Farewell. Once Again (3)
"I'm sorry, Asdin. If you were a little older, I might have asked you to come with me. But you're just a child. A child should grow up in an environment befitting a child—not a place where murderers and beasts roam."
That was the warmest thing Asdin had ever wanted to hear. But the person who should have said those words was dead. Hisoral Mut. That righteous Martial Priest was someone who might truly have stayed by his side without abandoning him, even in the wild.
Now that he had sent off a person he loved amidst such sorrow, Asdin had only one desire left. It was a very humble wish: simply to be together. But even that had been denied to him. That fact made Asdin's heart feel desolate.
"What's the point of that? The people I knew are gone now. They're all dead."
Srem let out a silent sigh. He realized exactly what psychological trigger in Asdin he had touched. He found it difficult to speak, but eventually, Srem opened his mouth.
"You can get to know new people again."
"Again...?"
"There are many people in this world. Look, Asdin. I'm not a very good adult. There are many people in this village better than me. You'll be able to form attachments before long."
A flicker of light seemed to touch Asdin's eyes, but it was quickly buried again by the darkness of his emotions.
"And then, will those people leave again too?"
"This isn't the wild."
Asdin's tearful eyes wavered. Srem carefully set his back against the furniture beside him and gripped Asdin's shoulders.
"This isn't the wild. This is a place where there are people who will protect you and live alongside you."
"It's the same. I'm an Exile. Unless it's the man I entrusted my life to, I can't trust anyone."
"These are people I have vetted. You can trust them."
"...But you're not here. You're leaving, too. If that's the case, I have no reason to stay here."
"Asdin. Don't be stubborn."
"If everyone is going to leave me, I'd rather go somewhere no one can find me. Yeah, that would work, wouldn't it?"
Asdin stood up and began to pack his things. He shouldn't have come here. If he had known he would be hurt like this, he would have just lived quietly in the wild until he became an adult.
It was when Asdin stood up and grabbed his staff against the wall that Srem caught his left wrist as he turned.
"Asdin. Child..."
"Don't treat me like a child!"
Asdin shouted back. While Srem stared at him, speechless, Asdin cried out.
"You don't know how I've lived until now! I survived even after meeting wild beasts and murderers! I even caught a Taung with you! But now you're telling me to leave after you've given me all this affection, telling me to be separated because I'm a child—don't say that!"
Asdin's shouting rang sharply through the room.
"If you're going to leave so easily... then don't give me your affection in the first place..."
Asdin gasped, his voice choked with sobs.
"...Let go. I'm leaving."
"Asdin!"
"Let go!"
Asdin pulled up his Essence and tried to shake off Srem's hand. If he had swung with full force, Srem, who hadn't been properly prepared, would have been thrown aside.
It was Urnil who stopped him.
Asdin's body stiffened. Since this had never happened before, he stared blankly at his own left wrist. The Essence scattered and subsided. At that moment, the Flowing Sand was in the form of a hard bracelet to hide that it was an artifact.
Srem was gripping exactly that spot. Because of this, Srem had no choice but to let go, thinking he might have grabbed the wrist too hard.
"Why, exactly...?"
It was a question that barely came out due to his crying. However, Asdin was able to hear the answer from both of them.
"Because I want you to live."
Speechless, Asdin stood there, gasping for air.
In truth, Asdin knew it, too. He knew that the things he was saying were just the tantrums of a child. And that was why Srem was accepting them.
Asdin could no longer suppress his emotions.
A baby cries because it doesn't know how to express anything else. Having exhausted all the words and feelings he had to say, what else could Asdin do but cry his heart out?
Srem approached the sobbing Asdin, leaned over, and wrapped his arms around him. A large, broad, and rough hand patted Asdin's back.
"I'm sorry, Asdin. I won't ask you to understand. These are the burdens of an adult. You just grow up healthy. That is all a flawed adult like me can hope for."
Asdin shed tears of frustration and sorrow.
However, unlike the two previous goodbyes he had to bid to cold corpses, this time, there was warmth.
Srem's hand quietly patted Asdin's back.
The next day. When he opened his eyes, Srem was gone.
The night before, even though Asdin had seen him leave, it was hard to believe he was truly gone. It felt as if this were the cave in front of the river, and he would return at any moment, laughing about the fresh game he had caught. Such thoughts shattered like waves against the unfamiliar ceiling and the sensation of the bed beneath his back.
As usual, Urnil spoke to him in a friendly manner. That was the only token that told Asdin his daily life was continuing.
"Yes."
Asdin did not ask if he had slept well. He knew that Urnil was a being who did not sleep.
"You're up."
When he stepped out of the room, Lukedi, the village chief of Demz, was drinking tea.
When Asdin bowed his head in greeting, Lukedi said,
"We spoke briefly yesterday, didn't we? I am Lukedi, the village chief here."
"Yes. Grandfather Lukedi."
"You can keep using that title, and let's see..."
Lukedi stroked his beard and smoothed the wrinkles around his eyes. Before leaving, Srem had told Lukedi to take good care of him.
'Please raise him well in the village. Until he becomes an adult and decides his own path.'
'Do you take me for a nanny?'
'Aren't you?'
'You saw right through me. Go on, get going.'
Recalling the memory of the night before, it was truly dizzying. Looking back on his life, Lukedi found that, while everyone is different, he found children who had closed their hearts this tightly particularly difficult to deal with. It was more correct to view this not as a personal trait, but as a characteristic of being an Exile.
Children of Exiles are usually tough. They have to be, otherwise, they wouldn't survive.
For the ones who are openly aggressive, you can just pick up a stick and discipline them, and for those who carry blades, you can leave them to the laws of the wild. But what about when you're asked to raise one like this?
'I'm being put to work in my old age.'
Lukedi thought well of Asdin, given that he was a child entrusted by someone he could trust. Above all, he even felt pity for the way Asdin had poured out the knots in his heart the night before. However, seeing the child's skin color, Lukedi couldn't help but sigh inwardly.
As he had said the day before, he was worried that it might cause friction with the Cellabris military.
But soon, Lukedi shook his head and clicked his tongue.
"When you have more things to be responsible for, you just get more useless worries."
"Pardon?"
"It's nothing. Go wash up first. Let's eat."
After sending off the questioning Asdin, Lukedi set the table. Although spring had come, the forest still had a chilly corner where the lingering winter cold hadn't faded. The jerky, which had been dried thoroughly with rock salt during the winter, was the perfect food to put in a stew.
"If it's not enough, tell me."
"Thank you."
Lukedi served a meal boiled with various spices and potatoes. For dessert, he had even found strawberries, the same kind Asdin had eaten in the castle when he was a prince.
After finishing a satisfying meal, Asdin stood up first and helped clear the dishes. Because of what he had seen the night before, working wasn't difficult.
Lukedi watched him closely. After Asdin finished all the work, he returned and sat across from Lukedi.
Lukedi asked with a puzzled face,
"What is it?"
"I thought you might have something to tell me. Is there anything I should know while living here?"
Lukedi stared at Asdin with his mouth agape.
"I thought you weren't ready yet, so I was going to tell you later."
"I have to live here from now on. It would be better for me to know in advance. It doesn't matter if you tell me right now."
Lukedi realized a certain fact. Perhaps it wasn't Asdin who hadn't opened the door to his heart, but himself.
At the very least, the child in front of him was trying to live up to the expectations of the one who had left.
"Alright, let's talk then."
Lukedi, now proactive, leaned in at Asdin's words and opened his mouth.
"First, I must tell you this."
During the time when the sun was rushing for its descent, Lukedi taught Asdin several things he needed to know.
"Our village is a village created by Exiles. Because of that, there are some problems."
"Is it like fighting?"
"You're sharp. It's similar."
Asdin tilted his head and asked,
"Isn't it a big problem if fights keep happening inside the village?"
"No, no. There are no problems internally in the village. The problems mainly appear from the outside."
"When you say outside... do you mean other Exiles?"
Lukedi nodded and said,
"That's right. And wild beasts are a problem, too. Although the adults here all have innate talents for hunting and survival, this is a small village. Therefore, if a loss of personnel occurs, it leads directly to a loss for us."
At Urnil's addition, Asdin was able to nod immediately.
"Anyway, that's why when we catch Exiles, we usually try to persuade them and bring them into the village. It's about minimizing losses either way."
"What if they don't?"
"In that case, we take the approach of killing them."
As expected. Asdin nodded calmly at the fact, which was no different from his expectations.
"You're not very surprised, are you?"
"Because I understand."
Lukedi felt a chill at the weight contained in the concise words, which were hard to believe had been uttered by a child. At the same time, he felt pity.
"Normally, I wouldn't tell a child as young as you this. Because the children born and raised in our village, well... I don't know how it sounds to you, but they grew up like normal children. Do you understand what I mean?"
"Yes."
There was no way he wouldn't know. A child who has directly encountered wild beasts and murderers and survived is different from a child who, even if the generation above them had it hard, grew up surrounded by parents and a safe fence. But until recently, Asdin had belonged to exactly that kind of child.
Ignoring the pain in his heart, Asdin answered with an expressionless face.
"So, because of these dangers, there are things you must keep in the village. First, when night falls, children must never go outside the house without a specific reason. Second, when going outside the village, follow a guide. Third, listen to the instructor."
"Instructor?"
Asdin asked in surprise.
"Is there someone here who teaches things?"
"They are people who teach how to deal with wild beasts or how to distinguish and gather wild poisonous plants and medicinal herbs. Parents with children usually focus on farming or other chores."
"Ah."
"And there's a fourth, but this only applies to you."
Asdin looked at Lukedi with puzzled eyes. The old village chief hesitated for a moment as if it were difficult to bring up, but eventually opened his mouth.
"If the Cellabris military comes, hide. You are a child who must not be seen by the military."
Asdin's body stiffened.
He hadn't expected to be told to be careful of his motherland's military by an Exile. Moreover, it was ironic to be told to be careful without knowing the reason why he had escaped.
"Why?"
"Because you are a Highsider."
Asdin asked, puzzled. There was a reason for him to avoid Cellabris people. But hearing another Exile talk about such a reason made Asdin confused.
"...Wouldn't it be better if I were a Cellabris person? Even if they are Exiles, the fact that they protected the same Highsider could be an advantage to the village."
It was a question feigning ignorance. Yet, it was also a clever question for a child.
However, Lukedi shook his head and denied Asdin's words.
"It's the opposite, child."
"Pardon?"
"I'm telling you this because you're clever, but the military is a fairly closed group. What do you think happens when that inherent closed-mindedness is combined with high nationalism?"
"They'd be... full of confidence?"
Asdin gave an answer after much thought. Normally, he wouldn't have known even this, but Asdin had experienced both the life of royalty and the life of an Exile who had to survive alone. Thanks to this, he could grasp the perspectives of those in power with different eyes to some extent.
Lukedi nodded.
"You are indeed clever. But 'arrogance' would be a more fitting word than 'confidence'. But soldiers have not only those two things, but also military force. They wouldn't turn that against their own people. But if it's an opponent other than that, the story changes."
"Other than that?"
"Us Exiles."
Asdin was flustered. Until now, Asdin had thought that letting Cellabris know his whereabouts would only be a danger to his own safety. However, Lukedi was saying that it was not only a danger to him, but also a danger to the village.
"They might not feel that other ethnic groups are inferior, but their sense of superiority about themselves eventually leads to such perceptions. If their own ethnic group is caught among such people, what do you think they would do? Especially if the opponents are Exiles, whom it wouldn't matter legally even if they killed them?"
There was no need to think.
"They would kill them. Or treat them badly."
It was an opinion that was hard to think would come directly from a child's mouth.
Lukedi looked at Asdin with somewhat pitiful eyes. To him, Asdin's words and actions held the pain of having grown up in the harsh wild. That was something very familiar to adults like himself.
In any case, their interests aligned. The point that they must not create any contact with Cellabris in any way was the same for both the village and Asdin.
"I understand. I will hide when the military comes."
"Thank you for understanding."
"Then, is that all? Do you have anything else to say?"
"No, that's it."
"Then, may I walk around the village a bit?"
"Do as you please."
Asdin nodded, went into his room, grabbed his staff, and came out. Surprised by that appearance, Lukedi asked,
"Why are you carrying that to walk around the village?"
"Because I'm an Exile."
It was a statement containing many meanings. Leaving Lukedi, who couldn't continue his words, behind, Asdin left the village chief's house.