo’s son, Jae-a wouldn't recommend something without basic writing skill. It had around three million views too.
The novel wasn't as tough a read as I'd feared. Easy to follow, smoothly paced.
At first, it felt like it was mocking my situation as a newly minted woman. But dropping the paranoia, the story itself held up fine.
I didn't like how quickly the protagonist adapted to womanhood, but it had its helpful bits. The scene where she buys women's clothes and underwear for the first time gave me a glimpse of my future.
The smooth plot led to the protagonist showing game talent and starting internet broadcasts. I'd skimmed some before, and the internet broadcast culture was explained accessibly even for an outsider like me. Though plenty still baffled me.
Even as someone who rarely gamed, I spotted something off. As far as I knew, there wasn't a single woman in the pro scene for the top game, League of Eternity—LoE for short.
Becoming a woman makes you good at games? Shouldn't it be the opposite—making you worse?
The rest didn't stray much from what I'd seen. The protagonist gets suspiciously lovey-dovey support from everyone (looks as the reason, maybe), lives happily, deals with periods (skipped that part), and jealous rivals get their comeuppance.
She keeps winning, debuts as a pro gamer, gets a fan club, holds meetups... and then.
Hiatus.
Checking the time on my phone, five hours had flown by. I'd binged straight through.
The pull was undeniable. But dropping it here? The serialization had been steady weekly until a year ago.
Perplexing. Similar genre novels had completions, but many were abandoned too.
How could an author just ditch readers like that? Unfathomable.
It annoyed me that a story I'd been enjoying cut off. And I was a bit shocked at myself for enjoying it.
Shouldn't I feel disgusted instead? This was the kind of thing that should repulse me.
To shake off the unease, I looked elsewhere. Opened CocoaTalk and messaged Jae-a.
Earlier, begging for check-ins felt pointless, but now I had a topic. Should be fine.
By the way, that's the actual title. No reply came right away. I rolled around waiting, ate dinner, went for a checkup. Back after the simple exam, there it was.
I gave my honest take. A short pause, then:
Another pause, then Jae-a replied.
The ones who should apologize were the trash beyond the internet.
It was ridiculous, but the novel eased my mind more than expected. I'd started it just to kill time.
It began in the total opposite of my situation, with a kind protagonist everyone loved (I knew my own personality sucked). That difference oddly comforted me.
Is this why people read webnovels? Not that I empathized with her, but her breezing through life without hardship or adversity had its own aesthetic.
Of course, glance away, and reality was a sewer. The whole country knew me, hated me. Bills squeezed my wallet, no one comforted me.
In that mess, this comically happy, sweet novel let me forget reality for a moment. Even if turning back revealed only grim truth.
If that's literature's value, then this qualified too.
Not that I'd ever write it.