Chapter 143
Chapter 143
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 143
Chapter Title: 13. Cutting Water with a Sword (3)
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“So, what is it you want to talk about?”
“I want to take this and call it even. Honestly, I never even planned on coming back.”
My words made Father pinch the bridge of his nose and let out a sigh.
“You used to listen so well as a kid.”
“Back then, you didn’t hesitate to use the rod.”
“That’s true.”
“And that violence was aimed at the people around me, not me.”
Father bowed his head at my irritated tone and words. He hung his head low and groaned.
“Training and education had to continue. But if I didn’t use the rod for that reason, you wouldn’t have changed your behavior. You cared about the people around you, so that’s who ended up getting the rod.”
“No regrets about that?”
“It’d be a lie to say I have none.”
“So, what do you plan to do?”
“...To be honest, if you came back, I was planning to leave. Give up the dukedom, take a lesser title, and spend my remaining years in the countryside.”
This time, my mouth fell silent. I’d known for a while that Father wanted to hand the position over to me quickly, but I hadn’t imagined he’d go this far to push it on me.
“I take over the family, and you vanish.”
“Isn’t that what you want? I may be uncomfortable with it, but I’ve always tried to show a good face to the territory’s people and servants.”
“That’s true, and I hold no ill will toward the people themselves.”
“Then what’s the problem with you taking over?”
“There is one. I have no intention of inheriting the family.”
“Why not?”
“I’ve had enough suffering from this messed-up family situation in my childhood. I don’t want to live an even more restricted life.”
“Is that freedom more important than the voices of the people still calling for you now?”
On this point, I couldn’t answer definitively. I knew there were people who welcomed me, who wanted to serve me of their own accord. I also knew that such love and respect weren’t to be taken for granted.
I hadn’t dwelled on it much while I could forget it for a while, but seeing the people greet me the moment I returned made me think my departure had been irresponsible.
“Someday.”
“Hm.”
“Someday, there might come a day when I work for them. But not now. Not while you’re still here.”
“I can leave anytime.”
“Don’t talk nonsense!”
The voice I’d been holding back, holding back, and holding back some more finally burst out.
“You go on about the family, how precious it is, and you tormented me from childhood to the end just because I was the family’s heir—how can you say you’ll leave so casually!”
“...Because I believe it would benefit this land passed down from our ancestors and the people living on it more.”
“Aren’t you human, Father? Don’t you have preferences? No dreams or things you want to experience once in life? Living only as a part of the family— it makes me sick!”
“...I’ve achieved it all.”
The words came out hoarse and quiet, as if dragged from his throat with effort.
His expression was pained, like he might vomit at any moment.
“Achieved what?”
“I’ve always been a failure of a man.”
“As a father, I think you were sorely lacking.”
“No, it was worse than that. I swung a sword decently, but on a kingdom scale, I was average. Diplomacy and social gatherings were poison to me; I didn’t have many noble friends. I had no knack for managing the territory at first, so I caused trouble for a lot of people. And I drove a nail into your mother’s heart—the one who’s now at the goddess’s side.”
“Yes.”
“So I always wanted it. A child better than me. Skilled in martial arts, smooth with people, sharp in strategy, able to understand experts—a fine child under my roof.”
“And that was me?”
“Yes. At first, I thought you had a weak will and passive personality, but when you dealt with people or focused on training, you were completely different. I saw hope there. That you could accomplish what I couldn’t. Yes, like proper exchange with the demon race.”
“That’s why you kept sending me on those western expeditions.”
“That was the reason.”
My head hurt. Inferiority complex and self-recrimination again.
A sense of debt for things he couldn’t do himself.
And projecting that onto a son who seemed capable of achieving it.
I’d seen news in my past life about parents who couldn’t get into Seoul University abusing their kids to send them there instead.
This was a monster born from guilt over unfulfilled dreams and expectations and fantasies about me, who seemed promising.
“Father.”
“...”
“Have I ever been your son to you? Not just the heir, even once?”
At those words, he released the hand pinching his brow, spread it open, and covered his eyes.
Was there no answer because it was impossible, or because he needed resolve to speak?
“I...”
“...”
“...”
“Ughaaaaah! This is frustrating me to death, you blockhead son!”
The half-closed door was smashed open with a fist, and in strode Duke Calamity. She marched right up, grabbed Father by the collar, and hoisted him up.
“Admitting you’re a doting dad is that embarrassing?!”
“N-No, that’s not it.”
“Yulius! This blockhead is the doting idiot who bragged about you nonstop at social gatherings for dukes—worried you’d get arrogant if he showed he liked you, so he yapped about it all day every day there!”
I fell silent.
Whether it was true or not was secondary; I didn’t like that Duke Calamity had shown up at all.
“You don’t need to interfere.”
“No, it’s too frustrating.”
“This is between us. Whatever the circumstances, whatever he thought behind the scenes, if he doesn’t say it, I won’t know. It’s not something to hear through someone else.”
“...Okay. I’ll go.”
As she left again, she closed the door.
Just before it shut, I heard something like “Damn, what a man—my thighs are wet,” and my soul briefly left and returned, but I had work to do.
“Father.”
“Sigh. Yes.”
“I’ve always seen you more as Duke Lebedev than as my father. And I thought I didn’t want to succeed you.”
“I see.”
“But.”
I steadied my still-trembling lips and spoke the words I’d resolved to say the moment I decided to come here.
“If you show me the kind of family love your father taught you.”
The love between family that I’d never fully known in my past or present life.
The certainty they’d be on my side no matter what happened to me.
Devotion that gives everything without expecting reward.
If you show me even one of those.
“Then I’ll treat you as my father, not Duke Lebedev.”
“You— no. Never mind.”
“This is the most positive thing I can offer.”
“...May I ask why you feel that way?”
“I, uh... I’ve met someone I want to love. But I still don’t really get unconditional love.”
“A woman, then.”
**
It was an apology to his late wife, but his affair with Calamity had truly awakened many emotions in him. His marriage to his wife had been a contract. The passion between man and woman was something he’d learned from another.
His son having someone he loved—or wanted to love—was undoubtedly important.
And recalling the past where he’d raised the boy in a way that stunted the proper growth of such natural, biological emotions brought a twinge of regret.
Watching his son leave through the door without a backward glance, the duke sighed bitterly.
“A child’s growth is truly difficult.”
“You said it. Nothing goes as planned.”
“Why’d you come in? Get out.”
“I helped a total nerd who can’t even talk about his feelings, and this is the thanks I get.”
“I don’t need it.”
“Still, the kid turned out great. A bit different from last time I saw him.”
“Don’t touch him.”
“Aw, I’m not serious.”
He felt like spitting on Calamity as she plopped into the empty chair his son had vacated and spouted nonsense like “Man, even the seat he left smells good.”
“So, what’s the conclusion?”
“He wants me to show him some family affection.”
“Oh ho.”
She fiddled with some rice cakes thoughtfully for a moment, then grinned mischievously, like she’d thought of a wicked prank.
“Since I’m here, want me to play mom?”
“...You serious?”
“We could roll around in bed together for old times’ sake while we’re playing house.”
“No thanks. Get out.”
“Joking. Anyway, want my help?”
“...I’ve prepared a separate room.”
“Aw, no need to worry.”
“Daughter’s coming soon too, so if the timing works, it’d be perfect for some help.”
His daughter was a bit wary of Duke Calamity, but that might make her even better suited for the family simulation.
Mothers and daughters often had that dynamic, after all.