Jiangxi King Rib Whole Chicken
If I had to put this flavor into words... well, how should I put it? It was like a dish imbued with the nostalgic touch of a mother's home cooking.
For the record, I grew up without a mother, so I haven't the faintest idea what that actually tastes like.
The aroma had been quite enticing, so I never imagined it would taste terrible. Yet the Dongpo pork was as salty as if it had been cured in brine, and the somyeon noodles... well, their flavor defied polite description.
"...Didn't you claim just a moment ago that you were good at cooking?"
"W-Well, the thing is... it's just been a while since I last cooked..."
It was the exact moment I understood why this inn had never seen a single customer.
"Never mind business for now; we need to get your seasoning under control first..."
Seeing the kid shrink back so dejectedly after being told the food was awful suddenly brought back memories of the first time I ever cooked.
When I was eight years old, Master Tang dragged me into the kitchen out of nowhere.
"From this day forth, you are in charge of our meals. Understood?"
"Pardon? What do you mean—"
Up until then, Master Tang had generally prepared all our food. Possessed of a completely unwarranted culinary pride, he constantly served up bizarre concoctions. Poisonous herbs were a given; whatever had venom in it, whether creeping beast or noxious weed, went straight into the pot. Judging by how blatantly bitter he looked, the other masters had clearly ganged up to strip him of kitchen duty.
"I mean, how am I supposed to cook when I've never been taught even once? You should at least show me how before ordering me to—"
A sudden chill ran down my spine. Glancing out of the corner of my eye, I spotted several throwing daggers glinting inside his sleeve.
"—is what a fool stuck in the past would say! A true man ought to know how to feed himself! Hahaha!"
"Heh-heh-heh. Your wits are getting sharper by the day. In that case, see to it that tonight's dinner is served on time."
"Yes, Master."
Left alone in the kitchen, I had no clue where to start. A quick glance around revealed shelves packed with ingredients that looked like touching them would shave years off my life.
...Damn old fossil. You think I can't do it?
I tossed in whatever caught my eye, and somehow, something resembling food actually took shape. For a first attempt, it didn't look half bad. Even the smell was surprisingly appetizing, hinting at something delicious.
I'm kind of curious. Should I try just one bite?
Just as I scooped up a ladle of broth and brought it toward my mouth, my body instinctively recoiled.
What the...?
Figuring there was no harm in testing it, I let a few drops splatter onto the floor. To my sheer horror, the stone tiles began sizzling and burning away the instant the broth touched them. Had I ignored my gut and swallowed that mouthful, my own innards would have dissolved right alongside the floor.
...Well, does it really matter? It's not like I'm the one eating it. Besides, monsters like the masters won't drop dead from something like this.
Right on cue for dinner, the roaring voice of the Bald Master echoed through the halls.
"How long ago did we order dinner?! Why is it taking so long?! If you're a quarter of an hour late, I'll come drag you out myself, so be ready!!"
His voice was so deafening my eardrums throbbed.
If you're so damn hungry, cook it yourself! Why take it out on me? Does being bald give you special privileges?
Muttering curses in a voice too quiet for anyone to hear, I ladled the soup into bowls when a brilliant idea struck me—a plan to get back at that old geezer.
Shortly after, I carried the dining table into the room with a bright, expectant face. All the masters were gathered inside. Setting down the meal, I beamed my most radiant smile.
"Please enjoy, Masters! It's the very first meal I've ever cooked."
It's a taste so good that if one of you dropped dead, the other wouldn't even notice. Well, if you actually die, even better.
"Oho, not bad at all for a first try."
They all lifted their spoons, scooping up the broth and slowly bringing it to their mouths.
Please eat it...! Eat it!
What had I put in the soup to be so eager, you ask? Nothing too extravagant... just some spit and bodily fluids. And perhaps a few nastier things. But since they had melted completely the moment they hit the acid, not even the masters would notice, right?
Then, out of nowhere, the Bald Master spoke with an ominous calm.
"Ho-yeon. What did this master tell you before?"
"Uh... whether I had a death wish?"
"Do you have a death wish?"
"...Pardon?"
He pushed back from his seat and strode slowly toward me.
"W-Why are you coming over here...?"
I took an involuntary step back, but my back struck the wall.
The master held out his fist and said flatly, "Ram your head into this with all your might. If I think you're hesitating, I will beat you to a pulp without mercy. Do it right, and I'll settle this with a single blow."
"M-Master...? Why are you doing this...? All I did was make dinner..."
"Was that truly all? You didn't, say, slip something vile into this soup...?"
I flinched.
"...If I kneel right now, would you perhaps let it slide?"
The master flashed a genial grin and shook his head.
I frantically shot pleading glances at the other masters, but every single one of them looked the other way. Resigned to taking the hit and getting it over with, I lunged forward with all my strength.
"Aaaargh!"
Yet somehow, the fist that was supposed to stay stationary was pulled way back behind his shoulder.
"H-Huh...?"
"Consider us even in trickery. Heh-heh-heh."
WHOOOOSH—!
BOOOOOM—!!!
It was only a single blow, but I remained unconscious for seven days and seven nights. From that day forward, I had to taste-test every single dish myself, and whenever something turned out foul, I was forced to finish every last scrap alone. After more than a decade of that hellish training, how could I possibly be bad at cooking? Joking aside, I was probably better than the head chefs of most prominent inns.
Damn old fossils.
As my brow furrowed at the memory, the kid asked with a frightened face, "W-Was it really that bad...?"
It wasn't like I could beat him up just because the food tasted awful. The only solution was to teach him myself.
"Hey, cooking is something you can learn. This big brother will teach you!"
"You will, hyung-nim...?"
His face was practically screaming disbelief.
"Just make sure you don't faint from shock once you taste my cooking. I'm going to make you the greatest dish of your entire life."
"Pfft... Okay. I'll look forward to it."
"......"
Anyone looking at him would think he was an actual woman. What kind of boy laughs like that?
As I stared intently at his face, he tilted his head in confusion. "Is there something on my face?"
"...No. Just help me up."
"Ah! Right away!"
Leaning on his shoulder, I made my way into the kitchen.
"Oh, at least the kitchen's been kept in decent shape."
Taking a seat on a wooden stool, I said, "I'll sit right here, so you just do exactly as I tell you. Got it?"
"Yes, hyung-nim!"
"First, grab a chicken, some batter flour, and cooking oil..."
With quite a few ingredients to prepare, Seon-yu bustled around the kitchen. What was I having him make, you ask? A culinary masterpiece containing the essence of my ten years of kitchen servitude. Even the impossibly picky Master Tang had fallen head over heels for it. Just you wait.
He followed my directions well enough, though doubt still lingered in his eyes.
"Are you sure I should fry this? No matter how I look at it, this doesn't seem right..."
"Stop doubting and just fry it. And once it's done frying, toss it thoroughly in the sauce we mixed. Understood?"
"Okay..."
A quarter of an hour passed, and the chicken was scooped out of the bubbling oil, golden and crisp. After tossing it vigorously in the sauce, the dish was finally complete.
"Well? Not bad, right?"
"It smells wonderful, but... I'm still not sure about the taste."
"Just take a bite. You'll see."
Swallowing hard, he picked up a piece with his chopsticks and brought it to his mouth.
Chomp.
Crunch—
A heavy silence fell over the kitchen.
When not a word came out of him, I started feeling a little nervous. After he stood there frozen for what felt like an eternity, I couldn't take it anymore and blurted out, "Hey, how does it taste?! How bad could it possibly be that you're—wait, huh?"
Tears were streaming down his face.
I was the one caught off guard.
"N-No, I wasn't getting angry at you... I was just asking how it tasted..."
Contrary to my worry, his response was completely unexpected.
"Sniff... It's so delicious...!"
He blurted that out between sniffs and immediately began devouring the chicken like someone possessed. Seeing a kid who usually looked so timid suddenly wolfing down food like a starved beast was too much; I couldn't hold back my laughter.
"Bwahaha! Didn't I tell you? I'm a culinary genius!"
In practically no time at all, the plate was picked clean. Only after finishing every morsel did embarrassment catch up with him, and he ducked his head low.
"Pffft, puhahaha!"
"P-Please don't laugh...!"
"How can I not laugh when you say that with sauce smeared all over your mouth?"
"Eep!"
He frantically wiped around his lips, glancing up at me with flushed cheeks. I wondered if this was what it felt like to have a younger brother.
"Ahem. What... what is the name of this dish?"
"Took you long enough to ask."
"Hy-Hyung-nim...!!"
"All right, all right. Your reactions are just too amusing. What, are you pouting?"
"W-Why would I pout?! I was just..."
Everything was written so plainly on his face. Any more teasing and he might actually blow up, so I decided to rein it in.
"I never really thought of a formal name for it... How about Jiangxi King Rib Whole Chicken?"
"Jiangxi... King Rib Whole Chicken? That's quite a unique name."
"Hmm, not good? I just threw it together."
He shook his head, offering a sweet smile. "No, I think it sounds great. It's catchy and memorable."
"Really? If you say so, then that's what it is. Practice making this starting tomorrow. Once you've got it down, we'll start selling it."
"Yes, hyung-nim."
Just then, a rather strange stench drifted up.
Sniff, sniff.
"What is that smell..."
Looking down, I realized it was coming from my own body. Man, I seriously needed a bath.
"Ah! Seon-yu."
"Yes?"
"Since we're at it, why don't you and I go take a bath together? What do you say?"
"...W-Whaaaaat?!!"
His reaction was so wildly exaggerated that I was the one caught off guard.
"What's the big deal? It's just a bath."
"N-No, that's not it... Ah! I happened to take a bath just yesterday...! Haha..."
Wait, is he self-conscious?
"Look, if you're insecure about your size down there, don't worry, I won't judge. What's the fuss between men?"
"H-Hold on a second, that's not—"
"Tsk! Talking back to your big brother? Quiet down and let's go!"
It was just a bath. What could possibly go wrong?