Chapter 31
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 31
Chapter Title: Shitty Humans
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Guys, what if the South Kingdom army suddenly invades... ;_;
Newbie, calm down! Didja have a nightmare or something? ;_;
Dude, we don't even sleep...
What kinda ridiculous idea is that...
Geographically, we can't say we're completely cut off, but we're not close either, so the odds are pretty damn low... Plus, the Living Forest is Branded Elf turf—why would South Kingdom even come here?
Unless the Branded Elves suddenly repent for all their past shit, throw themselves in jail, or get executed, and then spam help calls like "Plz save Dreamland" or whatever... lol
No, reason I'm saying this is 'cause I ran into that human I spared last time in the Living Forest... He said the kingdom might send troops to fuck up the Branded Elves, and my dungeon could get exposed in the process... ;_;
What if soldiers swarm into my dungeon...
Don't you have that 2x EXP event going on anyway, Newbie?
Fr lmaoooooooooooooooo
That's the correct take lmaooooooooooooooo
I figure they'll lose 100 peeps to the elevator and then GTFO.
Shitheads are scary in groups sure, but in extreme situations they can get more brutal than Branded Elves kekekeke. High chance they'll backstab each other in a death game and wipe themselves out.
Not something to take lightly. If there's a Blessed One in the kingdom by any chance, word about Newbie's dungeon spreads to him in a heartbeat...
FYI, Blessed Ones probably have their own community like us, so if one catches wind, it's game over for secrecy.
But that could actually be good—Newbie could go nuclear on levels fr.
Your rewards scale way higher than ours anyway, and Blessed Ones might eat it three times on the elevator alone??
Last Julius Wave got Madness rating, right? Could unlock new difficulty tier too.
Honestly, time to confess.
I was totally fronting in front of Restia.
Having a human kingdom as enemies? Yeah, that's scary as hell.
Aww. I'm baby Newbie.
It's not even been a year since I became a Dungeon Master.
Yeah.
Well, kingdoms gonna kingdom.
Dungeons have party limits anyway, so no full army rushes.
If I just endure till the location shift cooldown, it's my win.
But.
Blessed Ones are different.
In my head, Blessed Ones are insane vets clearing dungeons in nothing but undies.
I'll run into 'em eventually.
Bound to happen running a dungeon.
But right now? Hell no, I don't wanna see 'em.
No matter how tough the game, infinite player coins means it gets cleared.
Sure, more deaths ramp up difficulty, but...
Anyway.
At least lemme hit level 320 first!
Bros, I just unlocked some deep truth...
Whassat??
This world is full of nothing but psycho dungeon-rapist bastards...
Feels like it, right?
To the people of this world, dungeons are like...
Enemy chars shaking their asses in front of the tower with 1 HP left—total bait.
You just now figuring that out?? But that phrasing is hilarious lmao
Guard that dungeon ass tight... or Gold Sun NTRs your mana stones...
I'm Newbie's rapist!
Hieeeek
Luckily, nothing to worry about happened.
Did Restia shake down some leads or something?
No intruders in the two months since Julius Wave.
Who knows if we'll cross paths again.
She risked it all to come to the Living Forest last time.
Next time we meet, gotta repay Restia somehow.
Aww, so embarrassed lol...
Correction: that one's not a shithuman, but a lighthuman lol;;;
The more I think about it, the madder I get.
Why's she always flirting with our Newbie??
That vixen knows Newbie's charm... If I could leave my dungeon, I'd have snatched him up ages ago. So fucking jealous and pissed I can't sleep at night.
Lover, we don't sleep to begin with...
Lover... you're the only one for me...
Newbie... is that for real...?
Almost said it lol...
I'm dying
Said you weren't a mentie
Anyway, my daily routine was simple.
Gallery posting and playing with Squishy.
"Urk."
And.
"Whirrr..."
"Hello..."
Whenever I dragged Scooty out the entrance for a stroll,
I'd bow and greet Egon-san on the daily.
FYI, Egon-san's my pet name for the otherworld bug.
Dunno if it's my Mental Immunity trait, but he grew on me—kinda cute now.
Face is scary, but body's human-like. Yup yup.
So mild-mannered and friendly with greetings, total opposite of how he handles intruders.
This must be what gap moe is.
The Anomalies were straight-up nice to me by default.
Doppelganger and Statue got newbie tags so they sleep normally, but even if waves hit, they wouldn't harm me.
Feels like their rules just don't apply to me.
Big difference from my other minions who revolt if they don't like something.
No way.
They won't get jealous watching me sleep and play with Squishy all day, right?
That's how the boring, peaceful days dragged on.
"Oh... Intruder."
Finally spotted a human shape after forever.
Freaked thinking South Kingdom soldier, but his gear was way off for combat.
Guy was solo.
No detection magic user.
Lurked near entrance, wandered aimlessly, bailed after ten minutes.
What the hell was that dude?
I uploaded the footage of him lurking to the Gallery.
West Kingdom dude... Gear and stuff screams black market trader dealing with Branded Elves???
Wtf dude?? How'd you even know West Kingdom??
Zoom the vid—dagger in backpack gap has the engraving.
Observation god kekekekekekeke
What lmaoooo wtf are you a detective???
Lover Holmes dddddd
I'm the phantom thief stealing Newbie's heart.
Black market trader dealing with Branded Elves, huh.
"Doesn't look like he was fleeing."
Totally different from Restia.
You can tell hostile intruders at a glance.
Observation skills honed from all those waves.
That guy's 100% a dungeon rapist.
"Probably planning to bring buddies next time?"
Shitheads after the scouts.
Don't expect mercy from a fellow shithead alum like me.
I'm a ruthless Dungeon Master to enemies.
Still got 250k points banked.
Gotta mull over spending 'em.
West Kingdom.
Jericho Barony housed a certain debauched lord.
Name: Yuben Jericho.
Mid-thirties male.
Started with rave reviews for smarts and wisdom.
But drunk on money and power, he now preaches life's meaninglessness while drowning in booze and women.
How bad? His loving wife and kids abandoned him and the territory.
Total lost cause, West Kingdom's top wastrel: Yuben.
"Milord!! I bring massive intel!!"
Yuben eyed the black market trader with a bored look.
Massive intel?
This guy only showed up for cheap luxuries—what big news could he have?
"Spit it out."
Yuben's dead-fish eyes took in the trader.
"Ahem, yes."
The trader took a deep breath and continued.
"Found a newborn dungeon."
Newborn dungeon.
Trove slumbering with mana stones.
At that, Yuben's lifeless eyes flickered alive for a moment.
"Details."
"Yes..."
It'd been ages.
A lord interested in something besides booze and broads.
Felt downright alien to the trader.
Old thread.
Title: I Get Why Everyone Calls 'Em Shitty Humans lol
Writer: Dragonling
These fuckin shithuman cunts are way slimier than I imagined
Elves ain't innocent either but IMO shithumans are peak slime
Why?
These slimy shithuman bastards call their friends if they fail lol
Friends fail? They call MORE friends lol
Not like we're welcoming yandere heroine bullshit
Location shifted last time and they STILL tracked the dungeon and waved hello—shocked tf
Stalking level on another plane
At least elves cheer when you leave their zone?
Shithumans grab your hair, drag you back like "Don't go baby, gimme mana stones first" ;_;
If I could leave dungeon I'd exterminate these fuckers first lol
And why do these fuckers use magic like elves/dwarves AND have huge pop???
Hey!!! If you're that numerous at least no magic/auras right???
Short lifespans yet stronger mages/knights than elves lmao
Huge pop, magic, train for aura to slice trolls, smart af wtf
Goblins might as well suicide?? Why do these exist kekekekekekekeke
God loves humans too damn much, total self-insert cheater race ffs
Another tier fr, Dragonling approves
Fuck Oblivion bastard!!! Advance the location shift cooldown plz!!!
Lemme drop a goosebumps fact.
Shitheads give headaches but watch for the real scary ones: kings and lords lol. Scarier than archmages or swordmasters imo... Like necromancers herding shitheads into waves ffs
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