What He Mustn't Hope For
January 1st. The first day had passed in a whirlwind, but the second day turned out to be even more chaotic.
Over a hundred rookies flooding in all at once was enough to put the entire guild on alert, and to make matters worse, this was the day their abilities started manifesting one after another.
The training grounds ran out of space and the courtyard had to be pressed into service, while the dining hall hired additional Settlers and switched to three rotating shifts. With more than half the guild members out on an expedition beyond the Korn Gorge, instructors were stretched thin — even guild members who would never have taken on rookies under normal circumstances were dragged out to lead teams. I was one of them.
"Alright, again. Mana isn't something you force out — you feel for its flow."
The four men in my group were uniformly quiet. Too quiet. A gym trainer, a delivery worker, a convenience store clerk, and a college student. All four were diligent, and all four were boring. They followed instructions without complaint, but that was all. No questions, no jokes — even with five of us sitting around, silence filled the air. Well, it made teaching easy, at least. No chance of anyone causing trouble.
"That's it for basic training. Good work, everyone. After the break, try to confirm your abilities on your own before lunch."
The four bowed and dispersed. I stayed behind in the courtyard, tidying up the training swords. Enhancement types had nothing to show on their own, so teaching rookies was a bit awkward for me. I explained mana flow, corrected their breathing, and walked them through the theory of how amplification attaches once an ability manifests. No flashy demonstrations. My power only shone when enhancing someone else, so there wasn't much worth showing in front of rookies in the first place. Not that I was particularly fond of showing off anyway.
I'd just finished stacking the last sword when a commotion broke out across the courtyard. I turned toward the noise — it was Jaehyuk's group. Too far away to see clearly, but the atmosphere was the polar opposite of mine. A roar of laughter erupted at something someone said, and a huge silhouette that looked like William was waving both arms and carrying on. Jaehyuk was laughing along beside him, adjusting someone's stance with a training sword. And that someone was Seoyun.
Without meaning to, I stopped walking. Jaehyuk was standing pressed close behind Seoyun, wrapping his hands over hers on the sword grip to adjust the angle — his chest nearly touching her back. I knew that's just how it has to be when correcting someone's sword stance. I'd done it a hundred times teaching rookies myself. It was just an instructor's hands. Nothing more, nothing less. …So why couldn't I stop looking at that near-touching distance?
He wasn't wearing that smug grin from the plaza. Surprisingly serious, actually. Correct the stance, step back to observe, step in again to adjust. A picture-perfect team leader, no question about it. Seoyun wasn't her former impenetrable wall of a self either — she nodded at Jaehyuk's instructions, fixed her posture, and even laughed once, briefly.
I looked away. …I thought I did, but somehow my eyes drifted back. Well, sounds like things are going smoothly. The rookies settling in well is a good thing. Jaehyuk actually teaching rookies properly is a good thing too. Yerin's eye for people had been spot on. Putting the mood-makers together had brought the team to life, and Jaehyuk had grown a sense of responsibility. All good things. Good things, and yet. The whole way to the storage shed with the training swords, that scene kept flickering in front of my eyes. Jaehyuk standing pressed against Seoyun's back. His hands wrapped over hers. Seoyun laughing, just for a moment. I shut the storage door a little harder than necessary. Over something that was nothing at all.
***
The rookies' abilities began manifesting in earnest around lunchtime. A few had managed it in the morning, but only a handful; once the team leaders started helping them search after basic training, abilities began popping up everywhere. Sparks flew from someone's fingertips, someone suddenly grew stronger, someone made an object float. The whole guild was abuzz, and the team leaders scrambled to assess and classify whatever emerged.
My group had its own manifestations. Kang Dohyun, the former gym trainer, turned out to be a physical enhancement type — usable, at least. Park Jungwoo the delivery worker could gather a faint ember in his palm, wearing an expression that said That's it? Kim Minseok, the convenience store clerk… could tell an object's condition just by touching it. Great for checking expiration dates, utterly useless in combat. Settler material, most likely. Jung Taeyoung was still nothing. Whether his ability hadn't manifested yet or we simply hadn't found it, there was no telling. Well — just as expected.
The problem, as always, was the group next door. Jaehyuk's manifestations got loud from the very start. They were practicing channeling mana into their swords under Jaehyuk's direction when William lost control of his strength and swung wide. A female squadmate dodged, stumbled, and scraped her knee — and William, pale with panic, came running over.
"Aigoo, y'alright? I'm real sorry 'bout that, I swear I am."
He brought that huge hand down on her knee. He was probably just worried — that's all it was meant to be. But mana flowed out of his fingertips without him knowing, and the scraped knee healed over at a visibly rapid pace. A beat of silence.
"…Wha— the hell?"
The man himself was the most flustered of all, flipping his palm over and over to inspect it. "What in tarnation did I just do here?"
A healing type. And not just that — one with manifestation strong enough to close a wound cleanly the instant it awakened. A healer in a body like that. Built like a wall you could put up front, yet his ability was meant to save allies from behind. Only then did Jaehyuk's squad grasp what had happened, and they erupted in cheers all at once. Jaehyuk was the most excited of all, slapping William on the back hard enough to make the huge frame sway.
Ri Gwangcheol, the North Korean soldier from the other squad who'd been summoned here from a warzone, manifested too. His was quiet. He sat with his eyes closed for a long while, then stated with perfect accuracy how many people stood behind the storage shed on the far side of the courtyard, and how many were entering through the guild's main gate. Detection and reconnaissance. A critically important ability — the kind that reads threats before they arrive. Usually, enhancing this type extends the detection range. He showed no particular expression, but the eyes of guild members who understood that ability's value changed.
And then… there was Seoyun. Her manifestation had nothing visible to it. No fire, nothing floating. I happened to catch the scene while passing through the courtyard. Jaehyuk was explaining something in front of his squad when Seoyun, listening, suddenly spoke up.
"Team Leader Jaehyuk, that's a lie, isn't it?"
"…What?"
"That raid story just now. You blew it way out of proportion. I can tell just by listening."
Jaehyuk went blank for a moment, then laughed awkwardly. His squad burst out laughing. She'd hit the nail on the head. At first, everyone just assumed she was unusually perceptive. But it didn't stop at once or twice. When someone lied, Seoyun could simply feel it. Even she couldn't explain exactly how — no system window popped up to tell her; the truth just read itself to her, by instinct. Discernment. Insight. An unclassifiable, rare category with no clear name for it.
When word of it reached me, a flicker of worry crossed my mind. She reads lies. She senses what people hide. Yesterday she hadn't manifested yet, so it had slipped by — but today was different. From now on, every time Seoyun stood in front of me, whatever I was hiding might be laid bare. The moment the thought formed, I hastily shook my head. No. She reads by instinct, she said. She can barely pin down a lie — there's no way she sees all the way inside. If I were to enhance an ability like that… what would happen, exactly?
I was still turning that over when lunchtime arrived. I went to the dining hall and found a seat, and Kang Dohyun, one of my squad, spoke up. "Team Leader, did you see the other team?"
"What about them."
"Team Leader Jaehyuk's team. Word is they've got the best atmosphere in the whole guild right now. The kids in the other squads are jealous."
"…Is that so."
"Yeah. That big Black guy — no wait, he's not a hyung, whatever — anyway, apparently he's a riot. But more than that—"
Dohyun lowered his voice slightly. "You know that pretty girl rookie over there? Our classmate. Gorgeous."
My hand stopped, spoon in midair. "…Why."
"Before she joined our guild yesterday, she was totally cold to Team Leader Jaehyuk at first, but apparently they got super close in just one day. Ever since they were assigned to the same squad, they hang out together and joke around. The other squad kids are saying there's, like, a vibe between them."
"A vibe."
"Yeah, like — aren't they kind of flirting?"
He snickered. "Team Leader Jaehyuk's pretty handsome too, and get this — turns out their squad room is right next to ours. Training together, eating together, and at night back in the dorms—"
"Stop."
My voice came out harder than I'd intended, and Dohyun flinched. "…Ah, sorry. I shouldn't be gossiping about other people."
"No, it's not that. Just — don't go spreading rumors about who's flirting with whom. If weird talk starts circulating among the rookies, the squad atmosphere falls apart."
"Yes, sir. Sorry."
Dohyun went back to eating. I looked down at my tray. My appetite was gone. Hanging out together, joking around. Training together, eating together, and at night in the dorms too. My mind started painting pictures on its own. Auditory-type espers could hear every word spoken in the next room, clear as day. Not that anyone would brazenly do anything strange on purpose, knowing that.
Three months of rookie training. Proximity makes people close. I knew that better than anyone. It had been that way between Yerin and me. That night in the winter mountains came back to me — the two of us with no blanket, backs pressed together for warmth. We'd only been trying to survive, but looking back, that was the day everything between us changed. The scene replaying in my head wandered off somewhere inappropriate, and then — dead center of it — an image of Seoyun and Jaehyuk, laughing together. I picked up my tray and stood.
"I'll head out first. Take your time."
"Oh — yes, sir. Team Leader."
As I left the dining hall, I shook my head once. What am I doing? It's another squad's business. Whether Jaehyuk gets close to a rookie or not is none of my concern. Seoyun is just my old tutoring student, someone I ran into by chance after four years, and that's the whole of it. If she and Jaehyuk get along, her training goes easier — so it's actually a good thing. And I have Yerin. An incredible girlfriend at that. Though ending things with hands alone was a mild complaint of mine. So this isn't jealousy. It's just… she's someone I used to know, and she happens to be next to a guy like Jaehyuk, so I'm worried. As a senior. As a person. That's all.
That forced mental cleanup lasted only a moment, because Jaehyuk came along and raked through everything I'd just tidied. After training, I was organizing equipment in one corner of the guild courtyard when he sauntered over. One look at his face told me everything — an expression itching to brag about something. "Hey, Hajun."
"What."
"I think teaching rookies actually suits me."
"…You? After one day, how would you know?"
"I'm telling you, it's real. You know our squad's got the best vibe, right? Our kids found all their abilities in one day, and the manifestation grades seem pretty solid too."
Jaehyuk plopped down beside me, preening. "But that's not the point." Here it comes. I kept my eyes on the equipment. "That pretty rookie — Seoyun, I hear her name is. She was a total ice queen with me at first, but she seems to be warming up?" I answered with studied indifference. "…Is that so."
"Yeah. Talked with her a bit last night, and I could feel it. We ate together earlier after training too — with the whole squad, sure, but." Jaehyuk grinned. "I still took the seat next to hers. You can feel it, us getting closer. Total ice wall back at the plaza — she's come a long way. Must've just been first-day nerves."
"…Good, if the training's going smoothly."
"Training? Yah, that's not what matters." Jaehyuk thumped my shoulder. "I told you, remember? A boyfriend you can't see is as good as no boyfriend. Her heart'll change within a month. It hasn't even been a day and look — I told you so, didn't I? When a person gets lonely, eventually—"
"Jaehyuk."
"What."
"She hasn't given you her heart yet."
My voice was lower than usual. Jaehyuk stared at me for a moment. "…What's that supposed to mean. Why so serious all of a sudden?"
"Just. Don't go jumping to conclusions about a rookie. Warming up and giving someone her heart are two different things."
"Oh-ho, Lee Hajun, who knew. You never care about other people's love lives."
Jaehyuk narrowed his eyes at me, then the corner of his mouth curled up. "What is it — you finally decided to help me out? I mean, you're telling me not to assume anything about the rookie. That's you helping, right? Yah, you could've done this ages ago. Just set me up and I'll handle the rest. One time and the game's over."
Jaehyuk snickered, moving two fingers back and forth in the air. When I realized what that hand was miming, I scowled. "Help you? Am I out of my mind? Wake up."
"Aw c'mon, you're gonna help — the old you would've just said figure it out yourself."
"…That was — back then—"
I swallowed the words before they could spill out. Back when I knew her. I'd nearly said it. "Back when what?"
"…Nothing. It's nothing. Go organize your own equipment."
"I already made the kids do it. You spoil your rookies too much — delegate for once. Why are you doing this, anyway? Whatever, I'm off. Gotta go get another look at Seoyun's face at the training grounds."
Jaehyuk shrugged and wandered off toward the dorms. I watched his back for a moment, then set down the equipment I'd been sorting. She hasn't given you her heart yet. And how would I know that? Jaehyuk's the one who's been glued to her. It's just… what I wanted to be true. No — I'm not wishing for anything. I was simply correcting a fact. Ah… why do my excuses keep getting longer? Do I actually have feelings for her? What would it even mean — I don't even know if she has feelings for me.
***
I stumbled onto the answer by chance, a few days later. I'd stepped out into the back courtyard at night for some air when voices beyond a corner stopped me mid-step. Jaehyuk and Seoyun. I froze behind the wall. I hadn't meant to eavesdrop… but my feet wouldn't move.
"…So like I said, I'll take good care of you."
Jaehyuk's voice. "Stay in my party even after training ends. Someone with your talent, I can genuinely train you into something real."
"Thank you." Seoyun's voice was calm. "But I'll take my time deciding about the party."
"Aw, what's to think over? Just trust me."
"Jaehyuk-oppa."
"Yeah?"
"Do you know why I'm not like I was that first day anymore?"
Seoyun looked at him without a trace of wavering. "It's because you're the team leader, and if I want to survive, I need to get along with my team leader. Nothing more, nothing less."
A brief silence. "And… there's someone I like. Not a boyfriend — someone I fell for after coming here. It's not you, oppa."
Behind the wall, I caught my breath without meaning to. "…What, who is it?"
The playfulness drained from Jaehyuk's voice. "You fell for someone after coming here? It's been what, a few days? Who is it — one of this year's classmates?"
"I'm not telling."
"Aw, c'mon, if you're gonna bring it up, see it through. Someone I know?"
"…Someone you know too, oppa."
Someone he knew too. "What the hell, who is it? Dropping that and stopping there — now I'm dying to know." Jaehyuk fidgeted, frustrated. "I said I'm not telling." Seoyun laughed. Then she added, in a slightly lower voice, "But… that person told me. That you're not a bad person, Jaehyuk-oppa, so I should try getting along with you."
Behind the wall, I stopped breathing. …Those were my words. On the first day, I'd said exactly that to Seoyun. No way. No — there's no way. It's a coincidence. Someone else could have said something similar, that's all. It's not like Jaehyuk only knows one or two people in this guild. But my heart was already pounding as if to insist it was no coincidence.
"…So hearing that is what opened you up? Whoever he is… the lucky bastard." Jaehyuk clicked his tongue. "Isn't that a bit heartless, though, ha."
"It's not heartless, it's honest." A smile threaded through Seoyun's voice. "I'm good at handling people. Even people like you, Jaehyuk-oppa. I know what you're saying right now isn't a lie, and just like that person said, I know now you're not as bad as you look… So let's be exactly what we are — a good team leader and a good teammate. That's easiest for both of us, isn't it?"
"…Heh."
Jaehyuk gave a hollow laugh — not angry, more the laugh of someone who'd just taken a hit. "You're really something else."
"I'll take that as a compliment. I'm heading in first — you said tomorrow's training is brutal again."
Footsteps faded. The sound of Seoyun going inside. I stood frozen behind the wall for a long time. Seoyun hadn't given Jaehyuk her heart. She was simply managing her team leader to survive. Up to that point, I could breathe easy — that much was a relief. But then she'd said there was someone else she liked. Someone she'd fallen for after coming here. Someone he knew too. And that person had told her Jaehyuk wasn't a bad guy, so she should get along with him. It's a coincidence — I repeated it to myself over and over. Someone else could have said something similar. But no matter how many times I repeated it, I couldn't shake the thought: in the span of those few days, who else could have said those words to her but me? If it was me — if the person Seoyun liked was really me — I wanted it to be. The moment that thought arrived, I faltered. Just now — what was it I just wished for? The instant it became clear, my heart slammed hard in my chest. Only then did I realize I'd wished for something I was forbidden to wish for. I have Yerin. A girlfriend who survived four years beside me, who loves me more than anyone. And yet my heart racing at the mere possibility that my old student might like me — that alone was already wrong.
I shook my head hard. No. It has to be a misunderstanding. I'm forcing the pieces to fit. The person she likes is someone else, and I'm just one of many people who happened to say something similar. It had to be that way. It had to be.