Chapter 118
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 118
“This is so good~.”
“Haha, it really is. I’m glad we came here.”
Seong Ji-won acted like his usual self as he chewed on the grilled eel Kang Yi-chae had been practically singing about.
He laughed often, hummed occasionally, and even made sure to take care of all the members. His kindness reached its peak when they returned to the hotel and he pulled cup ramen out of his suitcase for the guys who were already whining about being hungry again.
“I think cup ramen eaten when you’re hungry is the absolute best.”
“Man… our maknae has already figured out the meaning of life….”
While the younger members were gleefully anticipating the ramen Ji-won had provided, Ji-won simply laughed and quietly stood up.
It was then.
“Where are you going?”
Seo Ho-yun, who hadn't seemed to be in a particularly good mood all day, asked from beside him. Ji-won’s eyes darted momentarily, but he responded casually.
“Aren’t you thirsty? I’m going to go buy some drinks.”
“Hyung, it’s late at night~.”
“We can just order room service.”
“I saw plenty of convenience stores right nearby. I’ll be back in a flash; I want to get some fresh air anyway.”
“Ji-won hyung, want me to come with you?”
Kang Yi-chae started to stand up, but Seo Ho-yun grabbed his arm firmly. A frowning Yi-chae turned his head and the two exchanged looks, but Ji-won, whose mind was already elsewhere, didn't notice.
“I’ll be right back.”
Ji-won gave the members a small smile and insisted on heading out. Even though none of the members followed him, his pace quickened the further he got from the hotel.
The smile that had been lingering on his lips gradually vanished.
“…Sigh.”
He had acted like nothing was wrong in front of the boisterous members, but in reality, Ji-won’s heart was racing.
It seemed the members still didn't know.
Seo Ho-yun had asked if it was a sasaeng, but he hadn't brought it up again since. The other members hadn't mentioned a word.
Ji-won searched through his cluttered memories, retracing his steps to see if he had made any mistakes.
‘Since they haven't said anything, it must be fine.’
The members would still be bickering and joking around in the room, and he just had to return as if nothing happened and naturally join back in. Just thinking about it made him feel satisfied… and happy.
They always teased each other and occasionally fought, but it was all based on affection.
Quick-witted, kind members.
‘…I’m truly grateful.’
They were incomparably different from the trainees at D.go.
No, perhaps it wasn't the trainees' fault.
It felt like they weren't like that at the beginning, either.
Under D.go’s policy, where everything was decided by scores and rankings, where trainees were subtly egged on and made to compete so that those who fell behind were made to feel like trash—there probably weren't many choices those trainees could make to survive.
Checking each other, envy, jealousy, the endless cycle of rumors, rumors, and more rumors. The criticisms that poured in so thick they occasionally left him breathless. And that filthy, suffocating mud pit that felt like it would drown him if he stepped inside.
Having heard, seen, and experienced all of that, Ji-won truly…
“This is annoying.”
This time, he absolutely did not want to compromise.
Determined to finish this quickly and return to the members, Ji-won stood still on one side of a narrow path a short distance from the hotel, staring blankly at his phone as it glowed through the dark night.
In truth, Ji-won had not changed his phone number until now. Rather, he had tried his best to remember that sasaeng’s number.
Bzzzzt!
Watching the constant vibration, he organized his thoughts with a rare, cold expression.
It wasn't a dilemma about whether or not to cut off the sasaeng.
It was about whether he had the courage to dig deeper into the matter, even if it meant taking a risk.
However, the deliberation over that question was shorter than expected.
‘Of course I want to know, but…’
Struggling to hold onto the fleeting memories, Ji-won lowered his gaze with a weary face.
‘Still, this isn't right—’
And just as his finger was about to touch the phone.
“……!”
“Seong Ji-won.”
Someone grabbed his hand.
Startled, Ji-won nearly dropped his phone, but the person who caught it with incredible reflexes was—
“What do you think you’re doing right now?”
It was none other than Seo Ho-yun, who had been in a foul mood all afternoon, staring at him with razor-sharp eyes.
* * *
‘Has he lost his mind?’
Just in case, I had followed Ji-won after a short delay.
And yet, the thing he sneaked out to do behind the members' backs was just answering a sasaeng’s call?
I looked at Ji-won in disbelief.
Ji-won looked at me with wide eyes as if he’d seen a ghost, then blinked.
“Oh, Ho-yun. When did you get here?”
“I asked what you’re doing.”
“Me? I’m buying drinks….”
“Drinks?”
I let out a laugh. Not because I was amused, of course. My mood, which had been decent enough until a moment ago, had plummeted in an instant.
“Seong Ji-won, hey….”
“…….”
“Is lying fun for you?”
I had treated Ji-won relatively gently, even by my own standards. When I spat those words out without hesitation, Ji-won’s shoulders flinched.
I pressed my finger hard against the bridge of my nose to calm my rising irritation.
“…Whew, please stop pretending you don't know and answer me properly from now on.”
“…About what?”
“You were about to answer that call just now, weren't you?”
Ji-won’s lips parted slightly, then he looked away. It was an admission, a realization that denying it here would be useless.
“No, I was going to hang up.”
“…….”
“Though it’s true I was debating it.”
He admitted it. Then, for the second question.
“Are you dating?”
“…Wha-wha-what?”
I thought I was reasonably smart, but the best way I could think of to provoke Ji-won into speaking for himself in this situation was this.
“Are you dating a sasaeng?”
Just a little twist to make the reason for hiding a sasaeng’s call from the members sound more provocative.
“Ha, haha….”
Hearing those blunt words, Ji-won… laughed as if he found it absurd.
He obviously wasn't happy; he looked uncharacteristically angry.
“…Seo Ho-yun, that’s a bit much. Me, dating a sasaeng?”
His voice was a level lower than usual, and he was biting his lip slightly.
“You don't actually think I’d do that, do you? If you do… I think I’m going to be very angry.”
‘Of course I don't, damn it….’
Would you be crazy enough to do that?
What does Ji-won lack? He has everything.
Is he an idiot like some other guys? No.
Ji-won promised me he wouldn't date, and he’s the type to keep that promise to the end. Unless the romance of the century appeared (and even then, I’d tear them apart), dating a sasaeng was nonsensical no matter how I thought about it.
Seeing Ji-won repeatedly dropping his gaze to the ground, I took off my hat and rubbed my head aggressively.
I’d spat it out, but seeing him react like that to such a cheap provocation made me feel like crap. Even though I was the one doing the pressuring.
With a sigh, I wiped my face and put my hat back on. Ji-won, who had been leaning against the wall cautiously watching me, lowered his eyes. Then, he spoke in a tone that was slightly softer than before.
“…You didn't mean what you just said.”
“…….”
“But why did you say it like that?”
‘Impressive.’
Despite his young age, having been kicked around the entertainment industry, Ji-won was quick-witted enough to see through my sincerity just from my brief actions. Moreover, he was trying to face me head-on even though he knew what kind of person I was.
That’s why,
“Because I’m curious, Ji-won.”
I needed to apply more pressure.
“What on earth is going on that you’re acting like this?”
Ji-won still couldn't meet my eyes and just bit his lower lip hard.
Seeing that, a heavy sense of reality hit me.
What was I even doing with him? If it were anyone else, I would have pressured them with a smile without blinking an eye, but doing this to the Seong Ji-won was a bit….
‘…That’s not what’s important right now.’
I decided to re-examine Ji-won’s behavior from the beginning.
Being a kind person and being rational are two different things.
When I said I was rejoining The Dawn, Ji-won was the only one who was kind while everyone else was on guard. Perhaps he just felt pity for someone who said they’d been sick and was returning. Regardless, it meant he was a gentle and kind person.
But fundamentally, Ji-won was rational and had good judgment. Even compared to Kang Yi-chae, he was someone who looked after his own interests.
‘Normally, he would have cut it off the moment a sasaeng attached themselves.’
He would have told me immediately. The fact that he didn't meant he had something he wanted to hide.
‘Don't follow him right away.’
‘What?’
‘Let’s watch for a bit.’
That was the reason I hadn't followed Ji-won out with Kang Yi-chae immediately.
And that was the reason I had just stood by and watched whenever Ji-won seemed restless.
But look at him now. He’s trying to meet them even while agonizing over it.
‘I have to dig deeper.’
There’s definitely something more.
Things that only a sasaeng might know.
And within that, I’d have to categorize it into two types.
A secret Ji-won wants to protect even if it means meeting a sasaeng… or things he wants to find out.
I pulled my gaze away from Ji-won.
Should I find something in the Item Shop to force him to talk, or should I keep pressuring him like this…?
While I was organizing my thoughts, Ji-won, who had been silent the whole time, suddenly let out an unexpected remark.
“…So this is what it’s like.”
Ji-won’s eyelashes trembled.
“Other people… must feel like this.”
“…….”
I looked at him with a twitching eyebrow, wondering if he was trying to slip away like last time, but that wasn't it.
With a troubled expression, Ji-won just toyed with his lips and answered honestly.
“…I have no intention of dating anyone while I’m active. You’re the same, Ho-yun.”
“Is that so? Then why were you trying to hide it while walking on eggshells?”
Ji-won was silent for a long time. I tried to meet his eyes as I spoke.
“A guy who was perfectly fine is now agonizing over a sasaeng’s call while acting anxious, hasn't changed his phone number, lied to the members, and is now standing in front of me with his mouth shut, watching my every move?”
“…….”
“Seong Ji-won, say something. Say anything.”
Ji-won is… strange.
I can't tell what triggers him, but while he usually has a serene face even when practicing like a madman, he occasionally acts like someone driven to the edge of a cliff. And that applied to right now as well.
“…Right, you’re right, Ho-yun. I was suspicious… and I was wrong…….”
Ji-won, who had been hanging his head low for a long time choosing his words, hesitated before mumbling softly.
“…I just did it because there was something I wanted to know.”
My eyebrows twitched. Ji-won raised his head again and met my gaze directly.
“Walking on eggshells, lying, hiding. …I did all of that because there was something I wanted to know, Ho-yun.”
“…….”
“Everyone is like that. Everyone has something they’re desperate for….”
It almost felt like being rebuked.
‘…Ah.’
Hearing that, I lamented inwardly.
‘Damn it….’
My head felt like someone had whacked the back of it.
Only then did I realize. Ji-won’s current situation, as he looked straight at me, was not much different from what I had been doing to the members all this time.
Everyone has something they’re desperate for?
‘Is he… threatening me right now?’
If he’s just doing the triple set of walking on eggshells, lying, and hiding like him, that’s actually fortunate.
What about me? I threatened people, insisted on my way, and acted charming while swallowing my pride. Because I also had something I wanted to know.
‘So this is how you’re going to play it, Seong Ji-won.’
I was clearly in the more disadvantageous position.
The fact that I had been laughing and chatting with the members just a moment ago vanished like a lie. So, I lowered my head for a moment.
Is it possible to be a hypocrite while not telling them anything? Should I really borrow the power of an item?
While I was busy running the calculator in my head… Ji-won tapped the ground with the tip of his foot.
“…Ho-yun.”
“…….”
“Let’s do this. I… I wasn't going to contact them, but it’s true that not changing my phone number was a crazy thing to do. Thanks for stopping me. Really… I won't go any further than this.”
Ji-won slowly settled the situation.
“So you….”
Ji-won pulled out his card.
He definitely knows I’m hiding something. And I know Ji-won has something too. In a state where we already understood each other's situations, there were only two things we could do.
Either we both reveal everything, or we keep it all a secret.
Just as I had done with Kim Jae-yeon and countless others.
I looked at him while thinking about the trade conditions I could offer—
“…Give me just a little more time.”
—Ji-won made a request.
“…What?”
“I’m sorry for making you worry when you’re busy, and for asking this of you.”
Ji-won’s expression was troubled. But unlike me, who was stupidly losing my way, he seemed to have already organized all his thoughts as he nodded.
“It’s just… I really can't say it right now. When I’m mentally prepared, I’ll be the first to tell you.”
He even looked a bit dejected.
“…Is that too shameless a request?”
I couldn't find the words to answer.
Ji-won just….
He just let my business slide.
So all the conditions I had been busy weighing in my head evaporated completely.
Only then did Ji-won, who had been watching my expression, give a faint smile.
“You’re going to grant it.”
Even though I hadn't said a word.
In the atmosphere where silence layered upon itself and settled heavily, I, who had lowered my head like a cowardly loser who couldn't even properly make a move… felt the vibration from Ji-won’s phone, which I was still holding tightly.
[Seong-hyeon]
…It was Kim Seong-hyeon.
I looked at him blankly, then sighed and handed the phone to Ji-won. Ji-won glanced at me, then cautiously took the phone.
“Oh, ah… Seong-hyeon. Yeah. I’ll be there soon. …Yeah, Ho-yun is here too.”
I just stood there, hearing the boisterous noise coming through the receiver. Ji-won finished the call, speaking gently as usual until the end, then took a step toward me.
“Um, Ho-yun.”
And he really, truly watched my reaction.
I avoided those innocent eyes as I answered.
“…What.”
“Da-jun said to buy cola.”
Jeong Da-jun….
That maknae, seriously….
As soon as I heard that, my suppressed irritation exploded. I turned around and walked away with long strides, leaving Ji-won behind. It wasn't irritation toward Ji-won. It was irritation toward myself.
Ji-won shouted from behind in a quite flustered voice.
“Should, should I buy it alone?”
“Do whatever you want.”
“…Okay!”
I felt like a single cigarette right now would at least clear this stifling feeling in my chest. With that heavy smoker-like thought, I habitually fumbled through my pockets… but there wasn't even a scrap of candy like the ones Yi-chae used to give me, let alone a cigarette. I tilted my head back and let out a sharp, heavy sigh.
“Ha, seriously, nothing is going right….”
My luck today is truly incredible.
I eventually made it near the hotel but turned back to the convenience store to buy candy, only to regret not walking a bit further to the next one. Because I had dawdled so much that I ran right into Ji-won, who was just pulling out a bottle of cola and smiling awkwardly.
“Oh.”
“…….”
“I-I’m the one buying the cola, though?”
Seriously… my luck today is truly incredible.