Only Now I Admit It – Pretending to Be Unfazed Before Death

Only now do I admit it—how much I pretended to be detached in the face of death. How desperately I wanted to live. Even if I couldn't become one of the great masters of the Murim, I just wanted to run and play healthily.

The stars in Ryeon's eyes twinkled brightly.

"I'll get rid of anything that stands in the way of my long and healthy life!"

It was infuriating to think that she'd had this power all along in her past life but hadn't known what it was, letting herself collapse helplessly. But Ryeon quickly shook her head to clear her thoughts.

No. I'm back now, that's what matters! Let's think positive.

She wasn't fully healthy yet, and the warning about what to do with her Yeong-gi within two months was still there, but somehow, she'd manage. Thinking optimistically, Ryeon reached for the fan beside her bed.

Right, first things first—use up some Yeong-gi to reduce my reserves.

It was to test one of her abilities, Purification.

A gentle breeze stirred, and with an illusion of wind chimes tinkling from somewhere, the air grew refreshingly clear. Just like that, her Yeong-gi levels dropped noticeably.

"Whoa!"

A tiny bit, but still.

If I go around purifying the air everywhere, that could work? Become a walking air purifier?

Excited by the idea, Ryeon grinned from ear to ear, unable to hold back her smile as she fanned every corner of the room, purifying the air.

After circling her spacious quarters once...

Suddenly, her vision spun dizzily.

"Uh... huh?"

"What the...?"

Ryeon stared at the fan in horror. The Yeong-gi reading had shot up bright red, like it was injected with fresh ink.

In air far clearer and purer than a mountaintop, Ryeon slumped onto the bed with a hollow expression. The room was filled with the Yeong-gi she'd scattered, now slowly returning to her as purified, refined energy.

* * *

Ryeon glared at the mirror.

The text floating above it seemed ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠to mock her. She could manifest these displays anywhere she could read—on the fan's white side, her wide sleeve, the bed canopy, the mirror, even the surface of water in a bowl.

She'd regained consciousness just before frost settled in late autumn, and after the year changed, passing her February birthday to turn eight, she'd spent months in strict recuperation. All the while, her lifespan warnings fluctuated wildly.

Two months left. One month and a half left. Two months again...

But seriously, what else am I supposed to do with this Yeong-gi?

Using Purification wasn't as simple as it sounded. She'd zealously ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠purified her surroundings, leveling it to 2 Stars—which was great—but the effect was the problem.

By winter, the trees by her window hadn't dropped a single leaf, staying vividly green and drawing eyes. That's why she had to stop practicing outward-facing Purification.

Before rumors like 'The flowers and trees in little Ryeon's quarters don't wither—clearly an immortal took her away briefly and returned her' could spread further...

Plus, purified enclosed spaces amplified Yeong-gi, which was actually harmful to her body. But she couldn't not use her power—so what now?

Maybe learn some basic medicine and pretend to be a miraculous physician?

"Ryeon! Ryeon, Mother is here!"

As Ryeon mulled over her worries, the door burst open, revealing the person she'd been longing for.

A woman so refined and beautiful, as if a fairy had delicately painted her features with a fine brush. Her own mother, Wijicheong.

At that moment, the text on the mirror Ryeon was watching shifted rapidly.

Other people's info was quite different from her own. It showed martial art achievements in stars, but nothing else. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Aptitudes and virtues might appear as her Divine Eye leveled up. The "Current Worries" especially caught her eye—probably what the person was pondering most lately.

My health, happiness, future...

Like her wet nurse Jang ssi, Wijicheong always smiled brightly at her, as if the world held no bad things, only good.

But that couldn't be true. She just couldn't show her worries and anxieties to her young daughter...

Mother... I'll make sure you worry less. I promise.

A long, healthy life was her dream and hope too. Even if she hadn't achieved it in the future she'd lived through.

I died in my early twenties, right?

A tragic end, swept up in the chaos as Blood Valley stirred again, flailing about until she couldn't control her Yeong-gi and collapsed.

Over the past seven years, Wijicheong had never once given up on her unresponsive daughter. And in the future Ryeon remembered, when her daughter died just past twenty, Wijicheong withered away, soaked in tears.

Ryeon pushed away the past. It was a future that wouldn't come now. She could see so much more, do so much more.

"My daughter! Have you been eating your Bingdangho?"

Wijicheong scooped Ryeon up in her arms. The text on the mirror scattered at once.

Ryeon melted into her embrace.

"Mother! You came? This is from Pharmacy Master Dang. It's sweet and tangy—delicious."

Wijicheong smiled again at Ryeon's voice, clear and bell-like. Ryeon fed her mother a fruit from the Bingdangho she'd been eating.

After seven years in this body waking and speaking, her speech had been clumsy at first, but thanks to her Harmony ability, she soon spoke fluently.

"This is so good. To break seclusion training for Ryeon and even send this..."

Wijicheong instructed to send thanks to Ryeon's little uncle and Pharmacy Master Danmok Hyeon-u, then gestured to the servant she'd brought.

"Come, Ryeon. See what Mother brought?"

The servant carefully set down what he'd carried before Ryeon. Between thick branches, tiny rice-grain-like white flowers clustered, the source of the sweet fragrance filling the room.

"I picked them to decorate your room."

Ryeon stared at the bouquet in bewilderment. Wijicheong smiled brightly, arranging the branches in a white porcelain vase.

"They're dried flowers. They'll scent the room nicely and add some charm."

She tucked a small bloom behind Ryeon's ear, then squinted with a beaming smile.

"I can't tell where the flower ends and the girl begins. Isn't that right, Jang ssi?"

"Indeed, ma'am."

Her wet nurse Jang ssi chimed in from the side. If Ryeon were truly eight, she might let it slide, but she couldn't just sit there.

As her ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠daughter's face flushed red, Wijicheong laughed.

"What could make our Ryeon so shy?"

Embarrassed, Ryeon pulled up the blanket to hide her face but couldn't bring herself to remove the flower.

Wijicheong stroked her cheek.

"Today I saw new sprouts in the garden that had withered away. Even the golden trumpet vine I thought dead is budding leaves again. How surprised I was. Surely all creation is celebrating your recovery."

It was probably her Yeong-gi, but Ryeon said nothing, leaning her cheek into her mother's hand.

"If Seong saw this, how happy she'd be..."

"Ma'am..."

Her fingers trembled, and Wijicheong turned her head. Seeing her mother's shaking shoulders, Ryeon recalled what she'd momentarily forgotten.

Her father, Danmok Hyeon-seong, had passed five years ago. Not long after her little brother Danmok Bi was born.

Thinking it too early to tell Ryeon such things, Wijicheong composed herself, wiped her damp cheek, and smiled.

"You heard we're going to thank Grandfather today, right?"

Ryeon nodded.

"Grandfather helped make the medicine that cured you."

Wijicheong explained gently, dismissing the wet nurse to personally fasten Ryeon's collar. It was early spring, the air still chilly.

"He gave us the Myeongnyeonjigeuk Hyeolbo for your Balsa Sesu medicine. It was meant for his own, but he yielded it for you."

Ryeon's eyes widened.

He even gave up the Myeongnyeonjigeuk Hyeolbo?