A Dream of Heaven's Portion
Where was this? I opened my eyes to find myself standing in a place I couldn't begin to identify.
And I mean that literally — I couldn't identify it. I couldn't even distinguish colors.
I clearly remembered clutching my aching head and forcing myself to sleep, thinking that a little rest might do me some good. And now I was here.
Just how much time had passed?
I had no idea whether it had been one hour or two, but it felt like a considerable stretch. And yet I didn't feel bored, or anything like it.
I simply waited, staring into nothing.
For what?
I couldn't say. But somehow, waiting felt like the right word for it.
Then someone called to me from behind.
"Hyung-nim."
It was Namil.
"Yeah."
...What was that? As if it were the most natural thing in the world, I'd responded without even thinking.
My reaction seemed to startle him — his eyes went wide for a moment. Then he spoke with a bitter smile.
"Last time, there was nothing you could do about it."
"About what?"
About what, exactly? Unlike my reflexive response just now, I had no idea what he was talking about.
Though one thing was clear — that rude bastard Ga Namil was something beyond the ordinary. A transcendent being of some kind.
Or maybe it's a transcendent being merely imitating Namil.
The moment that thought crossed my mind, Namil let out a sigh of relief, as if thankful.
"Whew. Not yet, then."
"So what is it?"
"I'll explain when you find out. Then again, you might go your whole life without ever knowing."
That unlucky grin, complete with a dismissive wave of his hand — it grated on my nerves badly.
"Getting awfully cheeky. You messing with me?"
"I'm being quite serious, actually."
"Oh? Talking back and everything? You've really grown up."
At my words, Namil furrowed his brow and gave me a look of pure exasperation.
"Good grief. You really haven't changed a bit, have you?"
"You fucker—"
"What? Fuck you too."
You haven't changed either, you bastard.
"That settles it. You're getting a beating from me today."
I reached out toward Namil, but my hand just swept through empty air.
What is this? Why can't I grab him?
Whoosh. Whoosh.
"There he goes with the temper again. A gentleman your age, and you still have hand habits like this? Tsk tsk, honestly."
Namil picked at his ear with his pinky as he spoke. Somehow he'd gotten even more disrespectful.
Whoosh.
"Hyung-nim. I'm telling you, it's useless. Sit quietly and wait your turn, all right?"
Ugh. What a pain in the ass.
When I wreathed my hand in internal energy, a pale blue light bloomed around it. I reached for Namil again — and once more, my hand passed straight through him.
"Look, I told you it's usele—"
Then my consciousness blurred. A crackling jolt shot through me, and every sense in my body stood on end.
Counterforce...?
The counterforce had activated on its own. It had never once triggered outside a life-or-death situation. This was a first.
My hand, already falling away, stretched out toward Namil one more time.
Got him.
And this time, it connected.
"Huh?"
Why? Because the counterforce activated? But why would that—? The questions piled up, each one chasing the last.
I stared at Namil, dazed and uncomprehending.
For an instant, his eyes seemed to go hollow, his face twisting into something grotesque — was that just my imagination? His expression snapped back so quickly that I couldn't be sure.
"Not again."
That wasn't his usual playful voice. The flat, toneless words sent ice down my spine, and the counterforce surged harder than it ever had before.
This time, the counterforce had fired under entirely ordinary circumstances.
"What do you mean, 'again'?"
I asked, reminding myself once more that this was not the Namil I knew. Every word was laced with wariness.
Namil paid it no mind, his face worn and tired as he spoke.
"There's nothing I can do about this one either."
"You'd better answer the question you were asked."
With the counterforce active, I could touch Namil. Which meant that if I attacked him now, the blow would land.
I wreathed my hand in pale blue light once more. Soon, even the aura of hardened ki took form around my fist as I threw the punch.
"Hyung-nim. Go back now. Anything more than this would be... a problem."
A problem, my ass.
I didn't stop. The moment my fist drove forward, a black vortex opened up in front of Namil's body.
"Whoa—"
My fist was sucked into the vortex, and then my whole body began to follow, pulled in inch by inch.
Across the swirling dark, Namil wore a look of regret, his expression bittersweet.
"Like I said. There's nothing I can do."
With those final words, my body was swallowed whole by the vortex. Just before it closed, I thought I heard him mutter something like 'I hoped it wouldn't be this time, either...'
The inside of the vortex was pitch black. I drifted weightlessly for a while — then light flared blindingly and crashed over me. What the hell was happening now?
"Oppa! Sogaju oppa!"
Who is that?
Someone was calling for me, desperate and near tears. The moment the light swallowed me completely, my eyes flew open.
"Hahk!"
I jolted upright and scanned my surroundings. Sunlight slanting through the window frame caught a cup of tea gone stone cold; there was the desk I barely used and could never understand why I'd moved. And above all, my eyes landed on a girl staring at me with brimming, tearful eyes.
"Huk! Heok! Hah...!"
My breath came in ragged gasps. It felt like I'd been holding it in and finally let it go, and no matter how I tried to calm my breathing, it simply wouldn't settle.
I swept a trembling hand back through my hair, and cold sweat rained down.
I was drenched head to toe in sweat, my whole body shaking in fine convulsions. Then, suddenly, I wondered what my face must look like right now.
...The fact that Ran was too frightened to come anywhere near me told me it wasn't a pretty sight.
I steadied my breathing slowly, and only then did I feel my breath finally come back under control.
"Hooo. Ran-ah?"
"Mmhm. Oppa...."
Still frightened, she trembled and teared up, looking so pitiful it hurt to watch.
"Can I ask what happened?"
When I raised my voice, careful not to alarm her, Ran gave a small nod.
She'd come to visit as always, hoping to play with me. Normally Ansong would have stopped her at the door, but by chance he'd been away from his post, and no one had been there to bar her way — so she'd slipped quietly into my room. That was her account, anyway.
The problem started after she came in.
She'd shaken me to wake me from my long sleep, but I wouldn't stir no matter what she did. And when she pulled back the blanket, there I was — not breathing at all, my whole body quivering.
Whatever she'd witnessed must have terrified her badly, because tears streamed down her face the entire time she explained.
"Come here."
I opened my arms, and though she hesitated, Ran came over and let me hold her.
"It's all right. I'm fine."
"Really and truly fine...?"
"Of course~ Do you not even know who I am?"
"Mmmm...."
As I slowly stroked her back, I turned the question over in my mind. Had everything that had just happened been an ordinary dream, or not?
Could Namil have appeared in my dreams to settle a grudge — the grudge of a man whose death I'd caused?
It wasn't impossible. In truth, it was far more plausible than the alternative: that Namil was secretly some transcendent being who had influenced my reincarnation.
One thing was certain — this had been no ordinary dream.
'There's nothing I can do.'
Those words Namil kept repeating. What did they mean? They gnawed at me, and surely it wasn't anything good.
'Let's just put the dream out of my mind for now.'
Thinking about it served no purpose.
What would change just because I thought about it? In the end, nothing did. All I could do was act a little more carefully.
What mattered to me right now were the people of my clan — Ran, trembling in my arms, and all the rest.
Protecting them from Choe Chunghon. That was the only thing that deserved my thoughts.
A week had passed since the dream of Namil. Claiming illness as my excuse, I'd shut myself away to rest body and mind, and my condition had improved considerably.
With my health restored, I figured it was about time I stepped outside again — so I set out at once for the Choe clan estate.
"Roughly where are we now?"
"It looks like we've just cleared the gates of Gaegyeong, Sogaju-nim."
"Sogaju-nim, is there anything I can do for you?"
"You're fine, Nari. Just make Ansong do everything."
"Excuse me? What do you mean by—"
Traveling with only Ansong felt far too gloomy, so I'd brought Nari along as well.
Whether it was the pleasure of my company or something else, she'd been wearing a bright smile ever since we left.
A long-awaited outing— no. Actually, this is a first.
This was the first time I'd ever traveled with Nari. If only that bastard Ansong weren't here, I might have held her hand along the way. A pity.
Not that I could very well leave my bodyguard behind.
No matter how many times stronger I was than Ansong, a guard was a guard — he had to accompany me, no arguments.
"Lady Nari, if I may. Back then, when Lord Baekhogak tried to bind me to his cause—"
"Oh, right. Why did you try to jump out like that, anyway?"
"What kind of question is that! I'm his bodyguard, am I not? Whoever the enemy may be, anyone who threatens Sogaju-nim gets sliced — shwak! — by yours truly. Right?"
"You're the most dangerous one here, you bastard. What if you fly into a berserk frenzy doing that?"
"...Ah."
"That look on your face right now is hilarious, Guard Ansong."
Such peace.
Chatting this way like always after that dream of Namil, I found myself wondering whether all of it — everything before — had truly happened at all.
That's my wish, at least.
Choe Chunghon alone was worry enough, and now an even greater worry had been stacked on top.
I was walking along, lost in such thoughts, when Nari fixed her gaze squarely on my face.
"What is it? Did you want to ask me something?"
"No. It's just that your expression has been so grim ever since that day."
She meant the day I'd withdrawn from everyone, pleading illness. In Nari's eyes, apparently, my face hadn't looked right ever since.
"If you feel even the slightest bit unwell, you must tell me right away, all right?"
"Yes, I know. Thank you for worrying about me."
So much for putting it out of my mind — I was thinking about it all over again. Just then, Ansong cleared his throat loudly.
"Ahem! Traveling like this with you, Sogaju-nim, it reminds me of the days we used to head out to Dansewon."
That rascal. Trying to change the mood, no doubt.
"And with Lady Nari here as well, it brings Seonhwa to mind, too."
Why the hell are you bringing up Seonhwa, you bastard?
Seonhwa and I weren't anything like that, of course — but I had no idea how Nari would react to a woman's name.
I tensed slightly and edged a discreet half-step away from Nari. To my surprise, she said nothing much at all.
She simply gazed up at the sky, as if turning something over in her mind.
"Seonhwa? Is that the name of one of the companions who traveled with you partway?"
"Mm. Like I told you before, she's just a child. A kid. She kept begging me so hard to teach her martial arts that I finally gave in."
"Hmm.... Seonhwa.... Now that you mention it, I feel like I've heard that name somewhere?"
"You've heard it?"
There was no way Nari could know Seonhwa, was there?
"Yes. Though I can't quite remember where— Oh! I think there was a girl with that name among the maids who joined us recently!"
"Hm. Must be someone with the same name, then."
"Mmm. Well, it is a fairly common name."
Then again, I wondered what Seonhwa was up to right about now. I'd promised I would come see her, and already more than two weeks had slipped by.