80
Chapter 80
Species name, Puppeteer Doll.
Born into the Doll Tribe, she remembered her past life.
Her species was Human.
Her gender was female.
Her name was Gu In-young.
The place of her birth was a country called South Korea on a planet called Earth.
The memories of her past life were not entirely intact.
It felt as though her memory storage had been damaged.
While she remembered the broad strokes like the facts above, the finer details remained blurry.
Of course.
Even among those finer details, there were relatively vivid memories.
Those were the intense memories.
Among them, the negative memories still held a distinct place in her mind.
And now.
Triggered by the idea of a past life, those negative memories were rapidly playing back in the Puppeteer Doll's mind.
Naturally, even though she hadn't wanted them to.
*
Gu In-young came from a broken home.
To put it mildly, a single-parent family.
Gu In-young only had her mother, who was twenty years older than her, and she had never even seen the face of the man called her father.
Because she heard that they had all run away when they found out her mother was pregnant.
As you could tell from the word all.
Her mother did not know who the biological father was.
There were only six men who were suspected to be the father.
And upon learning of the pregnancy, those men coldly vanished without a trace.
Her mother at least kept to her duties as a mother until Gu In-young turned five.
But after that, her affection for her daughter gradually dwindled.
At the same time, her resentment and hatred toward her daughter slowly blossomed.
This child ruined my life.
This child destroyed my future.
If only I hadn't given birth to this child....
Her mother felt it was unfair that she couldn't properly enjoy her youth because of her own child.
Even so, she didn't overtly display her resentment and hatred.
As long as Gu In-young didn't do or say anything that got on her nerves, she tried her best not to take her anger out on her.
Her mother simply started to tune her out.
She wouldn't play with the child, nor did she care about her education.
There were days when she didn't say a single word to her all day long.
As a result, her mother began leaving the house more frequently, abandoning Gu In-young to her own devices.
It was to enjoy her youth, even if belatedly.
Fortunately, she made sure to prepare meals for Gu In-young every morning without fail.
*
During her childhood.
Gu In-young was always left home alone.
Then, one joyous occasion happened to her.
With the help and support of a next-door neighbor, she was enrolled in an Affiliated Kindergarten of an elementary school.
I won't be lonely anymore.
I'll finally make friends too.
Gu In-young attended kindergarten with a heart full of excitement.
However,
"Hey, go play somewhere else."
"I told you not to come near us."
Even at the kindergarten, Gu In-young was ostracized by the kids her age.
She tried to approach the children first, but no one welcomed Gu In-young.
Everyone blatantly disliked Gu In-young.
At this rate, it was no different from being at home.
Why does everyone hate me?
At first, she didn't know the reason.
But as time passed, she naturally figured out why.
"Why does she look like that?"
"She's so ugly."
"She smells terrible, too. She probably doesn't even wash."
"I don't think she showers or washes her hair."
It was because she was ugly and smelled.
That was why the children hated her.
'So I'm ugly....'
Gu In-young realized this fact for the first time when she started attending kindergarten.
If I wash diligently from now on, maybe the kids won't hate me?
With that thought, Gu In-young began vigorously washing her body at home with cold water and soap from that day on.
She scrubbed her whole body very hard with soap so she wouldn't smell.
She would get yelled at if she used her mother's shampoo, so she even washed her hair with soap.
There was no hot water, but she endured it.
All so she could fit in with the other kids.
But nothing changed.
No matter how hard she washed, the children wouldn't play with Gu In-young.
Even when Gu In-young spoke to them, they gritted their teeth and turned away.
"You stink! Don't come near us!"
"Go wash yourself! You're dirty!"
But I washed so hard....
I don't smell.......
Gu In-young thought to herself.
Perhaps the stench coming from her was the smell of poverty.
After a disappointed Gu In-young returned home.
She trudged out to the playground near her house.
She saw kids playing house at the playground.
Since they aren't from kindergarten, maybe those kids will play with me?
She mustered up the courage to approach them with that hope, but the result was the same.
Gu In-young's kindergarten days were bleakness itself.
However, even in the midst of that, there was a single ray of light.
One day, a boy who saw Gu In-young playing all alone at the playground in front of her house approached her first and asked her to play.
The boy was one year older than Gu In-young and was the son of the woman next door.
The next-door neighbor was the benefactor who had helped Gu In-young attend kindergarten.
From that day on, Gu In-young occasionally received invitations from the boy and went over to his house to play.
"Wow. Oppa, you have so many Teddy Bears in your room."
"Yeah. I like Teddy Bears. So I picked up a ton from the dump nearby."
"Is it okay to just pick up stuff from the dump?"
"It's just stuff other people threw away, so who cares. Besides, if you wash them clean, they don't smell, so it's fine."
"So if you wash them clean... they really don't smell...."
"You're stating the obvious. By the way, In-young, do you like Teddy Bears too? If you do, I'll grab some for you the next time I have to go to the dump."
"Really?"
"Yeah. If there are any Teddy Bears. Oh, and if there are any other dolls you like, tell me in advance now. I'll get the ones you want."
"T-then I want... a Barber Doll...? That thing......."
"A Barber Doll?"
"Yeah. There's a really pretty girl at my kindergarten who always carries a doll around, and I think she said its name was a Barber Doll...."
"That's the first time I'm hearing of a Barber Doll. Could you mean a Barbie Doll?"
"Ah, I think Barbie Doll is right...!"
"Alright, request received."
"What's received?"
"It's just a saying."
Gu In-young loved coming over to play at the neighbor's house.
Because even though she was ignored in her own home and at the kindergarten with kids her age, she was welcomed here at the neighbor's house.
Also.
Even though it wasn't a feast, she was treated to a variety of foods.
"In-young, you're not a picky eater at all. That's amazing."
"Yep! I eat everything well! As long as it's edible! Hehe."
*
"From now on, don't cross this line I drew on the desk, got it? If you cross it, I'll hit you."
"I won't cross it...."
"Huh? You crossed it? Take a hit!"
"A-I didn't cross it...."
Gu In-young entered elementary school.
And on her very first day in the classroom, she was assaulted by her seatmate.
"They say Gu In-young is a beggar. My friend said they saw Gu In-young coming out of a rundown apartment."
"They say she doesn't have a dad either."
"Really? Why doesn't she have a dad?"
"Maybe he threw her away because Gu In-young is ugly?"
Gu In-young was ostracized in her class.
On top of the reason that she was ugly, the reason that she was poor was added.
As her school life continued.
The severity of the bullying gradually worsened.
As she moved up in grades.
She even started to endure blatant harassment.
Her elementary school days were pure misery.
But there was still a single ray of light.
The neighbor boy who attended a different elementary school.
Because after school, she could meet the Oppa named Go Min-hyung.
"In-young, did you make a lot of friends at school?"
"Yeah, a few...."
"That's a relief. Oh, and no one is bullying you at school, right? Tell me if there's any jerk picking on you."
"...No one is bullying me. My new school friends are all nice."
Gu In-young didn't tell the truth.
She felt anxious that if Oppa found out she was an outcast, he would distance himself from her too.
"Really? You're not lying, are you? Your expression has been a bit weird lately."
"I'm not lying. And what's wrong with my expression... It's not weird, I'm just ugly."
"There you go again. I told you, you're not ugly. You just have a unique look."
"That's the same thing... A-anyway, Oppa, what's that?"
She didn't want to talk about her looks.
So Gu In-young changed the subject.
"Huh? Oh, this? It's a Teddy Bear Keyring. I got it from the gacha machine in front of the stationery store on my way home. You know I like Teddy Bears."
"The gacha machine in front of the stationery store? Wasn't there only one Teddy Bear in there? Then you must have spent a lot of money trying to get it. Aren't you going to get scolded by Auntie again for wasting your allowance?"
"No? Why would I spend a lot of money on a gacha? I got it on my first try, obviously."
"You got it on your first try?"
"Why are you so surprised? You know I'm incredibly lucky. Anyway, let's hurry to my house and play some games."
"Y-yeah."
Gu In-young was led by Go Min-hyung's hand into his house.
To the neighbor's house that was more comfortable than her own, a place that was always warm and happy whenever she visited.
*
When Gu In-young became a middle school student.
The neighbor family ended up moving away due to family circumstances.
Gu In-young exchanged farewells with Go Min-hyung, forcing herself to act calm.
In her heart, she wanted to cling to him and beg him not to go, but she knew that was being unreasonable.
She was also terrified that if she looked too pathetic, Go Min-hyung would find her annoying or start hating her.
So she sent him off with a smile.
Promising that they would definitely meet again later.
Since Gu In-young didn't have a phone, they couldn't exchange contact information.
She only received a slip of paper with Go Min-hyung's phone number written on it.
After sending Go Min-hyung off like that.
Gu In-young locked herself in her room and wept silently for days.
For several months, she pulled her ragged blanket over her head and sobbed every night.
And with the single ray of light named Go Min-hyung gone, hellish days unfolded for Gu In-young.
Six years of middle and high school.
The bullying continued, even worse than in elementary school.
She's ugly, she has dandruff, she's dirty and smelly, she's disgusting, and so on.
Gu In-young slowly withered away under all sorts of insulting remarks.
Naturally, her personality became even more timid.
She was terrified of Humans.
She developed anthropophobia, and a hatred toward Humans blossomed within her.
The more that happened, the more her longing for Go Min-hyung grew.
She couldn't contact him.
She didn't have a phone throughout her school years, and even if she did, she wouldn't have had the courage to reach out first.
Because Gu In-young was drowning in self-loathing.
He'll hate it if someone like me contacts him. He definitely only hung out with someone like me before because he was young and didn't know any better. Or maybe he just played with me out of pity because he felt sorry for me. He'd be embarrassed if others saw him with me. I don't want to cause trouble for Oppa.
Negative thoughts completely filled her mind.
Even in that hell, she had no intention of making an extreme choice.
Still believing that this hell would end someday.
Barely enduring the bullying like that, Gu In-young became an adult.
Gu In-young as an adult.
As soon as she graduated, she got a job at a factory.
Her grades were somewhat average, but she didn't even consider college.
Because she didn't have the money to pay tuition, and she didn't want to continue school life any longer.
She assumed college would be exactly the same.
Naturally, she moved out of her house.
Because she was sick and tired of her mother, who had zero interest in her and brought a different man home every time.
Her mother lived for months without even knowing Gu In-young had left home.
Even when she found out she had left, she didn't bother trying to find her.
Even after getting a job at the factory, Gu In-young's life didn't change.
This place wasn't much different from school, either.
There wasn't a single person who wanted to go out of their way to befriend Gu In-young, who was unattractive, timid in personality, and completely lacked social skills.
Of course, unlike at school.
The factory workers didn't blatantly bully her or anything.
They merely ignored her openly, gossiped behind her back, and giggled mockingly whenever she passed by.
Time passed.
After working at the factory for three years and resigning, Gu In-young became a shut-in.
She could no longer endure living while rubbing shoulders with other people.
Using the money she had saved up, Gu In-young continued her hikikomori lifestyle in a cheap goshiwon room.
She also covered her living expenses by earning money through games.
A few years passed in that state.
Gu In-young, twenty-eight years old.
She made a big decision.
I can't live like this anymore.
It's late, but let's try to develop some social skills starting now.
Let's go back out into society, work hard to save money, get plastic surgery or something, and start a new life.
Clenching her fists and steeling her resolve.
Gu In-young gathered her courage and attended a Game Guild offline meetup.
It was her first step toward re-entering society.
However, she was met with frustration once again.
The day after the meetup.
Gu In-young was kicked out of the Guild.
The reason was that she ruined the mood of the meetup.
This also left a trauma on Gu In-young.
The sight of the Guild members at the meetup frowning as they looked at her was unforgettable, vividly coming to mind every time she tried to sleep.
Quitting the game she had been playing, Gu In-young locked herself in her room once again.
And while lamenting her circumstances,
sitting huddled in the corner of her room shedding tears.
Suddenly, she thought of Go Min-hyung, the only person who had hung out with her when she was young.
What is Oppa up to these days.
What kind of person has he become.
Gu In-young unfolded the slip of paper she had treasured like a precious gem since she was little.
It was the slip with Go Min-hyung's number on it.
But she couldn't bring herself to contact him this time either.
Even though she now had a phone, she merely stared blankly at Go Min-hyung's number.
So much time has passed, he probably changed his number.
Even if he hasn't, I don't want to contact him.
Gu In-young didn't want to show Go Min-hyung how she looked now.
Out of fear that reuniting like this would horribly ruin their happy memories.
As a child, Go Min-hyung was a kid who didn't care at all about another person's looks, but there was no telling how he might have changed now.
Ultimately, without having made a single call.
The slip of paper was carefully stored back inside her cheap makeshift safe.
Deciding to leave her memories as just memories.
*
I, the Puppeteer Doll, thought as I recalled the past.
How did I die again?
I can't quite remember when I died or why I died.
I feel like I lost my life not long after the day I was kicked out of the Game Guild.
I shut my eyes tightly.
I tried my best to force the memory out.
Then, the hazy final memories of my past life slowly began to surface.
It seemed like a meteorite had fallen from the sky.
Or maybe ninjas had appeared.
Or perhaps aliens had invaded in a spaceship.
Or the ground split open and zombies crawled up from underground.
As if my mind was enveloped in fog.
Ridiculous scenes were popping up in a blur.
Is this memory correct?
Could it be a Distortion, or is it damaged?
While questioning it, the very last scene I saw suddenly flashed in my mind.
A man I happened to see on the street while heading to the convenience store.
A man who looked like Go Min-hyung, whom I knew from childhood and had wanted to meet so badly.
A sudden surge of courage.
Me, walking slowly toward the man who looked like Go Min-hyung, reaching out a hand steeped in longing as if possessed by something.
My hand touching the man who looked like Go Min-hyung.
With that memory as the end, I died.
I don't know how I died.
I'm not entirely sure, but Earth probably met its destruction.